Stormseeker: Unwanted Destiny

Chapter 18: The Endless Day

---

I'm terrified at how readily I've been giving Tom what he wants. No more. I will not be anyone's slave, and especially won't be tricked into surrendering my free will like this.

When Tom comes in that afternoon to start talking about his agenda, I'm not listening. I tune him out and focus upon eating and conserving my strength. I don't need to hear about his justifications for killing Muggles.

"Lexen, are you listening to me?" Tom finally says.

"I was hungry," I say, setting aside my now-empty dinner tray. Mipsy blinks in and clears it away on cue.

"Do you still intend to oppose my plans?" Tom says.

"Of course," I reply, bracing myself for what comes next.

Tom pulls out his wand and points it at me, and says almost casually, "Crucio." Pain rips through my body for a few seconds. "Why do you do this, Lexen? You know I don't want to hurt you."

"Because," I say through gritted teeth. "I will not be your willing slave."

"I do not ask you to be," Tom says. "And all I ask now is whether you intend to oppose me, not whether you are willing to join me."

"I will oppose you because what you are doing is wrong," I say.

"Is it wrong to fight a war against an enemy that would destroy everything you care about?" Tom asks.

"No," I reply. "But it's wrong to slaughter innocents in order to win."

"Perhaps you are not ready for this yet," Tom says. "Lexen, would you stand up?"

I climb to my feet, wondering what he wants now, and stand before him.

"Very good," Tom says, giving a small grin. "Placeo."

A rush of pleasure floods my body for a moment, and I frown at him. Damn it, I just followed an order, didn't I. I stubbornly sit back down again.

"No, no, stand up again, Lexen," Tom says.

"I refuse," I say.

"Refusing to do even something so simple?" Tom says.

"Yes," I say, glaring up at him.

"Crucio," Tom says.

I scream and curl up in a fetal position as sheer agony takes my body for a few moments.

"Is it really worth the price of defiance for something like this?" Tom says.

"I will not give you anything," I snap. "Torture me all you like! Remind me that I'm still alive, and my will is still my own!"

"Crucio," Tom says. Pain rips through me again. "You are being foolish, Lexen."

"I know," I say quietly.

"And I think I will not give you another opportunity to escape," Tom says. "Silencio. Is your grasp of nonverbal magic as good as your wandless magic?"

I frown deeply. I had been intending another escape attempt tonight. So much for that idea.

"Good night, Lexen," Tom says. "Perhaps you will be feeling more amicable in the morning."

He turns out the light and leaves me alone in the dark.

---

Tom comes in the next morning with breakfast and light. "I think I will leave that spell on you for a while," Tom says. "Until I am satisfied with your performance."

I don't really care at the moment. There's nothing I really want to say to him anyway that wouldn't get me tortured. Shortly, he leaves me again, and turns out the light.

I'm not tired anymore. There's no way I'm going to be sleeping at the moment. I'm left to my own thoughts. So, what, have I decided to keep fighting him until I go mad? Or am I still hoping for a rescue, or holding out for another opportunity to escape? Why am I really doing this? Is this all nothing more than an exercise in futility?

After some time, maybe three hours, the door opens again, and the light comes on, but it's not Tom standing there. It's Bellatrix. What could she possibly want?

"You..." Bellatrix snarls. "You!"

I look up at her in puzzlement.

"My master has become obsessed with you," Bellatrix says. "He ignores me, and even when he speaks with me, all he will talk about is you. No more. I will win back my master's favor, and I will remove you from the picture in the process! Crucio!"

Agony wracks my body. I writhe but cannot scream, cannot make the slightest sound. She holds it for too long, and I find myself reflexively trying to age myself down, to get away, to make it stop. The pain vanishes as I'm swallowed up by darkness.

---

I wake with a gasp in my darkened cell. I hadn't meant to kill myself. Fucking Cruciatus Curse. Fucking Bellatrix.

Tom comes in with breakfast, and I look up at him pleadingly, trying to gesture to him.

