It Was Always You

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Chapter 4: Dinner

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The door shut and he was gone.

Gone.

Remus stood alone in the centre of the room, his mind whirring frantically with the enormity of what he had just been told, half wondering if the conversation had actually happened.

Did he say that? Did he?

Remus rubbed his eyes with a heavy hand and started to pace nervously. His first instinct was to run after Sirius...and before he even registered what was happening he felt himself race through the door, down the corridor, and out into the heavy downpour. The rain pelted ferociously but he didn't even notice. He didn't care.

His feet slid on the slippery street as he ran frantically this way and that, searching for a glimpse of the dark-haired man as he shielded his eyes from the stinging raindrops... But as he squinted, his gaze roaming the busy street, he finally realised that Sirius was no longer there and came to a desolate halt. Remus reflexively wrapped his arms around his chest but the cold feeling in the pit of his stomach wouldn't go away. He barely registered the crowds around him as Sirius' words shot through his mind over and over again...

You didn't come after me....

I thought you didn't want me....

Remus felt a fresh wave of tears overcome him and he had to stop. He leant heavily against a lamp post, feeling utterly broken. The falling rain mixed with his tears and he raised a clumsy hand to wipe at his face, choking back his sobs. Damn that man...damn him...what did Sirius think he was? A mind reader?

His brain swam with so many thoughts that it was all he could do just to put one foot in front of the other and start his journey home.

I'm glad it's raining, he thought bitterly, shivering at the cold.

The icy wind whipped through his hair and the rain continued to fall, but it was nothing compared to the storm that was raging in his heart.

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"Good grief, look at the state of you!" Tonks exclaimed half an hour later as she stepped out of the fireplace and into the bedroom. Remus was still dripping wet and his clothes clung to his body while he just sat in a sullen heap on the edge of their bed.

She wrinkled her nose at him. "Why didn't you come by Floo? I can't believe Harry let you walk back in this terrible weather!"

Remus distantly remembered telling her that he was going to Harry's.

But his wife didn't stop to take a breath. "Couldn't you at least have put a drying charm on you?" Her eyes flicked to his shoes. "Or wiped your feet before you came in? You've dragged mud all over the carpet!" She clicked her tongue in annoyance and waved her wand at his muddy footsteps. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood or I'd have made you clean those by hand...." she muttered.

Despite his protestations she started to peel his wet shirt off, when suddenly her face brightened. "Oh, guess who I just bumped into?" She waited for him to guess, but receiving no reply, she continued. "Draco. He invited us round for dinner tonight with he and Harry. Oh, and he said he'll also ask along Sirius and - "

"NO!" Remus interrupted hoarsely, suddenly finding his voice.

Tonks stopped and gave him an odd look.

The wizard coughed and shifted a little, and she raised an eyebrow.

Remus cleared his throat. "I'm not hungry," he said weakly.

"Well we're not going this second." Tonks rolled her eyes. "He said in the eve - "

"I don't want to," the stubborn man interrupted.

"Why?"

Remus gritted his teeth. "I just don't, alright?"

Tonks furrowed her brow and gave her husband a long look, with her hands on her hips. "What's got into you? Why are you being so weird - " She stopped and looked at him a little closely. "Has something happened?"

"No," he rasped guiltily, lowering his head. Why couldn't she just leave him alone?

She gave him a sceptical look.

"It's nothing! I just - I just don't feel like going out, that's all!"

"It's not going out, it's only going to Harry and Draco's."

"I don't want to!"

"Don't shout at me!"

"I'M NOT SHOUTING!"

Tonks' hair emitted a few sparks and she glared at her husband. "Oh for goodness sake, stop being silly - I've already said we'll go!"

"Well you'll just have to unsay it!" Remus snapped. He winced at his rudeness and raised himself off the bed slowly, attempting to control his breathing. After a few seconds he turned to face his wife and tried to adopt a calmer voice. "Look, can't we just have dinner here, the two of us...?"

Tonks folded her arms and glared at him silently for a long moment before speaking.

"It's Sirius, isn't it?"

