Love, War and Friendship - The Wizarding Way

Told From Ron's POV

"Why'd you have to go and do that?" I groan. "How many times have I told you today Lavender, Hermione's going out with my brother not Harry!"

Lavender shrugs. "Someday you're going to get a big fat I told you so," she says.

I roll my eyes, and turn to Harry. "What was that all about?" I ask. "I thought you and Hermione were the bestest of friends, lately."

"If you don't know I'm not going to tell you," Harry says moodily.

"Fine don't then," I snap. Would it kill him to be happy for once? He glares at me before stomping off to go who knows where to do who knows what.

"They're letting Harry join the Order," Lavender tells me, fiddling with the fraying ends of my jacket.

"What? No, they can't. He's underage." If they let Harry in...

"Oh, well, Dumbledore gave his permission. Said something about Harry being stronger than they think yada yada yada. Pretty boring stuff."

"How do you know all this?" I ask her suspiciously, pulling my clothing out of her reach. "They were talking about it with Lupin near the main entrance. If you and Hermione hadn't been so concerned about seeing if Harry was ok you would have heard." She yawns, examining her nails before jumping sitting up sharply. "Did you know Professor Lupin's, well I guess technically he isn't a professor anymore but anyway he's trying to adopt Harry? They haven't told him yet because they don't know if it'll go through, I doubt it will I mean he has absolutely no grounds for it and plus werewolf? Big no no when dealing with anything to do with kids."

"What?" I say absently. My mind is spinning. They're letting Harry join the order? Why didn't he tell me? Does he know yet? If Harry joins then I should be able to join...Mom'll never let me though, she'd kill me first. But of course Harry will be allowed. WHY DIDN'T HARRY TELL ME? ... And how does Lavender know all this? Jeez she's been here a day and all of sudden she knows things that none of us do. She better not go bad. "Oh and did I tell you? Malfoy's going out with Padma Patil!" Lavender squeals and I nearly fall of the couch.

"Malfoy's got a girlfriend?" I sputter.

"Mhm. Oh no, Ron you don't still have a thing for Padma do you? Because you know you kind of wrecked your chance back at the Yule Ball." She looks worried as though she's sure I'll never talk to her again because of what she told me. I shake my head. How does someone remember and consume this much information? Come to think of it how can someone talk this much? Well no matter how she does it, she's made my day quite interesting.

Lavender proved to be a fun companion over the next few days. If I listened she told me everything she knew, if I didn't she did the same. But it wasn't a one way friendship. No, she noticed my agitation over Hermione's many owls from Fred (she was now getting at least three a day which I think she even considers excessive) and my unwillingness to speak of or to her and made me tell her everything. Not make in the sense that she held her wand to my head and forced me to spill my guts but asked me in a coaxing, sweet voice if I wanted to talk about it. Amazingly I did. She promised not to tell anyone but from what I've seen everyone at Hogwarts may know about our sordid teen love rectangle I guess you would call it.. if you counted Fred that is, in a matter of days. But he's definitely in the picture. Hermione announced this morning to George's great dismay Fred was going to shut the shop down on Sunday to come visit.

Joy.

Not. Harry didn't seem to happy either. He's starting to get in his scary rage moods again where he screams at us for stupid reasons. Strangely the only one he hasn't exploded at yet is Hermione. Ginny reckons he still has feelings for her but I told her that was all in the past. Harry had gotten over almost immediately. Ginny had just rolled her eyes at me and walked away. I have a feeling again that she knows something I don't. But back to Lavender...she's convinced me to forgive Hermione. Well it wasn't all her own doing. I haven't felt too much anger towards her for a couple days now but seeing the new look of annoyance she gets when I sit on her pretending I don't see her is too hilarious.

When I tell Hermione I forgive her she threw herself into my arms as I'd suspected she might, balling her eyes out.

"Yah," I try to say comfortingly but instead toss her over to Harry, watching with dull interest as Harry wipes her tears away with a kleenax, suddenly stiffen and hop away from her. Everything seems back to normal as we all sit around Harry's and mine's bedroom though I notice Harry and Hermione make sure they're seated on opposite beds. I sense there's a lot Harry was holding back from me. He still hadn't mentioned the Order, or whatever was going on with Hermione or the nightmares that I could tell he was having because of his nightly groaning.

