Wonderings of a Werewolf

I am such an idiot. Why did I tell my friends? If I hadn't told my friends my secret, I wouldn't be here again. I saw what the Ministry did to Silvia when she confessed her secret to Lucinda, her best friend. Lucinda panicked and wrote to her father and...but that's another story. And a painful one. Maybe later.

I've always had a family that's...eh....not entirely normal. Heck, most of us aren't even human. My grandmother, my mother's mother, was a giantess. She married, of all the people she could have married, a very short one, called a dwarf, by the name of Willow Ufgood, my grandfather. Their daughter, my mother, is the only one who is still human (as far as I know). She ran off to Bolivia with a biker. My father, Mars, remarried right afterwards. It turned out that his wife, Druscilla, was a vampire. Driven crazy by shock and grief, Dad turned himself into a candy bar. Silvia, before she left for good, didn't know. She found him when she got home from camp and ate him. She shared him with me. Dru remarried herself. Her new husband's name was Sven. He was from Norway, and he was a giant. He was even worse than Grandmother was. He would drink, and a drunk giant is even more dangerous than a sober one. Thanks to him, I live my life in fear--both the fear that he will come back and hurt me badly, or that someone will find out my secret.

I remember that night. It was a full moon. Sven was even more drunk than usual. He went into a rage and terrified Silvia and me. Sven threw a sword from the wall across the room that almost hit me. Silvia screamed and dragged me out the door. We were running through the forest, thinking of nothing but getting away, when she screamed again.

"Remus! Look out!"

She shoved me hard. I hit the ground as she screamed again, this time in pain. I looked up in fright. The thing that had nearly got me, that had got Silvia, was like a wolf with a short snout. It had a tight grip on Silvia's arm. I saw a trickle of blood run down, and it let go. Satisfied with the taste of blood, it disappeared. Silvia's arm had a deep gorge in it. I helped her up and took her home. We bandaged her arm as best as we could, and after a couple of days it went away. Everything was fine, until about a month later.

I was sitting downstairs with my little sister Marilynn. She had been born to my father and Dru, just before he went off the deep end. She was three and I was five at the time. Suddenly we heard a snarl. A minute later, an animal like the one that had attacked Silvia tore downstairs. It sprung at Sven. He lasted about five minutes, but it was messy. I screamed in fright and grabbed Marilynn. We headed for the door when the wolf jumped us and bit my arm--the arm connected to the hand I was using to hold on to Marilynn. I screamed again, and the werewolf backed away. After a minute, the werewolf disappeared to be replaced by my older sister. She was crying.

"Remus, Mary, I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I never meant to hurt you. I lost control. I can't control the wolf brain. It's so hard, and so painful. Please forgive me."

I nodded. I knew my sister would never hurt me on purpose, either one of them. Silvia would never hurt Marilynn either. Besides, in a way she had saved my life. She had saved me from being eaten in the forest, and she had just saved me from a life with Sven. Dru was out on her nightly rounds and wouldn't be back for awhile. About a month later, though, Silvia told Lucinda. She thought that her best friend could keep a secret. She was wrong. Lucinda panicked and wrote to her father, who works for the Ministry of Magic. That's when it started.

They brought her up in front of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. They didn't even have the decency to give her a proper trial. By now, Marilynn and I knew we were werewolves also, and we swore not to tell anyone. Ever.

I sat outside on a long, low red bench in the back, as close to my sister as I could. I was trying very hard not to cry. She had been placed in a fenced-off area along the back wall so that she couldn't hurt anyone, even though it wasn't a full moon. I later learned that people who have been bitten can transform as they desire, although at the full moon when they do it they lose control of the wolf mind. Why anyone would want to is beyond me. It is very painful to turn into a werewolf. Anyway, she was in this--well, Marilynn and I thought of it as a cage, although we were probably exaggerating. I sat as close to it as I could, trying hard not to cry because that would upset her. I would be crying, and she wouldn't be able to "make it all better".

The Ministry came, pulled her out, and took her into the courtroom. After about fifteen minutes they shoved her out, back in the cage, and locked it. Then one of them, a short young man--probably not even thirty--knelt down to talk to me. "Hello there," he said, his voice friendly.

