Slytherin Forever! Book Three: The Rising

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Chapter Six: The Ghost of a Smile

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A drop in the ocean we're sailing upon
The angels of heaven are singing this song
Just souls in the corner of our universe
It seems that it's all we are
A drop in the ocean

- "A Drop In The Ocean", Stratovarious.

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"And if this is a dream to you, how come that you cannot wake from it? Your limbs are already going numb with the cold of the dead. Your mind is shutting itself down because you are not alive inside of it anymore. Your heart will stop beating soon because there is not a chance of you getting back inside of your body in time to stop the cold and the pain of being dead. Give it up, child, there is no hope."

The voice that speaks inside of my spirit is soothing. Its words are no comfort, unlike the sweet blackness that had engulfed me after I passed away. Yes, I daresay that I passed away even though I still remember so many things from life... dead in body and mind but not in spirit, some might say, living on because of...

Because of what, precisely? This question confuses me entirely, for I am not sure of what really keeps me alive. According to legend, the spirits of Seers never truly die until their purpose for which they have come on Earth is fulfilled. I was never really one to believe in that sort of thing... I have surely seen ghosts before but none of them are anything like myself... but death changes many things, I suppose, and clinging onto legends is exactly the thing I am doing now. Yet my mind never ceases to amaze me and that is probably why a part of me is still not buying into the "legend thing" (after all, rationality has always been that which I choose over emotions and romanticised versions of the truth) and my thoughts are exactly the reason why I cannot believe the soothing voice that tells me that there is no hope.

Giving things up has never been one of my strong points. Even if everyone else has given it up, I still hold hope for the future and I hold the power of change. I guess that my mother would reprimand me for saying that out loud -- if you can even call an empty nothingness a room to say things out loud in, I'm not entirely sure on where I am and who can hear me -- because Seers are not the people who are appointed the task to change the way things work in this world. But my mother is dead, and so are all the other ones of my family who were once persons of great renown... they are just another set of names in the big book of life and death... I am the only Seer left and with me, the line of the foretellers of future has died out. Getting heirs to your name is quite difficult if the only world you live in is the spirit world... I do suppose that spirits cannot have children, even though nothing would truly surprise me after this experience of hanging inbetween this world and the next.

But there is still hope. I never really believed in any kind of God because I like to think that I'm in control of my own life, but right now I'm really considering converting myself to any belief that involves a higher being of sorts (don't want to start up the discussion on what is a being and what is a beast again, that already happened in the marvellous tale told at the beginning of "Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them"... and if you haven't read that book yet I'm seriously disappointed in you). Perhaps I wouldn't be left hanging in here if I believed in something. Then again, if everyone who didn't believe in God was supposed to be hanging in here it would be more crowded than this and I'd actually have some company to talk with. So much for the "converting to another belief" thing then.

What have I got left except for my spirit? It does not truly take long to come up with an answer to that question, even though I have got no idea on if time still counts in this world. It does not seem long to me, however, and for that I am quite grateful. The only thing I've got left are the memories that are connected to this particular spirit. Ah yes, I do remember what happened to me before I died. I recall letting go of this world, hoping that I could still utter the words that might help my friends.

Voldemort is planning his return. His servant will come to Hogwarts and nobody shall notice him until it is too late. Be aware of the eye for it moves and sees all, even that which is supposed to remain a dark secret.

But the words died out on my lips and I fear that no one has heard them. I do not know what the last sentence means, but the first two mean absolute grave danger for all. Perhaps it is because of this that I am still here, who knows, perhaps I should find some way to get the message across to the world of the living.

Laughter comes from the voice that first spoke to me. He might know more than I do about this place and my purpose of being here... but since I arrived I have found myself unable to speak (which is quite a test for me because I usually never shut up, that is also why I'm still keeping myself sane with talking to my own spirit).

I do not really want to know what he believes to be so funny but if he can read my spirit like an open book I swear that I shall never truly talk to myself again as if someone else were listening.

"You believe that you have found the reasons for your stay here, and I cannot say that they are wrong."

I hear the words spoken and the only thing I can say to that is: 'hooray for whoever it was that allows this thing to read me like an open book'. I really wasn't waiting for a disembodied voice to find pleasure in my words.

