It Was Always You

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Chapter 7: Tonks Intervenes

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Dumbledore paced the Room of Requirement nervously, wondering if this plan was going to fall through. Perhaps it was a bit rushed? He glanced into the mirror beside the doorway for the umpteenth time to check his appearance. Beard too long? No, it seemed about right. Glasses the right shape? Half moon, yes. And the purple cloak was certainly passable. "Not bad if I do say so myself," the wizard muttered approvingly.

Ah, the voice. He grimaced. He'd have to work on that.

There was a knock at the door.

Dumbledore jumped a little and cleared his throat. "Come in."

Remus burst in, looking slightly dishevelled as if he had come in a hurry. "I came as soon as I could, Albus." He quickly walked up to the wizard and shook his hand. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, er - " The wizard faltered. "I'll explain in a second." He clasped and unclasped his hands for a few moments. "Um - terrible weather we've been having...."

Remus gave the older wizard a sidelong glance and frowned a little. Something wasn't quite right. Albus had requested that he urgently meet him when his face had appeared in Remus' fireplace just ten minutes earlier. But now he wanted to talk about the weather?

Before he could open his mouth to reply, there was another swift knock at the door and a man hurriedly burst in.

"Headmaster! Is everything al - "

Sirius stepped into the room and his gaze instantly flew to Remus. His expression immediately hardened. "What's going on - "

"That's exactly what I'd like to know!" Dumbledore exclaimed. He twirled on the spot once and whispered an incantation. The spinning figure changed shape a few times, the outline blurring a little, and finally slowed down to reveal -

"TONKS!" Remus and Sirius both gaped, utterly stunned.

The witch brushed herself off and smoothed down her skirt. "I don't know how Dumbledore can cope with all those layers," she muttered. "And that cloak! So heavy...."

Remus instantly paled and he pressed his lips together firmly in annoyance, one word rattling around his brain. Metamorphmagus.

Sirius glared thunderously at the two, his eyes flashing darkly. "What's going on?"

Remus felt his temper rise and he glared back at the dark-haired man. "Don't look at me! I didn't - "

"That's right, he didn't," Tonks interrupted, her voice impatient. "I did...." She glared at them both. "Because I'm fed up of you two!"

Remus turned to his wife angrily. "I can't believe you impersonated Dumbledore!" he spluttered. "Do you realise how irresponsible that is? Suppose someone had seen you? Suppose Dumbledore had seen you!"

"Oh, put a sock in it, Remus," she grumbled, her hands on her hips.

Sirius glowered and turned to leave. "Well I'll be off." His words were pure ice.

"You're not going anywhere!" Tonks commanded hotly. "You are both going to stay here and talk about whatever it is that is making you both act like a couple of stubborn children!"

She stared at the two wizards for a long moment, but when neither of them so much as looked at each other she snapped. "Oh, I give up!" She exhaled loudly and threw her hands up in the air. "Look, I don't know what's going on, and I don't care how long this takes...just - just sort it out!"

And with that she turned on her heel and strode through the door, slamming it as she exited the room.

There was a long moment of silence during which neither wizard moved.

"Well," Sirius said hollowly. "You've certainly got a little firecracker there."

Remus stood rigidly in the centre of the room, fuming silently. I can't believe that witch.

Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets and eyed the other man defiantly. "Well...it's just you and me again...how nice...." His voice trailed off bitterly. "This seems to be happening quite a lot lately."

Remus bristled and he clenched his fists by his sides.

"So we have to talk, do we?" Sirius continued, knowing that he was rambling but nevertheless feeling uncomfortable with the silence. He flicked his gaze to the other wizard.

Nothing.

"Well I'll go first, shall I? I suppose I should start with my childhood...." he continued sarcastically.

Remus interrupted him bitterly. "Stop it," he commanded, his voice deadly even.

