Glass Rose

Glass Rose

"How is Eleanor and Thomas, my Rose?" Amelia asked as Rowena entered their bedchamber. Her face was flushed, her hair was a mess, and her eyes were forlorn. She looked really ill. It made her daughter´s heart ache.

"They are fine. Danielle and Eleanor are smuggling him in the ball now."

"That is nice..."

"Just rest mother... it will be all right."

"No, it will not be...I am dying... I want to go... I want to go home... to the glen..."

Rowena gulped. She was so worried that it was true. Her mother could not be dying... she just could not be. It was one of her worst fears coming true. Her mother, dying. And she, left alone with her siblings. She could not take care of them. She couldn´t...

"Mother," she said, her voice cracking, "Do not say that... you shall be well again."

"It will not..." Amelia put a hand on her daughter´s face, "You have to face the facts, my Rose. It is only the way of the world. I have become ill because of my own selfishness--"

"You are not selfish!"

"Shh... Listen. I am ill because of my selfishness... I wanted to go to my home. I should not be thinking of it when I have three children to care for. If I was ever found, they would crucify me for adultery and witchcraft. Do you understand why I should not be thinking of somewhere else? It distracts me."

"But if weeping for your home. It is all right! Mother... it is all right. You miss it. Homesickness is not selfishness."

Her mother sank in the bedcovers and sobbed. She would be better off left alone... Rowena kissed her forehead and left. "You will be well. You will see."

After twelve years of living in a castle, Rowena still didn´t like it. Stone was hard... cold... lonely. The only places she felt welcome there was the library and in her mother´s arms. She often wondered what the glen was like. Was magic freely done there? Was it truly better? Safer? Was anything?

Sometimes, she thought it was hopeless. That her mother would never recover... she´d be left to die. All alone. In that dreadful castle. She didn't want that.

Rowena strolled around the castle mulling over enchantments. She had to find one that could cure her mother. Or should she find a potion? Her mother had not taught her potions yet. It would be difficult, and she did not know if wizards and witches had books for it. She was not good at improvising. It was not fair... she did not want to lose her mother. Years of tears started to stream down her face... it was not fair.

Maybe it was because she was not paying attention or that she was crying so hard, she couldn´t see through the tears but whatever the reason, she had collided into someone and fallen back on her rear end.

"I am so sorry!" A male voice apologized. Rowena kept her head down, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. "I am sorry... are you all right?"

"I am fine," Rowena croaked.

"No, you are not. You are crying."

"I am fine!" Rowena insisted, more defiantly. She stared up at the boy.

"Then let me help you then." Rowena let him and glared. "What is your problem anyhow?"

She didn´t answer. He is so meddlesome, she thought and started to walk away, fuming at herself. Why was not I paying attention? Distractions... mother was right... but I do not care! It is mother! She is everything!

"Pardon me, but I was asking you something!" The boy said to her fleeting back. He was starting to follow her.

"I am fine," Rowena repeated for the third time. She just wanted to be felt alone. Was that so hard? Who was this boy to meddle in her affairs?

"You are not."

Rowena spun around to face him. "Who are you to tell me that? Did you not just run into me? Was that on purpose? Why do you not just leave me be?"

"You are making my head spin," The boy said, "But I did not mean it like that... you were crying before then... and...I am sorry. You are right... I should not meddling in your business..."

"It is all right," Rowena found herself forgiving the boy. She didn´t know if boy was the right word for the male standing before her. He was clearly older than her. Five years older probably. He had a dark mop of hair and warm amber eyes. She felt a pang of recognition. "Do I... know you?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing. I do not think so though... my name is Go--Geoffrey of Gryffindor."

"Gogeoffrey?" Rowena half laughed.

"No. Just Geoffrey," Geoffrey, if that was his name, said, a bit miffed.

"Well Just Geoffrey, shouldn´t you be at the ball?" Rowena asked. It was not everyday she met someone outside the castle. But what is this--young man, that was it--doing out there in the corridors talking to her? Was he a spy?

