Outward Appearances

Chapter 21: Occasion For A Cold Shower

Lily waited for James outside of the locker room.

She watched the sky silently as she waited, arms folded. The other quidditch players had already come out and joined up with their individual girlfriends and groupies. Some of them had greeted her amicably, and Lily had nodded at them in turn.

She couldn't help but notice that a good number of the team members were rather attractive.

There was one in particular, who had given Lily a shy hello. She had to hold back a laugh when his girlfriend, Melanie or something, had grabbed his arm possessively, and attempted to give Lily a false smile before dragging him off.

If it weren't for the girlfriends, Lily would have been more than happy to come to their practices regularly.

She sighed. James must have decided to take a shower, because it couldn't possibly take this long to simply change your clothes. Well, unless you happened to be Vivian or Marcella.

The quidditch pitch was quiet now, and Lily realized that she liked it better that way. If only they had quidditch matches broadcasted on her television set at home. Then, she could simply turn off the sound and watch the movements in a comfortable silence. No foolish gossiping sessions ruining her concentration and admiration.

It was beginning to get chilly when James finally emerged. His hair was still wet, and it was lying flat for once. She liked it, but it took away from his usual boyish look.

"Hello," he said warmly, leaning against the wall next to her.

Lily caught the faintest scent of soap from his body, and a shiver went up her back. She had to shove away the inevitable mental pictures of where James had just been so that she could give him an innocent smile. "James?"

"Hmn?"

"Come here."

James leaned forward eagerly only to have his head knocked sharply by Lily's palm.

"Ow!" he cried, covering the sore spot with his hand. He gave her a disbelieving look. "What the heck was that for?"

Lily crossed her arms again and gave him a look. "I don't care how attractive you look on a broomstick. If you ever make me come to another practice, I swear that you'll live to regret it."

"Huh?" James asked dumbly.

She shook her head, and began to rub her temples. When she spoke, it all came out in a rush.

"If I have to hear another word about color-morphing lipstick, then I think that I'll honestly crack! I mean, do you have any idea how horrible it was? No? Well, let me give you a breakdown of the conversation that was occurring down in the stands while you were safely up in the air! They were talking about your bloody wardrobes! Do you know what your uniforms are made of? Because they do. I do!"

James stared at her blankly, so Lily continued. "Oh, and then there were the kinky things that Mosley likes to do in the bedroom. Frankly, I don't think that I ever want to be alone in the same room with that scary bugger, and I don't think that you should, either. Then, it went to the complete degradation of some unfortunate girls in Hufflepuff house who all wear their hair completely wrong for some reason. Oh, and then to my favorite part: which colors turn you guys on. Red for you, is it?"

She stopped long enough to catch her breath and to glare at him accusingly.

Bonnie had given her that little tidbit about red being James' designated color. Lily had been more than a little disturbed over how the older girl could have come upon this information, but Daphne had assured her that Bonnie had just been speculating because James had once flirted with her while she was wearing a tight-fitting red jumper.

Daphne had smirked, and then added in a whisper, "I used to think that it was the top more than the color." When Lily had frowned at the prospect of James drooling over another girl's chest, Daphne had quickly added with a wink, "But I guess the color theory has some foundation since James obviously prefers redheads." Lily had instantly felt bad about all of the times that she and Arabella had made fun of Daphne while she was sporting Kingsley's quidditch robe in the common room. The girl was okay.

James was silent for a moment. Then, he asked with a grin on his face, "You think that I look attractive on a broomstick?"

It was her turn to give him a disbelieving look. "Did you hear anything that I just said?"

James shrugged. "Something about lipstick. Now, onto more important matters! Do you want to snog or what?"

Lily scowled at him. "I wasn't finished. Do you realize that Bernard and Cindy have gone out a total of five times this year alone?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked in exasperation. "Why are we not snogging, yet?"

She smacked his head, again--"Ouch! Damn it, Lily! That hurts!"

"Well, I do!" she said angrily. "Thanks to you, I am now currently up to date with the social lives of several people that I've never even spoken to in my life! This is all your fault," she grumbled.

"Me? I don't even know who Cindy and Bernard are!" James cried.

