Outward Appearances

Chapter 6: Revelations

Lily shoved James away angrily. "Don't touch me!"

He stared at her, taking in her dazed expression. "What's the matter with you?"

She fumed, almost too angry to speak. Oh, he was good. That puzzled expression was very convincing. But she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of crying on his shoulder.

"Get the hell away from me, James," she snapped, brushing by him.

"What did I do *now*?" James yelled. His voice echoed loudly through the corridor, causing Lily to flinch. She whirled around to face him.

"You never really needed a tutor, did you, James?" Lily asked, struggling to keep from shouting.

Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't that. James actually blushed, and dropped his eyes to the floor.

"I knew it!" she cried. She had already figured it out, but seeing it written as plain as day on his face was like a second slap in the face. She turned, intending to leave him there with his thoughts, but he caught her arm.

"Why are you so upset? I thought we had fun!"

Lily's mouth dropped open. Was he insane? Of all the nerve... He had been playing her for the fool, and he thought that a couple of entertaining stories made an equal compensation? She yanked away from him. "How dare you!"

"WHAT??" he cried. "What is your problem? You didn't have to say yes when Sirius asked you! No one held a wand to your head!"

Lily face flushed with anger. That arrogant bastard! "You got me, James! Silly me! I actually thought that you needed a tutor! Congratulations! Here I was thinking that you were just an idiot, but that must have been terribly funny for you!"

His eyes darkened. "I'm sorry that it was such torture hanging out with me!"

What the hell was he talking about? HIS feelings were hurt? To hell with James's feelings! What right did he have to be angry?

"What's wrong, James? You aren't satisfied with your little prank? It wasn't embarrassing enough for you? Maybe I should have postponed the big finale until it was in front of the entire school! Would that have been better?"

James looked at her as if she were crazy. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, the joke isn't over yet? You still want to play? Well I'm finished, James! Go find another victim, because this one's on to you!"

James threw his hands in the air. "I don't understand what you're talking about!" he yelled.

"Let me give you a hint, Potter! Remus? Does that ring a bell? You know, Snape was right about you! You ARE a jackass!"

James blinked. "Snape? If you've been listening to him, then you really are mental, Lily. And I have to say, that doesn't seem too far off right now! Now, what about Remus? Does he know why you've gone and lost your mind?"

"Just stop it!" she yelled.

"Stop WHAT?"

"Do you get a kick out of messing with my head? Guess what, James? You're not as clever as you think you are!"

"Neither are you," he said through gritted teeth.

Lily faltered. What was that supposed to mean?

Shaking his head, James started to walk away, but he changed his mind and came back, his eyes pleading. "Why do you keep doing this, Lily? Every time I think that we have a chance, you turn around and go into one of these defensive fits!"

Lily stared at him. What had he just said? A chance? He thought that they had a chance? She shook herself. He was still playing this horrible role. "That's just messed up, James," she said quietly. Enough was enough. He was taking it way too far. She hadn't known that he could be so... evil.

Her anger was suddenly fading. Lily didn't want to fight anymore. She wanted to cry. But she would never do that in front of James. Never....

James sighed. "Just tell me why you're mad at me, and then I'll leave you alone, Lily," he said, looking tired.

Lily bit on her lip to keep it from trembling. Damn James Potter. Why was he doing this to her?

"I know that you knew about Remus," she said, falling short of the heat that had been in her voice before.

He stared at her for a moment, and then covered his face with his hands and groaned.

"And you were making fun of me that day you tried to kiss me---"

"Wait!" James said, lowering his hands. "What are you talking about?"

Lily gritted her teeth. She wasn't going to say it again.

James shook his head. "Lily," he said slowly. "I was never making fun of you."

Was he seriously still trying to play her? She struggled to rejuvenate her anger, but it was like a spark after water had been poured on it. It was too much to take all at once. First Remus pulling the rug out from under her, and now James...

"Then why?" she managed.

James bit his lip, and didn't answer. His expression was unreadable.

"Why?" she repeated. "If you weren't making fun of me, then why?"

"Lily...."

"What?" she asked weakly.

James's face was a deliberate blank. He moved closer, but Lily quickly backed into the wall. What was he doing now?

James frowned, but continued to move closer, ignoring Lily's squirms. Her heart was pounding. He wouldn't...

Lily tried to flatten herself against the wall, but his body still pressed into her as he leaned his head down.

James's eyes were blue. She had never noticed before.

Unable to move, or even breathe, Lily waited for the inevitable.

But it didn't come.

James stared into her eyes, but didn't kiss her. Instead, he bent his head so that he could whisper into her ear.

His warm breath touched her cheek. Lily shivered. His lips brushed her ear.

"I tried to kiss you because I wanted to."

With that, James pulled away and left her shivering in the corridor.

Lily stared after him until she felt her eyes begin to blur. She slowly sank down the wall to the floor and wrapped her arms around her legs. Lily lowered her head to rest on her knees and shut her eyes.

Damn. That made three. Three times James had managed to get under her skin. Why? Why did she let him?

Lily's mind was buzzing, but she stubbornly eluded all of the thoughts that threatened her. She didn't want to think about.... Well, anything. She just wanted to go to sleep for an eternity.

Lily didn't move even when she heard someone approaching. The person hesitated when they reached her.

"Lily? Are you okay?" Arabella asked.

Lily stiffened. "Did you hear?" she whispered.

"Some, yes."

Arabella slid down next to her, but Lily didn't open her eyes. She didn't want to see the sympathy in her friend's face.

"What happened with Remus?" Arabella asked quietly.

Lily didn't want to talk. She wanted to disappear; but there was no way that Arabella was going to leave her alone now.

"He's involved," she said miserably. "I made a fool out of myself."

Arabella was quiet for a moment, possibly for Lily's benefit. Then she heard Arabella sigh.

"Lily, there's something I think that I should tell you about Remus..."

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