Searching for the Truth

Part 2

Fall turned to winter, and Connie quickly became adjusted to Hogwarts. She had loads of friends and admirers, but Debbie and her friends were still fast to toss insults in her direction. Things with Sirius had yet to go any further, but Connie was more concerned with the unwanted attentions of someone else.

"Connie, I think I see Bucky," said James. Connie's tawny owl swooped down in front of her and landed with a flump in her lap. She took the letter from him and slit it open with a bobby pin, which she no longer used in her hair.

"Dear Connie, I think you are very talented...blah blah blah...signed...Oh God, no."

"What is it?" asked Sirius, concerned.

"It's a love note. From Severus Snape," she said disgustedly. Remus snatched the note. As he read it, his eyes widened and he started to chuckle. He passed it to Peter, who had the same reaction. Severus was one of Debbie's friends from Slytherin. He had a hostile relationship with James and the others. Connie of course presumed that he had also hated her, and that the letter was a joke. But she was soon proved to be wrong.

"Who the hell does he think he is?" Sirius and the boys were up in their dormitory.

"Really, he only walked her from the Great Hall to Potions class. And believe me, she hated every moment of it," said James in a reasoning voice.

"Still, I should give him a black eye for it."

"I think he's mad that he didn't think of it first," replied Peter.

"But d'you think she still would have hated every moment of it, James?" asked Sirius uncertainly.

"What're you asking me for? Ask her."

Sirius didn't get up the courage to even speak to Connie alone until right before the start of the second term. The gang had been sitting up late talking about everything from what pranks Sirius and James pulled during the past four years to Debbie's latest insult.

"I got a letter from my father today. Too bad some people don't even know their fathers. If a man doesn't even want to know his own child, it can't say much about the kid. He probably knew the kid wasn't worth his time. How lame is that?" Connie laughed, but if one really knew her, it was apparent that it upset her. After re-enacting it, Connie was quiet and listened instead to the other's anecdotes. One by one, they all said good-night and went upstairs, until only Connie and Sirius were left.

"Well, you wanna go up?"

"In a moment. I know Debbie upsets you. You hide it really well, but I can tell. I know what she says isn't true. You know it isn't true. Try not to take it to heart, OK."

"You know, we haven't known each other very long. But I get the feeling that I've known you my whole life. It's the same with Frank, Lily and the others. But with you, it's a little different. I almost feel as though I can read your mind."

"I kind of know what you mean. Are you getting any incoming messages?" They laughed. "Well, anyway, d'you want to maybe go for a walk outside tomorrow on the grounds, just you and me, nobody else?" Connie grinned.

"All right then. What time? I know we're all supposed to go by Hagrid's in the afternoon, how about right before then, and we can meet them there?"

"Sounds good to me. I'll see you in the morning. Good night Connie."

"Good night Sirius." Connie all but skipped up to her dormitory, feeling giddier than she ever had before. She lay awake for a long while, thinking of how she would do her hair.

Early on Saturday afternoon, Connie and Sirius exited the tall oak doors and strolled down the stairs hand in hand.

"You know, Connie, you've really lightened up with this whole hair business." Her hair was in half-pigtails.

"I know. I'll have to send a picture back to my friends in the states. They'll never believe it. I don't think they've ever seen my hair down."

"That I'd believe. Though I can't imagine why you'd want to hide it." Connie blushed and looked away. They walked in silence for a while.

"Connie!" Connie had just smashed a large snowball on Sirius's head. He chased after her by the edge of the forest, and eventually towards the lake.

"They certainly seem to be enjoying themselves," Lily commented. She and the rest were spying on Connie and Sirius from the window of Hagrid's hut.

"Now, you all jus' min' your business. Ain't none of your concern what they're doin'." They turned from the window and paid closer attention to their tea.

Connie slipped on a patch of ice by the lake. She fell, bringing Sirius down on top of her.

"Hey Sirius, since you've already fallen on me, you might as well help me up."

"I wouldn't have fallen if you hadn't." Nevertheless, he got up, then leaned over and grabbed Connie's arms and pulled her to her feet. Their eyes met for the second time. After a few seconds, Sirius leaned in. Then he heard Connie shriek followed by a blast of cold water over his head.

"What's going on?"

"They've got water balloons. Let's make for Hagrid's." The door to the hut burst open, and Lily, Frank, James, Remus, Peter, and Hagrid spun around to see Connie and Sirius standing there, dripping wet.

"What in blazes were ya doin'? Yer didn' go fur a swim, did yer?" He grabbed them, sat them down by the fireplace, and threw his enormous patchwork quilt around them.

"No. Some people thought it was funny to throw water balloons at us."

"It was probably Debbie," speculated Remus.

