Variations

Chapter 4: The Story of the Auror

"Take if off, old man."

Remus tried to look exasperated as he leaned over to pull off his sock and throw it on the table, but there was no real force behind it. He knew as well as she did that he'd lost that round, the same way he'd lost both his shoes. Tonks might have suggested to Remus that he consider his opponents before agreeing to raise the stakes in their game of poker, but she knew that it would be so endearingly funny to watch him worry about what he'd have to take off next that she'd held her tongue.

There was a rather unprecedented upset a hand later when Remus called Dung's bluff and took back his sock, which was replaced with Dung's shoe. The shoe hadn't been in the pot for more than thirty seconds, however, when Tonks, Remus, and Shacklebolt hit it with smell reducing charms almost simultaneously. Even with those in place, they were all quite grateful when Dung won it back. Tonks suspected that Shacklebolt may have facilitated that by folding on a hand that he otherwise might have won.

However, by far the most exciting transaction of the game occurred two hands later, when Remus lost rather spectacularly, and having already been relieved of his shoes and socks, had only his robes left to lose. Dung, who only upheld the rules when they didn't work to his detriment, was predictably eying Remus, waiting for him to get on with it. Shacklebolt was taking a drink from his coffee cup, but hadn't dealt the next hand yet, so was almost certainly waiting for the same thing as Dung. Remus, however, was looking at Tonks with a very hopeful expression, which left her in a rather prickly situation indeed.

Tonks had the unfortunate distinction of being the only one among them who knew exactly why Remus didn't want to take his robes off. Several months previous, an unexpected call to arms had forced them both to change from wizard robes to Muggle clothes in the same room. Remus had respectfully kept his back turned the entire time, but curiosity had attracted Tonks' attention to her companion. She'd counted fifteen scars on Remus' back before he pulled a shirt on. She had no intention of being the one to force him to put the rest of them on display. Still, some form of punishment was required, he'd been foolish enough to try and call Shacklebolt out of a bluff when he'd only had a pair of twos himself.

"You know," Tonks began idly, "those dishes don't do themselves."

Remus blinked, surprise etching his features, and Tonks knew he'd caught her meaning. Dung, however, was not quite so quick.

"What're yeh remindin' us for? Yeh're not evin allowed ter do 'em yerself, yeh broke so many o' them plates already."

"No more than you've stolen," Tonks scowled, forgetting herself, but Dung had touched a nerve.

"What do you say I do the dishes tonight," Remus suggested rapidly, before things got out of hand, "instead of having to take my robes off."

Dung and even Shacklebolt were looking unconvinced, so Tonks chimed in.

"I think robes are worth at least a week's worth of dishes."

Now it was Remus' turn to scowl.

"Fine," he muttered. "Deal the next hand."

It took a significant amount of self control for Tonks to mask her laughter when she deduced that Remus intended to reduce that sentence by winning a few hands.

However, she never got to find out just how many chores they could stick Remus with. Scarcely had the next hand been dealt when a ghostly silver cat leapt up on the table.

All at once, Tonks was no longer a witch enjoying a game of cards with her friends, she was an Auror, and the transformation was as dramatic as if she'd used her Metamorphmagus talents to change her face. Not even pausing long enough to right the chair she'd toppled as she stood, Tonks bounded out of the room.

That patronus was a cat, which meant that it came from Professor McGonagall, which meant that it came from Hogwarts. The list of reasons why the situation could be so bad that McGonagall wouldn't even have time to send her message via firecall was only one item long: Hogwarts was under attack. The list of reasons why Voldemort would attack Hogwarts was exceedingly short as well: Harry was there and Voldemort wished to end things once and for all.

The wizarding world had been at war in one form or another for Tonks' entire career as an Auror, so her brain began to analyze what she knew of the situation almost without her input. Loathe as she was to admit it, she had to admire Voldemort's timing. After two weeks without a single battle they'd begun to think the war was on hiatus, and now the Order was spread out beyond almost any hope of a speedy recovery. They should have known better, but all they could do now was organize everyone they could as quickly as possible.

She heard a soft pop as Shacklebolt Disapparated. Fortunately, she didn't need to ask to know that he'd gone to alert the Ministry and gather the Aurors.

Tonks grabbed the pot of Floo Powder off the mantle, dropped to her knees in front of the fire, and thrust a pinch of Floo Powder and her head into the flame. Her head emerged in the lobby of Saint Mungo's'

"Hey!" she yelled to the blissfully unaware people bustling about on their usual business, as was large ignored.

"I need some help!" she tried again, this time choosing the phrase that she knew would attract the most attention in a hospital.

Predictably, a passing Healer hurried over and asked, "Is someone hurt?"

"Someone's going to be," Tonks replied, "come down here." Quite aside from not wanting to cause a panic by shouting her next piece of information, she was rapidly growing tired of having to crane her neck to see anything above the Healer's knees.

"What's going on?" he asked, squatting down next to her.

"Hogwarts is being attacked, there's going to be a battle. You need to tell whoever's in charge so you'll be ready."

"We already know," the Healer replied.

"You what?" Tonks stumbled, thunderstruck.

"Professor McGonagall sent a message through the portrait of Dily Derwent," the Healer explained.

"Oh," Tonks breathed gratefully.

"Do what you need to do, we'll be ready here," the Healer assured her.

"Thanks," Tonks replied, feeling bolstered.

The feeling, however, was short lived, for the ease with which she had completed her first task was no gauge of how the rest of the battle would proceed. Without any further delay, Tonks pulled her head out of the fire.

She was reaching for her next pinch of Floo Powder when Remus said, "Let me do that, you need to get ready."

"That was Saint Mungo's," Tonks agreed.

"This is Hestia Jones," Remus replied, casting a final patronus.