"So the order, eh, Harry?" I say hoping he'll forget he hasn't told me and let us all in on some of the dirty details. Harry however looks confused and Lavender scowls at me. "Ron!" Lavender screeches, grabbing a pillow and hitting me smack in the head with it. "You weren't supposed to say anything!"

"You never told me -" I gasp ducking as she tackles me on the bed, pillow still in hand. "Not to tell!"

"It's only common sense!" she cries hitting me one last time before finally sliding off me. She blushes as she sees Harry and Hermione looking at her with identical looks of bewilderment.

"So I'm .. in the Order?" Harry asks Lavender. He looks quite shocked.

Lavender nods, her cheeks lighting up in a glitter of pink. "Please don't mention it until Dumbledore comes to see you?" she begs. Once Harry agrees she turns around and smacks me again with my pillow really hard.

"Ouch!" I cry out indignantly. "What'd I do now?"

"You divulged private information that I told you in confidence!"

BAM! She whaps me one more time, this time hitting me so hard I tumble off the bed. Her rage disappears as she throws her head back with a tinkling sound of laughter, so pretty I almost forgive her. Dropping the pillow back down on the bed Lavender offers me her hand. I see Hermione's snuck over to the other side of the room where she and Harry are ignoring us.

"You musn't join," she whispers. "You're underage!" her voice dips even lower, "Harry you could get hurt!"

Harry pats her hand awkwardly the same way I had patted her head when she'd hugged me. This didn't seem to comfort her anymore.

"If Dumbledore asks me to join," Harry says. "I'll join." Hermione's eyes fill with tears, she's been doing that so much lately I wonder if she's somehow accidentally swallowed extra girl hormones or something.

"I think he can do it," Lavender says in her usual cheery voice.

"Thanks," he shoots a small smile in her direction. "Glad somebody has confidence in me." "Harry!" Hermione bursts out. "I have-"

"I know," he puts up a hand to stop her. "I know."

"You wanna know what else is funny?" I ask loudly hoping to loosen these two up. They have been way too tightly wound lately. "Malfoy's got a girlfriend!" I laugh as Harry gapes at me and Hermione crosses her arms and gives me a why-should-we-care look.

"I was allowed to say that right?" I turn to Lavender quickly, shielding my face in case she's about to wallop me again. She shrugs harmlessly at me, holding something behind her back.

"What's that?" I ask suspiciously.

"Oh nothing," she tells me innocently before screaming, "EVERYONE GET RON!"

Out of nowhere three large pillows come flying, all hitting me directly in the forehead. I pull them off me asking heatedly, "What the hell was that for?"

"For being such an idiot," Lavender tells me smiling sweetly so I can tell she's joking.

"For being such a great prat ALL summer long," Hermione says unsympathetically.

I turn to Harry. "So?"

"Oh well, I just wanted to join in on the fun," he laughs dodging a paper weight I hurl at him from my desk.

"You're all gonna get it!" I grin and with a blur of feathers I attack them right back, laughing all the while. Summer is finally starting to look up.

***

Told From Hermione's POV

I didn't know if it was because there was no other girl her age in the house to talk to or she just wanted to know about Ron, Harry and I but after Lavender moved into my room we became fast friends. (I can tell you this annoyed Ginny to no end.)

Lavender had dragged me away from Harry and Ron at seven to say we were going to bed, which I had to say was a bit of a ridiculous excuse. When we were back in our room she'd pulled out a cauldron full of steaming potions.

"We are going to make you beautiful!" exclaims Lavender, forcing me to sit on the chair that stood in front of the enchanted mirror.

"You mean I'm not already?" I ask glaring at the mirror when it snorts with laughter. Lavender doesn't answer me as she lugs the giant cauldron over.

"What is it?" I ask suspiciously. It's steaming large purple bubbles and looks absolutely disgusting. There's no way I'm putting any of that on my face no matter what it does.

"It's a straightening potion," she tells me, dipping the end of a comb in it. Large gunky pieces of purple encrust themselves to it. "It's my own recipe."

"Lavender no offence but that stuff doesn't look like it's going to work," I say squirming unhappily when I notice she's already ran the comb through my hair.

"Relax." She flips her own perfectly straight, newly blonde locks at me. "My hair looks fine doesn't it? I've been using it since we got off of school."

Lavender continues to mush the purple potion through my hair. "There," she says looking satisfied. "We're done now onto-"

"Why is my hair still .. purple?" I ask in a timid voice.

