It Was Always You

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Chapter 8: The Phone Call

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"You did WHAT?" Harry exclaimed.

He had been pacing his kitchen uneasily ever since Tonks left, and he had just been about to Apparate to her house to ask her what she was planning when her head had appeared in his fireplace.

"I said," Tonks repeated impatiently, "I morphed into Dumbledore."

"Tonks! You can't - you can't just - "

"Oh, give it a rest," she snapped in annoyance, her hair emitting a few sparks. "I can and I did." She scowled at him. "I already got the third degree from Remus, I don't need one from you as well...."

"Sorry, go on...." Harry mumbled, feeling that the worst was still to come.

Tonks huffed a little and continued. "So I stuck my head in both their fireplaces and said I wanted to see them urgently in the Room of Requirement - "

"In WHERE?" Harry echoed in disbelief.

Tonks rolled her eyes. Harry really wasn't reacting to her plan in quite the way that she had hoped. "I put them in the Room of Requirement together so that they can sort out this business, whatever it is, once and for all...." A split second later her hand suddenly flew to her mouth. She suddenly remembered that Harry was a teacher at Hogwarts and would of course frown upon such behaviour. "Oh no," she groaned. "I haven't got you into trouble, have I?"

But Harry hardly heard her. He wrung his hands together in despair, his mind reeling. This was going from bad to worse. Remus and Sirius alone together...in the Room of Requirement no less.... All sorts of images started to run riot around his head.

"Well, I should get going," Tonks announced and she started to fade.

"Don't go back there!" Harry shouted hoarsely before she disappeared.

"What?" The witch's image brightened once more.

"The Room of Requirement," he blurted. "Don't go back! I mean, er - they've probably got a lot to er - talk over." He felt his mouth go dry as he said the words.

"Oh, no," Tonks said cheerily. "I wasn't going to. I'll just wait here at home until Remus gets back. I've got lots to get on with here anyway. Toodle-oo!" And with that, her head disappeared.

In five seconds flat, Harry grabbed his coat and Disapparated to Hogwarts.

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As soon as Harry's feet touched the cold earth just beyond the school gates he started running. He didn't stop until he reached the huge main doors, and it took him less than ten minutes to negotiate his way through the familiar passages and staircases to the corridor where the Room of Requirement was. Harry had been a teacher here at Hogwarts for the past six years and he knew every inch of the premises. He was quite out of breath by the time he rounded the last corner and stopped for a few seconds to lean against the wall before lighting up the corridor with a whispered Lumos.

And that's when he saw him.

Harry's heart very nearly broke to see his distraught godfather sobbing quietly, and without knowing what to say, or even if Sirius wanted him there, he slowly knelt beside him.

Sirius started a little and his eyes darted upwards desperately, hardly daring to hope. "Remus?" But then he saw his godson's concerned face staring back at him and once again a sob escaped his dry throat.

Wordlessly Harry pulled him into his arms and Sirius welcomed the embrace. He didn't care how Harry had found him. He was just glad that he was there.

The younger wizard held him for a long time and Sirius cried into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said weakly.

"What happened?"

"I made a complete fool of myself, that's what happened," he mumbled. He wiped his eyes roughly. "Every time I think that maybe there's something he just pulls away...." He shook his head. "No...there's nothing between us anymore...."

"Is that what he said...?" Harry asked softly.

"Oh he doesn't need to!" Sirius snapped bitterly. "He doesn't love me...he just wants closure for what was left unfinished five years ago...so that he can move on.... I realise that now. God, I'm such a fool...."

After a few silent moments he straightened his shoulders slightly and glanced at his godson through his red-rimmed eyes.

"I - I have to go," he whispered slowly.

Harry started to stand. "Yeah, come on, let's - "

A pained expression crossed Sirius' face. "No, I mean...go." His voice lowered and he avoided the younger wizard's eyes.

Harry's voice trembled a little. "What...? You mean...?" He didn't know why he was asking the question - he already knew the answer.