Tonks felt a sudden pang as they traded places. Granted firecalls were more involved than sending out patronuses, but he'd made it more than half way through his list, while she'd only managed to contact one location. Still, neither one of them had time for expressions of either apology or gratitude.

Tonks hurried up the stairs to where the robes for her disguise were kept, casting patronuses as she went. Dividing her attention whilst running was usually a risky business, but she managed the trip without any serious mishaps.

Still casting patronuses, Tonks dedicated all the attention she could spare to pulling out a set of black Death Eater robes they'd captured along with Adrian Pucey several months previous. She always hated wearing these robes. No matter how many times she washed them, they still stank of blood and death and grime and made her wonder what atrocious acts their previous owner had committed while wearing them, but they were a necessary part of her disguise, and when she'd set off her last patronus she shrugged them on as quickly as she could.

When Tonks returned downstairs, tripping occasionally over the hem of a set of robes that wouldn't fit properly until she'd transformed her appearance, several people had already gathered in the living room and entrance way, but she was only interested in one of them. Remus was still kneeling with his head in the fire, so she knelt down beside him and placed a hand on his back to announce her presence. He responded by squeezing her knee.

Time was growing short, so it was fortunate that it only took Remus a minute to finish his conversation and pull his head out of the fire.

"I have to go," Tonks began, watching him study her face and robes.

"I know," Remus replied.

"This could be it," Tonks added, hoping it was true. Life as an Auror during a war had taught her to think of every day as her last, because it very well could be, but that was an exhausting philosophy and one she would happily reject when the war was over so she could finally get on with things.

"Seems like it," Remus said, gazing at her with such intensity that she began to wonder how much of her internal debate she had allowed to creep onto her face.

But the time had really and truly run out now, so, needing to hurry things along, Tonks leaned forward and kissed him. He responded with the gentle passion that usually marked these sorts of exchanges, communicating the goodbye that they never spoke aloud, just in case. It nearly made Tonks reconsider her next move, but in the end she simply could resist and set the few scraps of her mind that weren't currently occupied by their kiss to the task.

They pulled apart and Tonks opened her eyes just in time to watch Remus' reaction to her new appearance: a rank and file Death Eater. He yelped and jumped away before his senses caught up with him. Honestly, if his reactions weren't so cute she probably would have given up the trick by now, but even after six goes she still managed to catch him unawares.

"Be careful," Remus shot after Tonks as she stood to go.

"Don't die," Tonks replied.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Remus returned, turning back to the fire.

Without another word, Tonks school her features, readied her wand, and Apparated to Hogsmeade.

Her destination was a short distance from the Forbidden Forest, near the Shrieking Shack and far from the center of the village. As it transpired, this was a fortunate decision, for at the moment of her arrival, Hogsmeade was falling victim to an increasing downpour of rain, but nothing more sinister than that, and it was not her job to cause a panic or give a warning. Anyway, with rain came Dementors, and within a few minutes Hogsmeade already had all the warning it would get and all the panic it could handle.

Knowing that she would get no better chance to pass through the village unnoticed, Tonks started forward, running somewhat unsteadily on her long and unfamiliar legs. She nearly pulled up short when next she looked up from her feet and saw that Hogsmeade was putting up a woefully minimal resistance. If that was everyone present who could cast a patronus, then there weren't nearly enough of them. These Dementors were looking for souls, and if things continued this way then someone was going to get kissed.

Tonks nearly stopped to help, disguises be damned. She was an Auror; this is what she'd signed up to do, to defend the innocent when they couldn't defend themselves. That was what she would be doing if the war hadn't gotten in the way.

She stood frozen for a moment, teetering between saving Hogsmeade and saving Hogwarts, but in the end her stalemate was broken by an outside force.

"You coming or what?"

Tonks spun around to face the speaker and nearly forgot that she wasn't allowed to look surprised when she saw an impatient looking Death Eater. Behind him were three more Death Eaters, all looking unnaturally worn out and depressed, which led Tonks to suspect that it might have been these who guided the Dementors to Hogsmeade. How they had enough happy thoughts between them to do anything of the sort was quite beyond her, but someone had to have been responsible.

"Hey, are you listening to me?"

"What?" Tonks asked with a genuine start. "Er, no, it's these damn Dementors."

"Yeah, don't I know it," the Death Eater agreed. "What's your name?"

"Moriarty," Tonks replied immediately. It was a name she'd found in one of her Father's books and had taken to using as an alias among the Death Eaters. Interestingly, she had yet to meet a Death Eater familiar with Sherlock Holmes."

"I'm Dolohov," the Death Eater replied. "You got a first name, Moriarty?"

"Calyn," Tonks supplied. "Was it you who cursed that Granger girl a few years back?" Even playing a Death Eater, Tonks was unwilling to call Hermione a Mudblood.

"It was," Dolohov said, looking sickeningly proud. "Did you get lost?"

"Yeah," Tonks admitted convincingly. "I forgot where I was supposed to go, so I came here, thought it would be the best place to find someone."

"Pretty and stupid," Dolohov laughed. "You can stand by me."

Tonks' wand hand twitched, but the sleeves of her robes were still a bit long and he seemed not to notice.

"We're headed to Hogsmeade Station, if you'd like to-"

Tired of his patronizing, Tonks didn't wait for him to finish, she simply Disapparated.

She appeared immediately on the platform of Hogsmeade station with Dolohov a few seconds behind her.

"Now see here!" Dolohov exclaimed.

"Aren't we supposed to be getting to Hogwarts?" Tonks interrupted before he could begin his rant.

"Fine," he replied gruffly. "Gents, lady, in we go."

Trailing the group by a few paces, it was a moment before Tonks realized that Dolohov was referring to the lake. He intended to swim across, and expected them to follow. Fleetingly, Tonks considered Apparating back to Grimmauld place for a Portkey, but if she disappeared now she would only raise the suspicions of this group of Death Eaters and make things even more difficult for herself on the inside, so, steeling herself, she dove in after them.

