The Deposition of Draco Malfoy

"The Deposition of Draco Malfoy on August First, the year nineteen-hundred-and-ninety-eight."

"I do know the date, thank-you-very-much."

"No need for the sarcasm, Mr. Malfoy. I'm merely stating it for the record - you'll see the Quick-Quotes-Quill writing at the end of the table there."

"Oh."

"Let's just end this as quickly as possible, then."

"Why hurry for me? I'm only forced back into my personal cell in Azkaban when this is over."

"Meanwhile, some of us have managed to obey the law and have families waiting for us at home!"

"Well excuse me for making an assumption. But I'm sure you know what they say: 'To assume is to make an-'"

"That's quite enough of your tomfoolery, Mr. Malfoy. Soon I shall grow so tired of this that I just throw you out of the room and keep you locked up in Azkaban as I please - regardless of whatever evidence recently uncovered!"

"Geez, I was only having a bit of fun. It's been a long time since I've spoken to anyone who wasn't deranged by dementors."

"And who's to say you haven't been?"

"The pot's calling the kettle black now, Mr. McDougal?"

"What on earth is that supposed to mean? Let's just get this over with. Now, were you or were you not a Death Eater of Lord...He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?"

"I think the black tattoo on my arm - otherwise known as the Dark Mark - confirms that."

"That'll be recorded as a 'Yes.' Furthermore, is it true that you, upon being captured by Auror Harry Potter on January first, nineteen-ninety-eight, gave the names and whereabouts of Death Eaters Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Theodore Nott, and Pansy Parkinson to the Ministry?"

"What can I say? Their idiocy is quite trying after a while."

"I can imagine. And why would you voluntarily imprison not only your fellow...colleagues, but also former classmates?"

"Because they were annoying! How many times do I have to say it? Besides, Potter threw me in prison without a second thought, and we were former classmates."

"True, but you were also known for your hatred of each other. Perhaps there was an ulterior motive behind throwing your former friends into prison. Were you-'"

"I thought I requested to interview this particular prisoner!"
"Why - Mr. Potter! You didn't - someone had to - you don't have the authorization to be in this room!"

"Oh, stuff it, McDougal. I caught him, I question him. Now, if you'll let me do my job..."

"Yes, sir. I'm terribly sorry, sir."

"If you'll please leave us alone - and don't forget to close the door on your way out!"

"Long time no see, Potter. It's been how long since you got me thrown in Azkaban?"

"Months, Malfoy. According to the transcripts, eight months to the day"

"And it's taken you this long to question me?"
"No one wants to deal with ex-Death Eaters not that Voldemort's gone. And now I see why - I almost feel sorry for McDougal for his fifteen minutes of interviewing you. These are the most entertaining transcripts I've read yet, by the way."

"I try, Potter, I try."

"Where did you leave off? Okay...why did you hand them over? It had to be purely beneficial to yourself, no doubt."

"Just so I could get a lesser sentence. Why be Kissed for a dead madman?

"A dead madman or a martyr?"

"Madman, no doubt."

"But don't you suppose other Pureblood families will see him - and deceased Death Eaters - as martyrs?"

"Well, of course, but there will be laws to keep them from putting a toe out of line, like my father did."

"But how will the Ministry enforce the legislation? This issue is all civil rights for Muggleborns, halfbloods, magical creatures.... Anyway, what I'm trying to say is: There will be loopholes."

"And I realize that. Lucius Malfoy managed to wriggle his way through everyone of them."

"And you know them, too?"

"Of course, Potter. I am, after all, a Slytherin."

"Good, because I've come to strike a deal with you. Wait - do you know how to turn that damn quill off?"

"Just throw it on the floor, you dolt!"

"But then it'll write on the floor!"
"Then break it!"

"Fine! Anyway, the Ministry needs someone, as you said, to enforce the new laws and to find and close all of those wonderful loopholes."

"And what do I get out of it?"

"Well, you have a life sentence in Azkaban versus the Kiss because you gave us names. If you complete one year in Azkaban and work for me, you'll be out."

"Yeah, and the public, not to mention all of those minorities out here, are going to accept an ex-Death Eater with open arms?"

"Well, not necessarily, but if you stay in a Ministry residence under my supervision for five years, maybe even less, they just might."

