Found Wanting

Found Wanting

Chapter 4: One and Only

A slight frown graced Dumbledore's aged face, and the twinkle in his eyes was reduced even further. "I don't believe I am completely understanding what you've asked me, Miss Granger."

Hermione felt a rush of annoyance bubble into her, and her eyes narrowed. "I believe you do, Professor. The night before I left, you had asked me to attend a meeting with you in your quarters. There, you proceeded to inform me that I was unfit to remain a valuable member of the Order because I may be too weak to handle possessing important information if I were to be... how did you put it? Intercepted."

Dumbledore's frown increased. "What else did I say, Miss Granger?"

She didn't know what he was playing at, but she continued nonetheless. "I asked you what I should do to be stronger... I asked if you thought there were any actions I may take to remain here... but you urged me to go, saying that it was unsafe for me to stay and that I was a liability. You told me that I could be our downfall, sir." The more Hermione spoke, the angrier she became as that night replayed in her mind, as it had many times before. The confusion and the utter sense of being lost returned, and she struggled to rid herself of those feelings. "And now, now you want me back here, and for what reason? You cannot just tell me to leave and return as you see fit, Professor."

The old Headmaster nodded and remained silent for a moment before speaking quietly. "I'm afraid that I was not the one saying those horrible things to you. And might I be so polite as to answer your other question about the reasons for your return, I will say this: Miss Granger, you have always been needed by Harry. He may not know it now, but he is losing faith faster than I could have imagined, and your departure did nothing to help the matter. I was hoping your return would, indeed, help."

Of course, help Harry. Be his support, like you always have, Hermione thought with a slight twinge of bitterness, which she instantly felt guilty for.

The first statement confused Hermione further. It made sense, seeing as she still couldn't see a valid reason for Dumbledore to suddenly lose all of his faith in her. But she had been too emotional at the time, already doubting herself, and then her mentor had been so convincing that night...

"Are you trying to tell me that you were under the influence of the Imperius Curse, Professor? Because as you know I have been trained to detect that when it's in use and I strongly believe that you were speaking of your own will."

"I believe the person that was speaking was speaking of their own will, also. Think not of the Imperius Curse, but of something a little more... deceitful."

"You mean Polyjuice Potion, sir." Her brow furrowed as her mind wrapped itself around this thought. She felt utterly stupid for not having thought of that possibility within the last two years. "Then how did that person enter the Headquarters? Who were they? And why in the hell did they want me out of the picture?"

"All questions I hope to have answered in time, Miss Granger. Are there any more questions you wish to ask before I address Mr. Black?" The Headmaster's face still held heavy lines of thought about the new information he was struggling to understand, but Hermione was not yet letting him off of the hook.

"Yes." She took a deep breath and met Dumbledore's eyes. "Why didn't you stop me?"

Dumbledore shook his head sorrowfully. "There is not a doubt in my mind that every one of the Order members wishes to leave this place and never look back at it in some point in the day. In your case, you were not one of the people that I believed would actually act on that wish, but I am not the one to judge you, Hermione. I merely try to be here for the Order as much as I can, but even I am not the most reliable person, as you have proven." His twinkle sparked to life for a moment, attempting a joke about the Polyjuice. "I cannot tell you how to fix your problems as I have when you were children - perhaps I should not have even done it then... but an old man's regrets are usually the worst, and I do not hide from my mistakes. I'm sure you could find a way to blame every single problem in the Order on me, and if that will make you feel better, then I encourage it. Blame is not what drives a man to failure, Miss Granger, lack of faith is."

Hermione rubbed her eyes tiredly as she made her way out of the room now occupied by Sirius and Dumbledore. She supposed that Sirius was confused, Dumbledore was weary, and both were going to be talking for quite a while. The Headmaster had made it clear that she was no longer needed, and told her to get some rest before letting her know that her old temporary bedroom was still available.

Now that Hermione knew the truth - or at least, what was false - about her leaving, she wanted nothing more than to be able to tell everyone the real reason she had done it. For some reason, though, she couldn't bring herself to do that. Maybe it was what integrity, what honesty she had left that compelled her to bring herself back into the high esteem of others by earning it. She was going to rejoin everything that she had left behind, and the fight that remained in her would only return tenfold as the promising thought of being re-accepted burned in her mind.