The lake was vast, the water was cold, the rain was dense, the robes were heavy, and her bubble-head charm was out of practice, but Tonks swam doggedly on. She longed to kick off her shoes and swim at least somewhat unencumbered, but dared not, she'd need them for running, although that was rapidly becoming a moot point. At this rate, by the time they reached shore she might just have enough energy to heave herself out of the water, although, to her benefit, the Death Eaters didn't seem to be fairing much better. Tonks made a mental note to suggest that swimming be added to Auror training and the recommended daily exercises of the Auror ranks. She certainly wouldn't have minded having the benefit of knowing beforehand just how energy consuming it is to swim while fully clothed.

They had to have been at least half way across the lake by now, though it was difficult to judge. Tonks hadn't taken this round since she was a first year, when she rode a boat from the train to Hogwarts at the beginning of the term and back again at the end. Now she was swimming that way as a Death Eater, or looking like one, at least. If Remus was here, he might have remarked on the poetic symmetry of the situation, and she might have dunked him and his iambic pentameter. This was no time for symbology; this was a time for swimming.

They were nearing the end, now. One of the Death Eaters ahead, no doubt longing for dry land just as much as Tonks, had lit his wand for a split second and in the dizzying flash of light Tonks had caught a glimpse of the bottom of the lake, not two meters below them. Five minutes later they'd all washed up on shore.

The land wasn't particularly dry, thanks to the rain, but it was solid and Tonks wasn't feeling very picky beyond that. After allowing her rubbery limbs a few moments to recover, Tonks forced herself to crawl to the relative shelter and seclusion of the nearby beech tree. It wasn't until she was there and certain she was alone that Tonks finally removed her bubble-head charm. She'd discovered during Auror training that having her attention entirely on her movements, especially for long periods of time, tended to do strange things to her appearance. She'd eventually trained herself to avoid the problem, but swimming wasn't something she was accustomed to and the last thing she needed was for the Death Eaters to catch her looking like someone else or wearing two noses and three eyeballs. However, a quick inspection revealed that her disguise had made it through the swim unscathed. Not even her hair had changed color.

When Dolohov came by a minute later, Tonks still wasn't feeling quite up for joining the fight, but was in no position to ask for more time, so she gamely allowed him to pull her to her feet. Naturally, it was only then that she realized, somewhere along the way, her right leg had grown a bit longer than her left.

"Something wrong?" Dolohov sneered when she stumbled on her already fatigued and now mismatched legs.

"No," Tonks grunted, thinking fast. "My bloody leg's gone and seized up, is all."

"Not much of a swimmer, are you?" Dolohov said, watching as she leaned against the tree to stretch out her leg.

"Not really," Tonks replied. Of course, stretching her leg was entirely pointless, but she couldn't correct the real problem until Dolohov looked away. As her luck would have it, he didn't seem terribly inclined to do that.

"When's the last time you went swimming, anyway?"

"Not since before the war, and if you ask me what I was wearing I swear to Merlin I will curse you, Dark Lords and fights be damned," Tonks countered, anticipating his next question.

He looked for a moment like he might try and call her out of a bluff, but Tonks pulled out her wand and he seemed to think better of it.

"Let's go!" Dolohov called, turning to the castle and finally giving Tonks the chance to return her leg to its proper length.

The front doors offered no resistance, apparently having been forced open one time too many already. They also found no resistance in the Entrance Hall, at least not because of any defenders, though they still had a reason to stop.

The Entrance Hall was in shambles. If Tonks hadn't known better she might have wondered if they'd broken into the wrong castle. It looked as though some epic battle had taken place here. She wished she couldn't, but thanks to her Auror training, Tonks had only to look at the lay of the bodies to guess at how the two sides had arranged themselves, some of the strategies they'd used, and which side had one. She tried to distract herself by taking extra care when she dried her robes, but it was no use, Remus was supposed to have been one of the people defending the Entrance Hall.

"Will you look at this," Dolohov said, sounding awestruck, which was not at all the sort of inflection Tonks wanted to hear from him. Concerned, Tonks stopped searching the fallen, looking for Remus, and had to bite her tongue to keep herself from crying out when she saw who Dolohov had just kicked over: there was no mistaking that scarred old figure.

"Mad-Eye Moody," Dolohov said, sounding sickeningly gleeful. "Look where your constant vigilance has gotten you now. And to think we were almost beginning to believe that you wouldn't be caught dead at the wrong end of a killing curse."

He paused a moment to grin at his own joke.

"Who did this to you?" Dolohov continued, kneeling down next to Moody's body. "If only it could have been me. Thirteen years I spent in Azkaban thanks to you, now I don't even get to have my revenge. What do you know, he's still warm."

It was almost more than Tonks could stand, to watch as Moody, hero among the Aurors, her mentor, was spoken about in such a manner. More even than when Dolohov was making his ceaseless passes at her, Tonks wanted to drop her act and put an end to him. However, that would have been against her mission and therefore against what she'd learned as an Auror, an affront to what Moody stood for and something she simply couldn't do while his poor body was lying there in front of her.

"Shouldn't we be going?" Tonks prompted instead, her voice far less controlled than it should have been.

"Yeah, yeah," Dolohov agreed reluctantly, straightening up. "Come on, we've got places to be."

However, Dolohov was not quite finished yet. Tonks gasped and looked away, but was not quick enough to plug her ears against the sound of Dolohov's cruel kick to Moody's ribs. Fortunately, he, and the others who copied his movements as they passed, seemed to be enjoying themselves too much to notice her change in character.