"Yeah."

Harry felt a stab of hurt deep in his chest. "But - but you've only just come back," he protested, his voice rising slightly. "You can't - "

He was going to say leave but the word stuck in his throat. His mind raced. He tried to think of a plausible reason for Sirius to stay but he couldn't think of one that didn't sound selfish. You should stay because I want you to...because I like it when you're here...because I missed you when you were gone....

No, he had to put Sirius' feelings first. Sirius was the one hurting here.

"I'm sorry, Harry." The taller wizard rubbed his eyes wearily. "I can't stay here...not after that...." He indicated the room behind him sadly. "...I think it's for the best."

Harry nodded dumbly, not believing it for a second but feeling unable to say anything. If Sirius had made up his mind, then he knew that nothing would change it. He was a stubborn man...when had he ever listened to anyone? Never. He wasn't about to start now.

"Where will you go?" Harry asked hollowly. He blinked a few times, feeling a horrible prickling at the back of his eyelids.

"I don't know...probably back to Hungary for a while, to my place there...I think I just need some time alone for a while."

"Yeah, of course."

Harry fumbled with his hands as Sirius slowly rose from the floor. "I'll help you pack...?" He knew the offer was futile. To say that Sirius travelled light was an understatement. Putting his wand in his sleeve was about the full extent of the packing he ever did. The truth was, Harry just wanted to hang on to him for as long as possible, and they both knew it.

Sirius squeezed his shoulder affectionately and faced him. "No, it's best if we say goodbye here. It'll be easier that way." He didn't want to draw the pain out any longer than necessary.

Sirius pulled Harry close to him and hugged him fiercely, hating himself for leaving his godson like this but hating even more the idea of staying and having to face Remus. "You mean the world to me...you know that, don't you?" He felt like a coward. Harry needed him too...but he knew he couldn't face being here anymore. He just couldn't. He smiled sadly. "I would stay if I could, Harry. Really I would...maybe if I had your bravery, eh?" He attempted a grin but the pain behind his eyes betrayed him.

"I'll miss you...." Harry sniffled and held him tighter. "It's not fair," he choked. "Why do you have to go? It's not fair, it's not...." He bit his lip, holding back all the things he wanted to say.

"You can visit whenever you like," Sirius offered lamely. "You're always welcome, you know that...."

"But it's not the same...."

The older man sighed. "I know. I know it's not."

"Goodbye, Harry." Sirius held him for one last moment, kissed the top of his head and affectionately ruffled his hair.

Harry watched him walk away, and his lips mouthed the word that he couldn't bring himself to say.

Goodbye.

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Back at his flat, Harry leaned back on his couch and stared at the ceiling.

He couldn't believe all this. He thought back to when he had been younger. He had always thought that wizards like Remus and Sirius had the answers to everything, but now he could see that they were just as vulnerable as everyone else...maybe even more so. They held their insecurities deep inside themselves until they were finally destroyed by them.

A knock at the door brought Harry back to the present and he rushed to open it, thinking maybe -

Hermione. Harry tried hard to wipe the disappointment from his face but he was fooling no one.

"Who were you hoping for?" the witch asked kindly.

"Sirius...he's gone."

"Gone where?"

Harry gave her a long look. "Gone."

Hermione sighed and bit her lip. "Is this about...Remus?"

Harry's eyes widened. "You - ? You know? How long have you - ?"

"I didn't really," she confessed. "But I suspected." She settled herself onto the couch and they were both silent. Hermione waited for Harry to speak, sensing that he needed to get things off his chest.

"Sirius just left," he finally said, blinking back tears. "Like he did last time. I can't imagine leaving like that, Hermione. I could never do that to Draco. Never...." He shuddered at the thought.

"You know that your love is returned though, don't you?" Hermione said wisely. "Sirius doesn't. He must have been scared, Harry. It wasn't easy for him to go all those years ago."

"Did you know? Back then, I mean.... Did you know?"