"Oh," comes Lavender's muffled voice. She's digging around in her trunk for something. "That'll go away in fifteen minutes or so once it sets your hair. The purple part's the hair dye."

"Hair dye?" I ask incredulously. I look at her hair remembering how it was once brown. Oh God I'm not gonna go -

"Blonde?"

She nods. "Don't worry about it, Herm. You'll look great as a blonde everyone does." Lavender begins rubbing sparkly powder on my face, liquid things on my eye and some foul tasting stuff on my lips.

"Done," she says in a pleased voice, stepping away so I can see myself in the mirror. "It'll last for a week."

I let out a scream as the mirror whistles. I'm no longer me. My hair is the same shiny blonde colour of veela, my lips have taken on a shiny texture, and my cheeks are lightly flushed pink. All in all I think I look great...just not at like me. Not like me at all. I bet I could walk by Malfoy and he wouldn't even recognize me.

"Hermione?" I turn around to see Harry and Ron have both rushed in.

"We heard you scream are you .. Hermione? Is that you?" Ron asks with a grin. Harry looks spellbound. He's staring at me the same way he used to stare at Cho.

"Hermione, wow..um...wow, you..you.."

"That means he thinks you look great," Ron says thumping Harry on the back as if to knock a complete sentence into him.

"Won't Fred think she's just gorgeous?" Lavender beams at me like I'm her own creation. I am in a way.

Harry frowns, his admiring smile faded. "This was for .. for Fred?" he asks. "Hermione I never thought you would ever try to change yourself for a guy."

"Well I've never had a guy to change for!" I protest even though if I had a choice my hair would still be the same as always.

"You had me and you had Ron!" he shouts and before I can tell him that's not the same thing he runs out of the room.

"Of all the times you had to get it right," I hear Ron complaining to Lavender. "Try not to mention Fred around Harry or George or yah...me too."

"But," Lavender sounds confused. "You told me that Hermione and Harry weren't going out."

"Well..." Ron hesitates. "It's a very complicated situation."

I collapse on my bed. It really really is.

***

Harry sulked. Ron scowled. Ginny looked torn between several different emotions. George wouldn't even look up and Lavender, Lavender just smiled broadly at everyone not noticing the effect Fred's arrival had made on the table. Though I had known he was coming I made sure to sit myself inbetween Harry and Ron. I didn't want anything heating up between Harry, George and Fred. But after awhile of pretending not to see Fred's smiles and winks at me and every uncomfortable but accidental brushing of legs with Harry, who whenever this happened would glare at me with such firey eyes that unbidden thoughts of that day rushed into my mind. I wanted to ask him if he thought about it as much as I did, but then he might say I'm only asking to lead him on since I have a boyfriend, if you could call him that...well I suppose you could-should. I have got to stop thinking of it. If I have any feelings for Harry outside of friendship they're lust, brought on by that kiss and vice versa. And I didn't want lust, I wanted love - did I just say love? I really meant like. Fred and I are not love...not by a long shot. We're like.

Ron shoots me a concerned gaze. "What's with you?" he whispers, cowering slightly as Harry gives him an angry look.

"Later," I tell him under my breath. My pancakes have gone mushy under the vast amounts of syrup I poured over them. Blah, disgusting. I push my hair behind my ear still not used to the new texture or color.

"Are you done?" a kind voice asks. Mrs. Brown is standing over me, a pile of dirty plates and silverware piled in her arms. I look around to see everyone else is beginning to leave the table...except me.

"Yah, thanks," I say pushing my plate at her before long arms are hurled around me and I feel myself being spun in the air.

"Hermione, darlin' you look beautiful," Fred tells me, setting me on the ground gently. "Doesn't she?" Lavender agrees. "I did it all myself."

Fred turns to her laughing. "Glad somebody finally convinced her to be a girl."

"Excuse me?"

Lavender's grin drops and Ron looks like he wants to leave but Harry is smiling, enjoying my sudden anger.

"Hey, it was a joke you know I -"

"What is it with you and your brother?" I ask. "Just because I hang out with guys makes me one of them? To be a girl I have to wear make up and become a blonde?" I know I'm overreacting but I can't help it. I hate it when people think I don't want to be a girl just because of Ron and Harry. All my life I've been thought of as a tom boy and I hate it. "Hermione, I don't think -"

"Good job Fred."

"Low blow."

"How could you say that about your girlfriend??"

