Becoming Neville

The information retrieved from the pensieve unleashed a storm of debate among the members of the Order. While Dumbledore permitted only a privileged few to view the contents of the pensieve - among them Snape, to Neville's mortification - everyone had an opinion on the theories his parents had been working on. Even Harry weighed in on the debate, though it was usually only Neville who had to listen to him opine, "It's too hard! Not fight? How can you not fight the Death Eaters? I don't care what anyone says, if I see Bellatrix Lestrange, I'll fight her with everything I've got!" It quickly became tedious, especially since Neville thought Harry was missing the point entirely.

No one else discussed their theories directly with Neville, but he heard the conversations all around him. And while his parents' names were seldom mentioned, nevertheless the topic on everyone's lips was the research the Longbottoms had done. All his life Neville had been told that his parents were heroes in the war against He Who Must Not Be Named, an image he'd never been able to reconcile with the two broken people living on the residents' ward at St. Mungo's. But now it seemed real. Alice and Frank Longbottom were important to the fight. They weren't just a memory, they were actively involved, and Neville's heart glowed warmly whenever he overheard the debates about Cruciatus.

Life had now become very busy at Grimmauld Place as preparations began in earnest for the consecration ritual on the laboratory. Snape and Tonks would oversee the ritual, and Neville and Harry would serve as assistants. At least Harry had managed to put his animosity toward Snape aside. The potions master had been unsuccessful in lobbying to get the boys banished from the proceedings, and they were too excited about it all to fret too much over him. Snape had to channel his disappointment into drilling the boys night and day. In addition to all that work, they also had to get started on the homework they'd been putting off all summer. By the time Neville finally crawled into bed every night, he was exhausted.

The situation with Harry, which had sometimes been very tense over the summer, and sometimes been a bit too intimate, seemed to even out during all this activity. He was not only friendly, but he even looked out for Neville, offering him seconds at the dinner table, asking what card games he wanted to play in their rare free time, rather than just launching into Exploding Snap. And Neville would sometimes catch Harry watching him over the edge of his book, or while they were grinding ingredients for the laboratory. Once or twice Harry started to say something, but he just opened his mouth and no words came out. After a while he would frown and return to whatever it was he'd been doing before the odd interruption. Neville was dying to know what Harry wanted to talk about, but he was enjoying Harry's friendship too much to push him.

Finally the day of the full moon arrived. They'd spent the last few days drilling the ritual until the boys could do it in their sleep. Tonks came early enough to join them for dinner, and Snape arrived just after the meal, bearing Remus's dose of wolfsbane.

As Remus drank it down, Tonks heaved a dramatic sigh. "I do wish you could join us. It's a pity the ritual has to be carried out at the full moon."

"Miss Tonks," Snape rebuked, "you are well aware that the full moon is a powerful time for magic."

She waved a dismissive hand. "Oh, I know. But it's rotten that poor Lupin has to spend it locked up in a damp basement."

Lowering the goblet, Remus grimaced and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Don't worry. It's no hardship. And you will do fine at the ritual without me. After all, you'll be in the capable hands of Harry and Neville."

"Indeed," Snape intoned, curling his lip. "What joy."

"Well, I'd best be off," said Remus. "You have a long night ahead of you. Good luck."

"And to you!" chirped Tonks. "Have fun dreaming of rabbits!"

While Snape stood at the foot of the stairs rolling his eyes, Neville and Harry bid Remus good night. Then Remus headed down to the basement while the others climbed the stairs to the laboratory. Once there, Snape immediately began handing out orders for the preparations, despite the fact that everyone already knew what to do.

Neville and Harry started laying out the equipment while Tonks set up the work place. As she placed the wood chips in the brazier for the fire, she said to Snape, "I expect you'll be discovering the cure for lycanthropy any day now, won't you, Professor?"

He stared down his long nose at her. "I beg your pardon?"

"Certainly if anyone can do it, you can."

He pursed his lips together, and Neville thought he could detect a gleam of self-satisfaction in Snape's eyes. "Be that as it may, I have far more important tasks filling my time."

"Of course. After the war then," Tonks said cheerily. She turned to Neville and Harry. "Have you boys got your OWL results yet?"