Hermione sighed. "I had an idea. I was never sure, though. I know he would have told me if I asked, but I just thought I'd wait for him to bring it up."

"But why the secrecy?" Harry asked. "Why did they feel they had to hide their relationship?"

"Oh come on, Harry. You must remember what it was like then," Hermione interrupted. "We were all scared. Voldemort had only just been overthrown and we still didn't know if any Death Eaters would still come out of the woodwork. We were too damn frightened to even have relationships for fear of our loved ones being hurt or used against us. And those of us that did kept it hidden in case the information leaked to Voldemort's supporters...."

She stopped to take a breath but her voice caught in her throat.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She covered her eyes with her hands, quite overwhelmed by the memories that had come back to her.

Harry's expression softened. "That's ok," he whispered quietly. He rubbed her back. "You're right, of course. I just wish he'd told me. I could have helped him. I could have made him stay if only I'd known." He felt a sob rise in his throat. "Why couldn't he tell me? I'm not just anyone, I'm his godson! I could have made things easier for him, I could have - "

"Harry, don't blame yourself - "

"And now! I can't believe I let him go again...I just watched him walk away.... Why can't they both just sort this whole mess out? Then Sirius can come back and stay. He belongs here," he said resentfully.

"Harry, it's not as simple as that - "

She suddenly stopped. She knew him well enough to know that her words wouldn't console him. They spent most of the rest of her visit in silence.

That night Harry went to sleep with one thought in his mind.

I have to talk to Remus.

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The next day at lunch time, having wolfed down his food much to the amusement of the rest of the staff at the Head table, Harry quickly made his excuses and rushed off the school grounds. He stepped beyond the gates and Apparated immediately to the nearest telephone box. He hurriedly dialled the required 62442 and stated his identity and reason for visiting the Ministry of Magic. Just like Hogwarts, there were numerous wards placed around the Ministry premises to prevent Apparition directly into the building, and Harry, famous though he was, had to go through the usual entrance procedure just like everyone else.

Once he gained entry into the building he hastily made his way to Level 6 - The Department of Magical Transportation - where Remus worked. He had visited him here before, and knew exactly where to find him. Remus was just exiting his office, shuffling a sheaf of paper in his hands, when the younger wizard saw him. Remus had been having a hard time concentrating that morning, and had immersed himself in his work in order to fill the empty void that he couldn't help feeling. He looked up and saw his friend approaching.

"Harry! How are you - "

Harry didn't waste time with pleasantries. He forced Remus back into his office and followed him.

"I know," he said, slamming the door behind them both.

Remus blinked. "Know what?" he asked, a little bewildered by Harry's behaviour. He turned to his desk.

"About you and Sirius."

Remus whirled around instantly. He saw Harry's stony expression and he immediately felt his legs begin to give way. "What do you know...?" he whispered hoarsely.

"I know." Harry replied firmly, looking him straight in the eye.

Remus stared at him in horror.

"He didn't tell me," Harry made clear, holding his hands up. "He didn't have to."

"Does Tonks - ?" Remus choked hoarsely, panic rising in his stomach.

"I haven't said anything."

"Oh, thank God...." The older wizard raised a hand to his eyes in relief.

"She's going to find out though," Harry said sternly. "Not from me," he quickly added, as Remus' desperate gaze flicked towards him. "But she will...eventually."

Remus rubbed his eyes sadly and his fingers started to tremble. "I don't know what to do, Harry. I care about her so much, I do...but Sirius, God...." His voice trailed off. "He drives me crazy...."

Harry suddenly felt a jolt of resent. "It's not fair on either of them, Remus. Do you think it's easy for Sirius to see you with her? He's in love with you! He knows you're not in love with him, so just end things properly so he can move on! Don't keep him hanging like this!"

Remus felt a knife stab through his heart.

"What?" he whispered, searching Harry's face. "He said that?"

Harry was silent.

