Terry Boot and the Masochist's Boulder

At breakfast the next day, Terry was munching on some crisp, dry toast when a parcel arrived with "Terrie Botte" written on it. Terry wasn't used to getting packages, so he just assumed that there was someone named Terri Botte somewhere in Ravenclaw.

Instead of owls, there were four giant vultures carrying the mystery parcel, and it may have been this fact that tipped off the rest of the table. Whatever it was, there was definitely no doubt in anyone's mind that it was for Terry, and not this Terri Botte he had just made up.

"I really think it's for you," Mandy told Terry earnestly, seeing the question in his eyes, as the four scavengers dropped their baggage into a bowl of porridge, which was sitting on the long table right ifront of Terry.

"Does it say 'Jerry Toot' on it?" Terry asked, as that was who he was usually mistaken for. It was safe to say that Jerry Toot in Devonshire was not getting his post regularly.

"No...," Mandy trailed off. "But it's a really weird spelling of your name, I'm almost positive," she told him, examining the package.

"Read the note to find out," Lisa suggested, taking a bite of bacon.

So Terry did.

"Terry-

Don't this at the table. We don't want to draw too much attention to the fact that you're missing a leg. I don't think anyone's noticed yet, and we don't want them to. The whole cripple bit is our secret weapon for the match against Hufflepuff. Inside this package is a crutch. Don't tell everyone about it either, as I don't want everyone asking me for one. I hope it helps you succeed at Quidditch. That's our goal! Besides, a crutch will be better for you than a broomstick, I'm sure, as in my past years at Hogwarts, the amount of crippled kids I've dealt with adds up to, well, one. You. But don't worry. I know what I'm doing. I think.

Sincerely,

Professor Flitwick"

"It was for me!" Terry said, stuffing the note into his pocket, and clutching at his secret crutch. This was more than he had ever dreamed of, unless he counted that dream where he had two legs.

"What's in the package?" Lisa asked, pushing her glasses further up on her nose.

"I'll tell you later," Terry whispered in an obvious I-have-a-secret way, which drew the attention of half of the Ravenclaw table.

"Right, well, I think we should take whatever your secret package is back up to the common room, and then head to class." Lisa swung her legs over the bench and waited for Mandy and Terry to stuff more food in their mouths before following her out of the wide doors of the Great Hall.

That afternoon, Terry had his first Quidditch lesson. He was so excited, that he headed out to the playing field fifteen minutes early. He sat on the bleachers, excitedly looking toward the doors, but instead of another student coming out to greet him, a huge, white owl flew out of one of the top windows and down to meet Terry.

Terry greeted the owl warmly, thinking that with everything he had seen in the wizarding world this far, it wasn't going too far to assume that this owl was indeed the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain.

Terry opened up his letter, and after having read it, set it in his lap to look at more thoroughly.

"Terry-

I don't have time to teach you Quidditch, because I'm busy being a mystery character. Why don't you watch the first match between Gryffindor and Slytherin to get the hang of things? Katie Bell is a chaser. She'll help you out, probably, if you have any questions. I also hear she puts out, if you go for that kind of stuff.

Sincerely,

The Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain Who J.K. Rowling Really Doesn't Care About

PS: This note will self destruct infifteen seconds."

Terry watched in awe as the note exploded with a pop out of his hands. It flew a good fifty feet over the Quidditch pitch, taking out the snowy owl as it attempted to flee the scene, and fell to the ground in burning pile of flesh and paper. Terry kicked the flaming bird with his shoe and then shrugged as it gave one last sizzle and pop.

"Everything I touch dies," he said, sorrowfully.

Kind of disappointed in the whole affair, Terry sat on the bleachers, and then he sat some more. He didn't really know what to do, because he had planned on being taught Quidditch for most of the afternoon.

After awhile, Terry wandered around the Quidditch field for a bit, trying to get a feel of what it would be like to actually play in a game. He could almost imagine the a game of Quidditch going on high above him, even though he had never seen one before in his life. He wondered what it would be like to fly on his crutch with the crowd cheering below him, except when htried to picture it in his mind, he pictured the crowd cheering for the other team.

"Oh well," Terry thought to himself. "At least they're cheering and not throwing things at my crutch."

A cool breeze blew through the grounds. Terry pulled his jacket tighter, and started heading back toward the castle. He thought about what he would do as a chaser in the Quidditch game, and made up his mind to pay really close attention at the first Quidditch match. Otherwise, it was doomsday for Terry.

Terry re-read the letter on the way back to the Ravenclaw common room, and thought over things he could do to help him remember his job in the Quidditch game while it was going on. He figured that things would be too hectic for any real learning to kick in, so he needed good rhymes to help him figure things out. But who was he kidding? There was no way he would be able to remember Quidditch rules, let alone put them into funny poems. He may be in Ravenclaw, but he was still crippled.

Terry entered the common room, and went up to his dormitory to prepare for his Charms class. On his way back downstairs, he tripped, fell, and dropped his bag of school supplies all over the floor. While he was gathering his books, he talked to Lisa and Mandy about Quidditch, and tried to figure out what it was exactly and if they knew how to play it. The mystery Ravenclaw captain was supposed to have explained all of this to Terry, but Terry was glad that he was able to talk to Lisa and Mandy about it. They loved to talk so much, that sometimes Terry just let them go on without really absorbing a word they said...like right then.

"Wait a minute!" Terry told them, interrupting Lisa in the middle of a sentence. "I forgot to show you my surprise!"

"Oh yeah!" Lisa exclaimed, a bit bitterly because of how rudely Terry had interrupted her ramblings. "Way to go, Terry. Thanks a lot."

"Sorry," Terry said, scrambling back up the stairs. "I'll bring it down for you. It's the neatest thing you'll ever see!"

"I wonder if it's a leg?" Lisa murmured to Mandy, as they watched Terry's good leg disappear behind a curve in the winding staircase. Eventually, they heard a squeaky, thud, and Terry's shining, happy face appeared around the curve.

"A crutch!" he exclaimed proudly, as his sneaker and crutch made one last squeaky, thud, on the stone staircase.

"Wow," Lisa said, giving a soft whistle. "It's really...shiny..."

"And new," Mandy added, barely managing to show any enthusiasm.

Luckily, as per usual, Terry didn't notice.

"My crutch will really help me out!" he said. "Not only will it help with walking sometimes, but it'll be even better than a broomstick. I bet it's faster!"

"Don't get too excited about it, Terry," Lisa interjected. "I mean, if we can go by the laws of physics here..."

A nearby fifth year Ravenclaw snorted. "This is the wizarding world. Your basic principles don't apply here."

"He's right," Mandy nodded. "I remember last summer, my brother stole this time turner, and when he came back, he told us he was in a place with only two dimensions."

"That's a lie," Terry said. "If the laws of physics teach us anything-"

"Look!" said the fifth year boy, interrupting Ter the one moment where he might have captured the lime light. "The laws of physics don't apply here. I mean, just look at what Dumbledore's done in his lifetime, and you'll see what I mean."

"Are you telling me," Lisa began, "that there is a biography on Albus Dumbledore?"

"Yes," he said. "But don't bother searching the library for it. Hermione Granger has checked out every book in there, and transfigured them to fit into her pocket."

"You're kidding!" Lisa exclaimed. "What'll I read?"

"Porn," the boy replied, and no one knew if he was joking or not.

"Mug her for books," Mandy suggested. "I'll help."