Hidden Within

Hidden Within

Chapter One - Acceptance and Adjustments

After fifteen hours of search, they had eliminated completely the possibility of any other survivors. They were alone in the whole of Hogwarts. A few things, however, were hard to explain. Such as the complete absence of all familiars. Hermione thought she knew every one of Crookshanks' "secret" hideouts, but he had not been found anywhere. Or why they had gone down to the kitchens in their search to discover that, although there were no bodies, there were no house elves in sight. Or even why no ghost could be seen and all the frames were empty, hanging open. Severus ended up agreeing, for the sake of practicality, to teach Hermione the departure spell and, by the time they were done, there were no bodies left. Severus could not recall ever having felt a similar sensation of absolute despair. He had seen all of his colleagues, and students, some of which he had taught for six and a half years, dead. His mentor, the only person who had always believed in him, dead. And now, after having been running on nothing but adrenalin for the past fifteen hours, his body remembered to protest quite effectively. As the last body disappeared, Severus collapsed on the floor, unable to move if his life depended on it. Hermione kneeled next to him, taking his pulse. Her hand was cold and clammy with sweat.

"Professor! What happened?"

"Tired." Even articulating seemed an effort to him and, suddenly, Hermione was aware of exactly how exhausted she also was.

"I understand, sir, but you can't sleep here. I'll help you, get up, please. Where will you be sleeping?"

At least that was an easy question. His quarters were one of the very few places where there had been no bloodshed. Sleeping there would certainly be better than anywhere else.

"My quarters. Downstairs. Dungeons."

Even as she was helping him, Hermione wondered if she would have the strength to keep moving. Every one of her joints was hurting, and her head seemed ready to explode. Still she pushed on. Finally, with Severus giving her terse directions, they arrived at the door to his quarters where, as with everywhere else, the entrance was now unguarded. She walked into his living room with him and helped him onto the sofa, oblivious to her surroundings. She was too tired to even think, and was only marginally better than her professor, who fell asleep before his head touched the sofa.

---

Severus awoke a few hours later, sweating. He had had the most horrid nightmare, where everyone in Hogwarts was dead. Everyone but himself and the Granger girl, that was. Then he took in the state of his clothes and the place where he was sleeping and the icy grip of fear took hold of him. It had been no nightmare. Albus was dead. He got up from the sofa, intent on checking if it truly had been real and, upon exiting his chambers, promptly stumbled on something and fell to the ground. Irritated beyond reason, he lit his wand with an angry Lumos. He had just tripped on Hermione Granger.

"Miss Granger, may I ask what is the meaning of this?!? Why, in the name of all that's holy, were you sleeping on the ground outside my doorway??"

She looked up at him with tears welling up in her eyes again. When she spoke, her voice was a combination of a plea with panic, pain, and a touch of madness, temporary as it might be. She clutched the hem of his robes in both hands, in need to feel something solid.

"Please, Professor. I don't want to go to my room. So many people died there, please. I don't want to be alone."

Suddenly Severus felt petty. After so many horrendous things he had witnessed, he had nevertheless been unprepared for the events at the school, he too had been terrified. How could he have expected someone who was little more than a child to be able to deal with it? How could he have taken it out on her? Very softly, he kneeled next to her.

"I can understand that, Miss Granger, but you could have slept inside. There was no need for you to sleep on the floor."

Without thinking, she put her arms around his neck and buried her head in his robes.

"I-I-I didn't want to intrude" she stammered, whether from fear or cold he couldn't tell. Severus needed no more evidence. It had been real. And he also didn't need any more evidence to convince him that she was still in a state of shock. He picked her up easily and carried her to his bedroom, sitting her down at the edge of the bed.

"You can sleep here, Miss Granger. I'll be fine in the living room." As an afterthought he transfigured a set of his own robes into some clean ones for her, and one of his long grey nightshirts into a plain female one and added "There's a bathroom over there. I believe you will feel much better after you've bathed."

Hermione's eyes were filled with gratitude. "Thank you, Professor." He simply nodded and left, wishing he could have a bath as well. He decided he would, when she woke up. Right now she needed both the bath and the bed much more than he did, and he was loathe to use another bathroom now that he had accessed the reality of the massacre. There was an odd sense of security to his quarters that he could feel nowhere else.

---

Hermione woke up feeling considerably better than she had the night before. After having followed her professor's suggestion and taken a bath, she had transfigured a pillowcase into clean underwear, which he had presumably been too polite to do himself, had then changed into it and had, at last, fallen soundly asleep on his four-poster bed. The nightmares she had dreaded hadn't come; she had been too exhausted for even that. Now, in the cold light of day, she tried very hard to adjust herself to her new reality.

While she got up and changed into her new fresh robes, she noticed absently that her "cold light of day" came from a small window high up in the wall, almost on ceiling level. Seen from the outside, it would probably be very near the ground.