Instead of realizing that I have something I need to tell him, Tom raises his wand, and I'm bound with ropes. "I'm afraid I'm not going to allow you to try anything, Lexen. If you are going to be foolish, you can go without breakfast, then. Mipsy, remove our guest's tray."

The house-elf appears and takes away the food. Fuck, this was not an improvement. Now I'm just tied up, hungry, and about to be tortured.

Three hours later, Bellatrix comes in again and starts ranting at me. I can't say anything, I can't do anything, I can't even move. Then she puts the Cruciatus on me, and the torment starts up again. How much of this can I endure? Surely she won't be able to keep going forever. I try to center myself, hide myself in the eye of the storm in my mind. Stay calm. Stay strong. Endure.

But I can't stay calm. I'm panicking, terrified, a pathetic wreck. I would be begging for mercy if I could beg, but there will be no mercy. She'll do whatever she wants to me, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Bellatrix stops the curse, and looks down at me disdainfully. "Have you had enough already, filthy dog?"

I nod to her vehemently. I'm not too proud to admit it.

"Then I will grant you sweet mercy," Bellatrix says, grinning wickedly.

Bellatrix casts another curse at me, and I feel my life rapidly draining away. In moments, the darkness takes me again.

---

I wake, shuddering. Is a swift death the only mercy I have to look forward to? Surely Tom won't let her just murder me. Maybe if I can hold out long enough, he'll come in and tell her to stop.

When Tom comes in again with breakfast, I look up at him pleadingly, as close to begging as I can get without actually being able to really beg, but he ignores the look. I sigh softly and eat my breakfast. Whatever small consolation not being tortured to death on an empty stomach will be.

In three hours, Bellatrix returns to rant at me madly. Here we go again. "Crucio!"

It's hopeless. She keeps asking me if I've had enough. Keeps offering to release me from my suffering. Mercy. Fucking what kind of mercy is this? Stall her, delay her, endure, this can't go on forever. It can't. Tom wouldn't let her.

Would he?

I don't know. There's nothing left but despair. I can't just let her keep doing this to me.

"Have you had enough, you pathetic whelp?" Bellatrix barks at me.

I can't even nod my head at the moment. I lay twitching on the floor, lingering aches burning in every muscle.

Bellatrix grabs me by the throat and slams me against the wall. "Have you?"

I barely manage to get my head to move in what's vaguely and up and down motion, more of twitching in the right direction.

Bellatrix roughly drops me to the floor. "Then I will end this for you now."

She takes my life and pain away with another curse.

---

I wake again in my cell, and shudder. I'm not trying that again. No, I'm not going to be able to get her to stop just by toughing it out. I need to find another way. Failing all else, to reset so many times that I pass out from magical exhaustion. At least that might give me another chance to do something else. Maybe then, Tom will remove this silencing spell from me.

When Tom comes with breakfast again, I grovel at the floor at his feet shamelessly. I'll even kiss his fucking robes. Enough already.

"Had enough of the bedroll, have you?" Tom says. With a wave of his wand and some magic, the cell seems to expand a bit, and the bedroll is replaced with a small bed.

That was not what I meant. I sigh silently and grovel some more.

"You're welcome," Tom says. "Now, eat your breakfast before it gets cold."

I'm going to wind up with a phobia of omelettes after this, at this rate. I gesture desparately at my mouth, at my throat, looking pleadingly up to him.

"No, I'm not removing the spell yet," Tom says. "I think you still have a lesson you need to learn."

Hopeless. Dejectedly, I eat my breakfast, and settle into the darkness to wait for my tormentor to arrive.

When Bellatrix shows up this time, I take the opportunity to scramble for the door. I'm already getting weary and slow, however, and she's much too quick for me. I'm bound by conjured ropes in an instant.

"I don't think so, dirty whelp," Bellatrix spits.

She rants at me some more, and then brings down the torment once again. I struggle as much as I can, but it's no use. I'm not going to stick around for the torture, damn it. I try to focus, to age myself down, but I'm already too weak, and it's getting hard to concentrate. Damn it all.

