Outward Appearances

Chapter Four: Return of the Stag

Leaning against the high stonewall, Lily reached into her bag. Underneath her school supplies, she felt for the cigarettes that were always stocked there. She had picked up a liking for them from Rosier, who was already something of a chain smoker. Lily was smart enough not to smoke them often, but they came in handy when she was particularly stressed out. James had supplied her with the perfect occasion.

Her fingers closed around the small, comforting box. She pulled it out, along with her wand. Using her teeth, Lily pulled one of the cigarettes from the box and used the wand to light it. She inhaled deeply, and closed her eyes.

One more thing she hid from the people who thought they knew her best. Rosier and his friends didn't count.

"Hey, Lily," came a shy voice.

Jumping, Lily's eyes flew open. She relaxed when she saw who it was. Speaking of Rosier's friends....

"Severus," she said evenly.

The tall Slytherin boy shuffled his feet self-consciously. "What are you doing?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "What does it look like I'm doing, Severus?"

His pale cheeks turned pink. "Can I have one?"

She looked at him. Although Severus's open obsession with the dark arts and his rather unappealing appearance had earned him the reputation of a creepy psychopath; he had always given Lily an impression of innocence. She held out the carton.

Severus took one, and watched with wide eyes as Lily lit it for him. She leaned back and watched him. Still pink, he took a drag on it. Severus's eyes widened, and he began to cough violently. Lily held back a laugh. The irony was too perfect. Lily Evans was actually corrupting a Slytherin. Severus had never smoked before.

"Take it slow if it's your first time," she advised him.

Severus nodded, but didn't put it back in his mouth. He gave Lily a searching look.

"Why are you out here, Lily?"

"In case you didn't already know, smoking isn't exactly allowed here, Severus."

He snorted. "You're out here because of Potter."

Lily froze. How did he know about...?

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Been eavesdropping, Severus?"

"No. I just overheard," he said simply. His show of confidence didn't quite reach his hands, which were fumbling with his burning cigarette. "Potter's a jackass, Lily. And I don't know what you would want with that loser Lupin- --"

"Shut up, Snape!" she snapped. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Severus flinched. Angrily, Lily grabbed the cigarette from his moving fingers, and dropped it to the ground before stepping on it. She marched past him, but stopped to throw a last comment over her shoulder.

"A word to the wise, Severus. Don't listen in on other people's private conversations. One of these days you may hear something that you'll wish you didn't."

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Lily managed to avoid James for the rest of the day, and most of the next. During classes, they both stubbornly ignored each other. Lily also returned Marcella's cold shoulder, feeling that she had been betrayed somehow. Arabella noticed her foul mood, but when she asked Lily about it, she was told quite curtly to bugger off.

Lily couldn't have been more relieved when the day finally ended and the weekend began. This time, she waited until everyone was eating dinner in the Great Hall, before she retrieved the black bag from under her bed. Since she had the room to herself, Lily used the bathroom to do everything aside from changing into her costume.

As it turned out, the Muggle version of most magic things were far more attractive than the actual creature was. The same went for mermaids, which is what Lily would be going as this time. Actually, the costume would look more like the Muggle version of a sea nymph, but it didn't really matter either way. This dress was a sea-foam green, and was covered in silver sequins. So far, Lily had only been able to get her temporary tattoos to come out as gold, but the color complimented the green, which was Lily's best color.

She hastily performed the spell on her limbs, and started on her hair. Once again, she muttered Curlios, while pointing her wand at her hair, but this time she pulled some of it up into a smaller ponytail, and let the rest hang down her back. She had previously spent almost an hour on transfiguring one of her headbands into something that resembled a crown with several golden spikes along the front, which she placed onto her head.

Once she was done, Lily observed herself in the mirror. She smiled. Not too shabby. Too bad Remus couldn't see her like this.

Now, as long as no one happened to catch her before she reached the mirror, she was in the clear. Lily wasn't sure how she'd explain the make-up and hair-do.

She grabbed the bag and ran out of the dorms.

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Making sure that the sash was secure, Lily stepped from the tunnel.

The street was deserted aside from a small huddle of men hidden by black cloaks, who walked out of a pub at the same time as Lily came upon it. Keeping her eyes straight ahead, she walked quickly. It was already dark, and shudders and stores were closed on both sides of her. The only light on the street came from the pub's windows.

Lily fingered the stag horns around her neck. Anticipation warmed her against the cool air. She was going to see *him* again. She was dressed differently, but what if he was too? How was she going to find him in that crowd? But Lily wasn't really worried. Somehow the stag horns gave her faith that she would find him. Lily had never given into romantic notions like soul mates, but this felt close.

But when she got to Sieranda's, Lily's confidence wavered. There were so many people.... She dived into the crowd. Hands reached out for her, but she avoided them. Lily only wanted to dance with one man tonight.

She strained her eyes, searching the masks for the right one, but none of them were a stag. This was hopeless. Sighing, she pushed her way to the bar. Before Lily could entice one of the yokels into buying her a drink, she saw someone she recognized. Smiling, Lily sat down on a stool next to Sieranda Smiltine herself.

"Hi, there," she greeted the older woman. Although her face, like everyone else's was hidden, Sieranda was unmistakable. Her mask was part of an elaborate peacock headdress, and her dress made of authentic peacock feathers. Dozens of beaded necklaces were laced around her neck, and her fingers each had at least two large-stoned rings on them. She was holding a gin in each hand.

Sieranda smiled at her. "Lily! How are you my dear?"

"How did you know it was me?" She pretended to pout.

Sieranda laughed. "My dear, no one has hair or eyes like yours. You know, I used to have red locks like yours once..." She sighed dreamily, before swallowing one of her gins straight.

