It Was Always You

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Chapter 6: The Penny Drops

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Less than ten minutes later Harry rushed into the kitchen and tossed his keys onto the table, his green eyes flashing. He had stepped out of his car mere seconds earlier after returning from Hermione's home, but what he had just seen had made him tear into the house at top speed.

"What just happened?" he demanded of Sirius as he came across the wizard leaning heavily against the worktop.

"What?" the taller man questioned hoarsely, whipping around to face his godson and reflexively pulling his opened collar a little closer around his neck.

"What do you think?" Harry retorted, rolling his eyes in exasperation. "Remus! I just saw him fly down the road at a hundred miles an hour...he looked in a right state! Did you say anything to upset him?"

"No!" Sirius replied defensively, reddening and lowering his gaze.

Harry suddenly frowned as he surveyed the nervous man. "There's something going on, isn't there?" he said evenly, searching Sirius' face for a clue.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh come off it," Harry scoffed. "I saw what happened when he arrived...you hardly looked at each other. And he barely said two words all evening. He can't stand to be in the same room as you."

Sirius turned away and nervously brushed a hand through his hair. "I don't know what you're talking about...."

"Sirius," Harry silenced him, a determined expression on his features. "What's going on? What's so bad that he - that he just ran out like that?" He searched his face with concern. "Have you two had an argument? For God's sake, you've only been back a week, what can you...."

But his sentence suddenly trailed off as he glanced a little closer at the desolate man before him. Harry's eyes flickered. Something doesn't fit.... A strange look crossed Harry's features as he looked at him...really looked at him.... He took in his flustered face and unbuttoned collar, the faint marks around his neck as if someone had tried to strangle him...or hold him....

His eyes then lowered to Sirius' raw lips.

Suddenly his mouth went dry.

Oh my God....

Harry's mouth dropped open and a look of complete shock crossed his face.

Sirius exhaled shakily and felt the tears prickle at the back of his eyelids. He hung his head and brought a trembling hand up to cover his eyes.

Harry felt his knees weaken and he stumbled backwards and fell heavily into the chair. His voice hoarsened.

"Oh. My. God."

He covered his mouth and stared at him, his mind working at a hundred miles an hour.

No way....

After nearly a whole minute Harry finally managed to choke out a sentence, his voice barely above a whisper. "That's why you left, isn't it?"

Sirius inhaled a deep breath and nodded dumbly. He saw no point in denying it anymore.

Harry couldn't tear his eyes away. "Oh my God."

A scuffling noise was suddenly heard in the corridor and a few seconds later Draco burst through the doorway.

"Ok, I've got vanilla and I've got strawb - "

The blonde wizard's voice trailed off as he took in the scene before him. He looked first at Harry, then Sirius, then back at Harry again.

"What?"

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Remus didn't stop running until he was several streets away. It wasn't until he slowed to a halt, breathless and gasping, that he realised that he was crying. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks and he raised his hands to his face to stifle his sobs. He wiped his sleeve over his eyes roughly and shivered as Sirius' musky scent, buried deep within the cloth of his shirt, washed over him. That man had always been able to completely floor him with just a single look. And now, merely the image of him in Remus' mind was reducing him to absolute tears....

God, what a mess....

Remus kicked the wall in despair, frustration, and complete and utter hopelessness. He leaned his forehead against the cool brick and tried to still his trembling fingers. He didn't know how much more of this he could take.

Get a grip, he ordered himself firmly. Get a grip....

What the hell was going on? He could barely occupy the same room as the man without feeling hot and uncomfortable...he could barely look at him without drowning in his gaze and wanting to touch him all over....

And now Sirius had told him that he loved him. Loved him....

All over again, Remus felt himself struggle to breathe. He closed his eyes and exhaled shakily, feeling a fresh wave of tears overcome him. He fought to control himself but the pain was so unbearable.... It seemed that all he did these days was alternate between dizzying highs and gut-wrenching lows, all of them revolving around him....

Nothing can happen...nothing....

He just had to keep telling himself that.

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Having fobbed Draco off with a lame excuse and telling him to make a start on the ice cream with Tonks, Harry firmly shut the kitchen door and sat back down at the table. He rested his elbows on the wooden surface and cradled his head in his hands, his eyes covered by his palms. He spoke in a strangled voice. "I thought there was something going on with you two so I asked Draco to get Tonks out of here somehow...whilst I took Hermione home. I thought perhaps you two might talk...." He laughed hollowly. "It looks like you went one better than that...."

Sirius winced and dropped himself into the chair opposite Harry, his eyes glued to the table between them. "I - I never meant for you to find out like this...."

Harry looked up. "What? That you're fooling around with our friend's husband?" He quickly looked over his shoulder at the door and his voice lowered. "What the hell were you thinking, Sirius?" he hissed.

Sirius stiffened and felt the heat rise in his cheeks. He glared at the younger wizard, his nostrils flaring slightly. "It's not fooling around - "

"Well what is it then?"

Sirius swallowed and looked away quickly.

Harry gazed at him and whispered. "Are you - are you in love with him?"

Sirius remained silent, but the look that crossed his face was unmistakable.

Harry's eyes widened at the silent confession.

"Is - is he in love with you...?"

There were a few moments of silence, during which Sirius fumbled with his cuffs, his lips trembling slightly.

"No."

