Brown Eyes

Ch. 6: Growing Pains

Ginny's POV

I think a lot about what goes on in other people's lives. I'm one of those people who are constantly curious and stick their noses into everyone else's business. In this case, I was very glad I was like that because writing to Bill had helped fix their problems. Or some of them, anyway. I knew Harry still had more troubles than ever. He hardly ever smiled anymore, spent way too much time working on his studies, and was alone a lot. I wished I could help him, but we weren't really all that close, even after last year's adventure. I knew if I ever wanted to be included in anything again, I had to be careful about what I said and did.

Hermione went upstairs while my brother and Harry sat back down on the couch; I looked up at Dean (a long way up, as he was almost a foot taller than me) smiling.

Dean shook his head at me, "I don't understand your excitement. I mean, I'm glad they're all friends again and all, but..." He raised his eyebrows at me; he just didn't understand my fascination with the human psyche.

"Well, it seems to me the Trio is the symbol of what Gryffindor is. Like, the type of friendship we all strive for, the loyalty through hardships, you know, that sort of thing. Whenever they have issues and are fighting it makes everyone rather uncomfortable. Besides, they're my friends, and I want them to be happy."

Dean just shook his head and smiled, pulling me into the same broom closet Hermione had not too long ago come out of. He kissed me, and a wriggle of warmth went through me. Maybe he didn't understand what I was talking about, but he sure knew how to kiss!

That night I had more of those strange dreams I had been avoiding. My dreams never make sense, so I knew I should just ignore them but sometimes they haunted me anyway. See, since I was around ten, I've been having dreams of, well, a sexual nature. I guess for awhile they were just kissing and what not, but by twelve I was dreaming a lot more than that, and then, one day it wasn't a boy anymore, it was a girl.

A random girl who I only knew vaguely from classes; from Hufflepuff. I was very confused, I mean, I was totally enamoured with Harry, wasn't I? She wasn't particularly pretty and I wasn't friends with her. Why had I had this dream? I knew Bill liked both girls and boys, and that it wasn't a bad thing, but I knew it wasn't like that with me. I didn't have another dream like that for a couple years, but then when I was dating Michael they came back again. Suddenly, all my dreams were about girls. So, in real life, I carefully analyzed myself for any sign of girl-crushes. All I got was a crush on Dean. And they subsided for a bit. All my dreams were about Dean. I was going to be normal after all. I was quick to remind myself that even if I liked girls, I was still normal, but I was relieved to fit into the mainstream, anyway.

But, now, this dream I had just woken up to... I felt more turned on then I had in my dreams in a long time. And it was not just any girl, this time. It was Hermione.

Hermione and I have always had a strange relationship of semi-friendship. During the summer she would stay with my family and we would always share a room. Then we would talk and laugh late into the night. We were friends during the summer.

But at school we really didn't talk much. Since I was a year younger we weren't in the same dorm room or any of the same classes, so we didn't see each other except in the common room and at meals. Last year with all the--excitement, if you will--I was able to get a lot closer to the Trio. But now that I am with Dean, I am busier. Also Hermione almost seems like she is avoiding me. I'm not sure why. She might just think I just want my privacy with Dean.

Anyway, most of my dreams involving girls were either people I have never met or people I didn't know well. The ones of boys were the ones I was actually obsessing over, like Harry, Michael, and Dean. This one was different and I was upset about how real the dream seemed and how much I had, well, enjoyed it.

I knew I liked Dean, I enjoyed his company, he had beautiful artist hands, could kiss well, and he really liked me. He treated me like something special, and I revelled in it. Yet, I was almost getting tired of our non-equal partnership; he waited on me and had started acting a bit too much like an older brother in the over-protectiveness sense. I hated how he would try to get me jealous, talking about old girlfriends and the like, and how he watched carefully when I was around other boys, even though two of my closest friends, Colin and Neville, are male. It is ridiculous! But, I did not want a silly dream to come between us. Our relationship was pretty good, after all; much better than the one with Michael.

I went to breakfast, blushing scarlet when Hermione came in, unable to not think of what she had been doing to me in my dream. I grabbed one of the books out of my bag and mumbled something to Dean about forgetting some of the reading I was supposed to do. I covered my face with it and did not eat another bite. I was probably over-reacting.