"Um, well, forgive me but I do not want to be at a nine-year-old´s birthday party. I do not see you there either."

"And what? Be in the presence of that pitiful brat?"

"Princess Danielle is a brat?"

"No, I was talking about the Her Highness."

No, she decided. He cannot be a spy. Besides, what´s here to spy on anyway?

They laughed together joyfully. "Let us walk outside, shall we?" Rowena smiled as she walked around the gardens with him, forgetting, momentarily, about her mother. "I do admit that woman is... awful. Was she just born mean?"

"Well, no... she was just... raised that way, I guess."

"Perhaps."

"Its sad how she became that way... her mother and her mother before were all raised like that. Hopefully Danielle won´t end up the same way..."

"How do you know?"

"Um... well..."

He raised an eyebrow. "Well, from how you seem to talk about her, you seem to...well, detest her. I doubt she has private talks to you, no offense, about her childhood."

Rowena nodded. "Well... she hates me for one thing. I do not hate her now... I kind of pity her... I do not know anymore... Things have changed since I was younger...."

"How so?"

"Well... when you are young you do not really pay attention, you never see that something is wrong. But when you grow up, it is all you see... the wrong. The problem. And you just want to fix it. To make it all better."

"You are not talking about Her Royal Highness anymore, are you?" He smiled weakly.

Rowena shook her head. She did not know why she was confessing this all to this stranger. But she just felt as if she could trust him. It was a ridiculous feeling. Why should she? It was completely irrational and illogical. It was stupid. Plus she did not even like to talk to anyone (besides her parents), so why was she talking to him? A complete and utter stranger? A boy no less; a boy that probably had royal blood in him. It didn´t matter if she did too. To everyone, she was a daughter of a servant. No one important. No one that mattered.

"No..." and she decided not to say anymore on the issue. "So how about you?" She abruptly changed the subject.

"What about me?"

"Why were you invited?"

"Oh... His Royal Highness invited me. I remember briefly remember him visiting... years ago. I had forgotten all about that day... I did not even remember how he looks like until today. Oh well. No harm done."

"Oh.. fa--I mean King Rupert. Yes... well... we love him. Unlike Her Highness."

"I can see why you do not."

Rowena nodded glumly and sighed heavily. Geoffrey gave her a perplexed look. He opened his mouth to ask when a worried voice hollered from a castle window. "Rowena! Come quickly!" Rowena turned and look up and saw her younger sister with a concerned look on her face. Her heart started to pound painfully. All she could think was: No...No...No! NO!

"Oh Lord..." she muttered under her breath.

"Its Mother!" Eleanor shouted right before she disappeared.

Rowena suddenly felt weak. She turned back to Geoffrey. "I have to go," she whispered. "I am so sorry." Without looking back, or hearing the young man´s call asking for her name, she raced to the castle, through the long winding corridors. When she tripped and fell she would just get back up and keep on running. She ignored all, even when she passed Nanettia in a blur to get to her mother. She shouted, indignantly, but Rowena could not care less.

When she reached there Eleanor had her hand on her mother´s forehead. Rowena breathed, "What is wrong now?" Her voice was unsteady and hoarse. Her mother´s eyes were closed but her breathing was hard and rattling.

Eleanor replied, "She´s burning up! I don´t know what´s wrong! I just went to check up if you were here and Mum told me you already left! And I do not know! She just fell down and... and..." tears welled up in her eyes and she was close to crying.

Rowena teetered to her side. "Mum... please..." she pleaded. "Please be all right..." She touched her mother´s cold hands.

---

A day later, Rowena, Eleanor, and Thomas were sitting morbidly in a small isolated room in a south tower. Eleanor´s head hung in deep sadness. Thomas kept opening and closing his mouth. As if he was at a loss of words but wanted desperately wanted to say something. Rowena was absolutely still; her eyes were forlorn and far away. In some other time, some other place. No one dared to talk to her. That would only make things much worse. For all of them.