I kept silent.

"I'm Amos Diggory," he said. "You must be Remus."

I nodded.

"Come with me, please," he said, holding out his hand.

I glanced back at Silvia, who nodded. I took the hand held out to me and followed him into the courtroom.

It was a large room. Benches and desks filled the walls, but the only people sat around a small table in the middle of the room. Mr. Diggory led me to a chair facing the people and told me to sit down. Then he took the last empty seat.

"Now, Remus," said Mr. Diggory kindly, "do you know this girl?" He held up a picture of Silvia.

I nodded.

"Who is it, Remus?"

"My sister, Silvia."

"Very good," beamed Mr. Diggory, as if we were in school. "Do you recognise this?" He held up a picture of the thing that had attacked Silvia--a werewolf.

"It's a werewolf."

"Correct," said Mr. Diggory. Then he began to grow serious. "Do you know this person?" He held up a picture of Sven, evil as ever.

I nodded, trembling. "It's my stepfather, Sven."

"Alright," said Mr. Diggory. "Did your sister kill Sven?"

"No," I said.

"No?" repeated Mr. Diggory.

"When Silvia was finished being a werewolf, when she was a person again, she said that the wolf was in control of her brain. She didn't kill Sven," I concluded. "The wolf did."

Clearly, that wasn't the answer Mr. Diggory wanted. He seemed quite taken aback. "But did she know that she--or, if you prefer, the wolf--had eaten Sven?"

"Yes."

The members gave each other triumphant smiles. "I think we can dispense justice now," said one.

"What are you going to do to her?" I asked, looking from one to the other.

"Don't worry, Remus," soothed Mr. Diggory. "She won't hurt you or your sister. We're going to let Macnair deal with her."

I looked at the man he was pointing at. Macnair couldn't have been much more than eighteen, but he was very tall, rather lean, and quite muscular. In his belt I noticed him fingering the blade of an axe.

"You wouldn't--you're not going to kill her?" I exclaimed, jumping up.

"Why, yes, we are," said Mr. Diggory, looking surprised.

"You can't!" I cried. "She didn't do anything wrong!"

"She killed your stepfather," pointed out a member.

"No she didn't, the wolf did! Besides, she saved my life--twice--by turning into a werewolf."

"Oh, really?" said Mr. Diggory, eyes narrowed, anything but friendly now. "I don't suppose you'll tell us how?"

"Yes, I will!" I cried. "In the forest, when she first got bit, that wolf was after me! She knocked me out of the way and saved me! Then when she was a werewolf, the wolf killed my stepfather! He would get drunk and throw things at my sisters and me and hurt us. He was a bad man, and the police would have caught up to him eventually, and then you'd have had to mind-wipe them because they'd have been Muggles and he's a giant. She did everyone a favour by killing Sven, including the Ministry. You can't kill her!"

It was quite a long speech for any five-year-old, but especially for me. I was known for my quietness. I think I definitely surprised the Ministry, several of whom had five-year-old sons and grandsons themselves. I even surprised myself. They stared at me for a minute, then Mr. Diggory said, "Thank you, Remus. Will you give us a minute, please?" Firmly but kindly, especially under the circumstances, he escorted me out and closed the door.

I sat with Marilynn, along the back wall, too frightened to cry. I definitely wasn't going to tell Silvia or Marilynn the fate the Ministry had in store for Silvia. It would only upset them, and that would set off me.

The council members came out and looked at us. I tightened my grip around Marilynn, scared for my big sister.

Mr. Diggory cleared his throat and began to read from a piece of paper. "It is the decision of this council that the werewolf Silvia Lupin is to be sentenced to..."

Oh please, I thought, not death. Anything but death.

"...life in Azkaban."

Silvia was given a few private moments to say goodbye. We knew we could come and visit her whenever we wanted, but Dru probably wouldn't let us. She was still mad at Silvia for losing control to the wolf, which then killed Sven.

Silvia gave Marilynn a hug, a kiss, and sent her off to Dru. Then she turned to me. She was upset, but took my hands. "Remus, what did you say to them? I was sure they were going to kill me."

So she had been sure, too! "All I said was the truth."