Tonks was so shaken that she spent the next few minutes in a state of agitated distraction that would have made her quite useless had a situation arisen that required her attention. Try as she might to focus on where she was and what she was doing, she repeatedly found her thoughts turning inward. She was aware that Moody's undoing was not an isolated case, but was it the fate that awaited her? To spend decades in the service, then a few years in honest retirement only to be thrust back into action, then left behind by those on her own side, who were too busy fighting a war to deal with the dead, and then be defiled by her opposition. If she died there, that night, wearing the face of a Death Eater with a name stolen from a novel, would anyone recognize her as Nymphadora Tonks? Would she be buried in some mass Death Eater grave? Would her parents, would Remus, spend the rest of their lives wondering what happened to her? It was hardly the glorious fight for justice she'd imagined when she'd decided to join the Aurors.

Tonks snapped out of her reverie just long enough to see someone's head poke out of a hole in the ground behind a nearby suit of armor. Tonks blinked, wondering what she'd seen. The head had disappeared but the hole had not, and now that she'd had a moment to process the sight, Tonks was relatively certain that it had been Professor McGonagall's head before.

"I think I heard something!" Tonks hissed, pointing in a direction that would lead them away from the hole, rattling off the first reason for them to look away that came to mind.

She jogged ahead of the group as quietly as she could; trying to look as though she really was listening for something. Since she hadn't been paying attention on the way there, Tonks didn't know precisely where they were, but she turned down the nearest hallway, hoping that it wasn't a dead end. As quickly as she could, so the Death Eaters wouldn't notice her use of magic, Tonks flicked her wand, causing a door at the opposite end of the hall to open and slam shut. The sound echoed back just as the other Death Eaters rounded the corner to join her.

Entirely convinced now, the Death Eaters put on a burst of speed. Tonks, however, hung back and glanced behind her to find McGonagall and Remus watching her retreat. Tonks placed a finger to her lips, and then hurried to catch up with Dolohov and the others. When she did, they weren't in very good moods. They were searching all over the area where she'd made the noise with no success.

"Damn blighter must have got away."

"I didn't see anyone escaping, there's only one way out of these classrooms."

"Well, if he was hiding somewhere we would have found him by now."

"Enough!" Dolohov shouted, sounding very short tempered indeed. "He's not here, let's go."

So they went. Tonks still had no idea where their destination was, but Dolohov led them up several flights of stairs. Tonks' journey was complicated by the occasional run in with Order members or Death Eaters, but she managed, very narrowly in some cases, to nudge any fights in favor of the Order without raising the suspicions of the Death Eaters. However, on a staircase between the fifth and sixth floors she encountered a situation that required a rather dramatic change in tactics.

One moment, she and the Death Eaters were alone on their staircase, the next they weren't. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had appeared from out of nowhere, looking quite prepared to fight. Tonks had barely a second to react. She narrowly sidestepped a curse from Ron, then turned around and dropped the nearest Death Eater with a stunning charm. If the newcomers were shocked at her abrupt change in sides, they didn't show it. Not so admirable was the way that they insisted continuing in the fight once they'd won a way past the Death Eaters.

"Get out of here!" Tonks yelled at them, dueling with another Death Eater, and when she finally got a chance to look back, they had gone.

However, Tonks had no time to feel relief, one of them had managed to stun a Death Eater, but there were still two left and they were both looking at her with murderous expressions. She had to duel them both, and it quickly became obvious that they had something sinister in mind. It was a minute before she found out what it was.

The two Death Eaters barely glanced at each other, then both simultaneously cast the same spell at her. She recognized them as disarming spells and had only long enough to do one thing: she tossed her wand into the air a moment before the spells met her.

It was a risky tactic that Tonks had once seen used to great effect in a practice duel between Kingsley Shacklebolt and Mad-Eye Moody. The idea was that, while she was still losing contact with her wand, at least she was in control of where it went. Unfortunately for Tonks, in her case control was a relative thing, and where it went was right over the banister.

However, her mistake had one advantage. While the Death Eaters were still advancing on her, it was obvious that they found her position just amusing enough to be distracting, and Tonks used that distraction to kick the legs out from under Dolohov as soon as he was in striking distance. He fell heavily, cracking his head on a stair. She knocked down the other Death Eater with a few punches to the stomach and a sharp kick to the temple. As soon as she'd assured herself that the last Death Eater truly was unconscious, Tonks rushed to the banister.

"Bollocks," she spat, leaning over to try and see where her wand had fallen, but the nearest landing was three levels below and her wand was too small to spot.

Brilliant, losing her wand in the middle of a battle, she'd seen would-be Aurors thrown out of training for less. For once actually grateful for her disguise, Tonks knelt down next to Dolohov, intending to use his wand to summon her own, but the moment her fingers made contact with the wood they received a sudden shock.

"Bollocks," Tonks repeated, shaking out her tingling hand. Leave it to the Death Eaters to use an old Auror trick. Unless she met someone friendly and, furthermore, someone who would recognize her despite her changed appearance, she'd have to walk all the way back downstairs to retrieve her wand.

Tonks sighed and peered over the banister again, memorizing the place where her wand should have fallen, then hurried off downstairs, putting on an extra burst of speed a few steps later when she realized that three stories was a rather long way for a thin strip of wood to fall. If it landed the wrong way...

She knew better than to hope that she might make her journey without encountering anyone, but when Bellatrix Lestrange appeared at the opposite end of a hallway that Tonks had already traveled too far down to disappear from, she couldn't help but note that there were very few people that she would rather have avoided.

Trying to accentuate the fact that she was in a tearing hurry, and more than a little worried for her sanity (the sad case of the Longbottoms and her esteemed Aunt's involvement in it was deeply entrenched in both Auror and Order lore), Tonks broke into a jog. Wandless and vulnerable, Tonks couldn't have been less prepared for this encounter if Bellatrix had walked in on her while she was in the loo. However, as she and Bellatrix drew level and then passed each other, Tonks began to think that she might escape after all.

"I don't believe we've had the pleasure."

Tonks slowed to a halt, stomach plummeting. She'd been so close.