Lily raised an eyebrow. The woman had probably already downed several drinks before she'd arrived. Either that, or she really didn't have control over anything that came out of her mouth. Sieranda also had the most unique hair she had ever seen, and it was nowhere near red. Underneath the frightening headdress was hair that had been enchanted purple and divided into braids complete with ribbons and bows that looked like they had been thrown in as a last thought.

"That reminds me! There was someone in here asking about you the other day."

Lily instinctively reached for her necklace. "Who was it?"

Sieranda waved a dismissive hand. "It was weeks ago. Maybe a month."

"Who was it?" Lily persisted.

"I don't know, Dear! Some boy." She swallowed her remaining gin, before standing up on wobbly legs. "Come see me sometime during my normal hours. It gets so boring running a dress shop! Sometimes I wish I could just curse that sister of mine for leaving it to me! But of course she's already dead..."

Sieranda quickly stumbled off into the crowd, leaving Lily frustrated and confused. Who had asked about her? Annoyed, she left the bar, forgetting her drink, and wandered around the edge of the main crowd hoping to catch a glimpse of stag horns.

After about ten minutes, Lily was beginning to think that she was never going to find him. Sighing, she leaned against the wall and shut her eyes. It just didn't make sense. Why would he go to the trouble of sending her the necklace, if he weren't even going to show?

Maybe this was for the best, she thought dejectedly. If she actually allowed herself a moment, Lily knew that she would have realized that it made no sense to be searching for this mystery man that she had encountered only once before, while she was simultaneously plotting how to get Remus under her thumb. Maybe she should just leave now....

Lily suddenly felt someone staring at her. Her breath caught. She didn't need to open her eyes to know who it was. All thoughts about leaving fled her.

Finally opening her eyes, she stared steadily back at her stag. He was standing directly in front of her, a mere two feet away. His costume was the same, primitive Roman armor with the stag mask. She sighed again, but out of pleasure. He looked so good to her....

He smiled as if he could read her mind, and held out his hand. She took it without hesitation, her heart hammering. He guided her away from the wall and pulled her into his embrace. It was like coming home. His body was warm, and Lily had the odd thought that she had been cold without him. But that was ridiculous; it had to be near 80 degrees in the room.

She looked up into his eyes, and smiled at the now familiar sensation of being carried away by an ocean of blue. But she couldn't shake the feeling that she had looked into them many times before...

He lifted his hand to her throat, and Lily thought that he was going to kiss her, but instead he fingered her necklace. A smile played across his lips.

Yes, I wore it for you, her eyes told him.

He moved his hand to the back of her neck, and lowered his face toward her. Clutching his shoulders, Lily eagerly opened her mouth to allow him access, but he passed by her mouth. She blinked her eyes in confusion, but a sudden, soft kiss on her throat made her gasp. Shivers erupted all over her neck, as he laid quick kisses all along her throat. With a sudden movement, he pulled her closer, so that they were pressed together. Closing her eyes, Lily bent her head, still being supported by his hand, back further to give him better access to her throat.

She bit her lip to suppress a moan as his warm tongue moved over the flesh just below her jaw. His tongue moved in slow circles, somehow seeming to know exactly where all of her sensitive spots were. Forgoing one of his shoulders, she grabbed a secure handful of his hair. She was acting insane, to be doing this with a stranger. But at that moment, stranger or not, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except him.

Abandoning her neck, he moved his tongue to her ear. Lily gasped at the odd sensation. Nothing could have prepared her for that. But before she could get used to it, he withdrew his tongue to plant a trail of kisses along her cheek until he reached her mouth. Lily tightened her grip on his hair before hungrily pulling his mouth down to hers.

Just as before, a thousand sparks exploded around them. All of her molecules suddenly buzzed to life, desperate to mold together with his. His grip on her waist tightened to the point where it was hard to breathe, but Lily didn't care. Not waiting for him to be the first, she drove her tongue into his mouth. A low moan rumbled from his throat, and his tongue mingled with hers.

They both jerked apart when the need for air became too strong. Gasping, Lily looked up at him. Why did it feel like they had shared a million similar earth-shattering kisses? She had only seen him twice now, but somehow Lily knew every curve of his body. She knew every crevice, every sensitive spot, and every movement by heart.

Soul mates indeed, she mused.

Lily knew every detail except one. One that stubbornly eluded her but felt right on the edge of her mind. The most important detail: His face.

She reached up to remove his mask, but he swiftly caught her arm. Surprised, Lily stared at him. The blue orbs were clouded with mixed emotions. He shook his head sadly.

"Why not?" she asked, confused.

"Not yet," he said in a low, almost desperate voice. It was impossible to place the voice over the loud music.

"But why?" she cried.

Instead of answering her, he kissed her again, but it was a soft, sad kiss.

"You'll be here next time? In three weeks?" he asked hurriedly. He was leaving.

Lily shook her head. He couldn't leave! They had just found each other again! It was too soon.

"Don't go--" she begged. He placed a finger over her lips to hush her.

"Next time?" he repeated anxiously.

"Yes! Yes, I'll be here!" she cried. He wasn't making any sense. Hell, none of this made sense!

He nodded, and murmured against her lips, "Dream of me?"

"Yes," she whispered. Although he couldn't have heard her over the music, he smiled.

"Goodbye, Luv. Until next time..."

Lily's throat tightened. Another small kiss, and then he pulled away from her. His eyes remaining locked on hers, the stag moved back into the crowd. It eagerly engulfed him, stealing him from Lily's sight.

Her fingers shaking, Lily touched her necklace. She had never felt more alone.

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