Their mother was alive. But only barely. They did not know what was wrong. Eleanor really did not know what was happening but she remembered what happened after she calmed down. Their mother felt really cold and was shivering. She was burning up as if she had a fever and she just collapsed. Eleanor helped her into bed and it was all she could do. Eleanor started panicking and called Rowena. She didn´t even notice that Rowena had been talking to a boy. When Eleanor mentioned `mother´ Rowena knew something was very, very wrong. She didn´t know how she could help. Rupert had entered when Nanettia informed him of a servant girl in a rushing to get to one of the bedchambers. Her knew at once it was Amelia. He rushed to her side at once and got a doctor.

The doctor had the children move somewhere else. In case they were infected too. Basically, quarantine. Rowena scowled at them when they were forced out. Rowena´s head hung the whole time they were there. No tears, no sobs. No complaints. Just a silent reverie of years gone.

She didn´t even eat when Rupert came to them with food. He said the doctor confirmed it wasn´t contagious. And they could go out of the room but can´t enter Amelia´s room. Eleanor and Thomas accepted the food but Rowena didn´t move from her place. She gave a slight shudder but didn´t utter a single word. "It is best if you leave her alone," Eleanor explained to their father. "She is... upset. She knew something was wrong and she was just dreading something like this happening." Their father nodded.

"Yes..." he said.

"Aye," Thomas responded looking at his older sister. "Do we gots to go?"

"We will stay with Rowena father," Eleanor told him.

"All right. Glass Rose," he said. "Will you be all right?" Rowena didn´t answer. He didn´t expect her to do so. So he left.

Thomas gave Eleanor a perplexed look. Eleanor only shrugged. They never understood why their parents called her that. It was as much a mystery to them as to why Rowena loved to read.

The next time Rowena made a sign that she was not comatose was when she shivered and a stream of tears fell unto her lap. Eleanor and Thomas sat by her at once. They tried to say comforting words.

"Oh! Ro´ena! Do not cry... it all right!"

"Oh Rowena! Please do not cry... you will make me cry!"

"Mummy is well! She is! She is!"

"We can see her if you like Ro, would you like that?"

Suffice to say, it didn´t stop her from feeling more and more depressed. But she nodded anyway. She croaked, "Aye, I would like to see mum."

They sneaked they´re way to her room. Just as they were about to enter, the door was pushed open. Rowena quickly whispered to them, "Get in that cupboard!"

"That will not fit us!"

"Just go!"

They squished into the small space and heard their father and the doctor conversing.

"Will she be well?"

"She´s ill. I do not think is going to get any better. How long has she been like this?"

"I do not know. A little while now."

"Oh. Well, you can get I new servant."

"I do not want a new servant! For heaven´s sake! These people are human beings! You cannot just throw them out! Especially not her!"

"Why not?" The doctor´s tone was suspicious.

Then there was silence. Footsteps walking away and then a desperate sobbing.

Rowena let out a breath she was holding in and burst out the cupboard and ran into her mother´s room. Her younger siblings following her. Her mother was awake and had a puzzled look.

"My dears, what are you doing here?"

"Mother!" Thomas hugged her.

"Mama!" Eleanor clutched her hand.

And Rowena just stared at her forlornly.

"Sweetheart, Darling... oh Rose... you are not supposed to be here. I..." Rowena broke down again threw her arms around her. Amelia trailed off. She could not say anymore.

---

They lived there normally once more until one day, three years later Amelia had gotten sick again. And resolved that she was going to die. Rowena said it was not true. Amelia said she wanted to be home when she died. Rowena told her she was not going to die again. Amelia refused to believe her and vise versa.

Rupert stayed in a frightened state. He couldn´t focus very well and there were now rumors he was going on having an affair. People were scandalized and started distrusting their ruler. Nanettia wasn´t surprised but she didn´t want to be overthrown. She suggested one day to him to exile his mistress. Rupert was shocked that day; and angry. He denied having any sort of affair.

He went to Amelia one day and told her about it. Amelia gave a weak smile, though she was pale and freezing. "See? I told Rowena I want to go. I want to go home."