"Like what?" she asked, fearful. I could tell she thought that "the truth" was that I was a werewolf as well.

"I told them that you saved my life in the forest, and that when the wolf killed Sven it saved me too, saved me from a world of hurt," I said. "It's the truth, right?"

"They asked you about Sven?" asked Silvia, frowning.

"Dru put them up to it," I said.

Silvia nodded. She opened her arms and I rushed in. She folded me in a hug. "Thank you, Remus," she said, tears falling down her cheeks into my hair.

I choked back a few tears myself. "I love you, Silvia."

"I love you too, Remus," she whispered.

Then the Ministry came and took her away, and that was the last I saw of her.

Now I'm living that nightmare again. Only this time it's in reverse. I'm the one sitting in the cage, awaiting my fate. Marilynn and James both are sitting on the end of the red bench, as close to the cage as possible, trying their hardest not to cry.

And Sirius has taken Lucinda's role, the person who landed the werewolf in the cage. Only this time, he's sitting down at the other end of the hall, trying harder than James and Mary not to cry. And I don't hate him. Unlike Silvia and Lucinda. Lucinda was convinced that she had acted "for the best" in incriminating her best friend. Silvia didn't exactly hate Lucinda, she hated herself for telling Lucinda. She said that she should have known Lucinda couldn't be trusted. I trusted Sirius, but I know he didn't mean for this to happen.

I'll be seeing Silvia again soon, I suppose. Just like her trial, they dragged me in first.

When I got into the room, I realised with a jolt that it was the same room that Silvia had been tried in, the same people. I almost started to cry, but my life depended on me keeping my head.

"So, we meet again, Remus," said Mr. Diggory with a smile. It's been about ten years since he's seen me, but he still recognises me. I mentally kicked myself. Of course he knew who I was. I was the werewolf they were trying. Then he got down to business again.

"Remus, do you recognise this boy?" asked Mr. Diggory, holding up a picture of a gaunt, staring, hook-nosed boy.

I nodded. "It's Severus Snape. He's in my year at Hogwarts."

"Oh, that's right, you're at Hogwarts, aren't you?" said Mr. Diggory. "Do you recognise this boy?" He held up a picture of a boy with black hair all over the place and light grey eyes.

"James Potter. He's one of my best friends." I was getting tired of this. "Mr. Diggory, can we finish with the picture recognition and get to the questioning? I'm not five years old anymore."

Mr. Diggory leaned in close. "Remus, what happened that night? You know, about a week ago?"

I thought for a minute, then realised I owed it to Silvia not to lie. "I went to the Whomping Willow to transform. When I had transformed, I was trying to get control of my mind, like I usually do, when I heard this noise at the end. I had a little bit of a grip on my mind, but the wolf took over. It smelled blood and went down towards the hall. It went crazy when another body entered the passage. I saw Severus Snape almost to the entrance of the hall. The wolf almost went for him when James came and dragged him back. I--the wolf--nearly killed them both."

"I see," said Mr. Diggory, scribbling on a piece of parchment. "Were you--expecting Mr. Snape?"

"What?" I said, thrown off guard. "You mean, was I planning to kill him?"

"More or less," admitted Mr. Diggory.

"Of course not," I said, appalled. "I don't even like human, especially covered in oil."

One of the council members hastily turned his laugh into a hacking cough.

"What do you eat?" asked Mr. Diggory, raising an eyebrow.

"Pardon?" I said.

"What do you eat when you're a werewolf?" repeated Mr. Diggory.

"Wood, cloth, foam, cotton stuffing--pretty much anything in the Shrieking Shack," I said. "Sometimes I bite myself. Dumbledore took safety precautions to make sure no students or villagers were bitten."

"I see," said Mr. Diggory again. "Thank you, Remus." He stood up and escorted me back to the cage himself. He wanted me to feel comfortable, I realised. Comfortable that I was about to be put in Azkaban, like Silvia was, or killed.

Now I'm in the cage again, alone. Snape just came out of the courtroom and Sirius went in. Snape looks pretty smug about it, too. I suppose he counts this as a jewel in his crown. He's already mad at us. James and me especially, I think. I nearly killed him. James went in and saved Snape's life, at great risk to his own. Sirius, from what James told me the next day (in a very shaky voice), was mad at Snape and tried to kill him. He didn't realise that a simple prank could cost not only Snape's life, but my life as well.