The slew of angry voices trail away as I walk up to the only place I know he won't follow me, unfortunately it's the only place I really shouldn't go.

"Come to insult me some more?" I ask wearily without getting up when I hear a shuffling up the stairs.

"No." I look up in surprise. It's Harry. He looks a little uneasy. "Oh umm, hi...what are - what are you doing here?"

"I told everyone I'd get you," he says, sitting down beside me, sneezing as more dust wafts into the air.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? What are you sorry about?" I ask curiously.

"Well there's a lot," Harry says taking a deep breath. "I haven't really been myself lately-"

I laugh, "That's an understatement."

"Because," he continues, ignoring my comment. "I've been having a really hard time lately."

"With that?" I ask instantly regretting it. He's had more than enough things happen to him in the 16 years of his life to give him ten years of therapy.

"With Sirius," he says softly. "Voldemort, the prophecy, dying, Muggle attacks...you."

I look over at him sharply. "Harry..."

"This isn't about Fred. Alright maybe it is...a little. Your friendship is different to me than Ron's. Ron and I will always be friends, even if we fight. But with you," he smiles slightly as I take his hand. "It could end at any time for different reasons. You've always been there for me, Hermione, always but now...I guess I feel the way you were feeling about me and Ron. And you've always needed me, to help you, to save you so now I'm scared if you don't need me-"

"Harry I do need you."

"Not the same way you used to. You don't need me the way you need a boyfriend, like Fred."

I hold back a snort.

"I got scared about what would happen when you stopped needing me to be there for you. That's why I kissed you the other day and why I've been acting so weird about you and Fred when really I'm fine with it."

I stare at him in shock, dropping his hand quickly. Is he rejecting me? I guess there's no need for me to ask him if he ever thinks about that kiss that happened just a few feet from where we're sitting now. I've been thinking about it ever since he came in here...but he-he's been thinking of how to tell me it meant nothing.

"What about what you said about it or when we danced?" I ask turning away from him, afraid I'm going to cry.

"Hermione," he sighs. "I never said I didn't feel anything or that I don't feel something for you. I know that I do." He looks at me seriously. "I'm just not sure if our feelings are real. I don't know if its right -"

"You don't think being with me is right?" I am crying now. How can he say that?

"Some people," he says. "Are brought together by fate and others bring themselves together because they mistake a friendship. They push themselves together because they think they're meant to be when they're not."

"You think you're making these feelings up?" I ask. "You think you can make up things like this?"

His beautiful eyes that I can normally read so well are guarded. "Hermione, this isn't about how the kiss was. I'm sure you could kiss Ron and it would be just as nice."

I knew it wouldn't be.

"But these feelings that I've been having, the jealousy that I feel about Fred I can chalk it all up to friendship. I'm jealous that he's going to become your new best friend. That he'll replace me. But that's it."

How can he say these things to me? If he was just a friend why would this hurt so much? I "Think about all the TV shows you've watched about teenagers, when you're friends with someone of the opposite sex for a long enough time you're bound to develop some," his face flushes red. "Sexual tension. But to act on that leads to a huge messy break up after one to two months."

"So you're basing your feelings on what you've seen on Muggle television?! I hate to burst your bubble but that's not real. Those are scripts made up and recited by actors. THIS is real." I grab his arm holding tight. Wanting so badly for him to admit his feelings. He shakes me off gently.

"I notice how your eyes light up and how pretty your smile is," he tells me softly. "That' attraction. I like you very much and I enjoy your company. That's friendship. There's nothing more here. I'm sorry," he adds offering me a kleenax, which he has begun to carry along with him everywhere in case I have a break down.

Can't be in this room with him any longer. It's stifling. His voice haunts me as I run down the stairs past a worried Ron and Lavender. As I throw myself down on my bed, I think he's right. If I really loved him why would I be willing to be with Fred? And if he loved me why would he let me? So then why does this hurt so much?

"Hermione?" a soft whisper comes from the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yes," I say letting Ron come and sit across from me on Lavender's bed and I tell him everything. Something Ron and I haven't done in a long time.