He looked at her in terror. "What??" She never mentioned once that she wanted to go back home.

"You heard me Love, I want to go home back to the glen. I left there for you and now I am destroying you," her eyes were dark and glazed with a sadden expression.

Rupert took her hands. "You are not... and it is just my reputation that is being ruined. You, and our children, are my life."

"What about Nanettia and Danielle?"

"I love Danielle and you know where I stand with Nanettia. I cannot live without you, Thomas, Eleanor, and Rowena. I cannot--"

"You will have to," Amelia said firmly. "I am sorry..." A pause. "I think Thomas and Eleanor should stay with you. They are too young to come with me, but Rowena says that if she does not go with him she will not let me go."

Rupert pleaded, "We can go together. All of us, even Danielle."

"No. You have a kingdom to run. Rupert, Love, I love you with all my heart and you´ll always be in my heart but you have to let me go. Or it will be harder for you when I--"

There was anger in his tone. "You are not going to die!"

"Yes I am!" She replied just as cross. "You all have to accept it! I cannot go on! I need to die!"

No response came from him.

"Do you not understand?" she said more quietly. "I am in great pain. Not just physically. But mentally and spiritually. I cannot not go on here." Rupert opened his mouth again to protest. "Nor there! I can´t go on here, in this world. In this life. I just want to die in the place I felt was home. The place that is home. You will always be everything to me Love, but I have to move on too. In the next life. The next great journey."

"Oh Amelia..."

---

"It will be winter before you get there," Rupert told her as she mounted on a tall white horse. It was an offspring of Rupert´s old stallion, Ambertone. Meanwhile, Rowena rode on a dark roan horse behind her. She was now almost as tall as her mother. She was wore a heavy dark blue overcoat, long puffy sleeved dress and a plain long skirt. All shades of blue. Her feet donned leather boots. Her hair was neatly done, for once. Amelia wore a similar outfit, consisting shades of gray.

Both Eleanor and Thomas looked close to tears. Rupert forced an encouraging smile on his lips while Amelia restrained a violent cough. Rowena was just shrouded in sadness. Then their horses rode off.

Amelia looked back one last time and yelled, "Good bye! I love you all!" Rowena didn´t dare. She didn´t want to cry ever again. It made her feel weak. Like she could not help at all. Like she was useless. She hated the feeling.

She continued to stare forward. Just anywhere but back. She let out a jittery breath. It came out as a smoky mist and dissipated into thin air. She put her head down in shame. It had been few years ago but the emotions were again fresh in her head. Feeling helpless ... it made her... feel... useless... worthless ... it made her feel tremendously small.

"Rose? Are you...?" Amelia´s voice broke the silence.

No. She did not feel... anything, but shame. Tears were trying to come. She knew. She would not let them. She refused to feel that lonely again. That cold. That dark shroud that covered her very soul. Desperation almost overtaking her. It hurt from the bottom of her heart. Her mother had enough of the pain. That was why she decided her life should end. It was not fair. Amelia was her mother. It was not her choice if she was to die or not. It was not fair because she needed her! She was only fifteen years of age! It was not fair. She knew servants older than her, much older, whose mothers were still alive and healthy. Why did she have to lose hers?

Her mother called again, "Rose? ...My Rose?"

Still no answer...

"Rowena?"

"Aye?"

"Are you...?" She repeated. Amelia knew she couldn´t say the words herself, unlike her daughter who had asked the question every single day for years ever since....

Rowena´s response was shaky, "I-I am f-fine."

"No. You are not." It was a pronouncement that was only so true. "Now what is wrong?"

"Why?" Rowena blurted out; tears still restrained. "Why do you have to die? You cannot! You cannot leave me!"

To her great surprise, her mother smiled knowingly. There was no shock. No depression on her face; nothing like she wore on most days. She actually seemed... relieved.

"I had known that you were going to ask that. There is no simply answer to that. But if I had to put it in the best way I can... I have a broken heart."

