Terry Boot and the Masochist's Boulder

Terry was really excited about his first flying lesson. Being one-legged, walking had always been a struggle of wits for him, and his phantom leg had always won. Usually Terry had just given up moving after that, and had sat in his hole and cried, but now Terry would be able to move like other kids. Flying was going to make him normal! Or at least, that's what Terry hoped. Terry was full of false hope like that.

The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs gathered on the green for their first flying lesson, but no one was more excited than Terry. He was so excited, that he was actually attempting to move like a normal person, what with all the hopping and jumping he was doing all over his friends.

"Terry," Mandy began. "If you don't calm down, I'm going to hit you."

Terry stopped immediately. Threats of abuse and violence were things that he was used to. Mandy noticed the stricken look on his face, and immediately apologized.

"Terry, I'm so sorry," Mandy said. "Of course I won't really hit you. I just really wanted you to calm down. I thought you might hurt yourself or something, what with all of your one legged jumping."

"That's okay, Mandy," he told her. "I was just surprised that you had said it. I didn't really think you were going to do it, unless you do, and then in that case, I knew it all along," Terry finished with a knowing nod.

"Way to cover all your bases, Terry," a Hufflepuff told him, overhearing his conversation.

"Stop encouraging his nonsense," Lisa hissed at him, while Terry went back to looking at the broomstick that was lying on the ground.

"I can't wait to get on a broom and fly!" he told Lisa excitedly.

"I'm excited for you, Terry," Lisa told him, not really paying attention, because it's hard to break old habits, like ignoring crippled people.

"I wonder if the broomstick chooses the wizard, like a wand," Terry pondered. "I suppose it doesn't matter if it does, because someone will have to choose one for me anyway. Magical objects don't seem to want to choose me as their wizard," Terry frowned a bit.

"I don't think that's how it works here," Mandy told him. "I think we just go, stand next to a broom, and hope that we don't snap our necks."

"Ew, that's so morbid, Mandy," Lisa said. "You shouldn't talk like that around Terry. It might scar him even more than he already is."

"I could die?" Terry asked in awe. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"This is the wizarding world," Lisa said. "I'm sure there's a spell to call you back from the dead, or fix your broken spine or something."

"I think you're giving us too much credit," Mandy said, laughing at Lisa. "There isn't a spell to put Terry's leg back together, is there?"

"There isn't!" Terry said in agreement.

"Well," Lisa said. "I suppose you both make a good point. I don't know how I could have missed it...it being Terry's missing leg. It was basically just staring me in the face."

"Or staring you in your kneecap," Terry said earnestly.

Suddenly, they heard one of the doors leading into the castle open and close, and a woman came striding across the field toward the huddled mass of first years.

"Everybody, get a broom!" the woman, Madam Hooch, barked to the class. All the students scrambled to stand next to a broom. Terry was already standing next to his broom, so he didn't have far to go.

"Now, on my whistle, I want you to say 'up!' in a strong, commanding voice. The broom should fly right into your hand. Ready? Go!" Madam Hooch shouted the instructions to the class, and kept one of her eyes on Terry. This was the first crippled boy she'd had in a class since...well...ever, and it made her nervous to see how happy he was to be near a levitating object.

"Up!" Terry shouted, and the broomstick flew right into his hand. No one would ever know just how pleased he was with himself.

There was silence on the green.

"Well...I guess no one saw that coming," Madam Hooch mumbled, surprised that a broom had taken so quickly to a one legged boy.

After a few minutes, everyone who was anyone had their broomsticks in their hands, and were nearly quivering with excitement at finally being able to get off the ground.

"Now, I want you to mount your broom, and on my whistle, kick off from the ground, hover, and then land again. Ready. Go!" Madam Hooch blew her whistle, and watched as the students levitated off of the lawn. She especially kept a watch over Terry.

Terry kicked off from the ground with his good leg, which kind of tipped him over at first, but then he was hovering. The feeling was exhilarating. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before! His grandparents had basically been ground oriented people, so Terry didn't have much experience in the Earth's atmospheres. Suddenly, a rush of adrenaline over took him, and he flew up into the air, completely ignoring Madam Hooch's instructions. This was more like the Terry everyone knew.