When she opened the door and took in the sight that presented itself to her, she felt something she never thought possible: a deep compassion, even sorrow, for her Potions Master. Severus Snape was sitting on the sofa, the bridge of his overlarge nose resting on his index fingers, his thumbs supporting his chin. His shoulders were slumped and she could just make out a deep line beneath his left eye; the right one was hidden from sight by a patch of lank black hair that hung lifelessly from his scalp. He was still in the same teaching robes, stained with Albus Dumbledore's blood where he had held him, and it seemed he hadn't managed to sleep at all after he had given her his bedroom. She approached him carefully and laid a tentative hand on his shoulder.

"Professor?"

"Miss Granger." he acknowledged tiredly. "If you would be so kind as to sit down, please."

Something in his tone told her this was serious. There was something else, apart from all the horror they had already gone through, that was wrong. His next words proved it.

"I tried to contact the Ministry a short while ago. Our Floo Network isn't working. Since all the animals seem to have disappeared, all our communications are off. We seem to be cut out from the world."

Hermione swallowed. She too had hoped they would be able to contact someone, that someone would come for her. That they could know news of the situation outside. And what could possibly be so powerful as to prevent Hogwarts' Floo Network from functioning? Unless someone at the Ministry had purposefully disconnected them, maybe to stop them asking for help during the attack. And why, oh why, could she not remember anything of it?

"So now what do we do, Professor?"

Severus sighed. Typical. They were stuck between a rock and a hard place so, of course, he would be expected to find a solution.

"I honestly don't know, Miss Granger. Although..." He paused, taken by an irrational fear of voicing his thoughts.

"Although what, Professor?"

"I suppose we could simply leave." He felt the air being sucked out of him, black spots appearing before his eyes. If she agreed, if they tried to leave, they would face a fate worst than death, he knew it. They would be caught, they would be tortured, they would be-

"NO!" Her shriek pierced the air, making him jump. "We can't, Professor, we can't, we'll die, please, we can't go outside!" The fear in her voice mirrored the one in his heart, and he felt deeply relieved. He needn't show his own fear. They would not go outside.

"It's OK! Calm down, Miss Granger, we don't have to leave."

"We... don't?"

"No. I must confess I share your opinion. It is probably much worse if we venture outside. We will be safe here. Let's try to gather our memories surrounding the attack. Maybe we can come to some sort of conclusion."

"I don't really remember anything, sir. I remember the end of your class, when you gave me detention. I remember I was thinking about that, but then it seems I was already inside my common room and everyone was dead."

"I'm afraid I'm suffering from the same ailment. I also recollect the end of your class, and, suddenly, I was already outside the Infirmary. We have to do some research about variants of Obliviate, or forgetfulness-inducing potions, and also ways of healing selective amnesia. We need to go to the Library and... that is, assuming you are willing to help me."

"Of course! Yes, of course I am, sir." The perspective of taking her mind off of her current situation and plunging it into research was blissful. In any other situation she might have felt flattered as well but, in this one, she knew he was only requesting her help because she was the only one available... the only one alive. Tears came once more to her eyes at the thought of Harry and Ron, and her, only yesterday - or maybe the day before yesterday, time seemed to be losing its meaning -, talking excitedly about how they were going to meet Sirius during the next Hogsmeade weekend. Fortunately her stomach chose that precise moment to rumble most ungracefully, reminding her of how she hadn't had anything to eat for possibly more than twenty-four hours, and distracting her from her grim thoughts.

Severus noticed and almost cursed himself for not having thought of food. Here he was, trapped in a castle with only one survivor, and he was trying to starve her to death!

"Miss Granger, for now I believe food is in order. Please, do sit at the table." He gestured towards his small living room table and Hermione felt yet another wave of relief wash through her. He wasn't going to send her to the Great Hall; she didn't think she would be able to stand seeing all the empty places. As she sat down he conjured milk and fruit.

"I fear, Miss Granger, that you will need to settle yourself for this breakfast; unless, of course, you wish to go into the kitchen and cook some yourself."

In fact, all the food in Hogwarts had always been cooked by the house elves; the only magical thing about it was the way it was brought to the students' plates and, being in no mood to cook, Severus had simply sent for things that didn't need to be cooked.

"This is fine, professor, thank you."

With a curt nod, Severus turned and disappeared into the bedroom, intent on having his long-deserved bath. Hopefully it would clean his mind along with his body.

---

When he returned to the living room, Hermione had already finished her breakfast and was sitting politely on his sofa, her twisting hands the only indication of her nervousness.

"Are you ready, Miss Granger?"

"Yes, sir. But maybe you should eat as well, before we go, you haven't eaten anything for at least as long as I hadn't. You'll collapse if you keep it up."

Seeing the wisdom in her words, Severus grabbed an apple and signalled for her to follow. Maybe they could still figure out what had happened and why they couldn't remember.