Much Ado About Hermione

Chapter 13: What Happened That Summer

She slowly crept into the room, her breathing still heavy from running up all those flights of stairs. Sitting down on the bed next to his, she stared at his velvety red curtains. "Harry," she said.

She received no reply from him, not even a "Go away" that would have told her he acknowledged her presence. She looked down at her hands, pondering whether to leave and let him be, or say something else that would arouse him to react.

She lifted her head when she heard movement coming from the other side of the curtains. The thick drapery soon began to gently sway. She sat back in anticipation, waiting for him to emerge.

He opened his curtains a tab and glared at her. She drew in a sharp breath when she saw the intensity in his eyes. She stayed quiet as she waited for him to scold her for her actions. But he did nothing, opting only to gaze at her.

The tense filled silence continued for a long time, as his eyes washed over her, silently communicating the hurt and frustration that he would not verbalize. Just when she thought he would start to talk, he closed his curtains once more.

"What you saw with Ron," she began, "you got the wrong idea."

She leaned towards his bed, when she thought she heard him snort. She dropped her gaze and looked down at her lap. "I meant to tell him today. But things just spun out of control and I never got another opportunity."

She lifted her head when she heard some rustling coming from his bed, but he did not open his curtains. Her breathing quickened, as the anxiety grew inside her. "That kiss that you saw earlier, I didn't mean for it to happen. I meant to push him away, but he caught me off--"

"What on earth is going on between you two?" he shouted. He quickly threw back his curtains. He was now sitting up on his bed.

She opened her mouth to say something, but he held up his hand. "I want you to give me a straight answer, none of this sugar coated crap you've been giving me earlier."

He narrowed his eyes at her; his breathing heavy like hers had been a few moments earlier.

"I want you to tell me everything," he demanded. "And don't think you can trick me because I know something is going on. I know that you guys are a couple. You've been dating both of us at the same time."

"That's not--"

"Hermione, I saw you with my own eyes. I could tell you were enjoying the kiss. So don't sit there and say there's nothing going on."

He brought his hands to his face and began to wipe his eyes. As he turned his head, the sunlight caught him just so, illuminating his features. She was able to see that his eyes were red and puffy.

"I shouldn't have been so dumb as to believe you," he continued. "I had my suspicions about the two of you from the beginning, but I let my heart get in the way."

The hurt and anguish that was being transferred to her from his eyes was too much for her to take, and she looked away.

"You looked me in the face and lied to me," he said, his voice controlled but cold. He pointed a finger at her. "The first time we made love, you lied to me about you and Ron. And then you continued to feed that bull about how you were going to tell him about us."

His hand rose again, shielding his face from her gaze. She soon heard him sniffling. She reached over and gently grazed his arm. She would have done more to comfort him, but he moved out of her reach.

He brought his hands down to his lap. She looked hard at his face, trying to observe any signs of wetness on his cheeks, but she saw nothing.

"How could you do this to me Herm?" His voice was muffled and strained. "I trusted you and you just played me like some fool. I should have believed Ron when he told me about you guys, but I wanted to have you for myself."

She held her breathe for several short moments at the mention of the redhead's name. "Ron told you? What exactly did he say?"

"He said you were his girlfriend." He wiped the loose strands of hair from his brow and looked at her through weary eyes. "He told me about the day I fell asleep in Potions class."

He fell back onto the bed and stared up at the small crack in the ceiling. "He told me it was you who concocted that plan to make everyone think he burned his arm. He also went into detail about you guys.." Harry began to rub his neck, as the discomfort grew on his face. "He said you gave him oral and then you guys had sex."

"The little liar. He and I didn't have sex, and I certainly did not give him..."

Harry turned his head her way. "You can cut the act Hermione. Everything he told me about that day fits perfectly with what I witnessed."

"What you witnessed?"

"Yes. I didn't go to my class. I came back here and I saw you guys on the bed. Actually I saw him, but I could only imagine where you were and what you were doing to him."

"Harry, believe me when I tell you that he and I didn't have sex that day." She swallowed loudly and took a deep breath. "It's true that I came up with the plan for us to come back up here."

She hesitated for a moment when she saw the displeasure swelling up in his eyes. "We got back here and began to kiss," she went on, "on his bed. While we were snogging, he started to take off my clothes and--"

"I don't want to hear anymore of this," he said.

Hermione ignored his words and continued talking. "He started to take off my clothes, and that's when I knew it wasn't right. I knew it wasn't what I wanted. But he got a little overzealous and pinned me down. But after I hit him and knocked some sense into him, he let me go. I went back to the girls' dorm. You see? We didn't even do anything."

