Drifting

Chapter 6: Deciphering the Messages

"I will never know myself until I do this on my own,

And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed

I will never be anything till I break away from me

And I will break away

I'll find myself today,"

Linkin Park, Somewhere I Belong

~*~

Draco studied Harry intently for the rest of the week. He still hadn't figured out what the other boy's words had meant earlier but he'd been afraid to ask him. Harry seemed to have shrunken into himself. He did not eat at lunch; he'd always just be sleeping by the creek.

When Hermione had attempted to talk to him, he lashed out at her. He yelled at her, venting all of his anger at her, and he managed to bring Hermione to tears. Draco had decided to intervene at this point, saying that Hermione had only been trying to see what was wrong because he'd seemed so distant lately. Harry had run off after that. Draco had a strong feeling he'd gone back to the creek.

This time though, Draco wasn't about to just let him go. He followed Harry silently until, as expected, he reached the edge of the creek. The other boy looked up at him with vibrant forest green eyes. Draco thought, almost amused, that Harry could hide his facial expressions so well but his eyes gave everything away.

"How did I let it slip?" Harry said finally.

"Let what slip?"

Harry sighed. "The prophecy. The secrets I had intended to take to my grave with me. Now that you'll know you'll just run to tell good ol' Voldemort. Play right into his hands as Malfoys always do."

Draco looked at him blankly. Harry looked away, running his hand through his hair. Then Draco understood. Harry thought he was a Death Eater.

"Do you want to see the Mark?" Draco asked.

Harry flinched.

"I'd rather not..."

"This wasn't a matter you had a say in," Draco said as he reached out and grabbed Harry's arm to prevent him from running. "Stay and you'll see the truth."

Harry thought about it. He had pretty much known that Draco had been a Death Eater. Now though, that Draco was willingly showing his support of Voldemort, Harry was having second thoughts. What if Malfoy isn't a Death Eater and I'd been wrong all these years...

Draco let go of Harry's arm when he was sure Harry would stay put. He yanked off the sweatshirt he was wearing, which revealed a short-sleeved shirt underneath. Harry looked at where the Mark was but...

"There's no mark," Harry said, not able to hide his confusion.

"Yes, Potter, there is no mark, nor will there ever be."

"So you turned your back on your own father. On your Pure-Blooded ways," Harry said softly but anger flashed on his face. "Then what were all those years at school of torment! What was it with always calling Hermione a Mudblood and always saying that Ron was so poor? What was it all about, the whole house rivalry thing? Was it just a game all those years? Just had to pretend to hate us all to live up to your father's expectations and to the Malfoy family name-"

"Oh stop your pity rant!" Draco yelled. "You think it was all a big facade all these years? I was forced against you! My father had me brainwashed into thinking the way I did. Merlin's beard, Potter, couldn't you tell how jealous I was of you! Who got to join the house Quidditch team when no other first year was allowed? You! Who was so popular and famous and had great friends? You. Who was the Hogwarts Champion in the Triwizard? Who gets to run around the school at night without getting in trouble? Who's Dumbledore's Golden Boy? You, you, you, and you! Damn it, Potter, one would think you would know how many people worship you and wish they were you!"

"Yeah well being to Boy-Who-Lived isn't all it cracked up to be!" Harry shouted in fury. "Everyone's nagging me! I can never just go off on my own and do anything I want. Even I have restrictions. Dumbledore's been keeping my destiny from me for 5 years and he chooses to tell me now! Right after my godfather dies he goes and tells me that only I can kill Voldemort or I'll be murdered by him! You think it's easy being me? You try it for a day! You try having never ceasing nightmares come at you from evil villains every night! You try having your two best friends fight all the time because they can't realize their true feelings for each other and when they finally do, leave you all alone when you need them the most! You try having the Dursleys as relatives! I bet you wouldn't even last one day at their house, let alone the first ten years of your life and every damn summer! To hell with it all, Malfoy, I'm being tracked wherever I go! We can't win the war without me and I DON'T WANT TO BE THE PERSON WHO HAS TO KILL HIM! YOU TRY BEING DEPRESSED EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY OF YOUR LIFE! IT'S NOT FUN!"

