If It's Not Love

Faith Hill's "If I'm Not In Love "

"If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you"

She glanced at the boy she despised and couldn't live without. She looked upon the familiar face of hatred and love. That face had been etched into her mind for so long now that Hermione couldn't remember the day she first looked at Draco Malfoy in the light of passion and need.

At first she was convinced it was just a little bit of infatuation and that it would pass as quickly as it came. But it did not. It stayed to haunt her while giving her hope for a better, more meaningful life.

She yearned to be by his side, to have him want her like she did him. On the outside she was happy, but inside she suffered tremendously. Everyday was a competition to get his attention without suspicion. The last thing she needed was Harry and Ron reminding her every second of every day that he was Draco Malfoy, Muggle hater.

"And if I don't need your touch
Why do I miss you so much
Tonight
If it's just infatuation then
Why is my heart aching
To hold you forever
Give a part of me I thought I'd never
Give again to someone I could lose
If I'm not in love with you"

As she sat in potions taking notes she couldn't help but look at him, on the off chance that he might be looking back. To her dismay he was not. Not because he didn't want to be but because he was taught to turn away from muggle borns.

He had recently noticed that she had discovered make-up spells and used them very well. Her hair was no longer bushy but smooth and sleek.

And for god knows why, she was always turning up. Always just around the corner. He could count on it. It sort of pleased him to see that Granger had changed. That she had discovered that boys were more than just a hindrance to the perfect student.

He felt a pang of jealousy as he thought of her crooning over some nameless goody-goody boy that she could defiantly bring home to mummy dearest. He mentally scolded himself for such a thought and came back to reality. He turned to look at her and for once they met eyes. For a fleeting second they were entranced in the other's gaze. But all good things come to an end. They broke eye contact when reality struck and so did Snape.

That day the entire class was made to do an unusually long and extremely difficult essay on whatever potion he could throw at them.

"Why in every fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracing me
Lovers lost in sweet desire
Why in dreams do I surrender
Lying with you baby
Someone help explain this feeling
Someone tell me"

As the weeks went on, it seemed that as each day went by she suffocated a little more. It felt as if someone was standing upon her chest each day adding a little more weight causing her lungs to collapse a little bit more.

She desperately needed him. It had grown into a need instead of just a want. He became sort of an obsession; an unobtainable goal one might have called it.

But he loved her as well. He had slowly fallen in love with her. It had started that day in potions class. At first the idea was repulsive and then he got used to it. At first it was nothing more than the want to protect her from the taunting she was receiving from the other Slytherins. That day he had wanted to rip their hearts out while holding her in a comforting embrace.

If only he had. If only he had done something.

"If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then what should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you"

It was their last day and it was a depressing one. They were both still very much in love and the thought of probably never seeing the other again was tugging on their hearts. They both knew that they needed to do something about it.

She was leaving the Great Hall when all of a sudden she was pulled back into the shadows. She let out a small yelp before a hand was placed over her mouth.

Draco Malfoy stood before her, a note in his hand. He handed it to her before he left but not without kissing her cheek; something he had wanted to do before they left for the final time.

The note, which was very neatly folded, was in her hand as she walked to the common room. She unfolded it as she walked and stopped to read it.

Hermione,

I want you to know that I'm sorry for what I've said to you over the years. I apologize, it was wrong of me to do such. I only did such to please the other Slytherins and my family. I never did them to hurt you because you're the last person I'd ever want to hurt. I wanted to protect you; from life, from me, from my father and my friends. I'm very much aware that you're not a child and that you didn't need to be protected but in my eyes, you did. If I ever let any one of them hurt you, I don't think I could look at myself ever again.

My one wish in this entire world is that I hadn't been born a Malfoy. If I hadn't I could've told you how I truly felt before today. I wouldn't have to hide anything from anyone. But life threw me a morbid hand this time and I'm supposed to deal with it. I will see you again. That will be a happier time. I will be able to be with whomever I want at that time. I will not let my father or Voldemort or the other Slytherins make any more decisions for me. I will live my life as I please.

Do not feel bad about this because you have saved me from one of the biggest mistakes I could ever make. I will not become a Death Eater. In the beginning of my life I thought that it was the only choice I had but I was wrong. You showed me that. For that I am eternally grateful for you.

Love,

Draco