Remus Re-erected

Chapter 7. Remus Reconstructed: The Ability to Learn from the Past.

"Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you."

- Aldous Huxley

***

"You're too fond of keeping secrets, Remus," Sirius stated, looking up and placing his mug of coffee back on the table.

Remus considered the face before him. It was thinner than it used to be, worn and tired looking, with many more lines, highlighting the years that Remus and Sirius had lived apart. They had been briefly reunited at the Shrieking Shack last year, before Remus went back to his familiar daily life, trying desperately not to focus on the revelation that Sirius hadn't betrayed anyone, and that Sirius was free from Azkaban prison, albeit in a place that was out of Remus's reach. His memories of the time before, of what he and Sirius had shared, were not relevant to their situation: their lives didn't overlap, and there was no option of becoming intimate. But now, Sirius had entered his life once more to lie low at Remus's house, until they heard further from Albus Dumbledore.

When Sirius arrived they exchanged the same warm hug as was done the previous year, only this was tempered on Sirius's side by his need for food. In the days that had followed, they had spent a great deal of time discussing Harry and also what Voldemort might be planning next. Today, Remus couldn't hold back any longer from asking Sirius whether they could have their old relationship back. He was dismayed when the conversation didn't go as well as he had hoped.

"I don't see why it should be something that has to be announced," Remus protested, all the while trying to keep his tone light and noncommittal.

"It would affect other people, no matter how hard you try to conceal it," Sirius explained, looking as if he had something further to say, but was in two minds about voicing it.

Remus wrapped his hands around his mug, letting the warmth permeate his skin, hoping it might somehow warm up the chilly feeling that was beginning to spread throughout his stomach. Sirius looked far too contemplative for Remus's liking, with his brow furrowed and teeth gnawing against his bottom lip.

"Spit it out, Sirius," Remus insisted.

"Fourteen years ago, you didn't want to admit to anyone what we had." Sirius paused to take a deep breath. "Maybe if Albus had known, he wouldn't have expected you to be Snivellus's contact. He certainly wouldn't have asked you to keep it a secret from me. I wouldn't have mistrusted you, and I wouldn't have insisted that Wormtail take my place as James and Lily's Secret-Keeper."

At his words, the atmosphere between them suddenly became very tense, and Remus dropped his gaze to the floor. He didn't need that painful reminder. He was well aware of how events had panned out previously, and he couldn't stop the feeling that it had all been his fault.

"Remus, stop looking so guilty," Sirius said, his voice softer now. "I've said that I forgive you for what happened, and I meant it. But I'm not about to put myself in the same situation, not again."

Sirius placed a hand on Remus's forearm, and Remus gave a weak smile at the earnest expression on Sirius's face.

"And that's not the only reason, Remus," Sirius said, smiling sadly back at him. "I've also got to consider Harry. For thirteen years of his life, I haven't been around to take care of him. You've got to appreciate that my priorities in life now lie with my godson, and I wouldn't be prepared to lie to Harry about something like this. I don't want to lose his trust."

"I understand," Remus acknowledged, not knowing where to go from here. Sirius had been such a big part of his life before being torn out of it, and now he was back, which was something Remus had never imagined happening. Remus's thoughts had only focused on their shared past, not once had he considered Sirius's current obligations or his future. "I guess I never put much thought into any of this."

"No, Remus, you always manage to engage your brain before you do anything," Sirius disagreed with a half-hearted chuckle. "You've always said that I act too rashly and without thinking; well, you think far too much about things. You never respond to how you really feel, not unless it's safe for you to do so, and it seems that you haven't changed in that respect."

Remus was unable to argue with Sirius on this point. He had no idea what the future would hold or what circumstances they might find themselves in, and he wasn't able to promise that things would be different. Sirius was right: he hadn't changed.

"If we were to continue seeing each other, you'd need it to be kept quiet," Sirius pointed out, "and that wouldn't only affect us, but everyone around us, too. We'd both be living a lie, and I can't live my life based on secrets anymore. After all that's happened, I'm going to try for an open and honest life, whichever way I can. What we had...well, it's just not possible now. I want to start living in the real world."

"So we can never have what we used to," Remus acknowledged forlornly.

"No. Things can't be the same between us," Sirius asserted, looking directly at Remus, his gaze never faltering. "I can't do it, not after what happened."