"Had enough, dog?" Bellatrix says.

I nod my head feebly. Yes, let me go. Let me try this again.

---

I wake in the darkness of my cell. Tired, weak. I could sleep, I think. I could sleep for ages, if it would get me away from Bellatrix. But little hope of that, I think.

Tom comes in with breakfast, and I ignore whatever he might be saying to me. I try to make a message out of my omelettes. I don't think I actually manage to form readable letters, however.

Tom looks down at me disdainfully, and chides, "What are you doing, Lexen? Eat your breakfast."

Hopeless. I'm not getting through to him. He's not going to listen. I'm just going to be stuck with dealing with Bellatrix myself.

When she comes in this next time, I try to ambush her with the bucket. It doesn't work, and only earns me a longer torture session before she will give me the mercy of dying again.

---

I wake again with a sigh. Weariness hangs heavily upon me. I'm not going to be able to take many more of these, at least. At least I have that mercy to look forward to. Once I'm out from magical exhaustion, nothing's going to be waking me up for a few days.

"Tired, Lexen?" Tom says, my mind barely registering his voice. "Didn't sleep well?"

I continue eating distantly. His words hardly even sound like words.

"Lexen, look at me," Tom says, reaching down and taking my chin in his hand.

I look up into his eyes. Is he trying to use Legilimency on me? My heart leaps in hope for a moment. I try to push forward memories of Bellatrix's torture, desparately hoping that he'll figure out that something is wrong.

"Magical exhaustion?" Tom says. "What were you doing last night to expend so much magical energy? Trying to get your nonverbal magic to work on the door, perhaps?"

I shake my head. Damn it!

"Well, regardless, you're about to pass out from it," Tom says. "Can't have that. Severus gave me a new potion he's been working on that could fix that. I haven't tried it out yet, but now's as good a time as any."

My heart sinks. Of all the times for Snape to get an essence potion figured out. Tom pulls out a small vial and pours it down my throat. It fizzles on my tongue, and tingles a little going down.

"Hmm, better," Tom says. "That should keep you going."

I curl up in a ball, staring at the floor depressively. It's enough that I won't wind up passing out or anything, but not enough to put me at full strength. I'm still tired. It's just enough to keep me over the threshold of magical exhaustion. Fuck everything.

I'm going to need to fight Bellatrix again. When she comes in this next time, I lunge at her and try to grab her wand. Too slow. She kicks me to the ground and restrains me, and subjects me to the Cruciatus Curse again. I try desparately to activate my Time Magic. Too weak, can't concentrate. It's several minutes before she gives me a merciful death.

---

I wake in my cell again. I'm really starting to hate the word "again".

Tom comes in with breakfast, and realizes that I'm suffering from magical exhaustion. He pulls out the potion and tries to get me to drink it. I struggle, attempt to spit out out, but he forces it down my throat anyway.

"Don't be a fool, Lexen," Tom says.

He leaves me in the dark again, and again, Bellatrix shows up three hours later. I'm depressively curled up in a ball, and don't even try to do anything this time. And again, she tortures me and kills me.

---

I wake. How many times have I woken today? I've already lost track. I need to do something. Anything. I need to break the cycle somehow.

When Tom comes in, I tackle him. I don't know what I'm even hoping to accomplish here. He knocks me back against the far wall of my cell with a quick spell.

"What do you think you're doing, Lexen?" Tom says. "Trying to fight me now? Without even a wand?"

I sigh, lean back against the wall, and slump to the floor. He notices I'm under magical exhaustion and give me the potion again. I spend the next three hours hungry and tied up for my trouble. I try to activate my Time Magic even before Bellatrix arrives, but I can't get it to work even when I'm not under the Cruciatus Curse. I don't know if it's because I'm too weak at the moment, or because I can't achieve the right mentalstate for it. Mentalstate? Desparate and hopeless. All I want is a way out.

Bellatrix comes in, taunts me, and tortures me to death again.

---

I wake. I've never really been a religious sort, but this is the point where I start praying silently to anyone or anything that might possibly be listening to save me somehow. I spend three hours fervently hoping for any response from god, angel, demon, or devil. Nothing.