Sirius is back. He's obviously terrified. Was it that obvious to Silvia, or was she too upset to notice? Sirius just walked out. I think he needs to calm himself down. I hope he gets back before the council comes out with the verdict. Even if this is his fault, which it isn't, he's one of my best friends. I want him here to hear my fate.

Here he comes. He's coming over to talk to me, I think. He hesitates on the other side of the door, as though unsure he's allowed to, whether or not I'll want to talk to him. Yes, Sirius, I do. I want to talk to you in the worst way. All is forgiven. I want you here with me when the council comes.

It's almost like he heard me. He steeled his resolve and came over. "Remus..."

But he got no further when the door opened. Sirius moved quickly over to stand with James and Marilynn as they jumped up nervously. Marilynn was trying hard not to cry. I know that she, like me, has been remembering Silvia's trial this whole time. I wish I could comfort her, but of course I can't.

Amos Diggory cleared his throat. "It is the decision of this council that the werewolf, Remus Lupin..."

It's just like Silvia's sentence, almost word for word. As long as they don't kill me, I don't care.

To my surprise, Mr. Diggory walked over and unlocked the cage. "...is to be released," concluded Mr. Diggory, giving me a smile. It's then that I know Mr. Diggory is my friend. He, too, must remember Silvia's trial. Or maybe Sirius and James managed to convince him that I didn't intend to hurt anybody, and since I didn't actually hurt anybody, they're letting me go. I don't know, and I don't care. I'm free.

James and Marilynn rushed right over. Tears were still running down their faces even as they hugged me. I hugged them back and glanced at Sirius.

He was standing by himself. I held out my free arm to him, and he knew by the gesture that I forgave him. He ran over too and joined the group hug.

Mr. Diggory cleared his throat. "Wait a minute," he said. "I'm not finished."

We froze and looked up. Surely he wasn't going to punish anyone else? Sirius? James? Snape? Well, actually, that would be okay.

"In light of the current situation..." he began.

Sirius tensed beside me. I admit I felt very tense myself. Were we going to be sent away?

"...the council feels compelled to, for the first time in history, reverse a sentence," intoned Mr. Diggory.

We were terrified now. Was I going to be killed after all? Snape was looking pretty smug, so probably.

"The werewolf, Silvia Lupin..."continued Mr. Diggory.

Marilynn paled. Sirius played a joke on Snape, and Silvia was going to die? It makes no sense!

"...is to also be released," finished Mr. Diggory with another smile.

I don't think James or Sirius knew who Silvia was, or exactly why Marilynn and I burst into tears. They were tears of relief.

"Wait here, please," said Mr. Diggory. He disappeared.

Sirius moved over. "Remus..." he began again.

"It's okay, Sirius," I said.

"No, really," he insisted. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I was just playing a joke on Snape. I didn't realise it would..."

"That's alright, Sirius, really," I said.

"I've got a dumb question," said James. "Who the heck is Silvia?"

"Our sister," I replied. "She's a werewolf. She was bitten in a forest one night when we were running away from my stepfather."

"Why?" interrupted Sirius.

"He was drunk," I explained. "Again. Anyway, there was a werewolf out there--it almost got me. Silvia knocked me out of the way and got bitten instead. About a month later she transformed for the first time and the wolf took over completely. It ate our stepfather. She got life in Azkaban."

"But now she's coming home," said Marilynn happily. Her face broke into the first true smile that she'd smiled in years.

Mr. Diggory returned with Silvia. "Go ahead," he said. "You've been released."

"Remus! Mary!" cried Silvia. She ran over to us. Marilynn took one look at her and burst into tears.

She was extremely thin. Her hair, light brown like mine, hung straight down her back, long and filthy. Her green eyes, once so bright and shining, seemed dull, as thought the light had gone out. But she was still Silvia, and she was still my sister. For the first time in eleven years, I could see her again.

I gave her a hug, she hugged me back. "I love you," I whispered.

She hugged me back and whispered words I hadn't heard in years. "I love you too, Remus." We pulled apart and she gave Marilynn a hug too. "Why did they decide to release me?" she asked. "Not that I'm not happy about it, but why?"