When she looked at him, the same frustration was still on his face; her words had done little to reassure him.

"So what?" he asked. "What about those other times you guys were together? Just because you didn't have sex with him then, doesn't mean you didn't have other opportunities."

"You think I'm sleeping with him?"

"Yes."

She turned away, fleeing from the accusing glare of his eyes.

He was quiet for a few moments as he watched the expression on her face. Although he could only see her profile, the devastation was clearly evident in her eyes. When he began to speak again, his voice was softer, its icy undertone gone. "Hermione, I didn't mean for it to sound like you're a tart. It's just that I don't know what's been going on with you guys. You tell me one thing, but I see and hear another."

She quickly glanced at him and then looked away, preferring to concentrate on the window. "I did keep some things from you," she began. "I know I told you that Ron revealed he liked me, but there's more."

She got up from the bed, as the sun's rays beckoned her to the window. "This summer was very tough for me. Reporters were everywhere, coming to the house day and night. It was driving me mad. So of course I was more than happy to escape to Ron's place for the last weeks of summer."

Harry sat up on his bed and looked at her. "I'm really sorry about that," he said. "I could only imagine what you went through."

"I should have expected it; when your relationship to a famous quidditch player goes kaput, expect the media's attention. So, I was more than happy to be at the Weasleys' and away from the prying eyes of Rita Skeeter."

She looked out the window and onto the grounds below. "It felt great to be around Ron and his family. I think I saw a side of him in those two weeks that I've never seen before. He was so understanding, spending hours listening to me gripe about my problems. He was amazing."

She leaned against the wall and stared back at him, as she recalled the time she and Ron were left alone at the house; the day their seemingly innocent friendship became mangled. "That's when he confessed his feelings for me. I was a little taken aback by the magnitude of it all, but deep down I was flattered. And that's when we kissed. It felt good to be in his arms and have him holding me. He was just so tender. Later on, we."

She stopped talking when she saw him bring his hand to his forehead. Although he was partially obscured, she could still see the grimace on his face.

"When school started again," she went on, "he had it in his mind that we were a couple. I guess I encouraged this notion by not telling him otherwise and.kissing him occasionally. But then he started to get quite possessive."

She went to Harry's bed and sat down next to him. "When he started following me around and telling people I was his girl, I knew things had gone too far. I cared about him, but I didn't have the same feelings he had towards me. Plus, that's when you came into the picture."

She let her hand flutter to his thigh, feeling his muscles flex under her touch. She looked up, half expecting him to pull his leg away, he didn't. "I guess I always knew I had feelings for you, but they were starting to become stronger each day. I just found myself stuck; I was noticing you, but I was in this trap with Ron. I tried to tell him that he and I weren't an item, but he can be a little hard to talk to sometimes, especially when he has his mind set on something."

Harry withdrew from her touch and inched towards the middle of the bed. "If you didn't want to be with him, then why were you still snogging him? Why would you lead him on like that?"

Her eyes guiltily skipped from his gaze. After a brief moment of heavy silence, she attempted to get up from the bed.

He quickly grabbed her arm, stopping her escape. "Can you really blame Ron for acting the way he does towards you?" he asked. "Of course he's gonna think you guys are a couple, when you let him touch you." He let go of her arm and stared up at her.

She slowly lowered her head. "I know. I really shouldn't have done that. I led him on. But his feelings for me were so intense; I've never felt that from anyone before. Krum was caring, but even he didn't display such emotions. When I was with Ron, he made me feel like I was the only person in the world that mattered. I guess I was attracted to his passion."

Harry turned his head to the side. "What about me?" he asked in a subdued voice. "If Ron made you feel so great, why did you decide to get involved with me?"

She took his hand and began to stroke his skin until he looked back at her. "Ron could make me feel like I was special, but also like I was a prisoner. That intensity could turn dark pretty quickly. But it's not his fault; it's the way he is. With you, it was different. When I was around you, I just felt wonderful; it was comforting. That's what made me fall for you. You have a way of making people feel fully loved. I don't know where you get that. It must be something you inherited from your parents."

Still holding onto his hand, she entwined his fingers with his before bringing his hand to her face. She rubbed the back of his hand against her cheek. "You have this wonderful gift with people, with me." She watched his face as it remained strained. "What's wrong?" she asked.

He shook his head. "It's nothing."

"Harry, please tell me. I know you well enough to detect when something is bothering you."

"Did you and Ron ever...no, it's none of my business."

She let go of his hand, letting it drop onto his bed. She brought her finger to her mouth and bit down on a nail. "No," she murmured. "We never slept together. I never even slept with Krum. My first time was with you."