This caught Remus by surprise and he paled instantly. His breath caught in his chest and he stared at her dumbly. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. She knows....

"I knew it. He's been here for a week and you've barely said two words to each other...." Tonks narrowed her eyes. "You've fallen out, haven't you?"

Remus swallowed. Fallen out?

Tonks' eyes softened, mistaking his silence for affirmation, and she reached out to pat his arm. "Look, whatever it is, I'm sure you two can patch things up," she coaxed comfortingly. "Don't get so worked up...."

Remus blinked at her.

"I know you two used to be close - " she continued.

Remus nearly choked. You don't know the half of it....

" - but don't be upset that he hasn't spent much time with you since coming back. I'm sure he hasn't forgotten about you, he probably just wanted to give Harry a bit of attention first. You know how much Harry's missed him...." She smiled at him kindly, obviously thinking that she was saying the right thing. "He's still your friend. Don't be so stubborn."

Remus smiled weakly at her while his stomach twisted inside him.

And Tonks kissed him on the cheek, feeling satisfied that everything would be alright.

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Sirius Apparated to within a few feet of Harry and Draco's door and walked the remaining steps. Harry had asked him over, and it was only after he had said he was able to come that he had found out that Remus would be there. He couldn't believe it. But what was he supposed to do? Upset Harry by refusing to come? Sulk? Sirius took a deep breath. Perhaps it was time to move on.... His mind preoccupied with the thought, he started suddenly as his eyes rested on a familiar head of brown curly hair....

He looked a little closer.

Was that...?

Sirius' eyes immediately widened and he flew to the young woman instantly, sweeping her into a hug. The bewildered witch twisted in his arms to see her captor - and promptly screamed with delight.

"SIRIUS!"

She flung her arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly.

"Hermione!" he greeted her happily, wrapping his arms around her waist. "And where's that husband of yours?" he teased, picking her up and twirling her around despite the fact that she was a good six months pregnant.

He put her back down gently and she laughingly steadied herself. Hermione rolled her eyes in mock exasperation. "Where he always is...apparently six hoops and a tiny gold ball are more important than his wife," she pretended to grumble. Ron was a Chaser for the Appleby Arrows and spent a great deal of the Quidditch season away from home.

Hermione's brown eyes twinkled and she engulfed the taller man once more into a hug. "How are you, Sirius?" she whispered.

"I'm great," he replied automatically, kissing her affectionately on the top of her head. "And how's my favourite witch?"

"Couldn't be better."

Hermione made to draw back from the hug but Sirius held onto her a bit longer, suddenly needing the comfort of his old friend.

"Sirius!" she giggled, thinking that he was joking around when he didn't let go of her...but then she felt him shiver and heard a tiny sob escape his throat. Her eyes softened in concern.

"Hey...." she whispered, stroking his back in alarm and pulling him closer.

Sirius flopped against her smaller frame and she held onto him tighter as he shuddered a little against her. As she held him, all the frustration and grief that he had hidden deep within himself came flooding to the surface. He thought of Remus and how he had walked away from him earlier, and just the image of him in his mind uncovered all the raw emotion that had been bubbling inside him. He quietly sobbed into Hermione's shoulder and the young witch let him take all the time he needed.

"Hey...shh...shhh...."

She held him for a long moment.

"Sirius - what's wrong?" she eventually questioned, her eyebrows knitted together in concern.

He drew back a little and smiled embarrassedly. "Nothing," he said, wiping his face with his sleeve.

Hermione knew Sirius well enough to know that he would only talk about things when he was ready, so she didn't press him further. She merely gave him an understanding look that conveyed that she would always be there whenever he needed her.

"God I'm so glad to see you," he said truthfully. Somehow, seeing Hermione again reminded him of how alone he had been and just how much he had missed out on by leaving all those years ago. He rubbed his nose one last time and straightened himself, his gaze suddenly lowering to her belly. "And look at you! I can't believe it!" He smiled affectionately at her. "You'll be a great mum, Hermione. And Ron'll be a great dad."

She smiled at him and her eyes misted a little.

"I'm so glad you're back, Sirius."