"Either do I!" she yelled.

"Then, why are you yelling at me?" he asked incredulously.

"Because it's your fault," she repeated petulantly.

"How is it my fault?"

Lily pouted. "I never would have come into contact with those people if you had been willing to ditch practice."

James rolled his eyes. "We've been over this."

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered. "You blame yourself for losing a stupid match, I know."

"And you must have spoken to at least some of them before," James continued. "Daphne and Robin are both in Gryffindor."

Actually, several of the girls were in Gryffindor-- much to Lily's chagrin.

"Well, none of them are in my year. Thank Merlin."

James raised an eyebrow at her. "I don't think that you've given them much of a chance, Lily. But you'll get to know them, and--"

"Like hell I will!" Lily cried, completely mortified. "I already told you that I'm never coming to another one of your practices ever again."

James looked crestfallen. "But all of the other player's girlfriends come."

Lily glared at him. If he wanted a trophy girlfriend, then why on earth had he put so much effort into pursuing her? "Isn't it enough that I'll come to the actual games?"

"No," James said grumpily, giving her a matching scowl. "Everyone comes to the games." He flinched, and then added in a soft voice, "Well, almost everyone."

Lily instantly felt bad.

Damn that Sirius Black.

Oh, and Remus, too.

Definitely Remus, too.

They were silent again, and then, "Lily, are you done ranting hysterics at me now?"

She shrugged tiredly. "I suppose." If James was willing to drop the topic of quidditch practices, then so was she.

"Lily?"

"What?"

"Can we snog now?"

She struggled not to smile. "I suppose."

James grinned and grabbed her hand. Surprised, Lily followed him. She had expected to be shoved up against the wall in a rough, but hardly unpleasant, fashion. What was James up to?

He led her out toward the Forbidden Forest, and Lily couldn't help but be reminded of the time that she had been bitten. He wasn't seriously considering going in there?

"James?" she asked nervously. "Where are you taking me?"

He glanced back and gave her a grin that only made her more nervous. Lily bit her lip and followed him in silence.

By the time that they had begun to wind around creepy-looking trees, Lily had decided that it was time for James to forget whatever sick plan he had. She opened her mouth to tell him so, but closed it again when she realized that they had stopped.

Lily glanced around at the small clearing. Before she could decipher the meaning of this location, James had wrapped an arm around her waist, wiping coherent thoughts straight out of her head. He pulled her close, and leaned down to nibble on her ear.

"You smell wonderful," James murmured, his warm breath tickling her ear.

Oh, boy. Lily didn't even bother trying to respond to that. The clean scents of soap and musk were almost overwhelming, now, at such a close proximity with James' body. All of those pesky emotions were rising up, again. She could already feel her skin beginning to buzz.

"This is all that I could think about during practice. I've been wanting to kiss you all day," he said huskily.

James seemed to have forgotten that they had just had a rather delightful snogging session that morning.

But now that she thought about it, it suddenly felt like it had been days since she'd kissed him last. She struggled to find her voice, which came out ragged. "Then, shut up."

Lily yanked James' head down forcefully, crushing their mouths together. James met her zeal, and brushed fervently against her mouth. He moaned loudly and laced his other arm around her, attempting to pull her closer.

Lily took the opportunity to run her tongue along the teeth that had just bitten her neck in such a tantalizing manner a matter of hours ago. Without breaking contact of their mouths, James tugged her down toward the ground. Lily followed his movements, so that she ended up straddling his stomach.

Finally, James pulled away and dropped his head back onto the soft grass. "Man, I love you like this," he breathed.

Lily hesitated. She couldn't help but wonder if teasing him like this was really such a good idea. James was already starting to rock their bodies in a less than innocent way.

But one look at James squirming beneath her, his eyes darkening into that sapphire color, again, and she quickly shoved the thought away and leaned down to lap at his neck. James leaned his head back fully, and moaned, again.

A sort of euphoria overtook Lily as she enjoyed the little noises that James made whenever she nipped at a certain area of skin. He wriggled pleasurably underneath her, and Lily quickly discovered that the spot where his neck connected with his collarbone was an erogenous zone. James seemed to have several of those.