Bellatrix kills me again.

---

I try groveling at Tom again, and all that gets me is a bed. I hide under it, and when Bellatrix comes, I grab at her leg.

"You foolish dog!" Bellatrix snaps. "Get out here!"

Bellatrix hauls me out with her magic, ties me up, and tortures me to death again.

---

I wake. Fuck everything, I need to get out of this loop. Nothing is working. What can I do to change the outcome?

I need magic. Can I master silent casting three hours at a time, on barely enough energy to keep going? I don't know, but I have to try. I don't have any other hope of breaking free.

Once Tom has left me alone, I try to whisper, "Lumos." I only end up mouthing the words, and no light comes out. I try again, just thinking the word as hard as I can. Still nothing. Am I too weak to even get off simple magic like this?

It's not like I needed to use a wand or words to do magic on the last world I visited. But that was something of a different situation. I had been physically modified, magically augmented so that the power was an innate part of my being. This body I'm using now is just my baseline form, an ordinary human with a dash of (non-house) elf. The only magic that comes to me innately is Time and Lightning.

Lightning. If I can kill Bellatrix with a Lightning Curse, I might just be able to get out of this.

I try practicing at getting lightning to work nonverbally for the next three hours, to no avail. My heart sinks again as I realize that I need to be angry in order to cast this spell. And I'm finding no anger to power it in the midst of hopelessness and despair.

Bellatrix comes in and starts her routine again. I try to get my Lightning Magic to come out while I'm being tortured, to no avail. I try to cast it when she stops and asks if I've had enough, but all I can do is curl up in a pathetic ball and nod to her, silently begging for death.

---

Waking in darkness, drowning in despair. I refuse to give up hope. I refuse to be trapped in this cycle forever. If I can't manage to cast even a Lightning Curse, my own innate magic, then I will... try random things until something changes.

I strip off my robes and do a naked dance in front of Tom.

"What are you doing, Lexen?" Tom says, giving me an odd look.

It doesn't stop him from noticing my magical exhaustion, making me drink Snape's potion, or leaving me alone in the dark again.

When Bellatrix comes in to torture me, I hide beside the door and stick out my foot to trip her as she steps inside. Bellatrix stumbles and falls, rolls, and has me bound in conjured ropes before I can take advantage of the situation. I had been so much expecting to fail that I wasn't prepared to follow through. Damn it.

"Your petty tricks won't keep me down, dog," Bellatrix snaps. "Crucio!"

Another death.

---

I wake, staring up into the darkness. I think I'm going mad. I curl up in a ball, silently sobbing, tears running down my face.

Tom comes in, and looks down at me. "If it's really so bad, then why do you keep fighting it?"

I look up, and cast him a pleading expression. I crawl over and grovel at him. Not too proud to beg, if it'll stop this fucking loop.

"What, you want a real bed now?" Tom says.

I shake my head vehemently. I point to my mouth.

"No, I think I'll leave that on a bit longer," Tom says. "I don't think you've learned your lesson yet."

I wince a little, then make a gesture across my throat with my hand, and put on an exaggerated dying expression.

"What, you died?" Tom says. He comes over and looks at me closely. "Hmm, it looks like you've got magical exhaustion, too."

He pulls out Snape's potion again, and forces it into my mouth.

"Now, don't do whatever foolish thing you did to deserve dying again," Tom says.

I grovel at him some more. I'm so close, so close, damn it! Please don't leave me alone in here again! But I can't speak, I can't get the message across, and Tom leaves me alone again.

Alright, enough is enough. I'm not going to wait around for Bellatrix to torture me. I look around the room. Not much in here to do anything with, but I'll work with what I have. I go over to the bucket and peer at it. It vanishes whatever is put inside. I try putting my hand in, then my head, but nothing happens. It must only work on anything that's put completely inside.

I try bashing my head against the wall, strangling myself with the bedroll, madly striking everything in sight. There's nothing really sharp in the room, and the door doesn't even have a knob or handle on this side. All this winds up awarding me is a headache.

