Draco Malfoy in Spring

Spring, how I hate thee.

I am Draco Malfoy. I am the prince of darkness! Supreme ruler of the superbly sinister house of Slytherin! The dastardly evil one that slinks in the shadows! How dare spring come along?! With its daisies and crocuses and rainbows and fluffy bunnies. Psh. I don't need any of those things. Well, except fluffy bunnies. I mean, how can you not love bunnies? Cute little noses, floppy ears, big brown eyes... What's not to love?

Spring, how I hate thee.

My skin in pale, though in an attractive way (of course), and therefore is easily damaged by the harmful rays of the emerging sun. Melanoma rears its ugly head at the beginning of each new day, attempting to poison my delicate flesh. But Blaise doesn't mind spring. That's because Blaise is NATURALLY tanned. It must be the Mediterranean in him on his mother's side. He already has a base coat that most people dream about as a regular tan! But only in my dreams could that be me. Only in dreams with fluffy bunnies that attack Potty. Muah ha ha ha ha! Er... Ahem.

Spring, how I hate thee.

People go prancing about the grounds at Hogwarts in spring. Completely and utterly disregarding the length of uniform skirts. Well, that's not always bad. Pansy has great legs, and admittedly, so does the Weaselette... But its hell when Millicent catches on! I mean, has she even heard of a razor? Or even of waxing? Her legs are more reminiscent of great hairy tree trunks than of anything remotely human. I'm sure that oaf Hagrid doesn't mind Millicent's legs. I mean, they look like they're related. Frizzy hair, "big bones" (Honestly, who does he think he's kidding? Big bones my arse. Which contrary to Hagrid is creamy white and oh so soft...), and no fashion sense. I see no difference between the two.

Spring, how I hate thee.

Potty and his friends flounce around the place like they own it. With their typical Gryffindor nobility and stupidity that is always mistaken as bravery.

"Oh yes," they cry, "Let's be righteous and save those ickle firsties from being drowned by that horribly evil giant squid!" And of course the teachers lap it up. Except for Snape. Good ole Snape. Critical to all houses but ours.

Well I say we let those ignorant ankle-biters drown. All they do is sass us older students. They've gotten cheekier and cheekier over the years. One even dared to stick out his tongue at me!

Me, the great Draco Malfoy, being subjected to such immaturity. So I set Crabbe and Goyle on the offending twit and needless to say, he won't taunt anyone older than him anymore. And Salazar knows that squid must get hungry occasionally.

Spring, how I hate thee.

Some say spring is the time of life. I disagree! It's the perfect time to stomp on flowers. It's the perfect time to enchant the kites of firsties so that they always crash into the Whomping Willow. It's the perfect time to make fun of Weasel boy. I say spring should be cancelled. Spring should be outlawed to all. All except the bunnies. Hee hee hee.

Spring, how I hate thee.