The Proud Man's Contumely

Chapter Eighteen

In truth, Remus escorted Harry more than he lead him, as Harry was possessed of a sudden boldness and dared to walk more at Remus' side than trailing along behind him. As they travelled, Harry caught himself, several times, chancing glances over at his guardian and scolded himself each time, as he was, more than once, caught in the act by Remus. Though eventually Harry noticed that half of the time Remus' eyes were simply already turned his way. Harry wondered at the blush that rose to his cheek at that, but was more concerned with the fact that the looks they happened to share were mutually curious, and tended to linger perhaps only a bit too long. As a result, Harry once almost collided with a wall as Remus shepherded him into a turn. A turn that was revealed to be an incorrect one soon after, and Remus was forced to fish in his breast pocket for a scrap of parchment to consult.

The parchment was very tattered, though not particularly old by Harry's guess. It simply looked to have been opened and refolded several times. As Remus held it up, looking about him and trying to reorient himself, Harry recognized the thing to be a hand drawn map, peppered with Snape's harsh, scratchy writing.

It didn't take them long at all to get set on the proper course again. But though they had set out from Snape's quarters fairly swiftly, they now took the journey at a stroll, likely to prevent becoming lost again. The pace suited Harry just fine. Though, while not 'fond' of them, Harry realized he'd become quite accustomed to the dungeons, in a way he'd never been comfortable at Grimmauld Place. He realized as well that, now that he allowed himself, Remus' nearness once again afforded reassurance, a familiarity Harry's sorely missed. It was comfortable drifting though those empty corridors at Remus' elbow, and Harry thought it might not be such a tragedy should they become lost again. Secretly, Harry almost hoped for it. Besides, he'd not quite forgotten their destination, and was less than eager to reach it.

Unfortunately, it wasn't long before the two encountered the first of the windows announcing that they had, in fact, officially left the dungeons. The bright mid-morning light that streamed through them instilled something in Harry akin to disappointment, despite it's cheery promise of a temperate day. As though prompted by it, Remus finally dared to speak. Though what he had to say was certainly not something Harry wanted to hear.

"Understand, Harry," he began hesitantly. "We don't want to rush you." Harry swallowed a grumble. Why did Remus have to go and spoil such a nice moment? "However, Dumbledore and I think it best if you began your studies again straight away." Harry didn't respond so Remus offered a stumbling explanation. "Not the more strenuous subjects, mind you. Transfiguration and Occlumency can wait a bit. Well, actually you really should consider continuing Occlumency as soon as possible. But the others lessons, such as Hagrid's and...my own. Especially my own..." Remus paused, apparently trying to will away his slight blush. "...should be continued immediately."

"Yeah. All right, " Harry mumbled finally, eyes fixed irritatedly on the path before him. He could hear Remus give a kind of sigh from beside him, and he thought Remus might have lifted his hand as if he meant to lay it on Harry's shoulder. Harry practically held his breath in anticipation, but the hand never descended.

"It's only that, the threat hasn't passed, Harry," Remus said now. "If anything it's grown." Harry chewed the inside of his cheek. It wasn't as if he needed telling. "We want to be prepared for whatever we might encounter."

Whatever

I might encounter, Harry corrected silently. That's what it boiled down to. And yet again, Harry found himself wondering why the hell he should bother. Now more than ever, after all he'd been through, he felt like saying bugger it all and accept Voldemort's offer and let the rest of the world fend for itself. There was no guarantee he would succeed against Voldemort. Not much likelihood even. If he couldn't save the whole world, he could at least save so many as the Weasleys and Grangers. It was all he cared about saving. But of course, he knew that wasn't entirely true, no matter how badly he wanted it to be. Harry felt himself becoming angry again. But instead putting his fist to something, Harry simply gave a sigh, one too weary for one of his limited years.

Now he did feel Remus' hand descend, gently, timidly. Without thinking, Harry brought his own to meet it, and heard Remus' slow intake of breath as he worked his fingers beneath the older man's. They stopped walking. Slowly, Harry turned his gaze to meet Remus', and his eyes were gently imploring, though even he didn't know for what. Remus swallowed and looked as though he didn't dare himself to speak, so Harry opened his own mouth to do so, when the moment was abruptly shattered by a student turning quickly out of a nearby door and almost running them over. Harry then realized they had already reached the Great Hall.

Remus gently but quickly untangled his fingers from Harry's, subtly flustered, and stepped aside to let the boy pass. He was young. Harry guessed him to be a second year. But Harry wasn't really concerned with the boy. He hadn't been ready for that contact to end, for their walk to be over. Harry deliberately ignored the massive open doors behind him. He didn't want to walk through them. Something shrank somewhere behind Harry's navel at the way Remus looked as if he wanted to disappear as he watched the boy disappear from sight around a corner.

"Dumbledore thinks it best if I kept a very low profile while I'm here," Remus explained. "Considering the circumstances surrounding my resignation before. You understand."

Harry swallowed and slowly nodded, trying to catch Remus' eye again and force him to hold his gaze. But it didn't work.

"I'll be in my old quarters, should you need me for anything." Remus offered hurriedly, already backing away. Then he stopped and looked as though he wanted to say more, to do more, though finally only added, "Good luck today, Harry," and turned to go. Harry watched him until he was out of sight before taking a deep breath and turning toward the doors of the Great Hall, steeling his will to go in.