***

Told From Ron's POV

For a smart girl, Hermione sure made some wrong decisions. She's still crying softly into her pillow waiting for my advice. I'm not sure what to say. I mean just a couple days ago we weren't even talking and now she dumps this whole load on me. It's rather confusing. "So," I say. "Let me get this right. First there was me and Harry, then there was Harry again was it? and then there was Fred, am I right?" Her head moves slightly and I take this as a yes. I feel sorry for her. Obviously what Harry had said to her had hurt her quite a bit. I think he's lying. Would all his little outbursts and jealousy's really be because he feels replaced? Alright so that does sound plausible but this is Harry. Harry, who no offense to him would probably not have the sense to feel that way.

"Ron, what do I do?" she wails to me. I hate crying. I'd like to punch Harry. Did he have to say anything? He could have just left it alone. Pretended not to remember kissing her. "Ok Hermione," I say. "I want you to answer me as fast as you can without thinking about how you feel when I say a name." She looks up at me, her tear streaked face tired and reclusive.

"I don't have time for mind games!"

"Just humor me," I tell her, a plan forming in mind. "Ginny."

Hermione looked to the door. "What? Oh the game. Um."

"Hermione, this won't work if you think about it! ... Malfoy."

"Yech." Its starting to work.

"Lavender."

"Twink," she said without thinking. Her eyes widened. "I mean-"

"Seamus."

"Cute." Bah...wish I hadn't asked that one.

"Umbridge."

"The devil."

"Ron."

"Friend."

"Percy."

"Brilliant." Alright I didn't see that one coming but I suppose he is notably smart.

"Harry."

"Love him."

Oy.

"Fred."

"Like him," she says again miserably tears flowing.

"Well at least you know how you feel about them," I point out trying to be cheerful, a trick I've learned from Lavender that seems to brighten peoples moods namely Harry and Hermione. What a right pair they would make one always angry the other always sad. But then if Hermione was with Harry she wouldn't be crying.

"Just keep doing what you're doing," I say, hoping this is sound advice.

"But Harry -" she admonished.

"What else are you going to do?" I ask. "Dump Fred and chase endlessly after Harry until he tells you yet again that oh yah I really enjoy kissing you but I'll never be in love with you." She looks taken aback, letting out another great sob.

"Er - sorry," I say. "That was a little mean. I'm sure he wouldn't do that but the gist of it was right. Harry's stubborn. Even if he does subconsciously care for you, it'd take his head shoved into a wall by You-Know-Who before he'd see it."

This doesn't comfort Hermione as much as I'd hoped it would but hey I tried. Maybe I should send in Ginny. She's a girl, she'd know what to say.

***

"Harry you ass," I say slamming the door of our bedroom.

"So she told you," he replies not looking up. He's reading that letter from Sirius again. "Yah she told me," I say angrily.

"And..." Harry says tonelessly. He doesn't appear to care.

"And how could you do this to her?"

"It was just a kiss, Ron. These things happen."

"I wasn't talking about the bloody kiss!" I yell, wishing he would show just a little bit of feeling. Since when has he been able to hide his emotion this well?

"So what's the problem then?"

"How could you say those things to her? You didn't have to bring up the stupid kiss."

He shrugs.

"She was getting the wrong impression and she's dating your brother," he answers simply as if that should settle it. As he turns away I want to punch him in the face until he shows some feeling.

"Big deal. She would have gotten over you! You just had to give her your completely bonkers speech about attraction and friendship making her think you want her for only one thing!"

The muscles in the back of Harry's neck tense up and he drops the letter. "Just sod off would you? You wouldn't understand."

I notice the tip of his nose is red. Has he been crying? Harry doesn't cry. At least not normally.

"I'll sod off when I can get the sound of Hermione crying out of my head!"

Harry picks up his wand threateningly. "Either you leave me alone or I'll do just that." He stands, dangerously waving it in my face. I let him leave, knowing its best to not test his anger in case he did try it. I sigh. Harry can be so impossible sometimes. I bend down to pick up his precious letter to put back on his bedside table.