"Beats us," shrugged James.

"Oh, are you two Remus's friends?" Silvia said, looking at James and Sirius.

James nodded. Sirius didn't. He looked as though he wasn't sure.

"Okay, so you're not one of his friends..." said Silvia slowly. "Are you Marilynn's boyfriend?"

"No!" exclaimed James, Sirius, Marilynn, and I all at once.

"He is one of my friends," I said forcefully. Sirius looked at me and smiled. "One of my best friends," I added.

"So they came for, what, moral support?" she asked, looking around.

"To give evidence," James replied, after glancing at me.

"Evidence for what?" Silvia said, looking from one of us to the other.

"My trial," I said.

"What? What happened?" she gasped.

Sirius spoke up. "I played a joke on Severus Snape--that boy over there." He pointed to where Snape was arguing with a council official about the verdict. "He was always sneaking around, trying to find out what we were up to, hoping he could get us expelled..." Sirius shook his head. "He had noticed Madame Pomfrey taking Remus across the grounds to transform..."

"You told them?" Silvia gasped, turning to me. "I thought you two said you were never going to tell anyone!"

"After what happened to you? No way!" Marilynn replied.

"They figured it out," I explained. "It's kind of hard not to notice when your friend disappears at least once a month."

"And the excuses he came up with were rather pathetic," chuckled James, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He adopted a falsetto voice and trilled, "Oh, dear Aunt Dora is ill, I have to go visit her."

"Is Aunt Dora ill again?" queried Sirius, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Oh, no, she's fine," said James. "It's my Aunt Rose. She pricked her finger on a poisoned spinning wheel and is very ill indeed."

"Has Aunt Rose recovered from the spinning wheel?" demanded Sirius with a smile.

"Oh, yes, splendidly," said James. "But now Aunt Maggie is feeling a bit muggy. I need to cheer her up."

"Which aunt is ailing this month?" asked Sirius.

"Oh, my aunts are all in fine health," said James loftily. "You act as though my aunts do nothing but get sick. No aunts are sick. It's Uncle Bob. He--"

"Cease and desist," I laughed. "I get the picture. I made up really pathetic excuses. Small wonder you figured it out."

"Anyway," laughed Silvia, "what did you do to this Snape?"

Sirius took a deep breath to calm himself down and said, "I told him that all he had to do was to prod the knot on the Whomping Willow--this tree that blocks the entrance to where Remus transforms--and he'd be able to get in after Remus."

I shook my head. "Sirius, you idiot," I said good-naturedly.

"I didn't realise what would happen," he pointed out. "Anyway, Snape tried it--duh--and the wolf almost killed him. James went in and pulled Snape back."

"Almost got himself killed, too," I said. "I had no control over the wolf at that point. It had completely taken over. If I'd killed either one of them, or so much as touched them, I probably wouldn't be here and neither would you. If it wasn't for James, things would have been worse, a lot worse."

Silvia nodded. "We'd better go," she said, putting her arm around me and holding her hand out for Marilynn. "Thanks, James. You too--uh--"

"Sirius," I said.

"Sirius," she repeated. "Thanks a lot. You two saved a lot of lives."

"How come you didn't go insane?" asked Marilynn.

"Pardon?" asked Silvia.

"Why didn't you lose your mind?" repeated Marilynn. "I heard that that's what happens to most people."

Silvia looked at Marilynn and smiled. "Most people who go to Azkaban are guilty. I never lost my mind that I was innocent. That way, I was able to keep knowing who I am."

"So the dementors, what, didn't affect you?" asked James.

"Of course they affected me!" exclaimed Silvia. "I tell you, it was the most painful thing in the world. But I never lost my mind that I was innocent. That wasn't a happy thought, so the dementors couldn't suck it out of me. And I got a few back when I was a werewolf...the dementors tended to avoid me then." She gave first James, then Sirius a hug, squeezing Sirius perhaps a bit harder.

Then we turned to leave, never again to come to the Ministry to defend ourselves because of who we were. The Ministry had learned to accept it, and no matter what, the Lupins would never be persecuted by the Ministry again.