"Not yet," said Harry.

"Oh, not to worry. I'm sure you both did well. Me, I tended to muck up on ordinary lessons, but I always pulled through on exams." She glanced up at Snape. "Isn't that right, Professor?"

He merely curled his lip, and she continued, "I don't know if you boys have noticed, but I can be a bit clumsy sometimes. And I'm always forgetting things. If I don't put my wand in the same place every single time, I can never find it. But when it's time to get down to business, I'm sharp as a knife." She laughed, the sound echoing loudly off the bare walls. "Do you remember what I was like in your class, Professor? I was always knocking over cauldrons and spilling ingredients." She bent over in a fit of giggles. "And remember that time I set fire to your robes?"

"Indeed, Miss Tonks," Snape said, his tone casting a chill in the air. "In all my fifteen miserable years of teaching, that event stands out as one of the lowest points."

"It's good to know I was so memorable to you, sir! I adored potions. It was my favorite subject."

Snape sneered. "Really? I find that hard to believe."

"Oh, yes! What other subject had such enormous potential for explosions? Everything else was boring in comparison. I mean, it's not likely anything is going to catch fire in herbology, is it?"

Snape scowled. "I am distressed to hear that opportunity for mayhem ranks so high in your priorities."

"That was the other thing I loved about your class. No one else scolds quite so dramatically as you, sir."

"Miss Tonks!"

"Old MacGonagall gets pretty scary, when she presses her lips together so hard they almost disappear, and her eyes bug out. But when you get worked up, sir, why, steam comes out of your ears. And when you've got a really good glare, it's even more deadly than the Killing Curse." She pointed up at him. "You're doing it right now!" Glancing over at the boys, she said, "Can't you see the steam?"

Neville would definitely agree that no one could scold like Snape, but he would hardly call it fun.

"Do Hufflepuffs still run a betting pool on how many points Professor Snape will take from each house by the end of term?"

"Um, not that I know of," said Harry.

"That pool was broken up years ago," Snape thundered. "I can assure you, Hufflepuff won by an unprecedented margin."

"Oh, I'm sure they did," said Tonks, totally unfazed. "What a jolly time I had in school. You remember, Professor? You were always taking loads of points off me."

"Indeed, I'm feeling quite nostalgic myself," said Snape. "I would love to take loads of points off you right now, not to mention assign you detention for a month!"

"My mother still comments on how good I am at scrubbing out cauldrons. I owe it all to you, sir."

"What joy it is to learn that you acquired at least one useful skill in your time with me. Now, Miss Tonks, if you don't mind, we have pressing business to attend to."

"Of course, sir. We're ready, aren't we, boys?"

They got to work with the remainder of the preparations. Neville and Harry shot glances at each other, but neither of them said anything, not with Snape present. As fun and exciting as the ritual would be, they would have preferred it if anyone else had been here besides Snape. He could take the fun out of anything. As it was, since he had chastened Tonks, they spent the remainder of the prep time in mere silence.

"Did you hear that?" Tonks said at one point.

"Hear what?" Snape said.

"I heard noises downstairs. Lupin banging around in the basement, no doubt. Poor fellow. Wish he could be here with us."

Snape frowned. "You heard him all the way up here? Could he have escaped the basement?"

"Oh, I doubt it. My hearing is exceptionally good. But he must be making such a fuss. I bet he misses us."

Harry looked up. "Sir, perhaps we ought to go check on him."

"There's no need, Potter. Lupin is secure, and none of us can be spared. The full moon will be at its zenith soon. It's time to begin the incantation."

Rolling up her sleeves and pulling her wand out of her pocket, Tonks said, "Right. Let's get to it, then."

Snape glared at Neville and Harry. "Remember, do not break our concentration. Be standing by with each of the supplies we'll need throughout the ritual. The more smoothly it can proceed, the more powerful the magic."

It had to have been the hundredth time that night alone that Snape had warned them all about the importance of the ritual. Harry looked ready to throw a tantrum, so Neville hastily spoke first. "Yes, sir. We're ready."