Dear Harry,

I have a feeling that I won't be around much longer. It probably means nothing, just a little cabin fever but I felt the need to write you this anyway. I want to tell you about your father. You, Ron and Hermione do remind me of James, Lily and I. Once she got over her initial dislike to James that is. We were good friends the three of us. Never went anywhere without the other our seventh year of school. James was as you are, kind, brave, a little arrogant but altogether a good person. Lily was of cheerful disposition, smart and funny and my lord was she beautiful. It was Lily just as it's you Harry who kept our group from falling apart. When Remus and James had a spat Lily would work it out. She was the peace keeper. Your father loved Lily for as long as I can remember but she never once threw him a bone so towards the end of our sixth year I asked her out because she like none of the other girls treated me horribly, quite a turn on I tell you. She was a great friend and like I said incredibly gorgeous. As luck may have it she said yes but with great strain on our relationship with James. Ultimately he stopped speaking to us until Lily broke up with me. After school ended they fell in love. It took awhile for James to speak to me again even after Lily chose him. It was horrible. I loved him and your mother very much. Don't make that terrible mistake of mixing love and friendship. You are so lucky to have friends such as Ron and Hermione in a dire time like this. Cherish them. Do not do anything stupid like I and bring your group down in flames when you need them most. I want you to know Harry that you mean a great deal to me. As your godfather and as your friend. Of all the things in my life I will regret not being there for you all those years the most. I know you will grow up wonderfully just as your father did. It is my belief that you can face Voldemort, and you can win. I am giving this to Dumbledore on the off chance my feelings are right. In the case of my death this will be given to you along with all that I own. Do not mourn for me, Harry for thanks to you I didn't die in horror of my own nightmares at Azkaban but fighting for what I believe in. You have brought me much joy. Remember I will be with you always whether I be dead or alive.

With love,

Sirius

Putting the letter down I feel as if I've intruded on some very personal conversation between Harry and his godfather but it does explain a lot. Harry now thinks he's going to destroy our friendships. Well he may as well have done just that. His and Hermione's at the very least. How someone that hurt could forgive him I don't know. Good job Sirius, I think angrily and immediately feel a rush of guilt. There's nothing Sirius could do now. I'm sure he had no idea this was going to happen or that he'd have this much of an effect on Harry, who after all has rarely listened to anyone's word of advice besides Dumbledore's. We'd all just have to wait till You-Know-Who smashed his head in before anything happened. Or maybe Fred'll do it for him, he's pretty steamed at Harry for making Hermione cry. Hopefully no one tells him of the origin of their fight. All we need is a cheesed off Fred breaking Hermione's already shattered heart.

***

Told From Hermione's POV

"Hey." There's a soft knock at the door. Fred stands there looking concerned. Luckily Lavender's make up job on my face prevents my eyes from becoming red and puffy. "Hey."

"Look Hermione I really didn't mean to make you this upset. It was just a little joke. You know me. I like to joke. I know you're a girl. Would I date you if you weren't a girl?" he rambles on nervously. I choke back a half sob half laugh. They haven't told him about what happened with Harry. Relief overcomes me.

"It's ok Fred," I tell him crawling into his lap almost like a little girl as he sits down beside me. "It wasn't you. It was Harry. We had a-a fight." I lean into his embrace, seeking comfort.

"What does he have a problem with us?"

"Yah something like that," I say closing my eyes. This wasn't bad. I didn't feel the total completeness or alive feeling I get around Harry but I liked Fred and this was nice. "George hates me now."

Fred kisses the top of my forehead. "No he doesn't. He's just ... Role playing a little. You know so Mom won't catch on."

I raise my eyebrows. It sure doesn't seem like roll playing and Mrs. Weasley was not in sight outside of Ginny's room yesterday. But George's his twin so I'll let him think what he'd like to think. Fred pushes me aside and gets off the bed.

"Come on lets go. I've wasted an entire day sitting around worrying about you I want to get up and do something," his voice is kindly enough but I can tell he's getting impatient. "Don't you wanna stay here with me? We don't have to just sit we could ..." I let my voice trail off hoping it sounds even slightly sexy. I'm not used to doing things like this. Fred laughs and pulls me up off the bed.

"Don't even try to tempt me woman. You and me are going for a walk."

"But I'm not allowed to leave the grounds!" I protest as he takes my hand.

"There are other ways to leave the grounds besides walking."

"But I can't Apparate-"

CRACK! I tug at Fred's hand tightly. He shouldn't have done that without telling me. Oh God I think I might be sick.

"Hermione," Fred pulls his hand away. "Hermione, love open your eyes." I didn't even realize I'd been squeezing my eyes shut the oh thirty seconds it had taken us to leave Grimmauld place.

"Oh," I gasp looking around. We're in a field full of roses. Red ones, pink ones, yellow ones, white ones even a couple blue ones. "Where are we?"

Fred smiles. "My very old Aunt Edith's gardens. My uncle plants a new tree every year they've been married."

"Um..Fred how long exactly have they been married?"