"Disembodied, yes," the voice continues and I suddenly feel a tiny pitch of loathing appear inside of me as he said it. "But I am not someone you should be frightened of or should shield yourself from. You are unable to speak at this point because your voice belongs to your body which is currently, as you have put it so nicely already in your own mind, dead. The only voice you can talk with is the voice of your inner spirit and I shall hear you as if you had shouted it across a football pitch."

I was drawing a blank on his last words until I realised that football was a Muggle sport. Funny thing that the voice mentioned it, really, for now at least I know that he is not a pureblood wizard.

"Blood does not always count for experience and we should not judge someone on the family he or she was born into, don't you agree?"

I am really starting to get tired of this dialogue.

"Ah no, my dear, not truly a dialogue because your subject of speech is different from mine. But I am here to clarify things for you and not to have a pointless discussion on blood."

You are only making things harder to understand...

"Very well then." A noteable sigh is heard and I marvel at the human sound it makes. "Your family was always quite the impatient bunch but I must say that not even your mother's old auntie Fiona caused so much problems as you now do. Can you not be a bit more of a listener instead of a talker?"

Doing that will absolutely go straight into any principles I have ever set myself. But I shall try, I want to hear the reasons behind all of this madness.

"Truth be told that I don't really know every reason. I am only the messenger, the words I am about to speak are already inside of you. There is much more to where those words came from but even I cannot see all the dark spaces your mind holds."

If I know the words, how come that I cannot think of them myself?

"The words are known to that part of your mind only that holds your past lives. You have locked that part away, I am afraid, after you sealed yourself off from the influence of the likes of Gabriel. The dear man always was a fool, admittedly, and he did go too far with you... but right now I would wish for you to undo the seal."

The seal cannot be undone by me or by anything else. It is there and it will stay there. I have no wish of speaking with anyone other than myself in my own mind ever again. Not out of the fear of becoming a paria in society (for Seers are already ignored by at least half of the wizarding world and the other half fears us to death so I am quite used to that) but out of the fear that comes with having someone take momentary control of your body.

"He should not have done that, agreed. No harm came from it though and that is something for which you should be grateful. Worse things have happened to those who were not in control of their own mind anymore... and kissing the man you truly love was surely not a bad move to make."

What good will it do, now that I am dead?

"Dead in body and mind but not in spirit, you said, so cling onto that thought. There is a way out of this after all. When you first came here I believed you to be yet another one of those wanderings souls who do not believe in heaven or hell and I did hope that my words would kill you in the most drastic way possible... the Muggles are always quite easily convinced when it comes to this sort of thing, you know, and the only wizards and witches I keep seeing are those of your own family. When I realised that you were not going anywhere, however, I took a sneak peek into your mind and I must say that it was --" here he sniggers with silent glee and I wonder... "quite an experience. I had not ever, not even in those years when your family members seemed to take a liking to dying the most gruesome of deaths, come across such a brilliant untrained mind before. Unbelievable that you managed to survive this for so many years, amazing to see the seal inside of you that proves that there is an escape out of madness for as long as you yourself wish it..."

What does this mean?

"Why, my dear, it is exactly the sort of thing the Vayaen are hoping to find! An untrained mind, not yet fully grown, for them to poison with black thoughts and ideas... ah yes, I sense a hint of fear in the depth of your soul as you hear their name... why do you fear those which can help you become the greatest of all Seers?"

I fear them because I know what they are capable of doing.

"Isn't it more dangerous to not know what people are capable of doing? Knowing their capabilities also gives you possibilities, you know their weaknesses if you truly listened well to all of those tales that you have been told about them. Is it then not tempting to join them and destroy their idyllic world from the inside out? Wouldn't it be satisfying to murder all of those fools who are clinging onto ancient rites they barely know the words of? Wouldn't it be a joyous thing if you could become something more than the loyal Seer on the side of the Heiress?"

No.

"Whyever not?"