Tonks and Snape took their places, launching into the opening steps of the ritual. It was impressive to watch the two of them work. This was no school lesson charm. Neville had never really understood the value of turning a hedgehog into a pin cushion. School often seemed like a series of complicated and pointless exercises. Harry's DA lessons had been the most useful thing Neville had ever experienced.

But watching two adult wizards at work on advanced-level magic was a thing of beauty and power. When he was working, and not terrorizing the people around him, Snape worked efficiently and competently. And Tonks! Now at last Neville could understand why she was an auror. Gone was her clumsiness. She said the incantations and moved through the rituals with fluid grace. He reached into his pocket and felt the smooth wood of his wand - his very own wand - and for the first time thought that it might be possible that one day he, too, would be able to work complicated spells like the two wizards before him.

As the spell advanced, the level of magic in the room grew, tingling and buzzing like air before an electrical storm. The color of Tonks's hair seemed brighter, the sound of their voices more clear. Neville could feel his heart beating stronger, and he could scarcely contain the thrill of being in the middle of so much magic.

So enthralled was he that when the door burst open, he couldn't figure out what was happening. A high-pitched voice shrieked, "Get him!" and an impossibly large, furry beast launched itself at Snape, knocking him to the floor. The voice screamed an incantation and Tonks was thrown backwards against the wall. Purely on instinct, Neville drew his wand out, heart pounding in his ears, and at last he realized that he and Harry were pointing their wands at none other than Bellatrix Lestrange.

She filled the doorway, tattered robes around her, hair in disarray, cackling with laughter. "Surprise!" she shrieked. "Look who I found in my dear auntie's house! You should have invited me to the party!"

Neville glanced over at Tonks who was groggily struggling to rise from where she lay crumpled at the base of the wall.

"Accio wand!" Bellatrix said, and Tonks's wand flew into her free hand. "Now, wolfie, keep our dear potions master down like a good little pup."

Horrified, Neville's eyes widened. The enormous gray beast crouching on Snape's chest was Remus! The potions master lay still, face pale as death, eyes squeezed shut. But Neville could tell from his rapid breathing that he was alive and conscious.

Holding one wand pointed at Harry and Neville, and the other at Tonks, Bellatrix smiled. "What a jolly reunion! I came here to my Aunt Black's house seeking refuge, but imagine my surprise when I found the place occupied."

"But how could you have found it?" Harry cried. "The house is guarded by the Fidelius charm."

From his place on the floor, Snape said, "Potter, keep silent!"

Bellatrix's eyes sparkled. "The Fidelius charm? Now, that is interesting. I wonder what you're guarding here? But my dear little Harry, the charm wouldn't keep me out. All I came looking for was my aunt's house, not whatever you're keeping secret. But what joy it is to find my sweet little niece and my two favorite little boys. And down in the basement a werewolf just waiting for me to set him free so he could do my bidding under the Imperius." She smiled wickedly at Remus. "And I know how deathly afraid you are of werewolves, Severus. If you so much as move a muscle, the nice doggie will bite you."

As if in answer, the wolf growled and opened his jaws on Snape's throat. Snape blanched even paler, squeezing his eyes shut once more.

"Harry," Neville whispered, wishing he knew what to do.

"None of that, boys! Why don't you just hand me your wands? That will make everything so much easier."

"Why don't you hand us yours?" Harry retorted.

On the edge of his vision, Neville saw Tonks slowly rise to a crouch. She glanced up at him, eyes intent. If they could keep Bellatrix's attention focused away from Tonks, perhaps she could do something.

"We're not afraid of you!" Neville shouted. Unfortunately the shaking in his voice implied otherwise.

Bellatrix cackled with glee. "Of course you aren't, my dear. Why should you be afraid of your Auntie Bella? I'm going to take you away, and we'll have so much fun with my Lord. He's so fond of the two of you, you know, especially after our fun at the Ministry - ."

"Expelliarmus!" Harry shouted, throwing the spell at her.

But she was just as fast as he was. The word was scarcely out of his mouth before she answered with a counter curse. The spells collided, and Neville felt a hot blast of air stream past his ear.