Harry sat down, looking up at Draco. Draco glanced back and finally found what he had wanted to see in Harry's eyes for years. There was pain, and lots of it. He'd once tried to cause that pain but somehow now that he knew what Harry's life was really like, he couldn't bring himself to spit some rude comment in Harry's face to shatter him even more.

Harry buried his face in his arms. By the slight shaking of his shoulders, Draco could tell Harry was crying. He sat down next to the Gryffindor waiting for the tears to pass. Vaguely Draco wondered for the millionth time if this is what it would have been like if he and Harry had been friends.

"Have you ever been depressed, Malfoy?" Harry asked quietly.

Draco took a few moments to think. Sure, he'd been very unhappy at numerous times in his life but he'd never been as unstable as Harry was now. He'd never cried since he was seven. The blond shook his head.

"It's not easy. Everyday I wake up hoping to die. I always feel like I'm falling into a black hole. The sides of it keep inching in, pressing closer and closer to me. I know I'm trapped and I can't do anything about it. Someday the darkness is going to engulf me and I'll never be free. And you know what the worst part is?" Draco shook his head again. "No one can save me from it."

The statement seemed to hang there, suspended in midair for a while. Draco didn't know what to do or say in response to Harry's words. It puzzled him how Harry had always made sense to him and now everything the other boy was saying seemed to have the true meaning buried deep inside of it. Draco thought it was kind of like trying to decipher a message in a language you didn't know.

Then came the part of it where you make a break-through in the decoding and start to figure some things out. Piece by piece the puzzle came together and Draco finally understood.

"Sirius was your godfather. You can't be talking about Sirius Black, can you?"

Harry nodded.

"I suppose you know by now that he wasn't the one who led your parents into the Dark Lord's hands, or else you wouldn't have trusted him."

"How did you-"

"My father told me things, Potter. Things he learned straight from Voldemort himself."

Harry only nodded again. Draco had noticed that Harry didn't talk anymore if he could help it. He wondered if he'd ever see the old Harry again; the Harry that actually seemed alive. This one looked like he'd be happy if he could just crawl under a rock and die.

Draco also wanted an explanation of why Harry was actually talking to him without the usual venom. Somebody had to be possessing Harry or else this wouldn't be happening. The more Draco thought about it, he knew that that wasn't it. If someone was possessing Harry they'd have to be possessing Draco too since Draco wasn't being nasty either.

Something inside Harry that was latent up until now was showing. It was something that proved that Harry was much more vulnerable than anyone had ever thought him to be. Maybe it was the fact that he'd finally caught his long time enemy in such a broken state that Draco himself had broken down the walls he had built up around himself and allowed his true self to show. Then again maybe it wasn't. It seemed Harry had broken down more of his walls than Draco had and allowed more of his real self to show.

Draco knew that they each had to act a certain way around others because it seemed to be what they were meant to do. Draco had to act cold and harsh, because it was the Slytherin way. Harry had to act brave, strong, and the hero, because that's what everyone thought him to be. Alone though, who said they had to play by the rules?

"Er- Malfoy?" Harry's small voice said, breaking Draco out of his thoughts.

Draco blinked a few times, readjusting to the present. "Yeah?"

"Do you think you could leave? I kind of came here to be alone..."

Draco gave a short nod and left.

~*~

As soon as he was sure Draco was gone, Harry allowed his thoughts to swallow him up.

I've been wrong all these years. Just because he's a Malfoy doesn't mean he doesn't have a heart. He turned against his own father for crying out loud. That must have taken a lot of courage.

But that still doesn't explain how I'm acting around him. I've let all my defenses down, all my walls fall. He's seen me more vulnerable than anyone ever has before. Yet, in the strangest way, he's keeping me from slipping too deep into depression. He's proving that things aren't always as they seem... just like he's much different than I thought he was.