"Sorry?" she asked as politely as she could muster, turning back.

"We've never been introduced," Bellatrix replied with a regal air, still facing the opposite direction.

"You're Mrs. Lestrange, aren't you?" Tonks feigned. "Your reputation precedes you."

"What I meant was," Bellatrix said, finally turning around. Tonks wished she hadn't. "I haven't met you."

"Calyn Moriarty," Tonks replied with genuine exacerbation laced with genuine fear. Surely Bellatrix didn't interrogate every unfamiliar Death Eater she met. Had Tonks really shown her colors so quickly?

"Moriarty, that's an unusual name," Bellatrix continued. "Not, unless I am very much mistaken, one of the pure-blood houses."

"My father was Muggle-born," Tonks replied steadily.

"I see," Bellatrix said with a sniff. "And your mother's maiden name?"

"Er," Tonks faltered, caught. She wracked her brains for a pure-blood name that Bellatrix wouldn't be intimately familiar with and came up blank. However, Bellatrix didn't force the question, yet, at least.

"The name sounds familiar," Bellatrix said instead.

"I think my father once mentioned that his Uncle tried to run for Prime Minister," Tonks improvised, knowing it was hopeless. "You may have read about it in the papers."

"No, that can't be it," Bellatrix continued, "because I seem to remember by sister telling me about a character by the name of Moriarty, in a book she read with her Muggle-born boyfriend."

"Oh?" Tonks replied, trying to sound interested in spite of her increasing dread. Why was Bellatrix drawing this out? Bellatrix might like this game, but subtlety had never been one of Tonks' strengths, and she knew she was only making things worse for herself as time went one.

"Quite a coincidence, I'll agree. Interestingly, again according to my sister, this Moriarty was supposed to be something of a criminal mastermind," Bellatrix said, making Tonks all the more concerned about the woman's point, whenever she got to it. "That same sister now has a daughter, who happens to be a Metamorphmagus, but you'd know all about that, wouldn't you, Nymphadora?"

Tonks tensed, ready for an attack, but Bellatrix's pronouncement, now that she'd made it, was amazingly benign. In fact, if Tonks looked hard enough she could almost see something like pride etched in Bellatrix's sunken features.

"I knew you'd come around eventually," Bellatrix said with an eerie smile, placing a hand on Tonks' shoulder (it took all of Tonks' self control to keep from flinching away). "I can understand you wanting to keep it secret from Andromeda and those Aurors you've taken up with, but you could have told me."

Tonks blinked.

"I know," Tonks responded a second too late, but she'd needed that second just to compute what Bellatrix had said. To be given all the damning evidence she'd ever need and then fall so utterly wide of the mark; it was beyond illogical, it was insane. Azkaban must have unhinged Bellatrix more than her file at the Auror office supposed. "I should have told you, but I was so worried that my joining the Death Eaters would get back to someone that I decided not to tell anyone who I really was."

"You'll find that we do not take well to secrets," Bellatrix advised her sagely. "As soon as this battle is over you should go to the Dark Lord and give him your true identity. It will be much worse for you if he discovers it on his own."

"I understand," Tonks replied. "I should go; I was on my way to..."

Tonks trailed off, suddenly unable to invent anything she was supposed to be doing that wouldn't reverse Bellatrix's estimation of her.

"Of course," Bellatrix agreed immediately, seeming not to notice Tonks' lapse. "I have important business myself."

Tonks turned to go, but Bellatrix grabbed her arm. For a moment, Tonks thought that was it, that Bellatrix was about to reveal that she'd been having her on the entire time, but then Bellatrix pulled her into a hug. Abruptly, Bellatrix was Tonks' aunt and Tonks was Bellatrix's niece again, but then the illusion wore off and Tonks remembered that Bellatrix hadn't been her aunt since she was five years old and, more than any other time during their conversation, she wished she had her wand.

Just as suddenly as the hug had started, Tonks was released and Bellatrix stalked off, leaving Tonks to go her own way, shaking slightly with nerves and shock.

The rest of Tonks' journey to the place where her wand had fallen wasn't nearly so interesting, and she was extremely grateful for that, though not as grateful as she was when she finally found her wand, quite intact, having landed on a fallen tapestry. Tonks vowed to find someone to put an unbreakable charm on her wand the minute she made it out of this battle.

Far sooner than she would have preferred, Tonks happened upon another group of Death Eaters and invited herself to join them. However, this didn't last very long either; for she hadn't even gotten the chance to hinder a single one of their operations by the time she was pulled out of their ranks by none other than Severus Snape.

He half pulled, half carried her into a nearby classroom, and it was only when he released her that she found her feet again.

"Nymphadora," Snape said mildly, no doubt using her cumbersome first name in an attempt to further infuriate her.

"What do you want, traitor?" Tonks replied angrily, pointing her wand at his chest, but even as she did this she couldn't help but notice that his wand was nowhere in sight.

"To warn you," Snape replied, taking Tonks by surprise. "You need to get far away from here as quickly as you can."

"Why should I do that?" Tonks demanded. "Do you Death Eaters have some secret trap back here?" She almost wished she hadn't asked, for if they did then he certainly wouldn't tell her, and that was exactly the sort of thing she was supposed to be investigating.

"The Dark Lord is approaching," Snape explained. Even angry as she was, Tonks couldn't help the shock, fear, and surprise that coursed through her at that pronouncement. "Your disguise might have convinced those you were traveling with, but you did not fool me and you will not fool him."

"How do you know he's coming?" Tonks asked.

"I am drawing the Dark Lord here. I believe Potter was about to happen upon the Dark Lord unprepared. I hope to give Potter enough time to think of a plan so he can finish this."

But that didn't make any sense at all. From the sound of things, Snape had half a mind to sacrifice himself in order to give Harry a chance, but that wasn't the sort of thing dirty rotten turncoats often did for the side they'd turned against.