In that moment of distraction, Tonks sprang to her feet and ran at Bellatrix, but Bellatrix launched a spell at her, and Tonks was once again thrown against the wall. She fell to the ground in a shower of plaster as the wall cracked. Bellatrix uttered another spell, and ropes conjured out of the air and wrapped themselves tightly around the auror's arms and legs.

"Oh, Nymphadora," Bellatrix taunted, "I know you're eager to hug and kiss me, but that will have to wait for later."

She turned back to Harry and Neville. "Now then, boys, why don't you let me in on your little secret? What are you guarding here?"

"We won't tell you!" retorted Harry.

Again, Snape called out, "Potter, keep silent!"

Bellatrix spared him a glance. "Yes, well, Severus darling, I hear that your students never listen to you. Fortunately for me." She turned her piercing gaze on Neville. "Littlebottom, it was so good to see you in Knockturn Alley the other day. Do you know why I'm in London?"

"We know!" Harry shouted. "You killed Dr. Driftwood."

Her eyes cut to Harry. "You heard about that, did you? Yes, I did drop by and see the good doctor." Her attention returned to Neville. "But I'm also planning to pay a visit to your dear parents."

Neville's grip tightened on his wand. "Don't you touch them!"

"Dear boy, I don't have to touch them, do I? The Cruciatus curse will take care of them for me. So many years have gone by, but we can pick up exactly where we left off."

"I won't let you hurt them," Neville warned.

Her thin red lips stretched in a smile. "You can't stop me if it's what I want. But if you can offer me something in exchange, perhaps I'll be persuaded to leave them alone. Tell me what you're guarding here."

"We won't tell you!" Harry shouted.

"Oh, I think you will," she simpered. "You're just too easy to manipulate. You played right into my Lord's hands before. The only question is, who should I threaten first? Another of my cousins?" She pointed one wand toward Tonks. "Or your little schoolmate?" The other wand aimed at Neville.

"You won't harm either of them!" Harry shouted. "I'll kill you first."

Neville saw Harry's knuckles whiten as he gripped his wand, saw his mouth grow hard, and he knew Harry would attack. Out of the corner of his eye he glanced at Tonks. She lay still as death on the floor, eyes closed, but her forearms were lengthening, growing thin. She would slip out of the ropes and break free soon.

With a shout, Harry threw another spell at Bellatrix, and she blocked it, both wands pointing at him. She burst through his spell and hit him in the chest. He let out a pained "oof" and fell backward, his glasses flying off.

"Or," said Bellatrix, smiling, "I can skip the others and go right to you." She raised her wand again, preparing to strike.

And in that moment, Neville at last understood. The more he and Harry resisted her, the harder she would fight, and they couldn't possibly win against her. But fighting wasn't the only response. Sometimes you had to be willing to lose, to sacrifice, as his parents had sacrificed themselves for him, as Harry's parents and his godfather had done for Harry. Neville couldn't save anyone, but he could protect them by offering himself, surrendering to her malevolent will and distracting her long enough so that someone stronger like Tonks could take her chance. He spared a quick glance at Tonks, meeting her half-open eyes, and threw himself in front of Harry just as Bellatrix shrieked, "Crucio!"

Pain speared through his chest, racing along his nerves and bubbling under his skin. He rolled onto the floor, unable to control his limbs as wave after wave of pain washed over him. He tried not to fight it, but it was hard to keep from bracing himself against it, to keep from wanting to lash out at her and make it stop.

Abruptly the pain lifted, and he lay panting for breath on the floor. Through the ringing in his ears, he heard Harry scream, "Neville!"

"Do you want to help him, boy?" Bellatrix cackled. "Then tell me what I want to know! Spare him this pain!"

Neville looked at Harry's eyes, wide with terror at losing someone he loved, and for a moment he saw another frightened face before him. His mother's eyes, her terror, as she shoved him into the cupboard before turning to fight Bellatrix. "I'm doomed, aren't I?" she'd said in that vision in the pensieve. And indeed she had been. "It's too hard!" Harry had said when he'd heard about his mother's theory. Too much anger to surrender, too much rage not to fight. Like a raging flood, it was too hard.

But it could be soft, as soft as water.

His mother's words came back to him, but not from the pensieve, not even from his nightmare, but from that odd daydream charm.