Just because we have to make a huge scene of rivalry at school doesn't mean that we can't be friends behind the scenes. Whoa! Where'd that come from? Harry ran a hand through his hair again. Me being friends with a Malfoy? That's insane. We're sworn enemies, aren't we? Harry nodded to himself.

Then why does he understand me better than anyone else?

~*~

"So, was he acting a bastard to you, too?" Hermione spat when Draco reappeared.

"No, actually, he acts kinder towards me than you," Draco sneered.

Even though he may be starting to tolerate, even maybe like Harry, Draco still hated Hermione as much as ever. In his eyes she was just a low-class Mudblood who thought she knew her best friend even though she had no clue what was going on with him. Draco would be surprised if Hermione even knew half of what Harry had told him.

Hermione looked a little shocked at Draco's words but she quickly recovered. "So what. He's still my friend, not yours. At least he confides in me."

Draco had to repress a snort. "So that's why he's told me more than he's ever told you."

Hermione looked scared now. "You don't know that," she whispered.

Draco smirked his trademark smirk. He loved finally having the upper hand in an encounter with the Mudblood.

"Yes I do," he taunted.

Hermione paled. "You don't know more about my brother than I do!"

"Oh so he's your brother now? Must be because Weasel is your boyfriend and you don't want to see your precious hero hurt."

Anger flashed in Hermione's eyes. Her right hand started to tremble at her side. Draco's smirk disappeared.

"You wouldn't dare," he snarled.

Hermione's cheeks flushed. "I have before. What's stopping me now?"

Harry stepped out from behind a tree.

"I am."

Both Hermione's and Draco's head snapped around to stare at him. Hermione's face held a look of confusion. Draco allowed a small smile to appear on his.

"But it's-it's Malfoy!" Hermione said, her voice shaking. "You know, the insulting bastard!"

Harry chuckled softly. "And you say I use bad language."

"So what side are you on, Harry? Your family's or your enemy's?"

Harry looked thoughtful. "If you put it that way, I'm on no one's side. I just stepped in to stop you from breaking Draco's jaw and then being responsible for his medical bill, which I'm sure, knowing the Malfoys, you will be forced to pay."

Hermione looked at Harry, almost disbelieving that he was trying to stop her. He was normally the one who attacked Malfoy and now he was stopping her? Hermione shook her head. Harry doesn't make any sense any more.

"All right. I'm only stopping because you said so," Hermione said, giving in to Harry's request.

Harry nodded and sat down at the table.

~*~

The next day

"You're going to be late!" Mrs. Weasley yelled up the stairs. "You told Harry you would be at his house in fifteen minutes!"

There was the sound of feet thudding on the stairs and Ginny appeared.

"How did you manage to get ready faster than your brother?" Molly asked, faintly surprised.

"My dear brother decided that he had to spend extra time trying to find the perfect style for Hermione. Last time I checked, he was screwing around with his hair," Ginny said.

Mrs. Weasley rolled her eyes. At least Ginny can look nice without much time or effort, she thought as she eyed her daughter's outfit. It was simple, a light blue shirt that matched nicely with her tan pants. Luckily I ended up with one child who has fashion sense.

Ron came bounding down the stairs. As it turned out, he'd decided with his normal hairstyle. Ginny rolled her eyes at her brother.

"All that experimenting for nothing?" she taunted.

"Shut it," Ron said. He turned to his mum. "Are we going now?"

Mrs. Weasley nodded and they went outside to where Tonks was waiting for them.

"Mum, what's Tonks doing here?" Ginny asked.

"She's Portkeying you to Harry's, honey. Have fun you two! I'll see you Sunday night," Molly said.

Both Ginny and Ron kissed their mother and then each placed a hand on the broken watch Tonks had made into a Portkey.

"On the count of three," Tonks said.

Ginny and Ron nodded, each having traveled by Portkey many times seeing as they were still underage.

