End of the Dreams!

Home again

He saw when his friends disappeared from view in the train-station. One moment the Dursleys were gaping at him; the next, Uncle Vernon was taking Harry's trunk to the back of the car and they were driving home in full silence. The only noise was Hedwig's hoot. Vernon looked at the bird as thought he would like to kill it. No one said a word until they got home.

Once in the house, Vernon took Harry's trunk out of the car and carried it upstairs to Harry's room. Petunia asked Harry if he wanted to eat and took a day old dish of meatballs and potatoes out of the fridge. Harry wondered when was the last time that he was given good food like that by the Dursleys. Then, he almost laughed, because Petunia was probably scared of Moody's threat, or maybe it was because of Petunia's own past; he could not tell for sure. He was eating his own food quietly and when he looked up at Petunia he saw an odd look on her face. He was curious about what it was, but he dared to ask nothing. The second time Petunia looked at him, their eyes met, but she lowered her head and began to clean the kitchen again. When Harry had finished eating, he stood up and went upstairs. According to the clock, it was only nine, but Harry was very tired. He lay down on the bed on top of the cover and looked up at the ceiling.

When he was laying down all the bad things that had gone on came back to him. It happened all the time when he was alone. He closed both eyes and he was back in the Death Chamber again. He couldn't let it into his own, not here. If he didn't fight they might see he was crying. But he had lost the fight before it had begun. He could see Sirius fall behind the veil again. Harry killed him. He was killing a person again, and it was not just anyone. Sirius was his only family and he, Harry, had betrayed him. He had headed him to his own dead. He could never see Sirius again. It was all his fault. Dumbledore tried to tell him that it wasn't, but it was. All of it had happened because of him. He had almost killed his friends, too. He could never look them in the eyes again. And if he hadn't believed the vision Voldemort had planted in his mind, Sirius could be safe at Grimmauld Place now. Voldemort was powerful and it was his fault. If he had not been in the Triwizard tournament everything would be fine. Cedric would not be dead and...Cedric was so young and Harry had killed him, too. If he had listened to Cedric, Cedric would be alive. How can Dumbledore think he would kill somebody on purpose? It didn't matter that Voldemort was his aim to kill; he had already killed two people and didn't think he could kill anyone ever again. Not even Voldemort, which was supposed to be his most important task in his life. It was ridiculous. He first helped Wormtail escape and then Wormtail helped to revive Voldemort. And second, Harry had given Voldemort the last thing that he needed to be reborn. Harry's own blood. And now Voldemort was more powerful than ever because of him...

He had gone too far in his thoughts when he fell asleep. And what did he dream of? Sirius! He was watching him and smiling. Harry was so glad and smiled back to him, but Sirius went away. Harry tried touching him, but couldn't.

Harry got up and sat on his bed without even knowing it. He tried to reach out to Sirius, but he did not give him the chance. Sirius was nearing the door of Harry's room. Harry was becoming desperate saying "I am sorry" many times, but it didn't help. Sirius was now at the door and looked at Harry. He only shook his head at Harry.

Harry rose out of bed and tried to tell Sirius how sorry he was and begged him not to go away again. If he left, Harry would be very lonely again. But Sirius only went out of the room. The last second when Sirius was inside his room, Harry began to cry and yell at him. 'Come back Sirius! I'm so sorry I killed you. I need you. Don't go away.' But Sirius only looked at Harry and laughed. And then he was gone. Harry looked at door, which was closing very slowly without anyone touching it.