"Oh forty something years," he says to my disbelief. "Magic roses spread and grow a lot more than Muggle ones."

I look around some more. It's beautiful. I could stay here forever and be happy, well if they brought Hogwarts over a few feet so I could learn and Harry and Ron and maybe a library...

"So aren't you glad I took you outside, darlin'?" he asks, picking a pink rose and sticking it behind my ear. He hasn't commented on the colour yet either he hasn't noticed it or he doesn't like it.

"Where's my thank you?"

"Thank you my dear," I say imitating him by taking another pink rose and sticking it in his shirt pocket.

Fred makes a face. "I'm still not too keen on the my dear, part of this relationship," he whines, taking my hand and leading me down one of the paths lined with white roses. It reminds me of a chapel.

"If you want a relationship you will be, my dear."

"Darlin'," he retorts knowing I hate it just as much as he hates dear.

"Fred!" I cry pushing him into a bush, running away screaming as he tries to grab me in turn.

"No guy is worth your tears and when you find one that is he'll never make you cry." My mother's voice rings in my ears as Fred catches up to me, tackling me to the ground. She says this quote quite often when I'm home for the holidays and having boy trouble. I've never really believed her. I always thought with great love came great pain. I think I'm right but I'm also starting to think I don't want a great love. I want what my mother always told me to want. A guy who will never make you cry.

"Life isn't worth living until you find the one worth dying for." ... Except Harry was the one I deemed worth dying for...not Fred. Harry would die for me too, I think. But Harry would die for anyone, well perhaps not Malfoy, who needed to be saved. I squeezed my eyes shut while Fred kisses me, barely feeling his touch. I hate myself for thinking of Harry when all I should be concentrating on is Fred. I hate that because of one stupid kiss I can't get him out of my head. I'm a horrible girlfriend. No, make that a horrible person. I've become a breed of human I swore I'd never be: a boy crazed teenager. I used to be perfectly calm and collected, always knowing the right thing to do and now I've become a brainless idiot, changing my mind about everything whenever a cute boy walks by. I picked Fred because I thought he was sweet and funny and ... safe. If he left me I might shed a tear or so but I'd be fine. I picked Fred for the same reason's I'd stupidly told Ron I liked him when I didn't. Subconsciously I kept making the same mistakes over again or maybe I'm doing it consciously because I don't know what the right choice is. But this time I enjoyed the misery I brought on. I liked it when Harry became jealous, it proved to me he cared. Well that theory had been thrown out the window after our last conversation. I didn't understand. Two people do not react as strongly to each other as we did simply because of attraction. I'd felt the tenderness in his touch along with the passion. I feel horribly guilty now, as if Harry's watching. I can see his kind smiles, hear his voice saying my name. When I'm away from him I wonder whether he's happy, what he's doing and if he thinks of me too. I've worried about him at least once a day for the last four summers. It kills me to be away from him, knowing what he has to face during the summer months. Harry's a part of me despite how hard he's worked to keep me from becoming a part of him, like Ron. I want him whether he wants me or not. I love him even though he doesn't love me. I miss the easiness of our friendship before all the these crazy love confessions came about.

"Hermione you're crying," Fred's voice brings me back to the present. I'm not really. There's only a solitary tear rolling down my cheek and down my throat. It's my sign. I open my eyes to see him watching me, mirroring the look I give Harry every time I'm afraid he may not come back alive.

"I can't do this," I tell him trying hard not to look him in the eye. "I can't. Take me home." "Tell me what's wrong first, please," he begs. He thinks it's him. It's not really. He's been a great boyfriend. Any girl would be lucky to have him, I just happen to be one of those people who have the hard luck of wanting what they can't have. "Look Fred I don't want to lie to you so please don't ask."

I've rolled away from him on the ground, hoping the rosebushes will suck me under their heavenly branches. I do not want to do what Harry did to me to anyone.

"You've been a great friend," I tell him. "You supported me in a time when my friends wouldn't look at me-"

"But now that they do you don't want me?"

"No! Fred, that's not it!" I cry, hurt that he would think such a thing although I have a nagging feeling he's partially right.

"So this has nothing to do with the fact that Ron has gotten over you and you're free to have a go at Harry?"

"I can't have a go at Harry," I mutter kicking at the dirt beneath my feet. "Harry doesn't want a go at me."

Fred laughed in an almost bitter way. "Well don't tell George that or I'll owe him about ten galleons."