"Stop?" Sirius mocked, raising his eyebrows. He gestured exaggeratedly at the door that Tonks had walked out of. "I don't think you heard the lady - "

Remus drew his wand and pointed it shakily at the infuriating man. "I said stop!" His eyes blazed and he advanced upon him.

Sirius stared at him incredulously. "Oh what now?" he mocked. "Are you going to transfigure me into a candlestick?"

Remus suddenly snapped. "Shut up!" In one startlingly swift movement he grabbed the front of Sirius shirt and shoved him backwards against the wall, his eyes flashing angrily. "Shut up! Just shut up!"

Sirius' eyes flew wide open. "What the hell's got into you?" He clawed at Remus' wrists but the other man didn't loosen his grip.

"How can you just stand here and smirk after what you said to me earlier?" Remus choked. "How can you?"

Sirius' expression changed to one of guilt. "Remus - " Sirius tried to push forwards but he was forced back, hard, against the wall once more. "What the hell are you doing?" Sirius barked, glaring at the man angrily. He grasped Remus' shoulders but the wizard had a strong hold on him and didn't give an inch.

"This is all a game to you, isn't?" Remus snapped angrily.

"It was you who ran off earlier," Sirius retorted, his nostrils flaring. His eyes flashed darkly. "I thought you made it pretty clear what you want - " He mentally kicked himself in annoyance, angry that he had divulged this.

An incredulous look flashed across Remus' face. So that's what this is about. He stared at the man, his grip loosening as he digested the words. "I'm married, Sirius! What the hell do you expect? I'm married - "

"SO YOU KEEP SAYING!" Sirius shouted, shoving Remus away with a strength that overpowered his own. "And I'm sick of hearing it!"

The physical contact ignited Remus' anger and his temper flared. "You told me you love me!"

He was now just a few feet away.

Sirius looked him straight in the eye. "Yeah I did," he said hoarsely. He turned away bitterly. "And you couldn't get away fast enough...."

Remus couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You think it's so easy, don't you?"

He felt himself start to shake. "How can I just give up everything? Just like that?" His voice faltered. "You've been away for so long...how can you - how can you - "

His lips trembled and he struggled to speak above a whisper.

" - how can you just come back and turn my life upside down?"

He closed his eyes and turned away, hating the way in which his voice was wobbling...hating the way in which it was obvious that he was hurting more than he let on.... "Everything was fine before you came!" he choked. "Fine!"

Sirius was silent for a long moment.

"If everything's so great with Tonks, then my being here shouldn't make a shred of difference," he whispered, his chest still heaving. He leant on the table beside him heavily, arms outstretched and palms flat on the surface, as he gathered his breath.

He finally turned his head to face him. "Does it?"

Remus avoided his gaze.

"Does my being here make a difference?"

Remus made the mistake of looking at him - and he immediately felt his resolve disappear.

"It does and you know it," he whispered hoarsely.

He crumbled under Sirius' intense gaze. "You've got no right to just turn up after so long and look at me like that, and - and touch me like that.... I hate you standing there and smirking when I can't even focus when I'm in the same room as you." He turned away. "I hate you acting so damn cool and calm, when it drives me crazy to even be near you.... I - "

His voice faltered.

" - I look at you and I want you so damn much that it scares me to death."

His breath caught in his throat and he looked away, his chest heaving.

It was as if an invisible barrier had disappeared and they suddenly both realised what the other was truly feeling.

Sirius quickly closed the gap between them until he was right behind the wizard and Remus could feel his hot breath on his neck.

"Remi...."

Sirius placed his hand tenderly on his shoulder, moving it slowly towards his neck until his thumb brushed against Remus' bare skin.

"Don't, Sirius...." he said in a strangled voice. "Damn it, Sirius...don't...."

But Sirius didn't break the contact, instead moving closer and pulling the trembling man into his arms. He tentatively wrapped his arms around Remus' waist and drew him closer, whispering into the back of his neck, burying his lips into his unruly hair.

Neither of them was aware when the whispering stopped and the kisses began.

