Of Teenage Hormones and Dungbombs

Summary: Harry and Ron. French kissing practise. Need I say anymore?

Rating: PG

Of Teenage Hormones and Dungbombs

Harry was in despair. It was the night before he was going to ask Cho to the Ball. He had it all planned out. He would ask to go to the toilet five minutes before class ended, then he would find Cho outside Divination. He was going to take her down to the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest, where Hagrid had set up fairy lights. Ron would set off a dungbomb just outside to keep everyone else from the Forest area. He would ask Cho to the ball, and Ron would have deviously set up fireworks. When they kissed, Ron would be under the Invisibility Cloak, waiting for them. He would set up the fireworks, Cho would giggle, then it would be fluffy pink bunnies and pretty fairies from there on.

Unfortunately, this ingeniously sinister plan had a few minor flaws, listed below.
1. She might not kiss him.
2. Ron might not have enough time to set off the dungbombs, then come to set off the fireworks.
3. Madame Maxime was close by, so Hagrid might get distracted and forget the fairy lights (Hagrid may use them for his own intentions.)
4. Someone might have already hatched this crafty plan, and either get there first or disturb them during there...romantic moment(s)
5. Harry might not get out of the lesson early, as it was Snape's.
6. He might actually need the toilet, and miss Cho.
7. Cho might have already been asked.
8. Cho might see right through him and call him something rude that, if decoded, may read repvret.
9. Cho might not giggle.
10. She might leave early because she really did need the toilet.

All of these are relevant, but the most important of all is:

Harry's never kissed in his entire life, and is most possibly and probably...

RUBBISH!!!

This was why, with an immense feeling of doom in his stomach, he was knocking on Ron's door in the middle of the night. "Ron! Ron! It's me! I have a slight problem..." Harry hissed.

Ron's door swung open.
"What is it? Blooming heck! Why are you coming at this late hour? It's..." Ron looked at the luminous clock on his bedside table. "Seven pm." Harry smirked.
"Yes, Ron, we all know that you need your beauty sleep, but I have a slight dilemma. I can't kiss." Ron gave a knowing smile.
"Yes, Harry, I believe you..."
"If you could help..."
"Yes, I will kiss you. No worries."

As Harry turned away, Ron punched the air, happily. "My dream has come true!" He whispered.
"What?"
"Oh, nothing. So...what kind of kiss? Perhaps a little peck on the cheek or even...a francais!"
"French, I reckon." Ron nodded. He leaned over and...

***

Hermione Granger was walking along the corridor, wanting to ask Ron to stop talking to himself. She was just looking through the door when she saw something that made her clap a hand to her mouth to avoid screaming.

***

It was the most blissful thing that Ron had ever felt...Harry was a natural. He just felt that this was right. He knew that Harry felt the same way. "You...you're good!" Ron said, feeling utterly flabbergasted. He had thought that Harry was the One...but now it was official. He was in...

***

"Oh dear...I had no idea...I guess that rules out the possibility of going to the ball with either of them...unless we were in a threesome..."
'Actually, that would be pretty cool!' Hermione thought. She mentally slapped herself, and ran away to visit Hagrid. 'Hope he's still available...' Hermione thought.

***

Harry was waiting outside Divination. It was time to put the plan into action. He got Cho, as planned, and got her out okay. Judging by the screams, Ron had set off the dungbombs. He would now be making his way over. "Where are you taking me, Harry?" Cho asked, smirking.
"Oh, somewhere nice..." Harry said. She giggled.
'SCORE!' Harry thought, grinning.

***

Hermione made her way out to see Hagrid. She wanted to seduce him into having an illegal affair (well, Hagrid was over sixty...). She suddenly spotted Harry and Cho going down in the same direction as her. Frowning, she followed quietly.

***

Harry made his way down, hoping against hope that it would work. Fairy lights suddenly lit the clearing. Cho gasped and giggled. Perfect. "Look, Cho. We've been friends for a while. I think that we should take it to another level. Can we go to the Yule ball together?" Just as Harry thought he had pulled it off, Hermione ran into the clearing. "Is that why you were kissing Ron last night? To throw me off the scent? How dare you!"
Hermione ran off, sobbing.
"You kissed Ron? Egh!" Cho said, staring at him. She ran off.
"It was only for practice! I wanted to kiss you perfectly!" Just as she turned and he could have got it, Ron came from under the cloak.
"Is that all it meant to you? Practice?" Ron ran off.
"You lent him the Invisibility Cloak? What are these, fireworks? Tacky!" She ran away, leaving Harry gaping after them, not sure who to run after and convince that he was not bad really. He made a rasping noise, and made his way to his bedroom to brood.

***

Harry sat in his dorm, drinking butterbeer by the gallon. 'Well, when she called me something bad, I think I saw her glance at my...'

***

"Sausages for dinner, Harry! They're big and juicy and fatty and porky... and simply delicious!" Seamus said, licking his lips.

***

It was the night of the Yule Ball, and Harry, Ron, Hermione and Cho were all utterly dateless. Harry needed to summon the last piece of courage he had left to ask Cho again. He knew that she might understand if he talked to her. "Cho, I'm really sorry about what happened last week. I just...wanted it to be perfect. I didn't want Ron to watch. He came himself, after all. I only practised kissing on him because I wanted to be perfect for you. Shall we take a walk?" Cho nodded. They strolled along the grassy grounds of Hogwarts. "When we go back in, can I have a partner?" Harry asked as they reached some rosebushes. Cho nodded. She leaned over.

Just then, Hagrid and Madame Maxime came through the corner, knocking the fairies aside. Harry glared at Hagrid.
"Oh...okay...you're busy...just don't get carried away, okay Harry? You're too young to go that far with her. Keep that in mind okay? And if you have to, remember to use protection." Harry glared daggers dipped in poison at Hagrid, who smiled and winked knowingly and took Madame Maxime away.
"Where were we?" Harry asked. He leaned down and kissed her. 'Finally!' Harry thought. Just then, as he was melting into the kiss, Cho broke apart spitting.
"Oh my God! What kind of garlic have you been eating lately? You taste like hell! Ew!" Harry looked at her, hurt.
"Give me a second..." Harry got some spray from his dress robes, and put it in his mouth. "That's better..." Cho smiled, and kissed him again.

At that moment, a horrible smell reached their nostrils.
"That's it, Harry. You fart when you kiss? I'm going to the ball with anyone...anything but you!" Cho marched off, leaving Harry gaping after her. For, he had not farted.

Suddenly, a figure came out from behind a bush. It was a ghost! Cedric Diggory's ghost! "That's what you get from kissing my girl!" He was holding a bag of Dungbombs in his hands. Harry felt like crying.

Just then, he heard a rustling from inside yet another rosebush. Ron and Hermione were busy under them. "Could this day get any worse?" Harry yelled, and ran off, crying.

The End