"But, why are you warning me?" Tonks said, voicing the one question she could put to words at the moment.

"Use your brain. The Dark Lord would not be interested in me if he thought me trustworthy and I would not be helping Potter if I wanted the Dark Lord to succeed."

"But, Dumbledore..."

"There's no time to explain," Snape said hurriedly.

"Then be quick."

"The Dark Lord's orders for Draco forced his hand, as did my Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa. He thought my position and Draco's life were more important than his own, so he asked me to do it, ordered me to, and, in the end, begged me to. I had no choice. Are you happy?"

"No," Tonks replied, mind spinning. Had she really been so wrong in her estimation of Snape, had they all been? She wished to interrogate him further, but he'd said they were running out of time, and all his faults he genuinely seemed to wish her no harm, so she turned to go.

"Wait."

"I thought you wanted me to get out of here," Tonks said shortly.

"Then be quick," Snape replied. "How's Draco."

"What?" Tonks asked, surprised by his concern.

"I know you remain in contact with your mother."

"He's fine," Tonks replied after a moment's contemplation. "He and my Dad didn't get along so well until they realized they were both cheering for the same side during the Wasps Cannons game last week. Last I heard my Mum was teaching him how to cook. Apparently he's got something of a knack for it; my Mum seemed excited. I was a bit of a hopeless case."

"Thanks," Snape replied, looking relieved, and this time he let Tonks leave.

When Tonks reached the hallway she was feeling so confused and conflicted about Snape's confession and his concern for Draco that she nearly missed the Auror going by, but then she blinked and realized that it really had been Dawlish who'd passed her. Fighting off the urge to let him go and find out what was down there on his own; Tonks rushed back and grabbed hold of his wand wrist.

"Don't go that way."

Dawlish tried to wave his wand, but she arrested the movement before he could accomplish anything.

"You-Know-Who is down that corridor," Tonks explained, remembering that Dawlish was one of the few Aurors who refused by call Voldemort by his name, but her euphemism didn't stop all the color from draining out of his face.

"Why are you telling me?"

Tonks sighed. Everyone else seemed to be able to see through her disguise. Leave it to Dawlish to be the only one who couldn't.

"It's Tonks," she whispered.

Dawlish looked at her like he was certain that couldn't be the case, but a moment later a visible flash of understanding crossed his face.

"Just keep off this floor," Tonks added, releasing his wrist and dashing off herself.

She ran down the next staircase she found and hurried on. Large groups of Death Eaters were growing harder to find as the teams they started in were disrupted by war. Being privy to no news from her own side, Tonks could only hope that her fellow Aurors and Order members were fairing better, though if the still forms strewn about the hallways were any indication, they were not.

Her disguise seemed to have grown almost useless now, and Tonks was considering changing back to her usual appearance and facing the fight as an Auror when she heard a terrible scream of pain echoing from behind a tapestry. Heart pounding, she ripped the tapestry aside and found a hidden passageway that had escaped her attention while she was at school. Giving no thought to where it might lead, Tonks rushed inside.

The screams grew nearer, but no louder. Someone was being tortured horribly, mercilessly, and he was weakening. At last, the passage ended at another tapestry and Tonks burst through. Not three steps away, the two Carrows siblings both had their wands on a writhing Sturgis Podmore, though they lifted their curses when they saw her.

"Who're you?" the brother demanded.

"Calyn Moriarty," Tonks replied, narrowing her eyes and trying a new tactic. "I'm sure we've been introduced. You're the Carrows, Alecto and Amycus."

"If we had met, I'm sure I'd remember," Amycus said threateningly.

"Then I suppose your reputation precedes you," Tonks offered. This really wasn't going anything like she'd planned. "I was looking for a bit of fun and I heard you torturing this man..."

The two siblings exchanged unconvinced looks and Tonks suddenly realized that she'd given them one idea too many.

"What an interesting thought, Moriarty," Alecto said, staring at Tonks, who had to work very hard not to fidget.

"Why don't you join us," Amycus continued. "In fact, why don't you start?"

"He hasn't done anything to me," Tonks tried, glancing at Podmore, her blood running cold. His eyes were still bulging from his last encounter with Cruciatus.

"He opposes the Dark Lord," Alecto said. "That should be enough for anyone who claims to be in our Master's service."

The implication was clear and Tonks was stuck. The Carrows' attentions and wands were fully on her now, she couldn't expect to fight them both and survive. She needed a distraction, but none seemed forthcoming, save the one she could make for herself. She'd already hesitated too long. If she continued like this they would both die. If she caused Podmore a few seconds pain, just a few seconds, she might be able to save them both.

She had no desire to torture Podmore, and Cruciatus required intent. Maybe that would spare him. Tonks took a deep breath, steeling herself. This could save them both.

"Crucio."

Podmore screamed and she heard it in her ears and in her head. She felt his pain in her wand and at once wondered what she'd done and why she hadn't done it before. Then Podmore screamed louder and Tonks realized that the Carrows had joined her. This was her chance to end it, but some terrible, dark corner of her mind didn't want to, because that corner had felt power, and liked it, and that was all the more reason to end this.

Before Tonks had even considered her plan, Alecto was blown into the nearest wall and crumpled to the floor, bleeding from his nose and ears, his eyes wide and blank. Amycus realized what happened a second sooner than Tonks had hoped and was ready when Tonks sent a similar spell in her direction.

The resulting duel was almost faster than Tonks could think. Amycus didn't seem to care exactly what kind of damage she did to her opponent and Tonks was hard put to cast the proper shields or dodge the right direction as spell after spell bore down on her. Tonks won in the end, however, dodging when she otherwise might have used a shield and casting a banishing charm on Amycus' legs instead. The Death Eater fell immediately, breaking her nose on the stone floor, and was stunned a second later. Tonks conjured bonds on both Death Eaters and hurried to help Podmore. He'd stopped screaming when the spells were released, but Tonks could still hear his voice in her head and wondered if she always would.