"One...two...three..."

~*~

This time he hit the ground sooner than before. Still, it took him most of his strength to stand and stay balanced. Just as the previous times, white light flooded his vision. James, Lily, and Sirius floated in the air before him.

It was always the same routine. James would say hello, Harry would say hello back. Lily would wave and blow a kiss to him and Harry would do the same in return. Sirius would always greet him with a smile and always asked how he was doing. Harry would mechanically reply that everything was fine even though it was nowhere close.

"So, son, how are you enjoying your time with us?" Lily asked.

"I love it!" Harry replied. "It's great!"

Harry knew it was a downright lie. Every moment he spent with this trio was torture. He couldn't stand to see their faces because he knew it was because of him that they were dead. The fact that he couldn't touch them made it even worse. All he wanted was to be enveloped into a huge warm hug that would make everything bad go away. It wasn't going to happen though, because the people floating before him were just spirits.

"So, Harry, any luck in the love department yet?" Sirius said, grinning broadly.

Harry would have loved to answer him. He desperately needed some advice about what to do with his newfound love for a certain redhead. Unfortunately, he couldn't. He knew that Voldemort was behind this all and he knew that anything he said would be used against him.

"No," Harry responded.

"Don't worry, son. If you're anything like me, that perfect someone will come along soon," James said, wrapping his arm around Lily's waist.

It was pure torture for Harry. He hated the fact that the spirits could still touch each other without passing right through the other. He longed to touch the figures before him. He never wanted them to leave.

"Go after love, Harry. Don't wait for it to come to you," Lily added, kissing James softly.

"There they go again," Sirius said laughing.

Tears began to roll down Harry's cheeks. They splashed onto the ground. Didn't they know how much this was hurting him? Couldn't they see all the pain they were putting him through?

"Stop!" Harry begged.

They didn't seem to hear him.

"Stop, please stop! Stop..."

~*~

"He's upstairs at the end of the hall. You'll have to wake him up," Petunia said.

"Thank you," Ginny said. "Do you know when Hermione will be coming?"

"Half an hour," Petunia said. "Now go."

Ginny nodded and dragged Ron off after her. As they neared Harry's room, they began to hear someone's soft pleas.

"Is that Harry?" Ron asked.

"I think so," Ginny said.

She pushed the door to Harry's room open. A pair of shorts lay draped over a chair and a few books were open on the desk. Ginny's eyes immediately locked on Harry though, and she was sitting at his bedside in a flash.

"Stop it! Please! Sirius, you've got to get them to stop! You're my own parents! You can't do this to me..." Harry begged. "Please..."

He was sobbing into his pillow now. Ginny looked at Ron, not knowing what to do. Ron just shrugged.

~*~

The dream began to fade. James and Lily, still kissing passionately, were sucked back into the darkness. Sirius followed, still laughing. The path was ripped out from under him, causing him to start falling towards the light that shone from many yards under him.

"All you have to do is join me, Potter," Voldemort's voice echoed around him.

"I will never join you, Riddle!" Harry yelled.

"Have it your way. They'll be back tomorrow night. Don't worry, Potter. Soon you'll have no choice but to join me."

The light began to engulf him.

~*~

"I will never join you, Riddle!" Harry yelled.

He turned over onto his back again and Ginny looked up at Ron fearfully.

"What's happening?" she whispered.

Ron shook his head. "I have no clue."

Suddenly Harry shot upright, breathing in gasps.

"Can't Riddle understand the words 'I will not join you'?" Harry muttered to no one in particular.

Ginny cleared her throat. "Er- hello, Harry," she said.

Harry turned to his side so he could face her, grabbing his glasses. "Hey yourself. 'Lo Ron," he said.

"Hey, mate."

Harry wiped the remaining tears from his eyes.

"Er, maybe I shouldn't be asking this, Harry, but what were you dreaming about?" Ginny said, concerned.

"Nothing," Harry said quickly.