He sat up on his elbows. "It was? Why didn't you tell me?" As he examined her eyes, he got a sudden flashback of their first sexual encounter and the pained expression on her face when he tried to enter her. "Is that why you cried out when we first began?"

"Yeah."

He brought his arms around her shoulders, pulling her into him as they embraced. Just as she was about to rest her head on his broad shoulder and sink further into the hug, he pulled away.

The look he bestowed upon her was very tense; her hopes for a quick reconciliation were now shattered. "What is it?" she asked.

"When we were together, you stopped messing with Ron right?"

"How could you ask me that?"

"I'm just concerned, that's all. I was talking to Seamus this morning and he said something about seeing you guys kissing in here. So I was just worried you might have been fooling around with Ron and me at the same time."

"First of all, why would you listen to Seamus? He never saw us anywhere. And the only time I was in here with Ron was that time after Hagrid's class. And I know Seamus couldn't have seen us then because he was in his class."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Harry, I wasn't with Ron when you and I got together. I told him that we should spend some time apart. And we did."

"Ron just agreed to that? You just told me how possessive he was about you. Now you want me to believe he would just agree to stop seeing you completely?"

"Well, he was against it at first. But then I was able to talk him into it." She watched as Harry moved to the other side of the bed. "You don't think I'm telling the truth, do you?"

He didn't say anything and continued to stare at her. He then looked down at his lap. "What about today? You were kissing him. Why should I believe you didn't do anything with him in the past, when I saw you guys today?"

"Today was an accident. I didn't mean for it to happen. I guess I just lost myself. But you have to believe me when I say you're the only person I've slept with."

"I believe that. I'm just not so sure I believe you and Ron never snogged since we got together. If you were willing to let him kiss you today, there's no saying how many other times you guys have gotten off."

"But I'm telling you the truth, today was the only time." She watched his face and the doubt that remained in his eyes. "But you don't have to believe me." She got off of his bed and headed for the door.

"I saw the two of you snogging in the hall once," he shouted after her.

She suddenly halted in mid-step and turned around, daring to look at him. Her face was soon aglow with a pink color as he began to tell her the details of what he had seen that day.

"I saw you with your leg around him," he said. "And the interesting part was that you weren't resisting when he kissed you; you were responding wholeheartedly to his every move. There was a lot of passion between the two of you. And now you want me to believe you were suddenly able to switch it off?"

She remained near the doorway, unable to move, her stare fixed on his mouth.

"I'm not saying all of this to make you upset," he continued. "It's just that I've played that scene over and over again in my head. Every time I close my eyes, I see you and Ron pressed against that wall, both of you desiring each other. And what I saw today has proved to me that you still have feelings for him. If I hadn't interrupted you guys, how far would you have gone with him?"

She lowered her head and looked down at her feet.

"Would you have come back here with him to make love?"

"No."

He exhaled heavily. "It's so easy for you to say that now because he's not around. But if he was standing here with us, you would respond differently."

"How could you doubt me like this?"

"Because I don't think you're being honest with me or yourself." Their eyes locked. Something in her gaze told him there was more she was keeping from him. He rested his head against the headboard and waited for her talk.

"He kissed me earlier today as well," she spouted quickly. "It happened when I tried to tell him the truth on our way to the twins' shop."

Harry lowered his head as his shoulders hunched over in disappointment "See? That's the type of thing I was talking about. There is always more to this story."

"But it was just those two kisses, nothing else. He and I have done nothing since you first made love to me. We haven't even spent time around each other."

"I trust that you were faithful to me when you guys had little contact. But what about now? Now that you guys are talking again, are you going to run into his arms? You've already shown that you can't resist him. If he tries to kiss you in the future, are you going to give in?"

He threw over the covers on his bed and got in. "I don't know what to say to you right now. But I do know that I don't want to get involved with someone who is dating another lad."

"But Ron and I aren't dating. We never were."

"Does he know that? He seems to think you guys are an item. He was in here talking about how you were his girl and everything." He looked at her with downcast eyes. "I don't know what's going on with you guys, but I don't want any part of it."

She approached him and sat down on the floor next to his bed. "Harry, what are you saying? You want to call it off?"

He closed his eyes, as a tear trickled down his cheek. She lifted her hand to wipe it away. "I really care about you," she said. "As for Ron, I swear I'll tell him. I tried today."

She stroked his face. "I am so ashamed about what happened today. I swear it will never happen again. It's just that Ron showed a different side to me today, his sincere side. But my heart belongs to you. You must know that. How could you easily dismiss what we have built all these months?"