Don't fight the curse. You must be soft as water, hard as the raging flood.

Neville smiled at Harry. "It's all right," he whispered.

"NO!" Harry shook his head wildly, as Bellatrix once more shouted, "Crucio!"

As the pain coursed through him, he held on to the thought of his parents, suffering to protect him. He could feel their love filling him. Nothing could touch that love. Nothing could harm it. He surrendered to it, surrendered also to the pain of the curse, surrendered to his fears and doubts and hopes, letting himself be carried away like a leaf caught in a torrent, like a reed bending in the wind. It lifted him up, rising heavenward like a flame, like warm fire on a winter's night. He opened himself to that warmth, opened his arms to receive it, opened his hands, released his wand, let it fall from his relaxed fingers.

"Accio wand!" Tonks cried out.

Suddenly the flood, the wind, the fire surrounding him ceased. His vision cleared and he saw Tonks, holding his wand, launch a spell at Bellatrix, who met her attack with a hex of her own. Spells flew back and forth between them, scorching the walls, cracking against the ceiling, and making Neville's skin tingle.

An arm wrapped around his chest. It was Harry pulling him close, hovering over him, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Neville! Oh my God, Neville, are you all right? Please, say you're all right!"

"I'm fine, Harry." And he was. His nerves tingled, as if he had lightning in his veins, but he wasn't hurt.

"We have to get out of here," Harry pulled Neville up, but they couldn't escape. Bellatrix was still blocking the door. Crouched on the floor, leaning on each other for support, they watched as Tonks and Bellatrix dueled. A few of the spells began to penetrate their defenses. A blue light hit Tonks's leg, and it crumpled beneath her, though she never slowed the pace of her hexes. Tonks was good, but she was going to lose.

Neville glanced over toward Snape. The potions master still lay on the floor, but his lips were moving. He was speaking to the werewolf, his hand on the great beast's shoulder. Remus no longer had his jaws on Snape's neck, and as Neville watched, Remus suddenly raised his head, baring his teeth, and charged at Bellatrix.

She shrieked as he slammed into her, knocking her against the wall. Her scream turned liquid and bubbly as the wolf tore at her neck, his sharp claws ripping at her flesh. Neville stared in horror as blood sprayed against the wall, drenching the wolf's muzzle as Bellatrix collapsed to the floor. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her.

Suddenly Snape appeared at Neville's side, grabbing his arm and pulling him to his feet. "Out! Now!!" the potions master hissed.

Tonks was next to Harry, dragging him up, and the four of them dashed for the door, skirting around the wolf and Bellatrix, her arms and legs flailing uselessly beneath the wolf's assault. As they left the room, Tonks called her wand and Harry's glasses to her just as Snape slammed the door shut.

They stood panting in the hall, stunned. "Is everyone all right?" Snape asked.

Shaky nods from Harry and Neville. Tonks coughed and spat a gob of blood on the floor. Wiping her mouth with the back of her trembling hand she wheezed, "What happened in there? How'd you get Lupin to turn on her?"

"Under normal circumstances, a spell like Imperius wouldn't work on a werewolf. But under the wolfsbane it appears he was somewhat susceptible. I used Legilimency to penetrate his mind, and it was relatively simple to throw the curse off and encourage him to attack Lestrange instead."

"Wow," breathed Tonks.

Somehow, that didn't seem to Neville to be quite the right reaction, but he didn't know what else might be. For a moment, they all stood listening to the snarls behind the door. Bellatrix wasn't screaming anymore. Suddenly Neville felt cold. The warmth he'd felt from the Cruciatus curse evaporated as he realized what was happening to her behind that door. He began to shiver, and he couldn't seem to stop. He held on to Harry's arm, trying to keep his teeth from chattering.

Snape took a deep breath and looked to Tonks. "Get the boys out of the house. Wait for me in the alley. I'll be along shortly."

Tonks frowned. "What are you going to do?"

He swallowed hard, eyes shooting to the door. "I can't leave him in there."

"But she must be dead by now. She can't hurt him."

"She is not the one I'm concerned about," answered Snape.

Neville didn't understand. He glanced at Harry, whose eyes were wide behind his glasses.