She conjured a glass and the water to fill it, but Podmore knocked it weakly out of her grasp when she offered it to him.

"It's Tonks," she said, realizing he didn't know. "I'm sorry I had to do that, they would have killed us both otherwise. Let me help you, this is just water."

He accepted the glass this time and she helped him take a sip out of it. This set him coughing, but when he recovered he seemed a bit better for it.

"I'll help you to the Hospital Wing," Tonks offered, moving to pull Podmore to his feet.

"No," Podmore replied, his voice raspy. "You need to get back to the fight. Just give me my wand."

Tonks nodded and summoned Podmore's wand, which came flying out of one on Alecto's pockets. Handing it over, she said, "There's a hidden passage just over there, if you'd like to wait in there until you're feeling better."

Podmore nodded, so Tonks pulled him to his rubbery legs and helped him behind the tapestry. She wanted to ask once more if there was anything she could do, but he shooed her off, so off she went.

Podmore's screams were still in Tonks' head, his pain was still in her wand, there was still a corner of her mind that liked it, and five minutes later she happened upon the one thing that could make it all worse.

There was a still form lying a few meters down the hallway, broken and bleeding and unmistakable. Stifling a cry, Tonks rushed to Remus' side. He took one look at her and tried weakly to move away, and she finally removed her disguise.

"You're okay, you're okay," Tonks whispered, surveying his injuries, his broken legs, the blood leaking from his mouth and ears, and not really believing her words even as she said them. "I'm here, I've got you, just hold on, you're okay."

She pulled out her wand, but her knowledge of healing spells was limited, certainly unequal to injuries like these. Everything she tried seemed to make things worse, if they did anything at all, and now that she'd started, she couldn't seem to stop repeating her mantra, "You're okay, you're okay."

"Tonks," Remus said. He seemed to be reaching for something, so she took his hand.

"It's okay, I'm here. I just need to get you back to the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomphrey will fix you up in no time." She was lying, and he seemed to know it.

"Tonks."

"I'll just need some help to get you there..."

"Tonks."

"...maybe I could trick a few Death Eaters." The desperate plan was already forming in her mind.

"Nymphadora."

"Don't call me that." Too many times she'd been called Nymphadora that night, and not once had it lead to anything pleasant.

"You weren't answering to the other one. You can't save me. Just go and help Harry."

"I'm not going to give up on you," Tonks cried desperately, but she was more troubled by the fact that he already seemed to have given up on himself.

"I tricked Harry," Remus said, as though he'd been meaning to admit that for some time. "He trusted me, enough to tell me about the prophecy, he hadn't even told Arthur and Molly, and I tricked him."

"How so?" Tonks asked, sensing that this was something he dearly wanted to get off his chest.

"I made him think I'd died so he'd leave me here and do what he needed to do."

"I guess he'll be a happy guy when he finds you alive later," Tonks replied.

"We both know that's not going to happen."

"Don't say that," Tonks replied, leaning over to kiss him.

"Don't!" Remus exclaimed, forcing her away. "You can't get my blood in your mouth."

"I don't care," Tonks cried. Her tears fell onto his face and she used the sleeve of her robe to wipe them off.

"I do, I won't have you making a legacy of yourself by carrying on my curse."

"It's not fair," Tonks cried. He was dying and all she wanted to do was kiss him, but she couldn't even do that. There didn't seem to be a single place on him that wasn't covered in blood.

"Who said anything about fair," Remus replied. "I tricked Harry; I never would have tried it with James. It was very Slytherin of me."

"This war will make Slytherins of all of us," Tonks said, sounding wiser than she felt.

"To know thy enemy..."

He trailed off and Tonks grew afraid that he might have slipped away, but she looked down at him and found him looking expectantly up at her, as though he expected her to finish his sentence. Now that she thought about it, it did sound vaguely familiar, but she couldn't think of the rest.

"Say hi to Sirius for me," she blurted instead.

"Will do," Remus replied. "Don't miss me for too long, alright? You deserve to find someone else."

"I'll always miss you," Tonks said, suddenly sounding very cliché and deciding to have a bit of fun and continue, "but I'll have the moon to remember you by."

"Not the moon," Remus groaned. "Anything but the moon."

"Oh, alright," Tonks replied, making it sound as though she had no idea that Remus wasn't fond of the moon. "I suppose there's always that bonsai tree you killed. What did you name it? Joey?"

"Alright, not anything," Remus said. "And leave Joey out of it." That plant was still a bit of a sore subject for him, mostly because she had yet to let him live it down.

"I've been meaning to tell you what happened at dinner the other night, when you were on duty here," Tonks said after casting around a minute for a new subject.

"Don't you have places you need to be?" Remus replied with a cough.

"I'm not going anywhere," Tonks said firmly. "Do you want to hear the story or not."

"I already heard a bit," Remus admitted. "Dung mentioned Molly's legendary wrath."

"That's not even the half of it," Tonks replied, biting back a laugh.

"Let's hear the rest, then," Remus sighed.

Tonks was afraid to move him even enough to place his head on her lap, so she settled for stroking his hair as she began the story.

"So, it was me, Dung, Molly, Arthur and-"

"Fred and George," Remus interrupted knowledgably.

"Naturally," Tonks continued. "So this was just a little after all the battles stopped, and Molly got it in her head to have a little celebration at headquarters for whoever happened to be around. She must've spent all afternoon on that dinner, but she didn't seem to count on-"

"Fred and George having their own idea of what makes a celebration," Remus said.

"You'd think she'd have learned by now," Tonks agreed, "though in her defense they did show up unannounced. Anyway, they thought it would be a grand idea to-"

"Test some of their new products," Remus finished.

"How much of this story did Dung tell you?" Tonks asked.