Rowena was immediately hurt. What? A broken heart? Was it because of her or--?

Seeing the look on her daughter´s face, Amelia remedied what she just said, "No, no... not because of you. Not even Nanettia. Not your brother or sister. And especially not your father, though it has something to do with him."

"Why then?" Rowena managed to say.

Amelia looked off ahead into the distance. Her thoughts were at the glen already, Rowena knew. "Because there I was... free..."

"But--"

Amelia didn´t change her expression. "No Rose... we are not free. We will never be truly free. We shall all live in hiding though not really hiding... but I could do what I wanted as long as it was out of range for anyone to see me. True... I could be robbed--I was, many times--but I was free to be myself. Remember last year? I told you that magic is a part of us along with who were are and where we have lived.... And when we repress it, we are repressing ourselves? That is what it is. The glen was--and most likely still is--a secluded place. Not many people lived there. There were many travelers though... some of them our kind. I had hoped that we could have lived..." she sighed, trailing off into a bittersweet reverie of dreams long past.

Rowena finally gave a look back. The glen was special to her mother. She used to talk about it so much when she was a little girl. Rowena could barely remember those times anymore. Her mother had been happier. More lively and energetic. A little more cynical towards Nanettia. Ravenclaw Castle was bleak compared to what she used to say about her beloved glen. It was more crowded and, even though Rupert tried to solve the problems, in misery. When Amelia lived in the glen, there was no established government. It was getting smaller, if anything, according to her. Rowena would rather live in a place like that. She never liked having lots of people around. And perhaps that her mother would live through. She dreamed, she wished--she prayed--that her mother would make it.

As the speck that was Ravenclaw grew ever smaller, they turned another way and the castle was gone from site. Rowena turned her head away. No more. She couldn´t ever live like that... in fear of being caught. In fear of punishment just because of loving someone. No... she wouldn´t like that. Never.

---

Rowena learned never to complain. Not because she might be punished for doing so but because it was just good discipline. And discipline was good because if she worked hard then she would get her work done faster and done correctly. It was not as if she was obsessed with correctness, it was just that order was more preferable to her than chaos. That was what made her different from lots of the other girls that worked there. Most of them worked at their homes but Nanettia worked them hard. Rowena was not her servant but she had to obey her too. They all did. Nanettia would work them even harder if they complained, which made the girls whine even more. It was an awful circle. Rowena was fortunate. She avoided her as often but she never once protested. She was defiant, true, but it was better to avoid confrontation. Everyone would be happier if they did. Except, maybe Nanettia.

She did not like the castle, or the village there but she did not want to really leave it either. She never left it, according to her memory; which she suspected was deteriorating because she lost large fragments of her childhood. Then again maybe it was the fire that happened quite a long time ago, when she was six or seven years old. Who knew?

Anyway, as much as she knew, she never had been anywhere else. Just the castle... and sometimes one of her duties was to fetch someone from the village. An errand girl. She had some currency and it was just as good anywhere else but she wanted to save it for something special for her mother. Before Amelia had withered away in misery.

"Rowena?" Amelia asked in a soft voice. She hardly ever called her daughter by her first name.

"Yes?"

"You will love the glen," she promised. "I know it. It will be home. Like it was for your father and me. It is a great shame that Darling and Sweet aren´t here to share it with us."

"Why are they not here?"

"The same reason we left... If we were ever found out, they would be punished also. And they would not have a chance to protect themselves." She sighed, "Ah.. My Rose... I hope you do understand. I did not want to leave your father. Heavens no... but... ever since I left there has been this voice saying that I did not belong, that I belonged at home. In the glen. I had kept it back for so long but I could not ignore it any longer. I gave... and I wasted away, wanting to die... I wanted my home. It is difficult to understand."

"I understand," Rowena told her. And she believed it.

When they reached the glen, Rowena was in awe. She had read about them, but she never could contemplate how they really were. And suddenly, her heart felt at peace. Like she was home. She wanted to explore the small village, learn all she could about the place but her mother would not let her. The first place Amelia took her was a pub. Rowena started to protest, since she did not think it appropriate to enter one. But Amelia insisted.