And with that final proclamation, Remus felt something crumble inside. It was over, and it was his fault. He couldn't remember anything hurting as much as this. Not even when Sirius had been taken away to Azkaban Prison, when Remus had assumed him guilty of betrayal. At least there had been a reason then, one in which Remus could find some sense of understanding. He had been able to believe that there wasn't anything he could have done: Sirius had been the one who had led a double life. But this time round, there was no one else for Remus to blame.

***

The material under his face felt wet, and he was shivering. Opening his eyes, Remus was momentarily disorientated by the grey shapes and the silence that surrounded him. Then he remembered where he was: Grimmauld Place. He was alone and in bed, the blankets hanging off and draping over the floor. For months he had been able to sleep without the re-emergence of that conversation in his dreams, but since coming back from Hogwarts, Remus had been haunted by it nearly every night.

It was late afternoon, and Remus rose slowly from his bed, his limbs aching from the transformation the night before. He woke to find that the world was different. Outside the window, there was a thin layer of white covering everything in view: houses, cars, the post box on the corner of the road, there was nothing that had remained untouched. It seemed so peaceful and serene, but the snow also gave an unnatural silence to the world, a sense of vacancy, a coverall for everything. It made its cold presence felt, something you couldn't avoid if you went outside; even indoors, it was hard not to be aware of the difference to the world, the swift climatic change.

Gingerly making his way around the kitchen whilst making a sandwich to eat, he was surprised and also worried when the doorbell rang. He hadn't been expecting anyone to turn up at Grimmauld Place that day. There were no meetings arranged for the Order, no reason for anyone to want to contact him.

On the doorstep were Arthur and Molly Weasley. They both looked tired, and Molly was clearly upset, her eyes red and her face sad. She gave Remus a warm smile as he stood back to let them in.

"We came to make sure you're all right," Molly said in a concerned voice as he led the way to the kitchen, and Remus wondered at why anyone should be checking up on him. Nobody had felt the need after any other full moon.

"No one had spoken to you, Remus," Arthur added, as if in explanation.

"I'm no different from any other month," he replied. "Has something happened?"

Molly nodded solemnly, and Remus felt sick at the expression on her face. A vague sense of paranoia washed over him at the thought of the wolf having got out last night, attacking someone. But he quickly dismissed the idea: the Wolfsbane Potion had seemed to work fine this month.

"It's over," Arthur began with a grim determination. "Voldemort's been defeated, and they really believe it's for good, this time. He had found a way to storm Hogwarts Castle last night, in an attempt to get to Harry. We managed to overpower him and most of his supporters who were there."

Remus's train of thought stopped abruptly at Arthur's mention of Harry. His stomach suddenly sunk to the floor. "Harry... is he... all right?"

"He will be," Arthur confirmed. "He's in St. Mungo's, at the moment."

"St. Mungo's?" he repeated dumbly, relieved that Harry was still alive, but also concerned to know that Harry had obviously been hurt quite badly.

"He was hit with a few curses, but he still managed to help take Voldemort down; it was the link through his scar that proved to be the key. He's unconscious at the moment, but they're certain he's going to come round in a few days."

Remus nodded in acknowledgement, resisting the strong urge to leave for St. Mungo's immediately. No one had believed that Harry was ready, not at sixteen; everyone had assumed that any confrontation wouldn't occur for a long time. Remus looked back at Molly, noticing her red-rimmed eyes for a second time.

"But there were casualties?" he asked tentatively.

"I'm afraid so," Arthur replied, nodding solemnly. "Most of those involved were injured, and we lost four members of the Order: Hestia Jones, Dedalus Diggle, Emmeline Vance," Arthur paused and gave an uncomfortable glance in Molly's direction before adding, "and Nymphadora Tonks."

Numbness washed over Remus as he tried to acknowledge the entirety of what had happened. He knew it would be several days before it would really sink in, just like the last time that Voldemort was defeated, and at such a price. More death, more lives cut short, more faces that he was used to seeing in his own life had now been removed from it, forever. Thank God Harry hadn't been one of them.

Lost in his thoughts, he was only vaguely aware of Molly telling him there would be a funeral service on Wednesday, in Hogsmeade. Then Arthur was going through the details of what had occurred the night before, but Remus couldn't concentrate, only being able to make out the odd disjointed word. All he wanted to do was see Harry, to be able to touch him, to hold him. Remus felt the need to see for himself that Harry had made it through in one piece. But he knew that any concern he showed towards Harry would most likely be inappropriate, and it would be torture not to be able to reach out and hold Harry close. He would have to wait until he could restrain himself from reacting in this way.