He pulled away. "Do you think this is easy for me? Don't you see that I care about you as well? I don't want for us to be apart. But I can't have it going on like this; where Ron and I both think we're dating you." He began to wipe his eyes with the back of his hands. He moved away when she attempted to assist him.

"Do you know how it felt for me to hear Ron talk about you last night?" he asked, his voice hoarse. "He's in love with you. And by kissing him today, you have just reinforced his belief that you're a couple. I think this game has gone on long enough. If you and Ron want to play, go right ahead."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "But what about you and Ginny? You say I'm playing games with other people, but you were messing with Ginny at one time. I remember seeing the two of you sneaking out late at night."

Harry quickly bolted upright. "Me and Ginny? What I had with Ginny is nothing like you and Ron. Yes, I snogged her a couple of times, but that was at the beginning of the year. Plus, I stopped all of that when I realized my feelings for you were genuine. We're just friends now. It's not like what you've been doing with Ron, stringing him along. Stringing me along as well."

Hermione rested her back against the other bed and buried her face into the palms of her hands.

He could hear her as she began to sob. He reached out his hand to touch her, but he stopped himself and drew back. "Herm, I love you. I've never felt this way about anyone. Not even Cho. But I can't have this. This situation is too much for me. I want to be with you, but I can't be your boyfriend if I can't fully trust you."

"Harry, you can trust me."

He let out a choked laugh. "How can you say that? Especially after you've admitted to kissing Ron twice today. This is the day you were supposed to tell him that we're together and you ended up snogging him instead." He glared down at her. "When I first made you aware of my feelings, you said I complicated your life. But in actuality, you did all of that yourself."

His look hardened. "Look at what you've created. You could have told Ron a long time ago that you weren't in love with him, but you didn't. Now when he finds out about us, he's going to be devastated. And it's all your doing."

The tears flowed freely from her eyes. "I tried to tell him. I really did."

"Tried? You tried to tell him? The fact remains that you didn't tell him. And now things have gotten out of hand." He shook his head as he gazed at her. "How could you do that Herm? How could you do that to him and me?"

She didn't answer.

"Well regardless of how you did it," he continued, "you're going to undo this all by yourself. I don't want to be there when you tell him the truth. If you even decide to."

"Harry please."

"Hermione, I can't take this anymore! You really hurt me. Not only me, but also Ron. All that time, you had me thinking Ron was crazy, but you were playing with his heart. Do you know how much it hurts to know that the woman you love is capable of doing that?"

"I never meant to hurt you or Ron. I would never do anything like that on purpose. Things just got out of hand. I'm not perfect, you know. But I never wanted things to end up like this, please believe that."

"But things have ended up like this. And now we're all going to get hurt." He brought his fingers to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Listen, I don't want to talk about this, it's too draining. I just want to be left alone."

She sat still, her gaze steady on him as she tried to read his thoughts. "Are you breaking it off with me?"

His eyes flitted away for a moment; but he gazed back at her, giving her a long look. "That day you skipped Hogsmeade and stayed back here with me, what were your initial plans with Ron?"

"My what?"

"Your plans. Were you planning on sleeping with him that day?"

She stared blankly at him, thinking how best to respond. But she didn't have to answer his question, her silence told him all he needed to know.

"My head hurts," he muttered. "This has been emotionally exhausting for me. I'd like to be left alone right now."

She went to his bed and touched him lightly on the shoulder. "Harry," she said, the desperation evident in her voice, "please answer my question. Are we breaking up?"

She waited for him to answer. When he remained silent, she wrapped her arms around him and clung to his body. "Harry, I love you. My feelings for you were and are real. I'm so sorry I got you into this mess. I don't want us to break up. I don't know what I would do--"

"Leave me alone." Harry pulled away and rolled onto his side, his back turned to her. "I want to be on my own to think things through. I don't want to see you again for the rest of the day. I would appreciate it if you'd honor my wishes."

Her hand rose to her mouth as the emotions rushed through her. A wave of panic now coursed her body, as she thought of the worst.

She spent several moments staring at his back, hoping and praying that he would roll over and hug her, letting her know that everything would be all right. She soon realized that he had said all he wanted to her and needed some time alone.

She kept her emotions composed enough to say, "Take all the time you need to think things through." She then got up from his bed and walked to the stairs.

As she descended the stairs into the common room, the stress from the day's events got the better of her and she succumbed; the tears streaked down her face in droves. She collapsed into a chair and covered her face with her hands, as the sounds of her weeping echoed though the empty room.