Remus felt himself turn around in Sirius' arms and he buried his head in the man's neck as every nerve in his body screamed out for more. His hands roamed down the front of Sirius' shirt, grasping possessively at the cloth and yearning to feel the hot skin beneath. His fingers tugged impatiently at the material until it was free from his waist and he pulled it slowly upwards, exposing Sirius' toned abdomen. He slid his hands further, delighting in the feel of his skin beneath his. Sirius moaned as Remus' fingers traced across his body, his own hands grasping at the wizard's hair, guiding Remus' head as he placed tender, open-mouthed kisses on the taller man's neck. The sensation was incredible...so incredible...and when Remus licked a slow trail from his collarbone to his ear he felt as though he could have happily died at that moment....

Remus felt himself being pressed against the wall and although his mind screamed at him to stop this now the sight and smell and taste of the man before him was just intoxicating.... Without realising what he was doing he ripped Sirius' shirt open and yanked at the cloth until it fell on the ground, revealing his bare chest and arms. Remus swallowed hungrily as his gaze roamed over his body. He was so beautiful....

Sirius lifted a finger tenderly to the other man's chin, tilting it higher until their gazes locked. Remus felt himself get swept away by those dark glistening pools and he never wanted to resurface ever again. Sirius licked his lips slowly and leaned closer until their faces were barely an inch apart, his hot breath ghosting over Remus' cheeks until the man ached for his touch...and he captured his mouth in a devastatingly slow and thorough kiss. Sirius shifted slightly and thrust against the wizard's body, making Remus gasp into his mouth and press closer, bolts of lightning flashing behind his tightly shut eyelids. His hands moved desperately to Sirius' hips and he clawed restlessly at the fabric of his trousers as the man thrust harder against him, moaning aloud at the dizzying sensation that was flooding through his entire body.

Remus struggled to breathe, every fibre in his body aching to continue...but as his hands moved lower his mind screamed at him to stop. He silenced the voice with a low moan deep in his throat, but still it persisted. No, he argued back. I want this...I want him...no.... But as Sirius' hands and mouth moved over him heatedly the voice got louder, urging him to leave before things went too far.

"No...." Remus moaned softly in reply. "No...."

"No!" he shouted hoarsely.

Sirius abruptly stopped and looked questioningly at Remus, the hunger and desire in those heavily lidded eyes nearly driving Remus crazy.

And Remus knew what he had to do.

"I - I can't," Remus mumbled, hating himself. He pushed Sirius away from him roughly and looked at the ground.

"I'm sorry - "

Remus grasped at his shirt that now hung open, a few buttons missing after Sirius had forced his way through the cloth just seconds earlier, and pulled it to cover his heaving chest.

He couldn't bear to look at Sirius, couldn't bear to see the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry...."

"Stop it!" Sirius suddenly lashed out angrily, almost choking on the words. "Stop saying you're sorry! What the hell is this? You look at me and touch me like you want me then you just push me away and I'm sick of it!"

"I - "

"Do you even know what you want?"

You....

"Because I sure as hell have given up trying to figure it out!" Sirius' throat closed over and he struggled to control his voice. "Please, just make up your mind...because this - " he heaved a shaky breath "- this is killing me...."

He grabbed his shirt and wrenched open the door, slamming it as he left.

With the closed door a safe barrier between them, Sirius felt his emotions rush to the surface. He leaned back against the cold surface and closed his eyes, feeling the hot tears pricking at his eyelids. He hated himself for crying over Remus but he couldn't help it. He wanted that man so much it hurt. It was like an aching deep inside, gnawing at him and slowly tearing him apart. He felt hollow and vulnerable and so, so empty. He licked his dry lips, still tasting Remus on them, and his breath caught as he felt a sob rise in his throat. Damn him. Damn him for making me feel like this. I should never have come back.... He rubbed his red-rimmed eyes and buried his face in his hands, sliding down the doorway and hugging his trembling knees to his chest as he silently fell apart.

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