After they left, Remus sat staring into space, alone, vacantly sipping at the half-mug of cold tea that Molly had made him earlier. It was too much to contemplate, and he found it hard to focus on any of it, so he let his thoughts drift towards Harry. At least Harry was safe. Finally, Harry had a future and the opportunity to make a life for himself without the constraints of a prophecy hanging over his head.

Remus told himself reluctantly that he had no right to stand in the way of that future. He could not allow himself to continue his intimacy with Harry. He had to let Harry go, to let him live his life openly and honestly without any distractions that he'd have to hide from the world.

But should I tell him now, so soon after what has happened? he wondered. Would it be fair? Or would it be worse to drag it out, knowing what I intend to do?

And what did he think he could say to Harry? "Well done on defeating Voldemort, and by the way, we can't see each other anymore." It seemed heartless, but then again, perhaps now was the perfect time to do it, now that Harry had the chance to live. At least Remus had some time to think about how he could approach the subject.

The days up to the funeral passed slowly, with only a couple of visitors to break the monotony. Harry was still recovering in St. Mungo's, and Remus had yet to visit him there; he doubted whether he would find the courage to visit Harry at all. Those who had turned up at Grimmauld Place during the week had given him details of Harry's slow recovery, and even hearing about Harry's progress stirred emotions in Remus that left him feeling wholly uncomfortable. Those emotions were irrelevant now: what he and Harry had... it had to end.

Albus Dumbledore had been one of Remus's visitors, and he arrived with a request: when Remus returned to Hogwarts at the end of the week, he was to collect Harry from St. Mungo's. The hospital was anticipating that Harry would have recovered enough to be able to return to school. Although Harry was still potentially in danger from a few Death Eaters who were still on the loose, Albus believed a stay at the Green Dragon was no longer necessary. On this occasion, they could Floo directly to Hogsmeade. Remus tried to think of this as a good thing, knowing that it would remove temptation and help him follow through with his decision. But it was hard to ignore the feeling of finality that came with the end of their evenings together.

On the day of the funeral, he was left to make his way there on his own. He tried to keep his mind clear as much as possible, reasoning that there would be plenty of time in the days that followed for him to dwell on his losses. There were too many links and associations with the hall in Hogsmeade, including James and Lily's service, which had been held at the same place. Today he would remain as blank as he was able, leaving contemplation to another day, when he could have more perspective and more distance.

He neared the hall, where the service was to be carried out, and heard the low hum of people who had already arrived. He could imagine the type of tentative conversations that were probably taking place in an attempt to avoid silence. He turned the final corner and saw the many black-enshrouded figures. They milled around as a unit, linked by grief; many, like Remus, were waiting for the finality of this ceremony to be over once and for all. He felt distanced from everyone else present and wished that Harry was there alongside him.

Remus would have to wait until the end of the week before he could see Harry, and he allowed himself to focus on this thought throughout the service, letting the words drift past him. He couldn't listen to what was being said: he didn't want to take in the emotive speeches being given; he didn't want to react. Even though there were plenty of people there that he knew, he wasn't particularly close with any of them, and they were all collected together in their own little groupings. He was solitary, and he didn't want to attract attention. There was too much bubbling away at the surface, too many things that could come out. Later on, when he would be alone, it would be safer.

Once the service was finally over, he made his way out of the hall, speaking a few words of comfort to the families of those who had died. He intended to find a quiet spot nearby to gather himself together, and then he would go back to the hall to talk with others whom it would be impolite for him to ignore completely.

As he rounded a bend in the lane that led from the hall, he saw Fred, who was standing underneath a Yew tree, his shoulders hunched, and his head hanging heavily. George was next to him, with an arm around him, and Remus could see George talking to him. Poor Fred, Remus thought. After what he felt for Tonks... Remus understood that very few people, if any, would appreciate how Fred must be feeling at that moment. George looked up and beckoned for Remus to join them.

As Remus approached, Fred spoke up.

"I never did get around to letting Tonks know how much I liked her," he said wistfully, his voice full of regret. "I was too busy worrying about what Mum might think, and that I was too young for Tonks..."