In Charms I spent most of the time trying to figure out if I had feelings for Hermione. I just couldn't figure it out. Part of me was absolutely terrified by the fact that I might like girls, but another part was treating this just like it was a boy. I reminded myself sternly that either way it was perfectly natural and I should concentrate on deciding whether I fancied her and if it would affect my relationship with Dean. I did not figure out those questions, but I did decide I should start one of those clubs like Bill suggested. I spoke to Dumbledore after dinner.

I waited patiently for Dumbledore to finish his meal, and then walked up to the high table.

"Excuse me, Headmaster?" He looked a little surprised to see me, but smiled through his beard at me.

"Yes, Miss Weasley?"

"I've never been in any clubs, besides the Quidditch team," I almost panicked, at that reminder, until I remembered there wasn't practice today, "so I wasn't sure what I should do to start one."

"Well, coming to me is a good start," he peered at me over his glasses, "to start a club all you need is my permission, an advisor--one of the professors--and students who want to be involved. What is the club you want to start?"

"Well, I was thinking..." I didn't really know how to pose this question, "that starting a club for, uh, gay students and their, um, friends would be helpful. There's still a lot of homophobia here and some people need the support." I had begun to feel more confident in what I was saying by the end; we needed this club!

"Well, I think that is a marvellous idea. I have thought that starting one of those clubs would be a very good idea, and was reminded again after Mr. Malfoy's outburst the other day. I approve this club, and would recommend Professor Vector as an advisor, although you may ask any of the teachers. You will need to write what you plan to do with this club to be able to advertise for it, but I'm sure there will be students willing to join. Good luck!" Dumbledore winked at me, and before I could respond to his extreme enthusiasm, he was sweeping away from the staff table and was gone.

Dean wanted to know why had been talking to Dumbledore, and I explained about the club idea.

"That's sweet of you to worry about the other students," Dean said in his quiet, thoughtful way, "but why did you have to be the one to start it?" he added, ruining it.

I rolled my eyes at what almost seemed to be jealousy, and tried to explain.

"Well, I know you felt bad for Hermione, and I just want a safe place for people like her to go. I mean, most of them are probably too shy or something to start it. I dunno..." Being around Dean I never thought as clearly as I should. It was a little too much like I had once been around Harry. Dean still didn't get it.

"Look," I tried again, "It's not just for gay students; it's for everyone. But..." I knew I felt like there was only one way to get him to understand why I wanted this; that it was for me too.

"I'm..." why was this hard? Dean wouldn't reject me would he? "I think I'm bisexual, anyway. So, I guess it's for me too."

"Wait, what?" Dean looked hurt, not what I had expected! Most straight males seemed to revel in the thought of seeing two girls together; not that I had been cheating on him or anything.

"Look, I'm into you, you know that!" I tried to explain, "But that doesn't mean I don't find girls attractive too..." I trailed off; this was probably hurting him more.

He smiled suddenly, though, "No, it's ok." As we had been talking, we had entered the common room.

I grinned, holding back the biting thought of how much I needed his allowance to be bi. I had an urge to run my fingers through his black, nappy hair. I guess I have a thing for black-haired boys. I reached up and stroked his soft cheek, and he smiled down on me. He was so tall and handsome. My thought was cut off by him suddenly turning abruptly and saying he had a lot of work to tonight and he was going up to his dorm. That was the excuse I had used, on the days I just wasn't in the mood. Damn him! What was wrong?

I sat down near the Trio, and found myself watching Hermione. I really couldn't keep my eyes off her, she looked amazing ... and the thoughts from the dream had returned full force. I wanted her, and I wanted her bad.

I quickly snapped out of it and tried to focus on how Dean had hurt me. I fancied him, didn't I? He was good looking, calm, an artist, he had good thoughts in his head, and he was kind... But I was caught by an extreme urge to just bury my face in Hermione's breasts, to kiss her neck. Lust, I told myself, that's all it is. But I knew I was lying. She was very smart, she was so caring, so kind; she wanted the best for everyone and would go against her own definite beliefs if it would help her friends.

I wondered if it had just been her 'coming out' that made me start thinking of her like this. What was I thinking, anyway? I was with Dean and what was the likelihood of Hermione thinking of me as anything more than Ron's little sister or, at best, a friend? I was screwed over, and this horrible fantasizing was not fair to Dean! I was going to get my essay done, now! And that's all I was going to think about. Period.