You have seen my mind, you say. Then you must also know that I do not play a game of thrones by jumping onto the very thing that makes us all human: mistakes and weaknesses. You must also have seen that I believe that the saying "if you can't beat them, join them" means nothing to those whose life depends on the -- idyllic or not -- world created by a force of will and power. I am a changer of life, not a bloody infiltrant in the ranks of the very thing I despise! No, if I ever decide to destroy those who oppose me I shall do it in a way that will have everyone know that it was me who killed them. In public, perhaps, someday soon. The Heiress is the future at this very point in time, we depend on her power entirely if it comes to either standing or falling.

"You know so much, and yet so little. There are other powers at work in this world besides the Heiress, do not forget that. And I am not talking about a God you considered believing in a few moments ago. I am speaking of the silent ones who work alongside of you but do not show any sign of being a working power until their force hits you at a moment you would least expect. I talk of the one that belongs to your family still, and that woman of ice he will one day marry with. I also speak of your beloved and his sister, deeply entwined with the Dark Arts, and I speak of the one whose name is aptly chosen -- for a Slytherin -- for he shall be a snake in the grass to you all. My words also concern the couple whose fights are no more than an open display of affection for all to see, and I also believe that my words go out to the last remainders of the Black family. They hold a power far more greater than that of the Heiress... and someday they will combine it to defeat one living thing that forms a threat to you all."

Voldemort.

"Perhaps... and perhaps not. Understand that not all threats come from the darkness you see. The darkness that is hiding from you is far more dangerous. And sooner or later, it is going to get you... and a part of you wants it. Not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. All humans are. It is perhaps the most human thing, to succumb to darkness and put a stop to the madness that comes with doing the right thing over and over again."

Doing the right thing is far more rewarding than succumb to something nobody really understands.

"I understand darkness. And you do, too. We've both seen it. We know its danger. Why not surrender to it?"

Because it is wrong.

"Wrong and right are the parts of a two-piece puzzle that fit in perfectly with one another. It is like the yin and the yang, the darkness and the light, the love and the hate. They are symbionts, perfect in combination and dead when separated. And we both know that in the world of mortals... there is no right or wrong. There is just the uncertainty of being alive and not understanding who wishes to do us harm and who means all the best with us."

If what you say is correct, then there is also no darkness.

"Precisely. I used the term "darkness" loosely to make clear to you what I wanted to say. The best words to replace it with would be "harmful environment", I suppose, but darkness sounds all the more threatening. Now do you understand?"

I do.

"And what is it that stops you from breaking the seal that holds all your family members back, including those that want to come to your aid?"

I do not want to create a harmful environment within myself.

"Fear kills the spirit. When the fear has gone, only you will remain. Your spirit is now trapped within walls you have created yourself... this empty space you see has been created by you alone, for death is different to all whose path has been crossed by it... you only hear my voice because all of your family knows me and feels a connection with me deep down inside of them."

You said it yourself, breaking the seal would be utter madness!

"But it would be destruction if you didn't allow that madness to resurface. Which is worse, the crazy person or the broken one?"

The broken one.

"Then what stops you?"

Nothing.

"If you let them go, I shall disappear. They'll let you live."

I do not even know your name.

"Ah, for all that matters are one's deeds. Can you still remember your own name?"

Natalya Cruz of the Romanova.

And as I say my name, I hear a faint "farewell" being spoken by the one who had so aptly guided me. I do not know whether it was my name that made him go away... for at that point in time I feel something happen inside of me. Memories come flooding back to me, memories of my own life as well as memories from the lives of those whose spirits resided inside of me. I can hear voices... so many voices... and then I know no more...

When I wake again, the first thing I notice is that it is far from quiet. My head is spinning from all that I have seen and heard. The voices are still talking, in hushed tones, about my family and the task to come for all of us. It is a cacaphony of voices inside of my head and my first mental reaction is to shout "shut up!" at all of them. I am actually surprised when they keep quiet.

And then I feel the pain in my limbs. They had indeed grown cold over the time I was away from my body, and now that I was inside of it once more they hurt because they had to warm up again. My mind slowly starts to work again, with the aid of my spirit that is weary from pure and utter exhaustion, and I am again able to move my hand somewhat. I groan in pain while doing so, for it is the feeling you might get if you've stay still for a very long period of time and then start to move again. It is a tingling, stinging sensation in my own body... but it feels so good! I once heard a Muggle say that pain is the only thing that prevents us from dying, and at that point I agree whole-heartedly with him.