"It was not 'nothing', and you know it. We heard what you said. All of it," Ron said, moving to sit next to Harry on the bed.

Harry sighed. "There's nothing you can do about it..."

"Has that ever stopped us before?" Ginny said.

Harry hung his head. "Voldemort-" Ron flinched, Ginny however, did not, "-keeps sending me these dreams. He's using my own parents and Sirius to torture me into joining him. At least that's what I think. He reminds me every time that all I have to do is join him to stop the dreams, so my reasoning makes sense."

Ginny reached over and hugged Harry tightly.

"The dreams won't last forever," she said soothingly. "It'll all be over soon."

Harry frowned slightly. "I hope it will. Oh, Ginny, it's just horrible. I can barely stand the sight of them without crying. I can't stop them either. I'm pitiful."

"You are not pitiful. You're one of the best people I know!" Ginny exclaimed.

Harry allowed a small smile at the compliment. He buried his face in her shoulder, breathing deeply. Ginny felt a couple of hot tears melt into her skin.

"I just want it all to end," Harry mumbled.

Ginny rubbed his shoulder gently. Her stomach was doing a huge gymnastics routine, flip after flip after flip. It had started as soon as she had hugged Harry. Something about being so close to him was making her insides squirm with delight.

She battled with the feeling for a few more moments before she recognized what it was. It was the same feeling she had had when she used to have a crush on Harry.

Oh, God, no, Ginny thought. I knew I was over him! I can't be falling back in love with him! I can't, I can't, I can't!

Ginny wanted to run away and hide. It was impossible. She'd worked so hard to get over her crush. It couldn't come back just like that! Ginny was sure she'd been over him.

That's not true and you know it. You gave up on him. You never stopped loving him. All you managed to do was convince your mind you didn't love him. Your heart always wins, Weasley, said that Malfoy-like voice in the back of her head.

The doorbell rang, bringing Ginny out of her thoughts. Ron jumped up, smoothing his hair down one last time.

"That must be Hermione. I'll leave you two alone."

Ron practically ran out of the room. Both Ginny and Harry burst into laughter.

"He must really love her," Harry said, shaking his head.

"That he does," said Ginny.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while. Ginny tried desperately to keep her emotions under control as she kept Harry close to her. Love is so complicated, she thought a little sadly.

Then a sudden thought hit her. "So how about those dreams you wanted to tell me about? Y'know, the one about that girl?" she said, trying to change the subject from the dark path it was on.

"Dreams...oh! Those. Wow, you're going to think I'm crazy...Okay, well, they start off like this..." Harry said.

He informed her of the dreams in detail, leaving out the fact that Ginny herself was the girl. When he was done, Ginny nodded. She knew instantly what it meant and she was already jealous of whoever this mystery girl was.

"You're in love with her," Ginny said simply.

"Wha-What!"

"You're in love with her," Ginny repeated.

Oh great, Harry thought. I finally find someone who I know is the one for me and she won't love me back. Ginny got over me. There's no chance now...

A few more tears fell onto Ginny's shoulder.

Oh, no, Ginny thought. There never will be any hope for me, will there? Harry's going to go off with some other girl and leave me all alone with this stupid crush again. I have to at least know who it is though. It can't be Cho again, can it?

"Who is it?" Ginny asked, needing the answer.

Harry pulled back from Ginny's embrace.

"I-I can't tell you..." he said, his voice uneasy. "She doesn't love me back. There's no point."

Ginny looked at Harry's unhappy face. She vowed that she'd do everything in her power to get Harry and his new love together. It was the least she could do for him.

"Please?" she begged.

Harry sighed. Ginny could tell he really didn't want to say.

"As a favor for me?"

Harry almost had to laugh. Ginny looked so cute when she was begging someone. Her eyes got large and round; the rich chocolate color of them melted even the coldest of people. She had that look to her that immediately made you fall in love with her. That is, if you hadn't already.

Harry knew it was now or never.

"You."

~~**~~