"You're most likely right," said James, "I wouldn't put it past them." Connie bit her lip. Sirius squeezed her hand and changed the subject.

Next Saturday would be the next Hogsmeade trip. Sunday night, Lily went up to the dormitory to find Connie sitting on her bed strumming her guitar and humming to herself. A note pad sat in front of her. When she saw Lily, she flipped it over.

"What are you doing up here by yourself? Come down."

"I was working on a song for this weekend. It's not quite finished yet. I need a really good ending. It's called 'Speechless.'" She sang a few lines before she played any music. It was a very beautiful song. After singing three times through the chorus, she stopped. "That's all I have. If I finish it, I'll do it on Saturday."

"You have plenty of time. I'm sure you could finish it."

"I don't know. The creative process is funny. Sometimes these things come quickly, and sometimes they go through many rewrites. This one I've been working on since October. Right after the last Hogsmeade visit."

"You wrote that for Sirius, didn't you Connie?"

"Let's go downstairs. That's why you came up here isn't it?" At the bottom of the stairs, Connie stopped short. Her eyes widened. "I need to go to the library. I've got homework I didn't do." As Connie ran out the portrait hole, Lily scanned the common room to see what had made her so upset. Then she spotted it. Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter were sitting in a corner. Sitting in Sirius's lap was Debbie Davis. Lily turned and went after Connie. She found her in a corner of the library looking miserable.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm sorry Lily, but I'd rather not talk right now."

"That's okay. It's quite understandable, though I'm in no position to talk."

"Why her, though? Why Debbie? After all the shit she's done to me. I thought he was my friend. Hell, I thought we were more than friends." Lily knew Connie never used those words unless she was extremely distraught. Remus appeared at Lily's shoulder. He nodded at her to show that he knew what was going on. He had grown quite close with Connie, though it was strictly platonic. They both sat next to her, and Connie buried her head in Remus's robes and sobbed. A while later, James and Peter came.

"We couldn't stand being there anymore," James whispered to Lily. "They're all over each other, it was making me nauseous. One day, he's threatening to give Snape a black eye for walking her to class, and now he's pulling this. I don't know what's going on with him."

~

Saturday afternoon, Connie, Frank, and Remus were sitting at a table in the Three Broomsticks. The others were sitting at another table with Debbie across the room.

"It's almost time, sweetie," said Frank soothingly.

"I know. You know, I wrote a different song this week. But I'm only doing one." She had shown them the lyrics to "Speechless' during the week.

"Which one are you doing?"

"I'll know when I get up there.

"Depends on him, doesn't it?" Connie nodded.

"If he stays, Speechless, if he doesn't, Don't Walk Away."

"Well, if you do the second one, it'll be pointless, since he'll already be gone." Frank elbowed Remus in the ribs.

"How could you say something like that?" he hissed.

"It's all right. You can't possibly hurt me more than some people already have," she said bitterly. Madame Rosmerta beckoned to Connie from the bar. It was the moment of truth. Remus and Frank watched Sirius and Debbie.

"Don't tell me that's singing again," spat Debbie. "Let's go Sirius. Now!" He sprang from his seat and followed her obediently out the door. Lily, James, and Peter stared after Sirius in disbelief. They had known him too long to think that he would stand for that normally. They slowly turned back to Connie, who was perched on a stool with her guitar in her lap. She had absolutely nothing in her hair, for what was probably the first time in her life. She sang her song, which was so sad that no one in the crowded pub was untouched. During it, Professor McGonagall showed up at James's elbow. She looked teary-eyed.

"She's got a beautiful voice. For someone her age, it's hard to imagine her writing these lyrics without the true experience in her life. It's sad to have that happen so young, though. I can tell she's hurting. She'll get over it, eventually." She glanced at James for a moment. "You know, Potter, it's probably my imagination, but if I didn't know better, I'd swear that you and Connie were brother and sister. God knows you look enough alike." She left as Connie finished. Crying freely, she went through the back of the bar and outside.

"She's been out there quite a while," said Remus about an hour later. "Should someone go check on her?"

"Don't worry, guys, I've just sent Hagrid out." Madame Rosmerta had come with another round of drinks. Just then, Hagrid burst in from the back, carrying an unconscious Connie in his vast arms. A black eye was slowly beginning to bloom, and her lip was bleeding.

"I jus' foun' her outside, out cold."

"Did you see anyone else out there?"

"No, I didn'." Connie stirred, then opened her eyes.

"Connie, are you all right?" they all chorused.

"I'll be fine," she said groggily.

"Who was it?" demanded Frank, "Who did this to you?"

"I don't remember." But everyone except Hagrid and Rosmerta knew she wasn't telling the truth. They walked back to school in silence. They steered her into the library, sat her at a table, and started in on her.

"All right Connie, spill," said Remus firmly.

"Excuse me?"