"I wish there was something I could say to help," Remus said. "The only thought with which I can console myself is that at least she died fighting for a good cause, something she believed in..." he trailed off as he noticed that both Fred and George were staring at him with identical bewildered expressions.

"Remus, who told you how Tonks died?" George asked tentatively.

"Your father went over the details with me, but I must admit, I wasn't taking it all in. I assumed that they were all killed either by Death Eaters, or possibly by Voldemort himself..." George was shaking his head slowly. "Then what...?"

"She didn't die fighting for a cause she believed in," Fred said bitterly. "When You-Know-Who was defeated, she was still alive."

George gave his brother a look of concern, and squeezed his shoulder briefly before taking over the explanation of what happened.

"She had spent twenty minutes or so helping to clear the mess that had been left before leaving with Professor McGonagall. They were going to contact a few people using the Floo Network. On the way, she tripped on a Death Eater's wand that had been abandoned at the top of the main staircase. McGonagall couldn't do anything to help, her own wand had been snapped in two earlier on; she could only watch as Tonks fell. Her neck had already broken before she reached the bottom."

Remus's breath caught at the back of his throat; her death had been meaningless, then, something that could've happened at any time, to anyone. Collecting himself together, he tried to make amends for his blunder by offering what little consolation he could. Then he left Fred and George alone once more. As he walked away, he could barely contain his despair at the senselessness of it all.

Nothing about the day had shaken Remus more than learning about the circumstances of Tonks's death. It wasn't a death that could be anticipated; it was an unexpected way to end a life, a type of ending from which no one was immune, including Harry. Even without the prophecy looming over him, Harry's life could end prematurely, in an unexpected, pointless way, not unlike what had happened to Sirius. Finally, Remus knew that, no matter what decision he thought he'd come to before, he couldn't give up Harry.

Even if it would be the right thing to do, Remus wasn't ready to stop seeing Harry, not yet. So what if they had to keep secrets? It would be worth it to be able to enjoy Harry's company for as long as was possible. Now that there was no longer the threat to Harry's life from Voldemort, perhaps it would be easier for them to meet in private. The first opportunity would be at the weekend, when he and Harry returned to Hogwarts. They could both go up to Remus's office once they got there and spend some time alone together before Harry went back to Gryffindor tower.

On the day they were due to return to Hogwarts, Remus arrived early at the hospital to find that Harry was already up and dressed. He immediately noticed Harry's drained appearance and the flecks of grey that were now showing in his hair. It was heartbreaking to watch the slow, pained way in which Harry was moving; he looked far too old for his years. Harry greeted him awkwardly, and Remus carried his things to the main fireplace in the hospital. He couldn't help feeling that the atmosphere between them was strained, and he assumed that Harry, like himself, was waiting for them to be alone before they could both relax.

It wasn't until they were making their way up the driveway to Hogwarts Castle that Remus opened his mouth to speak, but Harry interrupted him before he had the chance to finish his first word.

"Har--"

"I've had a lot of time to think about things this week," Harry said in a rush. "About my future and what I want from it now that Voldemort is dead."

"Have you come to any conclusions... or made any decisions?"

"I don't think we should carry on seeing each other anymore."

Even as his expectations came crashing down around him, Remus immediately put up his barriers. Harry was looking at Remus apprehensively after making this announcement, as if trying to assess his reaction; Remus forced a smile. I was supposed to be the one to end things between us, Harry. You can't do this... Remus silently pleaded. I was going to... but, not yet... I'm not ready. Remus tried to compose himself. If Harry had made his decision, then it wouldn't be fair to try changing it.

"If that's what you want, then I certainly won't get in your way, Harry," he said, trying hard not to let his voice break as he spoke.

Harry continued to stare into Remus's face, looking slightly saddened by what he saw there. "I want to be able to think long-term about things, now that I have the chance," he explained. "I finally have the opportunity to live a normal life, without having the weight of the world on my shoulders... You told me before not to hold myself back for you. Well, maybe you were right. If I'm going to be with someone, then I want to be able to talk about them to my friends."

"I understand," Remus said, still desperately trying not to let it show just how devastated he was by Harry's decision.