Hermione walked the corridors nearly without thinking, the locations of everything having returned to her as if she had never left. Suddenly, the unmistakable sounds of arguing filled the young women's ears as she passed an all too familiar door. Pausing, Hermione edged nearer to the wooden surface to hear what exactly was going on.

"-I can't believe it. Dumbledore just lets her in as if nothing has ever happened! I don't trust her, mate. I mean, why'd she leave in the first place? No one who believes in the Order would really do that." The person sighed raggedly. "I just don't know, Harry."

"I don't either, Ron. I don't know why he says we need her. She isn't going to help anything at all. She'll be a distraction."

Hermione was forced to hold back a choking noise as a sob racked her body. Harry and Ron - her best friends, her brothers, her protectors - everything she had thought she lost, she truly had. Her return was doing nothing to help improve the faithlessness of Harry Potter, and she sincerely doubted that that would change. He hated her, perhaps despised her and wanted nothing to do with her. The only person she had now was Draco. Dumbledore had been too far gone into his own mind when she had still been an active Order member, let alone how he might be now. And Sirius - Sirius that she had been enjoying spending time with earlier that evening was definitely going to loathe her after he found out what she had done to his godson.

The conversation was still going on inside the room, but she had tuned it out as she turned towards the stairs, not wanting to hear anymore.

"Hermione."

The girl jumped, a small cry emerging from her throat, fearful that it was Ron or Harry discovering her eavesdropping.

But it was only Draco, with a look of slight concern. Well, as much as his face could show at one time without tearing in half for betraying years of breeding and bloodline.

Draco, her one - her only - friend.

"Evening, Potter." Draco strolled into what was considered the lounge room of Grimmauld Place and proceeded to plop unceremoniously onto a battered sofa. The room was strewn with blankets, old food wrappers, and the occasional moper. The room didn't have a real purpose, it was usually used for members of the Order to rest in between missions, fighting, and the rare personal events.

Harry lifted his head slowly from the back of the chair it was resting on, his blurry eyes focusing beneath his glasses. "Hey."

"You look like shit," Draco mused aloud, wondering if today was a day where Harry had the energy to defend himself or not.

"Just taking a page out of your grooming handbook, Malfoy," the green-eyed man replied, nearly automatically.

Draco sighed, knowing his next statement would be old news to Harry, but wanting to see his reaction nonetheless. "She's back, you know."

"I know."

He obviously wasn't in a talkative mood, but it had been a long time since Harry Potter had wanted to sit and chit chat.

The Malfoy continued, hoping to get the other man to open up. "I really want to figure out the mystery behind her leaving." Harry turned his gaze to him, a spark of interest in it. "She's not being entirely honest, that much is obvious. She claims she left because of getting tired of everything-"

"It seems a valid enough reason for me." Harry scoffed. There was a definite truth in his voice, that both men chose to ignore.

A small smile creased the blond's lips, and he wetted them before continuing. "It shouldn't take me too much longer, now. You know how she can't withstand my charm. She'll become delirious with want and spill everything."

Harry chuckled faintly. "Do you really think she'll tell you?"

Draco waved his hand as if that very question was ridiculous. "Of course. Generally people choose to open up to the ones they communicate with, and I'm the only one treating her like a human being at the moment."

"Ron and I aren't mistreating her." Harry nearly growled, noticing the meaning behind Draco's words. He knew that Draco must have overheard their earlier conversation - and by the sounds of it, so did Hermione. Harry briefly wondered where she was and how she was responding towhat she had overheard, and wondering just how much of it she had witnessed.

Draco's lips curled slightly. "Call it what you like, Potter. Whatever it is you're doing isn't helping the situation any." His thoughts slipped back to the quiet brunette he had just walked to her bedroom moments before, her silence deafening and her gaze even worse.

"Well, what do you expect us to do? She left, Malfoy. Left all of us, including you, to rot in this war. How can you forgive her so soon? You of all people." Harry shook his head in disbelief, his chapped lips parted in a slight sigh.