"Mr. Boot!" Madam Hooch yelled at him, as he circled back around toward the class at a frighteningly fast speed. "Who do you think you are? Harry Potter? You can't get away with that! Now I bet you think you're going to be put on the Ravenclaw quidditch team too, eh?" she smirked in his general direction.

"Madam Hooch!" called Professor Flitwick, scrambling onto the field suddenly. "That was amazing! I want that boy on the Ravenclaw quidditch team!" he squeaked frantically, as if Terry were suddenly going to disappear and take his chances at a good Quidditch season with him.

"Professor, I don't think you can see from that angle, but," Madam Hooch lowered her voice to a hiss, "he's crippled."

"Yes! What an amazing scare tactic! We'll make him a Chaser! Imagine it. Ravenclaw vs. Gryffindor. Gryffindor has the quaffle, and suddenly, zoom!" Professor Flitwick waved his hands in the air excitedly, almost knocking himself over onto the lawn. "A crippled boy comes out of nowhere, shaking his phantom leg and stump in the other player's face! Who wouldn't want to be pulled from the game after that?" Professor Flitwick explained his game strategy with great gusto.

"I can also make people vomit!" Terry exclaimed, excited, as he watched the conversation unfold before his shining, naïve eyes. He wasn't exactly why Professor Flitwick wanted him on the team so much, in fact, no one could really figure that out, but what he did know was that someone finally wanted him involved in something other than a beating.

"Excellent!" Professor Flitwick shouted. "Even better! Your vomiting on the other players will surely result in a victory for Ravenclaw!"

"Howis he the head of Ravenclaw house?" Lisa whispered to Mandy, who just shrugged her shoulders.

Madam Hooch just looked back and forth between Professor Flitwick and Terry Boot. What had happened to the good old days, where people had to earn their way into special positions on clubs and teams? Harry Potter was making this new generation of wizards lazy. But who was she to question these new ways? Stealthily, she pulled a flask from under her robe, took a few swigs, and feeling refreshed with new hope for the world, she went back to her class, completely inebriated.

The rest of the day passed in a glorious blur for Terry, who had been elevated to the esteemed position of Chaser on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team.

"I can't believe it!" Mandy exclaimed for the hundredth time as they were sitting in the common room later that night. "A chaser on the quidditch team? That's amazing! Why, I bet you're the first crippled quidditch player in-"

"A century, according to Professor Flitwick," Terry cut in, beaming.

"I'm really happy for you, Terry," Lisa said absentmindedly, staring at the crackling blaze in the fireplace.

"Hey, you guys," Terry said suddenly.

"What?" asked Lisa, looking up at him.

"I have to use the loo. I'll be right back," Terry got up off the couch he had been sprawled over, if one can sprawl with only one leg, and headed out of the Ravenclaw common room.

"I wonder if he knows where the bathroom is?" Mandy asked Lisa, pulling out the board for wizard's chess.

"We'll give him half an hour, and if he hasn't come back, I suppose we'll have to go find him," Lisa shrugged.

Meanwhile, Terry was wandering, very confused and lost, through Hogwart's castle.

"This always happens when I really have to pee," Terry muttered, as another staircase took him onto another floor, and lead him into yet another room that he didn't know.

"I hope this is a bathroom," Terry said aloud and crossed his fingers.

"Malfoy?" a voice asked in the darkness.

"No. Terry! And I have to pee. Where's the bathroom?"

"Get out of here! You'll get us all caught," the voice hissed at Terry, while coming closer to him. When the person got into the light coming from the open door, Terry could see it was Harry Potter.

"Hey! Harry! Can I shake your hand?" Terry asked excitedly, extending his own hand.

"Umm...sure, but why?" Harry asked, as he shook Terry's hand limply.

"You're the reason I can be lazy!" Terry told him bluntly.

"Wha-?" But Harry never finished his sentence. They heard little, padding feet coming around the corner.

"Mrs. Norris!" Ron exclaimed, grabbing Harry by the arm. "Come on! We've got to get out of here!"

The four Gryffindor students scrambled back into the trophy room, attempting to hide as Mrs. Norris sidled up to Terry.

"Hello, Kitty!" Terry said happily, reaching down to pet Mrs. Norris. A horrified, cat expression crossed Mrs. Norris' face as Terry stroked her furry back.

What was wrong with this boy, the cat wondered, and what sticky, dirty mess did he fondle before me?