I look up in surprise.

"Why?" "In your first year George said that you were all playing roles: Harry the hero, Ron the sidekick and you, the heroine who would fall madly in love with him and you'd live happily ever after."

Now it's my turn to be bitter. "There's a slight flaw in that bet. There won't be any happily ever after." Fred looks at me for a moment, obviously not expecting me to say that. He falls silent nothing left to say.

"Please take me home now," I ask weak from all the anger, love, pain and tears that had overwhelmed my body for the past month.

With a far more quieter crack! we arrive back in my bedroom. Thankfully it has already been abandoned by Ron and Lavender who have most likely gone to hide from Mrs. Weasley and her long list of chores.

"You'll have to find your way to Harry's room yourself," he says stiffly.

"He doesn't want me there." Though this can only hurt Fred's feelings more to be ditched for someone who didn't even want to be with me.

"I'm very sorry," I say trying to help things. "I do want us to still be friends."

"Were we ever?" he asks in a tone that doesn't expect nor want an answer. "Lets just go back to the way it was. I break the rules, you get me in trouble. I crack a joke, you frown."

CRACK!

I have to admit I feel a bit relieved. Not happy but relieved. There was no longer anything to feel guilty of. I could think of Harry as much as I pleased. I could torment myself with his image and no one would be the worse for it.

I was going to make him love me. Somehow I'd do it. I'd go back to being Hermione Granger, Harry Potter's best friend and accomplice. I would be everything I could be and then...then he would love me. I knew he would. He had to. I couldn't bear it if he didn't. ***

Told From Harry's POV

Ron's shouting at me again. The moment I step back into MY room in MY house Ron starts shouting at ME, throwing Sirius's letter in my face and saying incoherent things about Hermione and my parents. I feel my face turn white. If he knows...he must know. He sleeps in the same room with me every night. But no its only about the letter. I snatch it from him not feeling anger but safety. I'm safe. He doesn't know.

"You love her," Ron says softly and though his voice is low I can hear it like a huge drum roll crashing inside my head.

"No," I shake my head. "No, I don't. She's my friend. My best friend."

Ron flushes at my use of emphasis on best, I suppose he thinks this means I don't consider him my best friend, though to me they are both equal.

"I read the letter I know. But Harry, Sirius didn't mean that you and Hermione shouldn't -" "THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SIRIUS!" I explode, tired of having to lie all day in order to protect the lives of those near and dear to me. Couldn't they just leave me alone for once? I was doing them all a big favour. Would they rather I -

"You love her," Ron says again this time more loudly and in stronger voice watching my face intently. I felt a ripple effect go through my body. Hermione...love...me. No!

"Leave it alone," I tell him. He seems lost, dejected and confused. He wants to help I can see that. Shouldn't he be helping his brother out not me? Hermione wasn't dating me, she was dating Fred. As if reading my thoughts Fred slams open the door looking absolutely livid. Oh Hermione, I think. What have you done now?

Fred's fists are caught in tightly bunched fists. He's holding them tight as to not lash out me as I know he longs to do.

"Are you happy now?" he asks in a low, cold voice that could cut through ice. "I don't know what you did but you did it. She's yours now just like all the other girls who hope you'll throw them a glance someday."

"Fred I didn't do anything to her. Anything that happened between us happened before you and her. We're ancient history."

"No," Ron disagrees, stepping in. "He did do something to her. He broke her heart." Ron stands between us letting us both try to throw our punches around him, being the referee until finally he had enough and shoved us both into the wall.

"Fighting isn't going to help you get her back Fred," he says. "And Harry, knocking Fred out cold will not make whatever it is that you're hiding from go away." He throws disgusted looks at both of us. "Now if you're done with the violent displays of affection Harry I want you to come with me."

"Where?" I ask rubbing the side of my jaw where Fred had managed to hit me with Ron's elbow. I feel an awfully savage feeling of beating Fred to a bloody pulp simply for touching Hermione, for breathing her air and for enjoying it.

"To see Hermione." His answer astonishes Fred and I smirk as I leave Hermione's boyfriend standing dumbfounded against the wall. Its probably the last sight I see before Hermione claws my eyes out for hurting her precious Fred, my ... replacement. But no one could replace me just as no one could replace her. A secret neither of us will ever share but always know. This is how I could force myself to keep her safe, even if it meant hurting her to do so.