"I guess I don't need what we had, anymore," Harry continued. "I want a relationship that I can be open about. I'm not able to have that with you, and I wasn't able to have that with Tonks, either." Harry began to lower his voice as they drew closer to the front doors of the castle. "I'm tired of having to keep secrets."

I'm tired of secrets, too, Remus acknowledged silently, so tired.... He gave Harry another fake smile.

"If we were to continue seeing each other, you'd need it to be kept quiet," Harry pointed out, "and that wouldn't only affect us, but everyone around us, too. We'd both be living a lie, and I can't live my life based on secrets anymore. After all that's happened, I'm going to try for an open and honest life, whichever way I can. What we had...well, it's just not possible now. I want to start living in the real world."

These last few words were uttered as Harry pulled the front doors open. Even though it was Harry who was standing in front of him, Harry's lips that were moving... all Remus had heard was Sirius's voice, lifted from the dream that had been plaguing him for so long. It was like a slap to the face, as if Sirius had re-emerged only to taunt him. He barely noticed Harry giving him one last sad smile before Harry turned and walked up the stairs towards Gryffindor Tower.

Remus remained standing in the entrance hall, letting time pass him by. He was to go back to being alone, emotionally cut off, and acknowledging this made the future seem very bleak. What was he supposed to do? What could he do? It was as if Sirius was shouting at him to decide what he really wanted for once. I've got to sort out my priorities, he realised. I don't want this; I don't want to let him go. But what else can I do? The rest of the world would tell me to leave him be now that he's walked away, to stay well away from him. To do what I did with Sirius...

After the confrontation at Remus's house, he had backed off from Sirius, waiting for the time when he would be able to cope with being honest to people, when he would no longer worry about what they would think, or until Sirius changed his mind. Perhaps once the war is over, Remus had thought at the time. Then if people don't like what we're doing, we don't have to see them... But Sirius had never made it that far, and their remaining time together had been wasted.

The events of the past week suddenly put his relationship with Sirius into perspective. What would it have mattered, really, if Remus could've been close to Sirius once more, for that short time he had been alive? It would've been worth putting up with anything that others might have said on the subject. He had missed his opportunity, misjudged his priorities.

He finally appreciated that relationships were things to be proud of, and if they were worth having, then he should be prepared to accept all that came with them. Sirius had moved on, tired of waiting for Remus to show just how much Sirius meant to him by being willing to tell the world. All Remus had done was show Sirius that the opinions of others meant more to him than being with Sirius did. He had never thought to prove Sirius wrong. He had never been able to turn around and say "I can do it differently. You mean that much to me"; he had just taken everything that Sirius had said and accepted it. He had never realised that Sirius might have been testing him to see how far Remus would be prepared to leap for their relationship. But at the time, Remus hadn't been brave enough to do what Sirius wanted: to "take life by the balls", as Sirius had often put it, irrespective of what other people might think. Remus realised that he was about to make the same mistake with Harry.

A subtle cough snapped Remus out of his reverie. He brought himself back to reality with a shake of the head, to find Albus Dumbledore looking at him with concern.

"Remus, is everything all right?"

"No," he replied with a slight amount of trepidation in his voice. He realised that it was no longer a case of doing the right thing, but of working out what he really wanted and just doing it, following his own heart rather than the dictates of others. He knew what he had to do this time. "I have to resign."

"I must say this is most unexpected," Albus said in surprise. "May I ask your reasons?"

"I've been involved with a student," Remus admitted, trusting that Albus would deal with the situation in his usual calm and focused manner.

"Ah," Albus said as he studied Remus over the top of his glasses, his gaze betraying none of his thoughts on the matter.

"I don't think it would be fitting for me to continue working here," Remus pointed out.

"Yes, you're quite right; it would be rather... inappropriate for you to remain here as a teacher." Albus nodded gravely. "I assume you intend to leave immediately?"

"Yes, it would probably be best if I left as soon as possible. I'll go back to my office and pack my things now."

"Dinner will be starting in a few moments. You could join us for one last meal."

"No, I don't think I will. You know that I don't like to drag these things out."

"Very well. In that case, unless you have any objections, I will inform the rest of the school that you are leaving. Obviously, I will not be explicit concerning your reason why." Albus turned to leave, but not before giving Remus a friendly smile. "And Remus, if you should need anyone with whom you can discuss your... circumstances, my door will always be open."