When James' hands finally caught up with his brain and moved up to her back, she released his neck and moved back up to his mouth, gripping his lower lip between her teeth and tugging slightly.

In response, he pulled out of her light grip only to lean forward and rub his lips against hers lightly. She smiled and brushed back against his mouth. They did this a few times, and then James groaned and pulled her mouth into a solid kiss.

Their tongues were getting reacquainted, when Lily felt James' hands sliding up her thighs. Still teasing his tongue, she reached down and shoved his hands down to a lower part of her legs and away from her skirt.

For some reason, James seemed to take this as a challenge, and he reversed his hands back up. It took Lily a moment to realize this, since James was distracting her by cleverly licking her ear. However, it soon became impossible to ignore.

"Oi!" she squeaked. Startled, Lily grabbed his hands and pulled them back out from under her skirt and pinned them firmly at his sides. "What are you doing?"

"What's wrong?" he asked innocently.

Lily glared down at him, her cheeks turning pink. "You know very well what's wrong, Mr. Happy-Hands," she said sarcastically.

James frowned and opened his mouth, but Lily cut him off by kissing him.

An argument was not in the plan for today.

To make sure that James' hands were in a safe place, Lily purposely tugged on his arms so that he would know that she wanted him to put them around her back. James complied, and Lily sighed happily into his mouth.

Pictures of him in his stag costume suddenly flashed into Lily's mind, causing her to falter. Unfortunately, those memories still had a bitter shell to them, and she automatically shoved them away. She pressed harder against James' mouth. She didn't want to think about that, yet. If ever.

Using one hand to support herself, Lily reached up with the other and buried it in James' hair. Despite his earlier teasing about her fixation on his hair, she couldn't resist running her fingers through the wet strands.

Following her lead, James reached one of his hands up and gripped a fistful of her red hair. It hurt a little, but Lily was too busy to notice.

The need for air finally made itself known by way of a sudden burning in her throat. Lily broke away with a gasp. She stared down at James, who returned the gaze with a lazy grin.

"Wow," he said.

"Wow," she repeated, returning his smile.

Lily pretended not to notice that James' spare hand had already managed to creep under her sweater. She also pretended not to notice the shivers that were going up her back as he traced small patterns along her spine.

So much for keeping James under control.

Now, how exactly was Lily going to keep herself under control?

She stared down at him intently, wondering what it was about this boy that made everything suddenly go topsy-turvy. His glasses had been lost somewhere in the grass, so his eyes were shining up at her un-obscured.

She ran a hand across his soft features, studying him silently. Besides having that wild mop of hair that she loved so much, and the brilliant eyes, he also had that incredible mouth. Granted, she still preferred it when he wasn't speaking, but at least they were no longer fighting. Well, there were less personal attacks, anyway.

James blushed slightly under her close scrutiny, but he beamed at her, nonetheless. Lily smiled back at him. He also had great shoulders.

Groupies, eat your hearts out.

James pulled her back down for another kiss, and Lily submitted.

The best part about James, so far, was that he wanted her.

Yes, that was definitely her favorite part.

James' hand was still under her sweater, but Lily allowed it for the time being. He moved his hand up and down her back a few times, and she trembled. This was okay, wasn't it? No harm done. Just as long as James didn't--

Snap!

Lily's eyes flew open. Her startled gaze met James' aroused one.

Oh, damn him. He'd done it. He'd undone her bra.

"James!" she gasped.

"Lily!" he responded in a throaty voice. James started rocking his hips back and forth, again, and Lily panicked at the sensations that automatically sprang up. Oh, my... Oh Merlin, was that... ?

"James!" Lily shrieked, this time in alarm.

She quickly struggled to disentangle herself from him, falling over unceremoniously in the process. She grunted as her bum connected with the ground painfully. Simultaneously fixing her skirt, she scrambled backward so that there was a suitable distance between them.

James sat up and gave her a dismayed look. "What's wrong?" he gasped.

Lily felt her face heat up as she tried to get her breathing back to normal. "We are not doing that, James."

Silence.

And then, "Oh. Um... Why not?"