"It's easy, Potter." Draco's tone held a calmness Harry only heard when he was talking about something he deemed serious. "I've done much worse in my life. She's always forgiven me."

"How have you done anything worse than her, Malfoy? Besides letting us get to know you, I mean." Harry smirked lightly, attempting to lighten the mood. He was not fit to be discussing her of all people at the moment.

Draco was unimpressed at the attempt, and continued, for once, to remain serious. "You didn't know me very well before I joined your ragtag team of loyal renegades. There were many things that went on inside Malfoy Manor that you will never know about. But she knows. I told her everything. And that is merely another reason I know she'll open up to me. She knows my deepest and darkest. I'm the one she can tell those nasty little thoughts to because I'm the one who has thought the same way. Hermione and I are more alike than what you may be willing to believe, Potter."

Harry was silent for a long while, fiddling with something attached to a bracelet on his left wrist. He and Hermione had drifted so far apart, even before she had left. Hell, he should have known she was going to leave. Did Draco know? Harry decided not to ask, for fear of the answer. Instead, curiosity and Draco's defensive tone forced him to wonder, "Do you love her?"

The Malfoy had become quite weary after his speech, so he stood from his seat and headed towards the door. He paused slightly, halfway there, finally deciding to answer the Boy Who Lived. "Not in the way that you would think."

Harry had no idea in which way he thought Draco loved her.

Dumbledore was quick to address the Sirius situation to the rest of the Order by calling a meeting the following day. People filed into the room, some weary, some tired, some interested, and a few apathetic. The members who had known Sirius more personally sat nearest to Dumbledore. Even Severus Snape lurked in the back of the room, nearly all but his pasty face invisible in the shadows.

"I doubt that it is necessary for me to explain the nature of this meeting, as I'm sure many of you have heard of the reason much before this morning. Now, I wanted to have you all attend this meeting for two reasons; one, for you all to be sure that this is not a rumor, and that indeed, your old comrade has returned, and two, for you to ask any and all questions that you may have."

Harry was glowering in his chair, having not been given special treatment despite being Sirius's godson. He had found out just like everyone else had, but it still hadn't completely drown out the joy he was feeling at seeing Sirius alive.

More than half of the room's occupants had their eyes trained on the raven-haired man at the front of the room, sitting next to Hermione Granger. Sirius still felt the most comfortable around her, not only because she was the one to discover him, but because she was the one who felt the most... sane. He was fairly sure he thought that way because she didn't seem to quite fit in here, even as at the same time she did.

"I feel like I'm on trial," Sirius whispered to her, causing her to smile lightly.

"Tell me about it.." She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze as the room murmured and started up with questions. Hermione could feel Harry's eyes on her, and she knew exactly what he was thinking. How it was unfair that she could be the one sitting next to his godfather, the only one that Sirius felt comfortable with. Well it certainly wasn't her fault and she refused to feel any more guilt than she was already feeling, so she set her gaze straight ahead of her and ignored him.

Surprisingly, Ron was the first to speak. "Where exactly do you suppose he came back? He couldn't have just landed in the middle of Muggle London without a clue of who he was."

Dumbledore answered easily. "Wherever the veil's counterpart is, I believe."

The room's occupants murmured again, and Harry spoke, interested, "There's a counterpart? Another veil?"

"That is merely what I believe, Harry. I've been speculating since Sirius disappeared, and especially since he has returned, about what the veil's purpose must be. There is, as you know, always a purpose. I believe the veil Sirius fell into is a prison of a sort - a prison in which nothing changes. Perhaps Sirius was in a void, an empty place where he was constricted to his own mind - where even time has no meaning."

That would explain Sirius's lack of gray hairs.

"What about the other veil, Professor?" Ron asked.

Dumbledore nodded slowly. "I'm getting there, Mr. Weasley. The second veil - if there is one - was obviously not with the one the Ministry has in their possession. I don't believe the two veils have ever been together. One veil traps the prisoner, and the other, logically, frees him. They were more than likely never with one another to help prevent rescue attempts of prisoners."

Harry's thoughts went to the genius of the idea, although he did not appreciate it. The lack of aging would keep the prisoner preserved, and safe - it would be a wonderful ransom technique.

