Harry Caesar

HERE BEGINNETH THE TALE OF

THE TRAGEDY OF JULIUS CAESAR

WRITTEN IN THE ORIGINAL TEXT

WITH SLIGHT VARIATIONS

ACT I

SCENE I

(Students are rejoicing on the grounds)

Penelope--Hence! To your houses, you idle creatures, get to your houses!

Is this a holiday? What, do you not know

Being students, you ought not walk

On a school day without the crest

Of your houses? Speak up, what house are you in?

Student--Why, ma'am, a Ravenclaw, the same as you.

Percy--Where is your crest, then?

What are you doing with your dress robes on?

You there, what house are you in?

Student1--Truly, sir, in the respect of a fine student, I am just, as you would say, a Slytherin.

Percy--(mistaking the word "Slytherin" for wiggling) But what house are you in? Answer me plainly.

Student--A house, sir, that I hope I can live in with a clear conscience, which is indeed, sir, a house of serpents.

Percy--What house, you brat? You good-for-nothing brat, what house?

Student2--No, I beg you, sir, do not be angry with me, yet if you wish to get me in trouble, I can worm out of it.

Percy--What do you mean by that? Worm out of it, you saucy boy?

Student2--Why, sir, Slytherin.

Percy--You are a Slytherin, are you?

Student2--Yes sir, I--(is elbowed by another student, sick of his endless puns)

Penelope--But why are you not in your house today?

Why do you lead these students out on the grounds?

Student2--Honestly, sir, to fill their lungs with air and make more work for the teachers. But really, sir, we made this day a holiday to see Potter, and rejoice in his triumph.

Percy--Why rejoice? What conquest does he bring home?

What followers follow him to Hogwarts,

To grace in captive bonds his carriage-wheels?

You blockheads, you numbskulls, you less than senseless things!

O you hardhearted, cruel students of Hogwarts,

Don't you remember Tom Riddle? Many a time, and quite often,

You would climb up the walls and towers

To doors, windows, yes, even to rooftops,

Wands in your hands, and sat there

All day long, very patiently,

To see Riddle pass the castle and grounds;

And when you saw his carriage but appear

Did you not cry out as one

So that the lake trembled under its bank

To hear the echoes of your shouts

Made in her curved shores?

And do you now put on you dress robes?

And do you now make today a holiday?

And do you now lay down palm branches in the way of him

Who comes in triumph over Riddle's blood?

True, none of you knew Tom Riddle,

But your grandparents admired him.

Be gone!

Go back to your houses, fall on your knees,

And pray that God may intermit the plague

That needs must light on this ingratitude.

Penelope--Go, go, good students, and for this fault

Get together with all the people of your house;

Go to the banks of the lake, and cry real tears

Into the fjord, until the lowest stream

Lifts to the most high shores of all.

All the students go away, grumbling.

See how even their basic natures are affected;

They disappear, tongue-tied in their guilt.

Go that way towards the west wing,

I will go east. Disrobe the suits of armor

If you find them decorated with hats.

Percy--Can we do that?

You know it is the feast of Christmas.

Penelope--It doesn't matter. No images

Should be hung with Potter's trophies. I'll go about

And drive these people off of the grounds;

You do the same, where you see them too numerous.

These growing feathers plucked from Potter's wing

Will make him fly no higher than is normal,

When otherwise he would soar above men's sight

And keep us all in fear of his conquering. Exeunt.*

*Exeunt means that all actors leave the stage. It is commonly found at the end of the acts of Shakespeare's plays, and rather than change it I left it as is. The only times it is not there is if there is only one person left on stage at the time. It can be found in the middle of scenes too, but often accompanied by "except ___", or a particular group, such as "Exeunt all commoners".