Bellatrix comes in, and I leap on her, biting and clawing like a wild animal. But even the element of surprise isn't good enough against this witch. All this earns me is an extra long torture session before she will let me die.

---

I wake. Fuck's sake. I considering starting to bash my head against the wall again. Maybe if I did it hard enough, I'd manage to pass out and get something different to happen. No, I probably shouldn't. I don't want to risk not dying doing something like that.

Tom comes in with breakfast. My eyes light up when I see the fork on the tray. I grab it and try to shove it into my eye.

Tom's reflexes are better than mine at the moment, however. He grabs me by the wrist and says, "Have you gone completely mad?"

I nod at him vehemently. I draw my finger across my throat in a dying gesture.

"Well, if you can't be trusted with silverware, you'll just have to eat like a dog, then," Tom says, taking the fork away from me.

I give him a deflated look and sigh silently.

Tom peers into my eyes. "Magical exhaustion... How many times have you died today?"

I think on it for a moment. I put up both hands, fingers fully splayed. I close them again, and make a helpless gesture to indicate that I don't know.

"At least ten times?" Tom says, raising an eyebrow.

I nod enthusiastically. Am I actually going to get the message across to him this time?

"Then perhaps you should learn your lesson already," Tom says. He turns and leaves the room.

I leap up and pound on the door. It's a futile effort. He doesn't return.

Fuck. It suddenly dawns on me. What if he intended Bellatrix to come in and torture me to death? I can't imagine why he would want to do that, but my paranoia refuses to rule it out as a possibility.

Alright, I think it's time that I rule out getting any help from Tom here. I decide to start trying to get a nonverbal Unlocking Charm off on the door somehow. Why in the Abyss do I need words, anyway?

I focus my will upon the idea of freedom. Freedom for all beings. That's what I believe in, isn't it? No one deserves to be treated like this. Let me out of here. Let me go free, like the wind...

No matter what sort of force I put into my thoughts, I can't muster the strength to get the door open. I let out a heavy breath and slump down into the middle of the floor. This is hopeless. Completely and utterly hopeless. I'm never going to get out of this. I'm just going to be trapped in this loop forever.

Bellatrix comes in, and tortures me to death again.

---

Again.

---

And again.

---

And again.

---

Bellatrix is torturing me again. I don't even have the will to nod to tell her I've had enough, and reset the loop. The way things are going, waiting for her to get bored of torturing me seems like it has more chance of getting me out of this at all than just dying again.

I don't know how long she keeps at it. I'm not really paying attention anymore. I'm curled up in a little ball in my mind, furiously letting the storm try to protect me as much as it can. The pain is like lightning crashing through the clouds. The storm with its lightning is my natural element. I will not fear the pain. It's not like I can do anything about it, anyway.

And then, finally, Bellatrix says, her voice distantly echoing as if from very far away, "Not feeling like playing anymore, are you? This is getting boring. Time to end it, then. Sweet mercy embrace you."

A curse strikes me, and darkness soon takes me.

---

I wake, blinking into the darkness. I got through the torture, and she still killed me anyway? Fuck that. And fuck you, Bellatrix. Is there no escape that way, either?

Bellatrix comes in again at the same time as she always does. Bitch killed me when I hadn't even asked her to. What more do you want of me?

Rage boils up inside of me as she taunts me and starts to torture me again. I am the Stormseeker, and I will not be defeated like this! I will give you no more! No more, no more, not one iota more!

"Had enough, cur?" Bellatrix says gloatingly.

I glare at her, baring my teeth and standing slowly, holding my hands out.

"What, you think you can fight me?" Bellatrix says. "You don't have a wand. You can't even speak. What do you expect to do against me?"

I think of all the pain she has inflicted upon me. Of the crimes she inflicted upon Alice and Frank Longbottom, and however many others. I think the word as hard as I can, forcing all of my rage and hate into it. FULGORIS!