They exchanged an affectionate glance and he slung his arm around the witch as they stepped up towards the doorway.

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Less than ten minutes later, Tonks had to practically drag Remus through the same door.

She turned to him as she reached for the doorbell. "For goodness sake stop frowning."

This only made Remus frown even more and he muttered darkly under his breath as she rang the buzzer.

"Tonks!" Harry greeted her a few seconds later. "How are you? Come on through." He turned to the wizard beside her. "Remus!" He grinned. "Have you been keeping well? What have you been up to since I last saw you?"

"What, a whole three hours ago, you mean?" chuckled the crimson-haired witch as she slid her jacket off her shoulders and hung it up by the side of the door.

Harry gave her a slightly bewildered look but Remus cleared his throat loudly and quickly changed the subject.

"So, er - where's Draco?"

"Ah, he's in the kitchen." Harry winked. "I'm trying to turn him into a housewife."

"That's exactly what I've been trying to do with Remus," Tonks quipped and they all laughed.

"Hey, Sirius!" she suddenly exclaimed, spying some movement in the room beyond. A few seconds later the man walked up rather shyly. He stood alongside Harry and the younger wizard clapped him on the back.

"And here's the man of the moment!" Harry laughed. "At least he's on time for a change...."

Sirius rolled his eyes at him playfully and smiled. Tonks leaned over to kiss him on the cheek and he bent down to hug the witch. Sirius then turned, a little unsurely, to the sullen man standing stiffly beside her and held his hand out, his expression changing slightly. "Remus," he said softly.

All eyes turned to Remus and he contorted his face into a smile and extended his own hand to shake Sirius'. The moment his fingers touched Sirius' bare skin his mind immediately whisked him back to earlier that day, when he had been caressed by this same hand. Sirius must have felt it too, for they both let go abruptly. Remus dropped his hand from the electrifying touch and swallowed. "Sirius," he acknowledged shortly, feeling his cheeks slowly grow warm.

Harry's eyes flickered a little as he watched this exchange. He quickly jerked his head in the direction of the lounge. "Shall we go through? Draco's been in the kitchen for ages...I dread to think what on earth he's doing in there." He stepped aside to let Remus and Tonks through first, and gave Sirius a slight frown before following them through to the other room.

Hermione raised herself from her position on the couch and beamed at the group as soon as they entered the lounge. Tonks and Remus said their hellos and inquired about Ron and the baby.

"Oh they're both fine." She smiled a little tiredly. "I'm so sorry I couldn't see you all at the party...I've been as sick as a dog with this little one." She grinned sheepishly and patted her belly. "I hope it won't be as much trouble when it comes out."

Tonks gave her an affectionate squeeze. "You are looking a bit tired, Herm. Are you alright?"

Hermione winked. "Of course I am, I'm just being grumpy. Molly's been taking good care of me," she chuckled.

Draco's voice carried from beyond the kitchen doorway. "Hi everyone! By the way, I apologise in advance for the food - I made it myself."

Sirius let out a low whistle and gave Harry a sly wink. "You must have really rubbed off on him - I never thought I'd ever see a Slytherin cook."

"Oi - watch your mouth, Black," Draco teased him, sticking his head round the door and narrowing his eyes, "or my hand might just slip with the salt in your portion...."

Sirius laughed heartily - that infectious, barking laugh - and threw back his head, his hair dancing about his shoulders as he chuckled.

Remus watched the way in which his eyes creased at the sides and the way in which his lips...but quickly snapped his attention away and glared at the floor.

A short while later Draco and Harry carried out the dishes that Draco had prepared and placed them on the dining table that occupied the far corner of the room. Everyone ooh-ed and ahh-ed at the delicious-looking food - quite a triumph for a wizard who had never so much as boiled an egg before.

"Wow, Draco," Hermione breathed appreciatively. "This looks brilliant!"

Everyone heartily agreed and the blonde blushed, obviously touched but trying not to show it.

"Ah, you're a big softie," Tonks said, grinning at him fondly.

"You'd better believe it," Draco smirked, blushing even more. "But it doesn't leave this room, got it?"