"Hardly any," Remus replied. "You forget that I taught those two for a year."

"I suppose that would do it," Tonks admitted. "Were they really that bad?"

"According to most teachers they were," Remus explained. "Filch was legendary among the staff for his rants about them, but they seemed to take something of a shine to me."

"Can't imagine why," Tonks laughed, giving him a gentle nudge.

"They remind me a little of James and Sirius," Remus confirmed. "So what did they do?"

"I've got no idea how they came up with this, but they made this potion that you can pour on anything, and when you touch it the object gets transfigured into something else," Tonks explained, "so they decided to put some in the food.

"Dung was the first to try it. He pokes his fork into this delicious looking steak and kidney pie, and the next thing you know it's a chocolate cake. Now Dung doesn't seem to mind that so much either, but when he tries to take a bite out of that it turns into a plate of Chinese food, then bangers and mash. By now Dung's getting pretty angry, because he's seen three delicious meals go by and hasn't gotten a bite of any of them, so he pretty much jumps on that mash, which chose that time to turn into fireworks.

"At that point I was none the wiser, but when those fireworks went off I started to think that there might be some Death Eater sabotage going on, at least until I saw Fred and George practically hyperventilating because they're trying so hard not to laugh.

"So by now Molly's just about figured out what's going on, but you know Arthur, either he figured that Fred and George were just picking on Dung, or he wanted to see what his food would turn into, so he picks up his fork, touches his pie, and it becomes a plate full of frogs.

"I actually didn't quite see what happened next, because I'd...er...fallen off my chair..."

"Now that I'd like to hear about," Remus said.

"Nothing special, really, just the usual, me being clumsy, and not expecting one of the frogs to come jumping straight at me."

"Uh huh," Remus sighed.

"It was huge!" Tonks exclaimed defensively. "Anyway, by now it's chaos. Arthur's frogs are all over the place, and some of them set off Molly's plate, which turned into butterflies, and mine, which became this horrible smelling potion, and Dung's fireworks still hadn't gone away. Molly's figured out what's going on by now, so she's yelling at Fred and George, who've given up trying not to laugh. In the midst of all of this, I go to sit back down, but one of them must have gotten my chair while I was on the floor, because suddenly it's a pony and not a chair and it starts carrying me all around the kitchen. And the frogs have started going after the butterflies, but those turn into cats, which go after the frogs, which turn into dogs and start chasing the cats, so then Fred..."

Tonks paused. Remus' eyes had slipped closed.

"Come on, old man, you can't fall asleep on me now, I haven't even gotten to the best part yet," Tonks admonished him, shaking him gently, but there was no reaction.

"Remus?" Tonks asked, concerned. She'd gotten so engrossed in her own story that she'd nearly forgotten that he was slowly dying beside her, but it all came crashing back now. Desperately, she searched for breath, for a pulse, and found none, not even after she tried a reviving spell.

"Remus!" Tonks shouted, tears forming in her eyes.

She grabbed his broken and twisted leg and wrenched it back into place. He didn't even flinch. He was really gone.

Crying freely now, Tonks nearly kissed his still lips, only stopping herself when she remembered him forbidding her to before. Lycanthropy seemed a fitting punishment for her actions that night, but still she restrained herself. Their last kiss had been that afternoon, and she'd played that stupid transforming trick. That seemed a lifetime ago, maybe two.

A sudden thought occurred to Tonks and she looked up, half hoping to see a ghost of Remus, ethereal and transparent but still there, smiling down at her, asking to hear the rest of her story. But he wasn't there and she realized that it was an entirely selfish idea and banished it as best she could.

Tonks had no idea what to do now, with Remus gone. Even the war that had run her life for the past three years made no sense anymore without Remus' quiet and calm wisdom to guide her through it. She couldn't help feeling alone, and even a little betrayed, but they'd both broken their words to each other: she hadn't been careful, and he'd died.

Abruptly, she could stand it there no longer, so she stood up and left, not registering where she was going until she felt rain on her skin and realized that her feet had carried her outside. Supposing that was as good a place as any, she continued, making for the gate to leave the grounds.

Several times, she tripped over the overly long hem of her robes, and, finally tiring of that, she pulled out her wand and cut them to length. She scarcely cared about the quality of the job: she wouldn't be wearing these robes again. She gone into Hogwarts dressed as a Death Eater and spent far too much time inside acting like one. And that corner, there was still that horrible corner that enjoyed it.

Tonks couldn't believe herself, she couldn't understand herself, and she couldn't trust herself. She knew the student who'd tried to murder Dumbledore was living with her parents and she hadn't turned him in, she'd tortured Podmore, she hadn't even gotten help for Remus. No wonder Bellatrix had believed Tonks had turned to the Death Eaters.

She reached the gate, stepped outside, and Apparated directly to her flat, ripping off the ruined robes and pulling on her own.

Her intentions might have been pure, but those intentions had still given Podmore the full force of a Cruciatus curse. All those Aurors who'd thought she couldn't be trusted because of her family, it turned out they'd been right all along.

She felt like a different person from the girl who'd gone into Hogwarts hoping to help the side of the light in the final battle against Voldemort, and the only person she trusted to bring that other Tonks back was gone forever. If they heard of her plight, there was no doubt that her parents or Molly Weasley or Kingsley Shacklebolt or Bellatrix Lestrange would try to help her along to their favored side, but Tonks couldn't accept their input for something such as this. Remus was the only one who would let her find her own way, help her along when she wanted it or needed it, stay away when she didn't, and always be a ready shoulder, but he was gone and she'd have to make her own way.

Her mind made up, Tonks packed a bag, just some clothes, money, and food, and Apparated to the farthest place she could thing of. Let them think she'd died, or turned, she intended to stay there until she'd banished that horrible corner, or succumbed to it, but already she had the idea that she'd like to banish it.