Harry looked at him seriously, his eyes suddenly softening. "Nothing can happen," he whispered. "You know that...he's with Tonks now...."

Suddenly the door burst open and the witch herself bore down upon them, a half empty bowl in her hand.

"Come on, guys," she mumbled, her mouth full of ice cream. "There'll be none left if you don't get a move on! Hey - where's Remus by the way?"

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Barely containing her anger, Tonks burst into her own living room and advanced upon her husband who was sitting alone on the couch. Without giving him the chance to speak, she marched up to him, her cheeks flaming. "What the hell's got into you?"

He didn't look at her.

"I asked you a question."

"Nothing," he replied bluntly.

Tonks bristled. "Stop shutting me out, Remus - you just leave Draco and Harry's without any warning and there's nothing going on?" Her hair glowed a hot pink as her temper flared.

"I said it's nothing," came the hollow reply. "I just needed some air."

"Just tell me what's going on!"

Alright, I kissed Sirius and it was incredible. Happy?

Remus continued to stare at the floor in silence.

Tonks lost her patience. "Look, I don't know what's going on but just snap out of it - "

"Let's go away," Remus suddenly blurted, not really knowing where the idea had sprung from.

"What?" She was momentarily taken aback by this sudden outburst and lost her train of thought.

"Let's go away," he repeated with more conviction, his eyes darting up to meet hers. "You and me."

"What...?" the bewildered witch spluttered. "When?"

"Tomorrow, the day after...whenever, I don't care."

"Don't be ridiculous, we've got work! We can't just...what's got into you, Remus? This isn't like you."

Neither is kissing Sirius, but I did that.

Tonks knelt on the floor before him, searching his amber eyes for a hint of what was causing this bizarre behaviour. She exhaled heavily, feeling a prickling behind her eyelids. "Remus - " She had to stop, feeling a lump rise in her throat. "Just tell me...what's going on?"

Remus gritted his teeth and rose from the couch.

"I already told you - nothing."

And with that he swept out of the room, leaving his wife feeling bewildered and alone and hurt.

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Harry washed the same dish for the fourth time, his mind preoccupied as he replayed his conversation with Sirius over and over again in his mind. A sudden, loud CRACK caused him to jump and he dropped the plate that he was holding.

"Bloody hell!" He whipped out his wand with lightning reflexes and turned instantly on the spot - to see a red-haired witch in the middle of his kitchen with tears streaming down her face.

"Tonks!" he exclaimed, quickly replacing his wand and rushing to her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Harry," she mumbled between sobs as she eyed the broken crockery. Tonks whispered a quick spell and the broken shards leapt upwards, reconfiguring in midair before jumping onto the draining board.

"I - I'm sorry for just Apparating here like this," she sniffled. "I just - I just...."

"Never mind that," Harry dismissed, pulling her towards him although his insides were starting to turn over. "Come here...." As he held her, a sinking feeling arose in the pit of his stomach.

"Oh, it's just Remus...." she sobbed into his shoulder. "There's something going on...I know there is...."

"What do you mean...?" he asked hollowly, his heart in his mouth.

"He's just being so distant and I don't know why...."

She doesn't know. Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Then immediately felt guilty.

Tonks drew back slightly and wiped her eyes. "It's like there's this huge thing but he just won't tell me.... I just don't know how to get him to talk about it...." She shook her head sadly. "We used to be able to tell each other everything...." She shoved her hands in her pockets and paced the kitchen, chewing on her lip thoughtfully.

Harry looked at her wordlessly, not knowing what to say. He felt his cheeks redden slightly.

Tonks stopped and faced him again. "Has he said anything to you?"

Harry shook his head. "No," he said truthfully. He dropped his gaze a little, hating himself for not telling her.

Tonks sniffled and smiled slightly. "Oh, I'm just being silly aren't I?" She rubbed her hands over her face and rolled her eyes at herself. "I mean if it were something important he'd tell me."

Harry looked at her. You have to tell her, you idiot. She deserves to know.

"Yeah...." Harry agreed weakly, swallowing the lump that had risen in his throat.

Tonks blew her nose on her hanky. "Thanks, Harry...I'm sorry for being such an idiot."

She remained silent for a few seconds, but suddenly her breathing quickened and she raked her hands through her hair in frustration.

"Oh, who am I kidding...." She whirled around to face him. "It's Sirius, isn't it? I just know it!"

Harry's eyes widened and he gawped at her.

Tonks' eyes flashed in exasperation. "I mean it's obvious that they've had some kind of argument or something." Her words came out in a rush. "I told Remus not to be silly...that Sirius hasn't forgotten about him just because he's been spending more time with you since he returned. I mean he's your godfather for goodness sake! But he just won't listen...he's been sulky ever since he arrived...."

Harry sighed and his breathing slowed down to a normal rate once more. "Oh, er - yes.... I expect that's it...."

"You must have noticed it, right?" She turned to him.

Harry stiffened, not knowing what to say. He scratched the back of his head nervously and reddened. "I - er - "

But Tonks carried on without noticing his hesitancy. "It's driving me crazy! Sometimes I feel like getting both of them and banging their heads together - "

She stopped and looked at Harry, a sudden flash of inspiration coming to her.

He raised his eyebrows in confusion.

Tonks kissed the startled wizard on the cheek and squeezed his shoulders affectionately. "Thanks for the talk!"

And without further ado, she Disapparated.

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