Remus gave a word of thanks before leaving for his office. Once there, he slowly began to collect his things together, remembering the circumstances surrounding his last departure from Hogwarts and the concerned last-minute visitor he had received that time.

He expected Harry to arrive after dinner, after he had heard Albus's announcement, and Remus thought over exactly what he wanted to say. He knew he could have no expectations that Harry would want to continue seeing him after he had made his offer. So, he consoled himself in the knowledge that, if Harry wasn't interested, at least Remus had finally managed to break free from his previous self-built constraints on life. He would take life by the balls, just as Sirius had always wanted him to.

Just as he was packing the last of his things into his trunk, a loud knock came from his office door.

"Come in," Remus called out.

A disgruntled looking Harry strode in, followed by Ron and Hermione.

"Why didn't you say anything to me?" Harry asked angrily, unable to keep the hurt look from his face.

"And why are you leaving?" Ron added.

"If the reason was open for public dissection then I'm sure Professor Dumbledore would have told you at dinner," Remus told Ron firmly. He looked across at Hermione. "Would you two mind if I spoke to Harry alone, for a moment?"

Hermione narrowed her eyes at Remus and cast a worried glance in Harry's direction before taking a perplexed Ron by the arm and ushering him out of the room.

"Did someone find out about us? Have you been sacked?" Harry asked anxiously after the door had been closed.

"No. Yet again, I've resigned," Remus said, leaning back on his desk. He looked soberly at Harry. "But I have to admit that it was because of you."

Harry gaped at him in confusion.

"It's not right for a teacher to want a student, not in the way that I want you," Remus explained. "I know I said that I wouldn't get in the way if you don't want us to carry on seeing each other, but if you should change your mind, my position at Hogwarts is no longer an issue. I guess the fact that you're only sixteen is a slight problem, but you will be of age in a few months time."

Harry's mouth was moving silently, his eyes wide in shock, and Remus plunged on, hoping that Harry would at least consider what he was saying.

"I can wait until you're seventeen, and when you are, you wouldn't have to worry about keeping secrets anymore: I wouldn't object to you telling anyone about us... I'll understand if it's not what you want..."

As Remus trailed off, he watched as the look of shock on Harry's face turned into an enthusiastic smile. Within less than a second, Harry had closed the distance between them, flinging his arms around Remus and nearly knocking him back onto the desk. Then Harry's lips were upon his, kissing him deeply, and all of Remus's insecurities were washed away.

Breaking apart for air, Harry gazed at Remus, his eyes glistening.

"Remus... what I said before... I'm sorry. I didn't think there was any chance you felt the same way that I do. But you didn't have to resign; you could have just told me what you wanted."

Remus looked into Harry's eyes, vaguely reminiscing about Lily's kindness and compassion. She wouldn't have wanted Remus to resign, either.

"Harry, I could have confessed how I felt about you until I was blue in the face, but you wouldn't have believed me if I turned around and said you had to keep it a secret."

"I guess not. So you want to wait until I'm seventeen, and then we can tell people that we're together?"

"I certainly wouldn't use the word 'want'," Remus admitted. "But I think it would be for the best if we're going to be continuing this long-term."

Remus stared at Harry, curious at the way he was chewing his bottom lip as if deep in thought. Finally, Harry spoke.

"I know I said that I don't want to keep secrets, but I don't want to have to wait until the end of July, either."

"What did you have in mind?"

"How about a compromise?" Harry suggested with a grin. "I don't have a problem with a bit of short-term secrecy..."

It was now Remus's turn to smile enthusiastically, and he drew Harry in close to kiss him once more. This time, he let his hands wander, relishing the feel of being able to touch Harry intimately again. Harry responded eagerly, letting out a soft moan around Remus's mouth and pressing his body flush against Remus's. Feeling himself becoming more and more turned on, Remus pulled back reluctantly before he got too carried away.

"As much as I'd like to carry on with this now, there's a chance that Albus will turn up to say goodbye before I leave," Remus said in a disgruntled tone. Then he grinned in realisation. "I believe you have a Hogsmeade weekend soon. Perhaps you could meet me there. We could go somewhere private for the day and find something to do..."

"I think I can cope with a few illicit meetings like that before my birthday."

Letting out a small chuckle, Remus squeezed Harry tightly, pressing his lips against the soft, black hair. They had a future, together, and for the first time in his life, Remus couldn't give a damn what anyone else might think.