But as Terry's enthusiasm for having a feline friend grew, Mrs. Norris' false façade of stoicism failed, and she started purring. She weaved her way around erry's one leg, as Terry clutched the doorframe to keep from falling over the cat.

"You're a really great cat," Terry said, pulling himself away from Mrs. Norris. "But I need to get going now. I still have to pee really badly."

Mrs. Norris, seeing the distressed look on Terry's face, and noticing that his hands were clutching a little bit too much at the crotch of his pants, tried to use body language to tell Terry to follow her to a bathroom.

"I'll see you later, Kitty," Terry said, turning in the opposite direction Mrs. Norris was trying to push him in. She rolled her eyes as Terry walked away from her.

Terry sprinted, as only a one legged boy can, down the hall, peeking into classrooms on his hurried way. Where were the bathrooms in this place?

"Why can't I ever find a bathroom?" Terry cried as he lost himself even more in the Hogwart's castle.

Suddenly, from behind a statue, Peeves burst out and screamed in Terry's face.

"Ahhhh! It's my childhood all over again," Terry bemoaned, and fell backwards, arms waving wildly, into a dark room. The door clicked shut behind him, and Peeves turned the key in the lock.

"That'll take care of that crippled kid," Peeves said, wiping his transparent hands together in a 'job well done' manner.

What Peeves had failed to realize was that Terry, after years of abuse and one, terrifying polar bear mauling, had become rather resilient, and painfully obtuse.

He picked himself up off the ground, dusted off his pant leg, and walked through the door on the other side of the classroom, which lead into a secret hallway of sorts, which now that Terry had found it, sighed in discontentment, because it was no longer a secret.

"The only unique thing about me has been stolen...stolen forever!" the hallway moaned sadly.

"The only normal thing about me was stolen...stolen forever! I know how you feel," Terry sympathized.

In that one moment, boy and hallway realized that they had connected in a very wrong, very incorrect way that must never, ever be spoken about to anyone again. For the hallway, it would mean a renovation of the tearing down kind, and for Terry, well, he couldn't really get any more strange. It was really all win for Terry, but he liked the hallway, and how it had made a huge, ridiculous tangent in his story.

Anyway, Terry walked down this hallway, when suddenly, without warning, the door on his left opened with a crash. In the soft glow of candlelight coming from the now visible room, stood the forms of Lisa Turpin and Mandy Brocklehurst. Lisa, armed with her wand and a heavy looking candelabra, stepped into the hall. "Terry?" she asked.

"Lisa?" Terry asked back.

Mandy pocketed her wand, and sighed. "I told you we'd find him, Lisa."

"We're so relieved to find you, Terry! We were worried. Did you ever find a bathroom?"

"No," Terry sniffed. "I really have to pee...still."

"The door was locked behind us, so we'll have to find another way out," Mandy said, stepping into the dark, not-so-secret hallway.

"I think I see a door up there," Lisa stated as a couple of kids came barreling out of said door and down the hallway in the opposite direction. They began walking toward the door. When they reached it, Lisa cast the well known unlocking spell that we all know and love, and the door swung open before them.

"It smells in here," Mandy said, waving a hand in front of her nose, trying to get rid of some of the stench.

"It must be a boy's bathroom," Lisa deduced.

"No! It's a dog's bathroom!" Terry shouted.

"What?" Mandy and Lisa asked in unison, but right after the word had left their lips, a giant, three headed dog loomed up in front of them. Terry would have reached out a hand to pet it, if Lisa hadn't dragged him back through the door.

Mandy slammed and locked the door behind them, and they could hear the snuffling of the giant dog trying to find them out.

"What was that thing doing there?" Mandy asked, as they ran back to their common room.

"It was guarding something," Lisa said. "Didn't you see the trap door?"

"I bet it's guarding the Masochist's Boulder!" Terry exclaimed.

"What's the Masochist's Boulder, Terry, and why did you capitalize it?" Lisa asked, as they climbed through the portrait opening.

"It's really important. I heard Professor Kettleburn talking about it at Gringott's. Or, it could be the Sorcerer's Stone," Terry tried to figure out, capitalizing yet another vital plot line.

"Either or, I'm sure Dumbledore knows what he's doing. It's not like he needs three kids to help figure out how to save these stones or boulders."

The three shared a laugh before going to bed. It had been an extremely eventful day. And Mandy and Lisa had finally found a bathroom for Terry to pee in.