Rowena felt strange in the small pub right outside the forest. It was crowded with strangers but quieter than the castle had ever been. It was stuffy and warm. She did not feel out of place but more like a small child introduced into a new environment. An environment involving the older folks.

Amelia took her immediately to the counter. There was a young man there. About twenty years of age or so, Rowena guess, though he looked younger than that.

"Excuse me but does William still work here?" Amelia prompted the boy.

The young man nodded shyly and went to fetch someone from the backroom. An old man entered a few moments later and he stared at them blankly. He didn´t recognize them.

"William! `Tis me!" Amelia smiled. So this is William, Rowena mused. Her mother told her about him a few times. Not so recently though. Maybe it had been too painful for her to. Rowena, for reasons she couldn´t fathom, thought he was older than what he looked like. The opposite of the boy next to him.

The man blinked a couple of times and his jaw slightly dropped. "Amelia! What are you doing here? Where is Rupert-lad? And who is this little lass?"

"This is Rowena," Amelia beamed proudly. "But she is an ever knowledgeable little one... and Rupert is where he is needed. That´s all I can say."

"So what about you?"

"Me? I am here to die."

---

But she didn´t die. She lived through the rest of the year. And through the next.

It was late the next year, approximately about Thomas´ birthday, when they received a letter. It was from Eleanor, though there was a seal that was surely Danielle´s. Amelia didn´t know they knew where the glen was. Rowena explained that the particular glen they were in was territory owned by the royal Ravenclaw family, and owned by them for centuries.

But when they read the letter, they would soon not be very happy.

Dear Mother and Rowena,

We write this letter with a heavy heart, for we write bearing bad news. A month after you both had gone, Nanettia gotten hold of father and us had to lie that you had abandoned us. Father insisted to adopt us. And Rowena, if you want to know, Danielle´s writing this for me. Her Highness was quite suspicious as to why we were quickly accustomed to calling Sire father.

Anyhow, the reason I have written this letter was that father was killed during the revolt. We are both in hiding, and of Thomas... we do not know. We tried to look for him but the chamberlain who is with us says that is not wise to leave. We have to though. Thomas is the only male heir to the Ravenclaw throne! Though people consider him illegitimate. Oh... what are we to do?

I wish you were both here. I love you both. Don´t send a response. We´ll be in danger if you do. Gladly, some people are loyal to Danielle, but they will not give us mail.

I hope you are living a life better than ours.

Your Loving Daughter and sister,

Eleanor

Amelia´s ill health relapsed and early the next year, in January, she finally surrendered her life.

Rowena entered the pub with a deep sigh and confronted William.

"What do you need help in Miss Rowena?"

"I need to bury my mother."

It seemed everyone who knew her mother in the pub stopped dead. It was a shock to them. Rowena was expecting it. Ever since that letter from Eleanor had come. In fact, when she finished reading it to her mother she expected her to drop dead at that moment. But Rowena had made a promise to her year other year.

After laughing about something--it wasn´t important, Rowena did not even remember what it was about--her mother turned quiet and pensive. But Rowena would give her the world if she had asked.

"My Rose... promise me something," her mother said softly.

"Anything."

"Do not mourn for me when I die." It was a ridiculous request. How could she not? If she died, Rowena felt that was all she would do for the rest of her life.

"No, I do not mean sometime near," and she thought her mother meant it. "But when I do... please do not. If you are not happy, it is fine. But do not mourn. You have to move on my Rose... you have to do something with your life. Something meaningful. Something you would have to do with the rest of your life and love it. Do not waste your life weeping for me."

At first Rowena was reluctant but knew that her mother was right. "I promise."

And so she didn´t mourn. The villagers didn´t understand but as long as she did, it was fine. No harm. And she intended to keep the second part of the promise. Something meaningful...

The answer to that would come years later... when a sudden offer came and she took it without hesitation.

To Be Continued...