Harry Potter and the Chain Letter From Hell!

Chapter 3 - It Begins!

Harry and Ron sat Hermione down on the bench at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall and then sat on either side of her. She was still growling and was also muttering to herself a little. Only "Malfoy" and "revenge fantasies" could clearly be distinguished from her babble.

Having nothing better to do, and with their only other option being to listen to Hermione ramble on, Harry and Ron resorted to talking about Quidditch.

As it was the weekend, the mail arrived later than usual, due to the copious lack of students at normal rising hours. Harry and Ron had been chatting away for fifteen minutes when they heard the soft rustle of wings from overhead. They looked up to see all the owls fly into the great hall and circle the eating population (as it was lunch time). Students looked up in anticipation at the amassed set of wings, hoping to not be knocked out by a falling parcel. Ron scanned the ceiling for a short while and then returned to scanning the table for something suitable to snack on. Harry hadn't bothered to look up; he had no one around to send him mail. He allowed his thoughts to stray to Sirius for a small while before returning to the present.

"Errol not there?" Harry asked as he picked up a sorry looking roast potato and popped it into his mouth.

"Do you see a disoriented flapping menace up there?" Ron questioned. Harry looked up and scanned the owls for himself. Being a seeker he could usually spot things that others could not, but this time his seeker skill was no use, as Errol clearly was not there.

"Nope, no feathered danger up there."

Hermione, who had been resting her head on the table whilst muttering to herself, chose this moment to sit up straight. Just as her head had risen, a large screech owl detached itself from the group and swooped down. Harry watched the owl's descent before realising its trajectory.

He sucked in his breath sharply. "Hermione, duck!" he yelled before retreating his own head to a lower altitude. Hermione looked at him, a little shocked, before the owl collided with her face.

"Urk!" she exclaimed as she was knocked backwards into Ron. Ron, who was unprepared for this sudden impact, was shoved along the bench a little way until he slid to a stop, with Hermione's head in this lap. The owl was lying over Hermione's chest, looking a little bit dazed from the impact. Harry stopped cowering and sat up straight once again. Hermione was practically unconscious due to the collision, and Ron had gone a little red in the face. Harry suspected the presence of Hermione's head on his crotch was a little too much.

Malfoy chose this moment to come striding into the Great Hall. He stopped short when he saw that everyone was looking like the mother of all incidents had happened. He followed their gazes over to the Gryffindor table and rolled his eyes. He worked out what the likelihood that Potter and his cronies were involved was: almost definite. He wandered over to take in the spectacle. Potter was staring at something. He was staring at an owl that lay across the chest of an unconscious Granger whose head was in the lap of a very flustered Weasley. He was going to come out with a crushing retort, but thought the better of it - he did, after all, have to share a common room with Granger, and he didn't much fancy having to worry about when and where she was going to hex him into oblivion. Also, with someone like Granger, she would come up with a ridiculously complicated and highly embarrassing arse-kicker of a curse. He let the situation go and made his way over to the Slytherin table.

Harry picked the owl up off of Hermione and laid it on the table. Hermione was coming round slowly, but surely. She opened her eyes and looked up to see the red face of Ron looking at the ceiling. She realised where she must be lying and shot upright, emitting a small squeak.

"Did anyone get the number of that feathered bus?" Hermione asked as she rubbed a hand across her face.

"Even better," Harry said with a grin, "I've got the feathered bus right here."

Hermione looked at her attacker with great distaste before poking it in the side. "They don't usually fly so low," she sniffed.

"That's not what's important now, there's something attached to its leg," Ron said quickly, regaining his composure.

Harry unattached the letter from the owl's leg and Hermione gave the owl a sharp shove that sent it flying off the edge of the table.

"It's addressed to me," Harry said as he looked at the front of the letter.

"Dun, dun, dun," Ron said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes. Hermione and Harry stared at Ron nonplussed. Ron looked back and forth between the two before heaving a great sigh.

"It was meant to be dramatic music," he explained, with a shake of his head. Hermione made all sorts of 'of course' type noises.

Harry shook his head at him and opened the letter. "Shall I read it out?" he asked his friends.

"Yeah, why not, we're curious," Hermione said as she rubbed her sore face again.

"Dear Harry Potter, this is a chain letter!" Harry read. At this point there was a burst of dramatic music. The three looked around curiously for the source. Ron shrugged and Harry returned to the letter.

"You must send this letter to at least 100 people. If you break the chain... you will be cursed!" Another blast of dramatic mood music came forth.

"Where's it coming from?" Ron asked incredulously as he looked underneath the table. Harry shrugged and continued.

"Yours sincerely, someone of great and unending evil."

"Interesting," Hermione said musingly.

"What on God's green earth is a chain letter?" Ron asked as he took the letter from Harry and looked it over for himself.

"A chain letter is a stupid excuse for some moron to be an annoying twat without the risk of being beaten to death by anyone," Hermione spat as she glowered at the offending note. At Ron's blank expression she growled in frustration, "It's a Muggle thing Ron, there's thousands of these notes in the Muggle world."

"Yeah," Harry said, "except that in the Muggle world they usually tell you how you'll be cursed, you know, like unlucky in love and that sort of thing."

As he said this black, spidery lines began to scrawl along the bottom of the letter. Ron yelped in surprise and dropped the letter to the ground. The spidery lines began to form words and Hermione picked it up so that she could read what they said.

"P.S: the curse will have various forms, but you could say it will be like you are jinxed, with unwavering bad luck!" The dramatic music sounded again, making all three jump, as well as several other inhabitants of the table.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha..." Hermione read, "and it goes on like that till the bottom of the page."

"What a load of bullshit, cursed my arse," Harry said as he sneered. He picked up the letter and put it into his pocket.

"Why are you keeping it then?" Hermione asked.

"So I can find out who sent it me, and curse that person into insensibility."

Harry stood up and stretched. There was a strangled squawk from the opposite side of the table and the very disgruntled screech owl rose into the air and flew straight into Harry's face.

"Eep!" Harry managed to get out before he fell backwards over the bench and smashed the back of his head into the stone floor. He was knocked unconscious and the owl landed on his chest and began to peck at his face.

Ron and Hermione stared at the owl for a short while.

"Looks like the curse has begun," Ron said to Hermione. Some very muffled dramatic music could be heard.

"Ah, so it was coming from the letter," Hermione said with a smile.