Softly As I Leave You

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the HP characters present, the fantabulous J.K. Rowling does, and ol' Blue Eyes (Frank Sinatra) owns the lyrics to "Softly As I Leave You." Thanks for your attention.

Author's Note: I was thinking of this sad, sad song, and the images just came to mind. I imagine this to be set several years after Harry's gang has graduated from Hogwarts; Harry and Hermione have been living together for some time, rather in love, but the evil that always seems present in their world denies them the happiness of being together. This is the moment when Harry leaves her so she will be safe.

Softly As I Leave You

Softly
I will leave you softly
For my heart would break
If you should wake
And see me go
So I leave you
Softly
Long before you miss me
Long before your arms
Can make me stay
For one more hour
Or one more day
After all the years
I can't bear the tears
To fall
So softly as I leave you there

Morning was still several moments off, and Harry Potter planned to take advantage of the darkness that still invaded the bedroom of his London flat. Correction: their London flat. It half-belonged to his lover and dearest friend, Hermione Granger, who had lived with him for these many years. The early darkness still pervaded the flat's small rooms, rooms he had called home until this moment, and made it possible - or maybe just easier - for him to make his exit.

Harry told himself over and over - as he packed his small brown suitcase, as he dressed swiftly and silently in their bedroom, as he tried not to look over at his lover's sleeping form beneath their covers - that this was for the best. And it was. As an Auror for the Ministry of Magic, he was forever drawing trouble to him, trouble in its many forms. And anyone who was in close contact with him was in just as much danger as he was.

He could not bear even the thought of harm coming to Hermione through some fault of his own. Suppose a Dark witch or wizard came to his flat, looking to avenge some wrong by taking it out on Harry, and found Hermione instead? Dark forces roamed the world, more often than Harry cared to think about, and it was growing more and more likely that violence would strike close to Harry's home.

So he was leaving. It was the safest thing to do for Hermione. She had insisted in previous conversations that she was perfectly capable of defending herself, that she could fend off any kind of magical attacker, but Harry didn't want to risk it. Hermione was, simply put, the love of his life. He cared for his other friends, of course, and would never forgive himself should any of the Weasleys or his school friends be hurt. But Hermione held quite another place in his heart.

He had always loved her, he admitted to himself as he took the last few of his items and shoved them into the suitcase. His wand he left out, for Apparating when it was time for him to leave. He had always loved her, since they were children at Hogwarts, and his love for her had only grown with time. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever met, the smartest and most talented witch, and undoubtedly the most considerate, perfect human being ever created. Harry couldn't think he'd ever love another woman - not after Hermione. It would be like attaining the paragon of love, and then being forced to accept less than the best. Hermione would always hold his heart.

As he tore off a small piece of parchment and dipped a quill in ink, he had to sit down. The full force of what he was doing hit him head-on: he was leaving the woman he loved without saying good-bye. But he couldn't say good-bye...if he did, he might not be able to leave...

She was the woman he loved. He had thought many times that he would marry her - not that he deserved her, but maybe somehow she would consent and stay with him forever. The thought that it might never happen now struck him like a blow in the stomach, and he had to take several deep breaths before composing his farewell letter to her. He thought she deserved at least some explanation.

My Dear Hermione,

I don't know how to explain this to you except that I love you so much, I can't bear to see you hurt. I know you'll ask how I could hurt you by leaving, but this is for the best, I promise. You will be safe, or at least safer, without my presence drawing Darkness to us both. I was warned that being an Auror was dangerous work, but I thought it would only be dangerous to myself, not to those I loved. And I love you, Hermione. Don't ever believe that I don't. I love you with all of my heart, mind, soul, and body - I love you more than anyone, more even than myself.

I don't want to see you harmed. We've spoken about this before. The only way you can be free from danger is if I'm gone, taking this trouble somewhere else. In these times happiness is a precious commodity for people like us, I suppose.

I can't tell you where I'm going; you must not see me. The Ministry will know where I am, but the whole purpose of this is to keep you protected. I promise I'll owl you when it's safe to do so.

I'll understand if you find someone else. You are so magnificent, so beautiful, so absolutely perfect, that there must be many other men for you. I want you to be happy - free from the dangers that Aurors bring, free to live and, if you choose, love. I just want you to be happy.

Maybe one day I can come back to you. As soon as possible, I will, I promise. Just know that every moment of my life, no matter where I am or what I am doing, you will be in my heart. I love you more than anything, my darling.

Forever Yours,

Harry

Harry pressed his shaking fingers to his eyes, which stung with emotion. He gently placed the letter on the pillow where he had slept only a half-hour before - the pillow in the bed that, last night, he and Hermione had made love in. He looked down at the shadow of his hand on the white pillowcase. Hermione's soft brown curls were just inches from his fingers...

He couldn't resist, knowing this would be the last time in so long, in perhaps forever, that he would touch her. Gently, as if she would break if he pressed too hard, he placed the tips of his index and middle fingers on a strand of her hair. It was soft; he knew the fragrance well. He sighed without sound, then knelt to just brush his lips against her smooth cheek. Hermione never stirred.

Through the window, the dawn was just breaking, and with it Harry's heart was doing the same. Slender rays of golden light just peered in through the window, making soft drops on the wall above their bed. He fought to hold back, but he couldn't resist his emotions - hot tears trickled down his cheeks, slowly at first, then with an insistence like that of the dawn. He stepped out of the bedroom and into the hallway, clutching his suitcase in his left hand, his wand in his right. He had to do this now.

But instead he stood in the hallway, head bowed, salty tears running down his face. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his navy blue robe, then peered in through the doorway to take one final look at his lover. She was still sleeping peacefully in their bed, gentle eyes close, tender lips parted slightly as in dreaming.

'This is for the best, Potter, and you know it,' he told himself firmly. And he closed his eyes and Apparated out of his home, out of his life with Hermione.

As he swirled through the ethereal mists, traveling to the destination the Ministry had provided him with, she was all he could think of. Perhaps one day, he thought to himself, the tears burning his eyes, they could be together again.

Softly
Long before you kiss me
Long before your arms
Can make me stay
For one more hour
Or one more day
After all the years
I can't bear the tears
To fall
So softly as I leave you there
As I leave you there
As I leave you there