Lily shrugged uncomfortably. She reached behind her back and attempted to re-clasp her bra. Why was she suddenly reminded her of conversation with Sieranda?

Okay, gross. She did not need to be thinking about Sieranda right now.

"I'm just... Not ready," she stuttered. It was one thing to decide that James was the one, but it was another to actually do... Well, that!

"Why not?" James asked in alarm, looking comically worried.

Lily shrugged, again, her face burning with humiliation. "We've only been together for a day, James," she offered pathetically, hoping that she sounded logical. "It's too soon."

"But why?" he whined.

"You sound like you're two years old," she mumbled grumpily. "It just makes sense to wait."

"For how long?" James demanded.

"I don't know!" Lily cried defensively. "Long enough to get to know each other better first, I guess."

James gave her a disbelieving look. "We've known each other since we were eleven!"

"Not like this!" she protested.

James groaned and rubbed his face tiredly. "Where are my glasses?" he muttered.

Lily looked around. She located them, and handed the glasses to him, being sure to keep her distance. James slipped them on, and then gave her an annoyed look.

"Look, Lily. I like you. You like me. We're together, now. So, the next natural step to take would be..." He trailed off suggestively, and Lily got his point loud and clear.

"It's only been a day!" she cried angrily.

"Not for me!" he yelled back.

There was silence in the wake of his outburst.

Lily stared at James, who was now staring pointedly at the ground, his face extremely pink. Had James meant to say that?

"What do you mean?" she asked aloud.

James sighed, and began to absently pull at the grass. "Nothing," he muttered.

"Of course it was something!" Lily said indignantly.

He gave her another annoyed look, but James looked more embarrassed than anything else. "I just meant that I've wanted to... Well, to be with you for a long time, that's all."

Lily's cheeks achieved a new record for blushing. Oh.

"It doesn't feel like a day to me," he grumbled.

Lily bit her lip, contemplating. Against her better judgment, she scooted closer to James so that their sides were touching. She reached up and smoothed his hair out of his eyes. James looked at her expectantly.

"I promise that we'll do it eventually, James," she murmured quietly. "Just give me time."

He gave her a dubious look.

"We will!" she insisted.

James snorted and put an arm around her so that they were positioned snugly against each other. "What if I promised you that we'd be extra careful?" he offered hopefully.

Lily sighed and pulled away from him. "I don't think that you're listening to me."

"Oh, I'm listening all right. I'm hearing that we may never have sex."

"Oh, for the love of... I just said that we will!"

"When?"

Lily growled in frustration. "I think the longer you talk, the longer that it's going to be."

James looked pained. "Why don't you want to be with me?"

Lily's temper decreased somewhat at his pitiful expression. Forgoing some of her pride, she leaned forward and hugged him.

"You're not even prepared, idiot," she teased. "But I promise that we'll have sex, eventually."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

James hugged her back, and they remained that way for a while. Then, James just had to ruin the moment.

"Wait. So, you're saying that if I get some condoms..."

Lily smacked his arm-- "Ow!"

She pulled back and scooted away from him, glaring for all she was worth. "Just keep talking, Potter."

James gave her a sheepish smile.

"How do you even know about condoms?"

He shrugged. "Boys talk. Muggleborn boys talk. Frankly, it all seems much easier than taking the time to learn all of those spells."

Lily groaned and buried her face in her hands.

"But if I get some..."

"NO!"

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It was getting dark by the time that they finally made their way back to the castle.

Lily wasn't sure if James was giving her the silent treatment, or if he was just tired out from a long day. She hoped that it was the latter.

She sighed. So much for avoiding a fight.

On the way back to Gryffindor Tower, Lily tried to catch James' eye, but he was purposely not looking at her. What was he thinking about?

Lily shook her head, marveling at her own stupidity. Who was she kidding? She knew what James was thinking about. Stupid arse.

She stared resolutely at her shoes as they walked, feeling guilty for several things. First of all, she knew that it was at least partly-- if not completely-- her fault that James had assumed that they would be moving their relationship up a notch already, considering the way that she had behaved with him both at Hogwarts and at Sieranda's parties.

She also felt ashamed that her own body seemed to have the same thoughts as her boyfriend. If their snogging sessions remained as they were, then there was no way that her resolve was going to hold out.