"First of all, what makes you think I'd accept those terms? Second of all, why are you putting this much faith into a well-known Pureblood and ex-Death Eater?"

"You sound almost angry that we're giving you a second chance."

"I'm not angry - I'm frustrated!"

"You don't have to yell, I can hear you perfectly fine."

"What do you know? And what is this 'recently uncovered evidence' McDougal was blabbering about?"

"We know you spied for Dumbledore."

"What? I never-"

"Why are you trying to deny it? This paper here in my pocket tells us quite enough."

"Let me see that!"

"Now, now Draco, we don't snatch."

"I spied for him once - this confirms it for one...incident."

"Yes, for Hogsmeade. Why did you send this letter to me?"

"Because they didn't deserve to die."

"What was that? I couldn't quite hear you."

"They didn't deserve to die! They were innocent of the Dark Lord's precious creed! Hogsmeade is the only complete Wizarding community in Britain - why should it be wiped out?"

"It shouldn't be, and it wasn't. Because of you, Draco, Hogsmeade stands."

"I'm warning you: don't make me sound like some kind of a hero, Potter."

"Wasn't trying to. Was this the only time you betrayed Voldemort?"

"As I stated in my trial eight months ago, I was a loyal supporter."

"Except for the sending of this one anonymous letter?"

"Yes."

"Well, then, will you do it?"
"What's behind Door Number Two?"

"A free, all-expenses-paid trip back to Azkaban."

"So, unless I agree to this, I'll never see sunlight from windows finished with glass instead of bars again? This is a dirty move, Potter."

"Dirty move? I'm giving you a second chance!"

"That you knew I'd never turn down!"

"Well, I'll admit: I knew you were always more intelligent than to turn down such an opportunity - not to mention so selfish that you would act in your best interests."

"So you manipulated me, you evil arse! You can't manipulate a Malfoy - it's - it's unnatural!"

"Unnatural?"

"And I had always thought you were too dense to manipulate a Hufflepuff! I must be slipping after eight months of isolation."

"Are you done ranting yet? Because, if you are, I'd like to get you out of prison."

"I thought you said I had to complete a year."

"Well, if you agree to all of the conditions - no fuss - we could probably get you out now."

"And here we go again! More manipulation! Did you really think I'd fall for it twice?"

"I'm not trying to manipulate you!"

"Don't play innocent with me, Harry Potter! I can see right through that 'I'm the sweet Boy-Who-Lived who just wants to save all the little Mudbloods' façade! And just to throw you off, I'm gonna say 'yes.' So hand me that Get-out-of-jail-free Card and let's go!"

"Alright."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Did I throw you off?"

"Er..."

"When I agreed? Did I throw you off?"
"Yes, Draco, you really did. I was just so damn surprised."

"You're lying. First you manipulate me (twice!), and then you lie to me. If we can't be honest with each other, how do you expect to work together? How-"

"Draco! Just shut up and follow me out of here. McDougal will arrange everything, then meet me in the atrium."

"Fine - don't talk to me! Just shut me out and leave your feelings to build up inside until they all burst out!"

"Malfoy, just follow me, already."

"Fine, take all the fun out of life."

"Maybe I'll do just that. Oh, there you are, McDougal. Do me a favor and arrange for Draco Malfoy's release from Azkaban as of August first, nineteen-ninety-eight."

"What? But, but Mr. Potter-"

"Just do it! He'll be of more use to the Ministry than you'll ever be, so follow my orders and shut-up about it!"

"Yeah, do as you're told, you dumb a-"

"Draco, you could always shut your mouth, too."

"Right, Harry. Can we go now?"

"As long as McDougal's finished and you stop jumping up and down like a child in Honeyduke's."

"I would never act as undignified as that - and he is finished! The only thing he hasn't completed is his education - now can we go?"

"Fine. But you might want this."

"My wand? But I had thought they had snapped...you conniving bastard! Don't just stand there and smirk! You've had this planned for eight months, haven't you? And to think I've always assumed you weren't smart enough to manipulate a Hufflepuff."

"I think you've mentioned that already, and, well, you know what they say: 'to assume is to make an a-"

"I get it Potter, I get it."