"Natalya!"

I blink slowly as I hear my name. Heads swim into focus, but I cannot really make them clearer in my mind. It is like my eyes have never been used before, as if I was just born... and in a way I believe that I have never truly used them until this point in my life. I do recognize the voice that whispered my name, however, and hearing her voice makes me smile.

"Ginny."

My friend's face becomes clearer to me and I see darkened eyes look at me with concern. Her red, slightly curling hair falls around her pale face and I cannot help but marvel at the fact that she looks so much like the Slytherins whose blood she carries inside of her still. Her eyes are holding mine, for a moment I fear that she can see exactly what has happened... but then she looks away and the connection between us is broken.

"How are you feeling?"

Another voice interrupts my train of thoughts. I know this one, too, because I've listened to it as it lured me to sleep for many times already. I smile up at the man who is my only remaining family member and I sigh contently. His dark eyes are a comfort after the coldness I read in Ginny's eyes, for his eyes are heart-warming and caring.

"Regarding the fact that I nearly died," I began at a reassuring tone of voice, "I am doing quite fine. Nothing happened, no harm was done."

I seat myself upright, noticing that I had been lying on a table all along. I see Jaime stand before the tent flap, either ready to go outside or just having come in. The eyes of Jaime meet mine briefly and I shudder as I realize that he is perhaps the one that poses the most of a threat to me. A murderous rage overcomes me and I suppress it with great difficulty, knowing that it would be strange if I'd ever attack someone who is more or less on our side... I do hope that nobody noticed that just now for questions will rise if anyone saw what I just did.

"I'll go out and tell everyone that you are okay," Jaime speaks softly, as if not to wake the dead. "Many are concerned about your well-being, Miss Cruz. You gave us quite a scare."

"I'll come with you," Ginny says after a moment of utter silence. "My family will be here as well but I do not wish for them to be present if Natalya comes out." Then she looks directly at me and for a moment my power of will wavers under her stern gaze. "I'll be gone if you step outside. You may join me tomorrow."

Not a question, no. Not really an order, either. I wonder why the change came over her so quickly already. She's not a little girl anymore, she is not the person I have come to know over the years. It cannot have happened in the time of my death. It must have slumbered there all along waiting to come out. I remember the words that were spoken to me... "not all threats come from the darkness you see"... and I wonder. Wonder if we are really out to kill Voldemort and no more than that. But my thoughts on that subject are heavy and I force them from my mind for just a little while.

Jaime and Ginny leave. One person walking like the weight of the world has just fallen down upon him, the other looking like she has just seen miracles and believes in the power she holds. The snake and the mouse. Both equally dangerous and both terribly frightening in their very own way. I do not know the difference between them anymore, and it scares me.

"There is more to the tale than what you told us," Loki interrupts gently. "I do not need to know what words were spoken to you by Damien, for it is indeed him that you have talked with just like all other members of our family that died did, for they matter not. All that matters are one's deeds."

The sentence sounds familiar to me and I look up, surprised. Loki's mouth curls up into a grin and he nods at me.

"Aye I was correct, he has talked with you. He talked with me as well... a long time ago when I was still young and foolish."

"You never died, right?" I ask curiously.

"Does it matter?" he responds with a wink. "Never knew that you cared about death or life in the most strict sense of the words. A Seer should know better than that."

"A true Seer would not keep quiet about the things she has Seen."

"She would if those things are harmful to the people they concern. Think not badly of yourself for you have just fought the fight of your death."

"And all that remains now is the fight of my life," I sigh.

"When it comes we shall both be prepared," Loki murmurs, "for my fight is yours. We shall be ready. Remember the words Damien told you and commit your actions

as if they are all that matter. I found that it helps me when I'm retracing my footsteps in life."

"I hope that it will help when I'm removing the tracks my feet left upon life," I say bitterly. "Damien's words are hard to live by."

"Aye they are," Loki sighs, "because they are the truth."

He looks at me, and our spirits join together briefly to form the ghost of a smile...

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