"He - he actually said that? He thinks I don't love him...?" He sat down heavily on his chair and held his head in hands. For some reason, the thought of Sirius believing that Remus didn't love him was far, far worse than anything else that Harry had said. "He thinks I don't...?"

"Well you don't, do you?" Harry retorted. "This - all this was just closure, wasn't it?" His voice lowered uncertainly. "You're not in...in love with him...." - his breath caught in his throat - "...are you?"

One look at Remus was all he needed to answer his question.

"No," Harry said hoarsely. "No - you're confused, you're not thinking straight...."

But suddenly Remus felt as though he was truly thinking clearly for the first time. When his voice came it was barely above a whisper. "I loved him before he left all those years ago...and every day since."

Harry stared at him incredulously as he digested this.

"Then you have to end it with Tonks! You can't go on like this."

"It's not as easy as that!" Remus snapped. "How can I do that to her? How can I?"

His hands muffled his words. "I can't just break her heart like that."

Harry just stared at him, stunned. "So are you going to break yours instead?"

Remus turned away sadly.

I don't know. I just don't know....

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Harry's head appeared in Hermione's fireplace.

"I've got to find him."

Hermione spun around towards the source of the voice and saw Harry's face staring at her, a grim expression on his features.

"Find who?"

"Sirius. I'm going to find him."

"Harry! But - "

"I've got to, Hermione, soon...."

"Why is it suddenly so urgent?" she asked in confusion. "Last night you - "

"I just talked to Remus."

Hermione stopped still. "What did he say?"

Harry hesitated. He didn't know if he should tell her. "He said something that changes everything," he said softly.

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Hermione questioned, knowing how headstrong Harry was. She wrung her hands together. "Maybe he needs some time to calm down a bit. He'll probably come back by himself...."

Harry gave her an incredulous look.

"Well give it a few days at least," she said reasonably. "Let him think things over first."

Harry remained silent.

Hermione knew him better than to leave it at that. "You won't do any good just running to him and dragging him back if he doesn't want to be here," she said firmly. "Look, give it three days and then I'll come with you myself, ok?" She eyed him closely. "Ok?"

"I'm late for my next class," he mumbled, avoiding her gaze.

"Harry! Promise me!"

"Oh, alright," he mumbled, frowning slightly. "I'll wait."

His head disappeared from the fireplace.

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"Class dismissed."

Harry sat back down at his desk as the students filed out. It was 2:20pm, he had just finished his last class of the day, and he had half a week's worth of marking to catch up on. He settled himself down with a stack of essays before him and lifted the first one.

Three days, Harry thought in exasperation as his mind wandered to his earlier conversation with Hermione. He couldn't believe that he had agreed to that.

Sirius could be anywhere by that time. That man knows more hiding places than anyone. I'll never find him if I leave it three days....

He groaned and focussed his attention on the essay in front of him and tried to concentrate. He read the same sentence four times and snorted. He had been eagerly waiting to read his students' response to the essay that he had set but now he found he couldn't get past the first line. He tried to concentrate on what he was doing but he just couldn't stop thinking about Sirius. Right, he finally decided, eyeing up the stack of papers before him. As soon as I finish up here I'll go and find him. He felt a little guilty at this. He just hoped that Hermione would not get suspicious.

Harry's eyes flicked to the clock and he exhaled impatiently. It would take at least an hour to mark all this. He drummed his fingers on his desk.

Maybe I could leave fifteen minutes early....

Or maybe twenty-five minutes?

Actually, if I just go right now then it'll be more time efficient because....

He put down the essay and grabbed his cloak.

He was halfway through the door when his phone suddenly ran. He had bought two phones - one for Draco and one for himself - the previous year so that the two contact each other easier. It had taken Draco about three months to actually agree to use it, but ever since then he and his phone had been inseparable.

Harry answered it. "Hi you," he said automatically, knowing who it was.