CRACK-A-DOOM! A blast of lightning rips through me, knocks me off my feet and slams me into the wall, tears everything apart in the immediate area. Including me.

---

I wake, and find myself grinning in elation for the first time in quite a while. I can do it. I can really do it. I am not weak and helpless. I am the Stormseeker, and I will never be helpless again!

Once Tom leaves, I experiment with my power a little. I don't even need to think the word. All I need to do is will it, and the lightning comes forth. It's my inborn magic, and it comes to me as naturally as breathing, once I know how to do it. I used it so many times before without even realizing I was doing it or intending to.

But I've been relying on crutches for so long that I never really learned to do magic as my own people do it. Without wands, without words, simply through sheer will. It tends to be more limited, and requires more work and study to get the effects you want, but once you know how to do it, very few things will stop you from doing it.

This time, when Bellatrix comes in again, I'm ready for her. I give her a mad grin, lift my hands toward her, and send lightning at her straight from my fingertips. This really does make me feel like a Sith Lord. My hate has made me strong. I'd be cackling aloud if I could make a sound.

"Gah!" Bellatrix cries, stumbling back out into the hallway. "What? How? Wandless, wordless Lightning Curse? You're better than I thought you were."

I send another bolt of lightning into her. Now, she's the one twitching and screaming in pain. I hold back the level of power. I'm in control here. I don't need to overcharge it so far that it kills me as well.

Bellatrix tries to get a shield up, but I keep hammering away with lightning, and pound straight through it. It's inefficient. I'm probably going to go into mana exhaustion again. But I don't care. I want Bellatrix to suffer and die. Revenge will be mine.

It takes me a few minutes of staring at Bellatrix's twitching corpse to realize that she's dead. I enjoyed that. Very, very much. And she did so richly deserve it. I refuse to feel guilty for this.

"Was killing my faithful servant really necessary?" asks Tom's voice. I glance over to see him striding down the hallway.

I nod to him vehemently, baring my teeth. I point to my mouth.

"Oh, fine, I suppose I should allow you to explain yourself," Tom says. He waves his wand, and cancels the silence.

"Do you have any idea how many times she killed me?" I shriek at him.

"Calm down, Lexen," Tom says firmly.

I put my hand against a wall to steady myself, panting a bit. Definitely exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for a week. But it was oh so worth it.

"No," I say. "I'm not going to calm down. I kept trying to tell you, but you wouldn't listen. I couldn't get anything across to you. Please tell me that you didn't plan this yourself."

"I did not," Tom says.

I don't know whether he's telling the truth or not, but I feel relieved nonetheless. "Bellatrix. Tortured me to death. More times than I can count. Dozens of times. I don't know. I lost track after a while. I'm fucking entitled to revenge after that. And if you kill me, I will just do it again, and again, until it fucking sticks, god damn it!"

"Lexen," Tom says in a warning tone.

"What?" I snap.

"You're crackling," Tom says.

I look down at my right hand. Trembling, shaking, flickers of electricity running along my skin. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself, and get my power under control. The lightning fades away.

"Now, tell me," Tom says. "Why should I allow you to get away with slaying another one of my servants?"

I think in horror of the idea of finally getting past this loop, only to wind up in another one that just leaves me being inevitably killed by the Dark Lord instead. Could I kill him? Would I kill him?

Who do I really think I am fooling here?

I sigh, and kneel before him. "I apologize for losing control, my lord. I beg your forgiveness."

Tom's lips quirk into a small smile. "Very well. Consider yourself forgiven, this time. But I will expect better discipline from my servants in the future."

"Thank you, my lord," I say.

"And I think you have suffered enough for today," Tom says. "Placeo."

Five minutes worth of pleasure wipes away the lingering aches in my body and eases my tension.

Tom approaches and examines me intently. "Magical exhaustion, unsurprisingly. You're going to have to rest this one off. I don't have anymore of that potion at the moment. I'll have to tell Severus that the test was a success."

I give a small nod. I can barely stand at the moment, but I manage to make it back over to my bedroll. I collapse on top of it, and in moments, I'm out like a light.