Everyone laughed and the wizard waved to them all to sit down before taking his place. He beamed. "Tuck in!"

There was a clattering of knives and forks as everyone helped themselves to the spread, and glasses clinked as drinks were poured.

"You did not make this by yourself," Hermione protested to Draco, stuffing her fourth forkful of lasagne into her mouth and closing her eyes as it melted on her tongue. "Mmm...."

As the evening wore on the chatter got louder and Remus found it increasingly difficult to concentrate. Every time someone spoke, the words just faded into background noise and he felt his attention wander as he gazed at the man sitting diagonally from him. He watched those fingers casually flick a strand of hair from his eyes and travel up the stem of a glass idly, and imagined those same hands touching him....

He felt the heat in his cheeks increase and snapped his eyes away. But even as he stared at his food, he found himself slip into a flashback of their earlier meeting, of Sirius' hand on his...their fingers lacing together....

Had he been more alert he would have noticed Sirius' gaze linger on him when he wasn't looking....

All throughout the evening, Sirius was the perfect guest. The man was charming, witty, and at a never-ending loss of stories to tell. He held the table's attention with tales of the travels that he had embarked on since they had last seen him. He conversed and cracked jokes all evening...and the more he talked the more Remus' anger grew. How can he just sit there and talk and laugh as if everything's fine? How can he? When all I have to do is look at him and my stomach twists into knots?

Hermione was eager to catch up on Sirius' news and bombarded him with question after question, while Remus just glared at his plate in stony silence, stabbing his fork angrily at his plate of food and barely speaking a word unless he was asked a direct question.

It didn't escape Tonks' notice.

"Stop being such a grump," she eventually hissed out of the side of her mouth when the other four were occupied in conversation. But Remus only clenched his teeth and prodded more severely at his food.

It wasn't until much later that Hermione yawned and blinked tiredly. "Oh dear," she sighed, yawning again widely. "I think should get going."

Draco grinned at her cheekily. "Honestly, no staying power...."

She laughed and patted his arm. "It must be your company, Draco. It always puts me to sleep." She kissed him on the cheek and raised herself from her seat as the blonde playfully swatted her with his napkin.

"Thanks for a wonderful dinner," she smiled at him, and then said her goodbyes to the rest of the table.

She turned to Harry. "Do you have any Floo powder?" she asked innocently.

"WHAT?" the dark-haired man demanded. "Are you mad? "You can't Floo home in your condition!" He stared at her incredulously - then abruptly stopped as he noticed Draco and Hermione snicker at him. His rolled his eyes in exasperation. "I'll get my keys...." The two of them always pulled his leg. And he never saw it coming. "I'll deal with you later," he snapped at Draco as he rose from the table, a twinkle in his eye giving him away.

Draco smirked and winked at his fiancé. "I look forward to it."

The blonde sipped the last of his drink and then stood to address the table.

"While Harry takes Granger home" - Hermione punched him on the arm for this - "I'll nip out and get us some ice-cream."

"Oooh, yum!" Tonks smacked her lips, straightening herself. "Are you going to let me choose this time - "

Draco darted a quick glance at her before rushing out of the doorway, knowing what always happened in this situation.

"Oh no you don't," shouted Tonks, springing up from her seat and shooting out after him. "I'm coming with you - you always get boring flavours...."

Harry rolled his eyes at them and smiled at Sirius and Remus, the only two of the group remaining. "Won't be long - I'll just drop Hermione off."

The young witch exchanged kisses with the two wizards, gave Sirius an extra long hug, and then walked out of the room with Harry.

Sirius stood nervously, uncomfortable with the fact that he and Remus would be alone together. Great. He cleared his throat and raised himself from the table abruptly. "I'll take care of these," he said hoarsely. He took out his wand and with a quick wave all the cutlery, plates and glasses rose. He immediately whipped around and practically marched to the kitchen, the crockery jerking in the air in front of him as he rushed to get away.

Remus remained, seated stiffly at the table. He barely heard Harry and Hermione leave as he stared stonily at Sirius' back, the slamming of the front door being drowned out by the pounding in his head as he watched Sirius walk away from him....