"Hi, has your class finished?" It was obvious from the sound of Draco's voice that he was smiling. "Listen, I managed to get the afternoon off, why don't we spend it together - "

"Oh, Draco, I can't - I'm sorry...." Harry replied instantly. He cursed the timing. Ordinarily he would have jumped at the chance to spend an afternoon with his fiancé. He was half inclined to take him up on his offer.... But no. This was more important.

"Oh come on," Draco coaxed. "You just catch up on marking on Friday afternoons don't you?"

"I know, but, er - I've got a lot to do today...." Harry replied weakly. He fidgeted a little, not knowing why he wasn't just telling Draco the truth. At the back of his mind, he somehow knew that Draco would try and talk him out of it.

"Can't it wait?" Draco argued, a little hurt. "You know it's been absolutely ages since we've had the chance to spend an afternoon - "

"Look I just can't," Harry interrupted, rather more stiffly than he had intended. "I've got too much to do."

"Oh fine then," his fiancé huffed quietly. "Go and do your marking."

"Draco," Harry said tiredly, "I'm sorry, really - "

Draco put the phone down in annoyance. He slung it onto the table and sat heavily on the couch. After a few seconds he felt a twinge of guilt...Harry had to do his work, after all.... But he felt hurt that Harry didn't at least entertain the idea for a while. It had been an outright NO.

Harry stared dumbly at his phone for a long moment, feeling sad. He and Draco rarely argued. And never for silly things like this. He was half inclined to abandon his plans and go home instead, but quickly scolded himself. No - this was more important. He'd make it up to Draco when he got back. Right now it was vital that he find Sirius.

And he knew exactly where to start looking.

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Later that evening Draco's eyes flicked to the clock on the kitchen wall.

8:10

He frowned a little, wondering what could be keeping Harry. He usually finished work at around five o' clock on Fridays. Six-thirty at the latest. He sighed and turned back to the kettle and switched it on. Five minutes later, as he poured himself a cup of tea, he reflexively glanced at the clock again. He immediately snorted at himself.

You're not even married yet and already you're wondering where he is. Stop it.

Ordinarily Draco wouldn't have been so worked up, but he was angry with himself for being so unreasonable when he had phoned Harry earlier. He grimaced a little. He shouldn't have been so abrupt. When Harry returned home he'd definitely apologise. In fact, he mused, Harry was probably staying late on purpose to make a point. He chuckled a little and reached for his mug. He carried it through to the living room and settled down to make a start on his paperwork.

He had just started to review a report that one of his juniors had handed to him when Hermione's head popped into the fireplace.

"Hi Draco, is Harry here?" she asked urgently.

"Oh, hi Hermione," he greeted her. "No, I think he's probably still at work. I thought he'd be back by now actually, but I'm sure he just got held up...." He winked at her. "I was going to ring him but I thought I wouldn't do the whole 'jealous husband' routine just yet." He started to chuckle but then stopped suddenly, noticing Hermione's worried look. "Everything alright?"

"Oh no," she muttered to herself. "I knew he'd do this...." She had felt uneasy ever since her conversation with Harry and now realised that her hunch had been right. "Draco, I'm not a hundred percent sure but I think he's - "

Draco's phone rang.

"Oh, that'll be him now," the blonde said.

Hermione sighed with relief. "Oh good, answer it."

Draco reached for the phone and smiled as he spoke. "I'm so glad you called, listen - I'm sorry about earlier - "

A woman's voice interrupted him. "Oh, I'm sorry - I'm looking for Mr. Malfoy...."

"Oh, er, yes - that's me," Draco replied quickly, embarrassed. "How can I help you?"

"I'm sorry to phone you like this," she continued. "I found your details in Mr. Potter's wallet."

"Oh, he always leaves that thing lying around. Just hand it to - "

"Are you a relative of his?"

Why does this person want to know...?

"I'm his fiancé...why?" Draco asked, his voice rising slightly. The hairs on the back of his neck started to shiver.

"I'm very sorry to have to tell you this...."

Draco felt his blood run cold.

"Wh - what?" he choked hoarsely.

There were a few moments of silence.

"There's been an accident."