Tonks shuddered. "Right then. You be careful, Professor."

Snape merely straightened his shoulders and raised his chin and Neville and Harry followed Tonks down the stairs and out of the house.

*****

Snape waited until he heard the front door open and close. It occurred to him that the others might be foolish enough to only pretend to leave the house out of some misguided concept of bravery. But he couldn't waste any time checking. If he learned later that they had disobeyed him, then he'd put them all under Cruciatus and take his chance with the Ministry. Surely sometimes even an Unforgivable was justified.

Holding his wand in his right hand, he reached for the doorknob with his left. The solid reality of the doorknob in his hand sent a jolt of panic through him. He remembered hot breath on his neck, sharp teeth pressing against his skin, and that enormous, monstrous face hovering over him - the face of his nightmares. For a moment he contemplated leaving Lupin to his animal nature, the living incarnation of everything dangerous and bestial that Snape had always known was the man's true identity. But he couldn't. That bestial nature had saved them all, destroying a true monster. He could not abandon Lupin now, not when he knew what this night would cost the man. Gritting his teeth together so they wouldn't chatter, he threw open the door.

The sight that greeted him was even more gruesome than he had imagined. Bellatrix Lestrange lay sprawled on the floor, limbs askew, head canted at an awkward angle. Blood pooled beneath her. The beast did not look up at Snape's arrival. It crouched over Bellatrix, paws slipping in the blood, its teeth tugging at her flesh. It had already started to devour her and seemed quite focused on that task. Snape would have to lure it away.

With a shout, he threw a hex at the beast. The spell wouldn't harm the werewolf, but it stung as it hit the beast's rump. The werewolf jumped and barked in surprise, turning to glare at Snape, its jaws dripping with gore. Snape took a step back, but the werewolf merely growled at him and turned back to its meal.

"Damn you, Lupin," he muttered. "I always thought you wanted a chance at me. Don't prove me wrong now." He threw two more hexes, and the werewolf turned on him, snarling. It dashed toward him, and Snape stumbled backward, almost tripping over his own feet as he fled into the hall. But the beast did not follow him all the way. It crouched in the doorway, teeth bared as it growled at him. The monster seemed intent on guarding its meal. Blood dripped from its jaws, and a string of torn flesh dangled from between its teeth.

Snape backed away, knees knocking, barely able to keep his grip on the wand. Again he considered abandoning Lupin to his fate. Twenty years ago he had almost become a meal to this monster. What did he owe Lupin?

But things had changed over the last few months. He didn't like to admit it, but he couldn't quite see Lupin as a beast anymore. The man tried so hard to control his lycanthropy, and Snape knew that he would deeply regret attacking Bellatrix. Lupin was simply not a killer.

"Come on, you foul creature," Snape muttered. He lowered his wand arm and took a step closer, trying to goad the beast into attacking him. The wolf growled at his approach. "Come on," he said again, louder this time, throwing all his disdain into it. "Come on, you animal! Don't just stand there! Or are you too stupid to attack?" He stepped closer, and the beast crouched on its haunches and leapt at him, howling.

Snape threw himself to the side, rolling out of the beast's path and cast a spell at the door, slamming it shut. He looked up and saw the wolf skitter as it turned, claws scrabbling on the carpet. The enormous beast bore down on him, and he could feel its breath on his ankles as he disapparated with a loud crack, reappearing at the front door downstairs.

He scrambled to his feet, lungs heaving as his heart pounded fiercely in his chest. Overhead he could hear the wolf howling in outrage, wondering where its prey had fled. Snape didn't hesitate any longer. He threw open the front door and ran out into the night. Slamming the door shut, he spelled it closed so that only he could open it again, lest any members of the Order turn up unexpectedly during the night. The task complete, his knees buckled beneath him, and he clung to the railing, slowly feeling his way down the stairs.

"Professor?" a voice called out.

Tonks, Potter, and Longbottom appeared from around the corner of the house, their faces white in the moonlight. The fear in their eyes was a pale reflection of the terror that suddenly pounded through him, and with scarcely a thought for how ridiculous he must look, he stumbled to his knees and emptied the contents of his stomach onto the pavement.