Someone spoke up from the middle of the crowd, an older woman with black hair, someone whom Hermione did not recognize. "'Ow did ze Mineestry of Mageek not feegure zat out if eet was so simple?" The woman's accent was thick, but the silver-haired man understood her perfectly.

The headmaster let a small smile grace his lips as he spoke, "Good point, Sophie. But I do believe that the Ministry has yet to toss someone into the veil and figure out the repercussions, or, I hope not. I believe that also being rampant with Death Eaters puts a bit of a damper on the research going on in the Department of Mysteries."

A few people snickered, including Sophie herself.

Dumbledore sighed, continuing. "I believe it to be Dark magic. Very dark. But older than Voldemort, I assume, for the veils would be quite dull compared to his style."

"And the memory loss, sir?" Remus asked, glancing at his brother, his family, hurt by the emptiness and lack of expression Sirius showed when he noticed his gaze.

The professor nodded again, knowing that Remus had brought up an excellent question. "I don't believe that the memory loss was the veil's doing. As you all know, wizards must have certain levels of defense and control in their mind just to fend off spells and cast them. With that natural ability, along with being in Azkaban, helped Sirius strengthen the barriers in his mind. Eventually, within the veil, I think Sirius developed a strong enough mind to seal off his memories, the memories that haunted him daily. So strong, I believe, that Sirius forgot they were there, as he forgot who he was."

This time, the room didn't murmur, they merely sat in silence, letting the last statement settle. It seemed a possibility, an explanation of a sort, definitely.

Remus spoke again, this time intriguing people even further. "Question is, who let Sirius out?"

"Something to ponder, for sure, dear boy." Dumbledore spoke thoughtfully, like a man with a lot on his mind, as he always did. Abruptly, he stood, and announced, "If there are no more questions, surely you would like to get back to your duties. Mr. Potter, Miss Granger, if you would both like to stay behind. And you, Mr. Weasley."

Hermione's heart ached as her old headmaster spoke, years of the three of them being called to see him just like that brought back more memories than she could handle.

"I believe we must handle this situation with the utmost care, and in the most serious of ways." Dumbledore smiled a little at his own joke, and continued. "To do this, I would appreciate it deeply if the three of you - and anyone else that will be visiting Sirius over the next couple of days - refrained from mentioning anything more from the past when in his company." Harry opened his mouth to protest, but was silenced with a mere look. "Remus Lupin and I have discovered a procedure that we hope will fully restore Mr. Black's memory, but it is a long and painstaking process. My part, as the conductor, should last only a day or so, but I'm afraid Sirius will be in and out of consciousness for four to five days. The mind is the most fragile part of the human body, so I will need someone constantly by his side, to help soothe Sirius in his most broken states of awareness. He may wake up caught in a past memory, re-experiencing something as if it were the first time. The job will be tough, and the person will need to be entirely gentle. For this, I have chosen you, Miss Granger."

"No! Sir, there is no way -" Harry looked outraged as Dumbledore quietly cut him off.

"Mr. Potter, it's what is best. She has already established a connection with Sirius, which will help ease the process. I know you're feeling left out, Harry, but all you can do is wait. Now if you and Mr. Weasley would like to go over the Ministry documents that Ms. Portman has acquired for us, we will bid Sirius and Hermione a good day."

Dumbledore's gaze clearly read that there was no room for argument, so Harry briefly nodded in the direction of Sirius, taking special measures not to make eye contact with Hermione. Ron attempted to do the same, but glanced at Hermione, his blue eyes showing more hurt than anger towards her. Harry was already scanning the documents as Ron opened his mouth slightly, as if to speak, but he closed it quickly and turned towards Harry without a second glance.

Hermione bit her lip in frustration, hoping that if she were to regain Ron's trust, Harry's would come soon after. Besides, when had Harry ever stayed angrier at her longer than Ron could manage to? But in response, when had Hermione ever abandoned Ron in the middle of the hardest task of his life?

"Miss Granger, if you would be so kind as to take Mr. Black to his bedroom. I will be there momentarily, so that we may begin."