Why was she holding out?

Because you're not ready, Lily reminded herself.

She suddenly felt a little resentful. James had no right to pressure her into doing something like this. Sex was too important to rush. When she finally lost it, it was going to be special, and it would not be while hiding away in the Forbidden Forest.

Lily suddenly heard her name being called. She turned around and saw Mundungus hurrying towards them.

"There you are!" he gasped. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"You have?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah." He didn't elaborate, but he gave James a pointed look.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

Finally, James muttered, "I'm gonna go take a shower." Again? "A cold one," he added quietly.

Giving Lily a very quick kiss on the cheek, he turned and disappeared in the direction of Gryffindor Tower.

Lily rolled her eyes and turned back to Mundungus. "What's up, Gus?"

He gave her a disbelieving look. She was getting a lot of those today.

"What the heck is going on?" he cried.

Lily blinked. "What do you mean?"

Mundungus flayed his arms about as if to demonstrate his frustration. "I mean that kiss you laid on Potter at breakfast! I mean the way that he just kissed you right now. I mean the way that Greg was stomping around our dorm room an hour ago, and now he's refusing to talk to anyone. And did you really push Xavier into the Great Lake?"

Lily groaned. Apparently, she was going to have to go over this all over again.

"And why," Mundungus continued. "Are there twigs in your hair?" He reached over and plucked one of them out.

Lily flushed. "Oh... Um... Well..."

Mundungus made a face. "Why do I have a feeling that I really don't want to know where you just were?"

She gave him a guilty grin. "Sorry, Gus."

He grimaced, and ran a hand through his hair. "So, I guess that you and Xavier really are over, then?"

Lily nodded, and then she smiled evilly at him. "Did he catch a cold?"

Mundungus gave her a look. "Lily."

She laughed and grabbed his arm. "Come on. I'll fill you in on the way to Gryffindor Tower. When we get there, you can hang out with Vivian."

Mundungus scowled, but he followed her, anyway. "I don't care about Vivian."

She raised a doubtful eyebrow at him. "No?"

He shook his head, and then he suddenly blushed. "I like somebody else, now."

Lily gave him a surprised look. "Who?"

Mundungus shrugged bashfully. "Just some girl."

"Good to know," Lily said sarcastically. "But I want to know who."

"Too bad," he said mysteriously, giving her a grin.

"Gus!" she cried.

"If there's anything to tell, then you'll be the first to know," he said sensibly.

"I better be," she muttered. "But why won't you tell me her name?"

"Well, I--"

Before Mundungus could finish, somebody suddenly darted forward and shoved in between them. Lily was knocked harshly back into the wall, and Mundungus lost his balance and fell onto the ground.

Laughter filled their ears.

Dazed, Lily looked up and saw McCoy smirking at her. Her friends were snickering appreciatively.

"Slumming it with Ravenclaws, too, now, Evans?" she said with poisoned sweetness. "I'll bet you didn't think that you could do any worse than a Slytherin, eh?"

Before Lily could respond, the group marched off, leaving them behind.

Lily rubbed her arm carefully. She could tell that a bruise was going to form on her elbow from the impact with the wall.

Mundungus gave her an incredulous look from his place on the floor, as if he couldn't believe what had just happened. Lily shared the sentiment.

Seething, she went over and helped him up.

"What's her problem?" Mundungus grumbled, wiping off his robes.

Lily didn't answer. She looked after the small group of Slytherins. No worse than a Slytherin? What did that mean? She frowned. Was McCoy making a reference to Rosier? Was that what she was upset over? Or was it James?

Well, the bitch could eat her heart out, too, along with the groupies. James was hers, and Rosier was a thing of the past. If McCoy wanted Rosier, then it really had nothing to do with her. She highly doubted that Rosier would be wasting his time pining after her as long as he had someone to keep him warm at night. No doubt McCoy was filling that post frequently enough.

But if she wanted James... Well, then that was just too bad, because James wouldn't go with a slag like her.

Would he?

Lily suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to ask James about how he knew McCoy.

Lily bit her lip.

James wouldn't...

Would he?

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