"We know you know who did this. Now tell us," added Lily.

"I told you I didn't remember," she replied in an entirely unconvincing tone.

"Connie, stop with the bull. You do remember," replied Frank.

"Fine. Maybe I do remember. Maybe I don't want to tell you."

"Why not?" asked Peter.

"Maybe I don't want to start problems. Maybe I don't think you'll believe me."

"It was Sirius, wasn't it?" James wasn't looking for an answer, he already knew. Connie bit her lip and looked away.

"James, did you know about this? Please tell me you didn't," said Lily imploringly. He shook his head.

"No, I just sensed it," he said slowly. "I never would have believed it of him. I mean, you think you know someone, and then...this."

"I'm sorry, Jay." 'Jay' was Connie's nickname for James. She had given each of them one, except for Sirius. She called Remus 'Ray', Lily 'Lil', and Peter 'Petey'. And for some odd reason, she called Frank 'Howie'.

"No, don't apologize. It's not your fault, it's his. Not only for today, but for the past week." He had never felt so lost in his life. Connie's face suddenly brightened.

"Maybe not Jay, maybe not."

"What d'you mean?"

"I won't explain now. I've had an idea, but I just need to do some research. You don't need to stay here if you don't want to. In fact, leave." They all looked confused at her sudden change in mood. They didn't see much of her during the next week. Whenever they asked her about her research, she would simply say, "It's coming," and dash off to the library. None of them spoke to Sirius. Connie finally rejoined her friends in the common room on Friday night.

"Debbie's furious with me. I could end up in big trouble."

"What did you to her?"

"Well, I ran into her in the bathroom on Wednesday. She's all like, 'Not so pretty now, are we Connie?' and I'm like 'It's temporary. And I'm still better looking than that growth on your neck, oh I'm sorry, that's your face , and that's permanent, isn't it?' and I walk away. Then she says 'Sirius obviously thinks different.' And I snapped ."

"Then what?" asked Peter.

"I turned around, and blew her ass halfway across the room and into the wall." They stared at her with their mouths open. Then James changed the subject.

"So are you finally going to tell us what you were doing all week?"

"That's not important, what's important is the results of the research. And I'm going to find out right now." She got up and meandered over to where Sirius was sitting alone. He was scribbling on some parchment with a glazed look in his eyes. Debbie had detention that night. "Sirius, could I talk to you for a moment?"
"I'm busy, maybe later," he replied monotonously.

"All right Sirius, whatever you want." As she went back to the others, the glassy look in Sirius's eyes faded a little. When Connie reached the other side of the common room where the others were sitting, she noticed that every one of them had a look of deepest loathing upon his or her face. "What's wrong?" Without speaking, James pointed behind Connie. When she turned around, she understood. Debbie had returned from detention, and was once again in Sirius's lap and talking to him. Looking unfazed by this, Connie retook her chair but gripped the arms very tightly.

"Where's Ray?" she asked in a tone that told very plainly that she was angry.

"He ummm... had to go to the hospital wing," said Peter, "He wasn't feeling well."

"Ouch!"

"What is it, Lily?"
"My wand got hot all of a sudden...Connie, your hands!" Connie shook out of her daze.

"What?" she glanced down and swore. Her hands were glowing. "I've gotta go see Dumbledore. Power surge, can't explain." She leaped up and ran for the portrait hole. She found Dumbledore near the gargoyle that guarded he entrance to his study.

"What's wrong, Connie?"

"I'm having a power surge, Professor. If you have your wand, don't come any closer. In this state, I'm capable of breaking them from ten feet." He nodded.

"How can you stop it?"

"I just have to use the excess power. But it's difficult to control, and none of it can be used usefully. It's too strong. I could level Hogwarts with the littlest slip of my finger."

"Listen carefully, I know it's not allowed, and Minerva will have my head for it undoubtedly, but I want you to go into the Forbidden Forest. Knock over all the dead trees you see until your power surge is over. Now, we both know you're more than capable of handling yourself, but be careful. There are many dangerous animals in the forest." Connie nodded, bid Dumbledore good night, and headed for the door. The moon shone full behind her. After several hours of knocking trees over, Connie grew bored and tired. It seemed as if she would never get through it. Serves you right for losing control like that, she thought.

Suddenly, she heard a noise behind her. She wheeled around and let out a shriek. She was sharing the clearing with a werewolf. She started backing away. In her fear she had forgotten her powers. She couldn't take her eyes off the werewolf. Suddenly it went flying. A stag had appeared, and it was fighting the werewolf. Connie just watched in amazement as the stag charged again and again, bearing down on the werewolf.

The stag caught a bite from the werewolf, toppling it, and leaving Connie defenseless, as she hadn't regained her senses yet. As the werewolf drew closer, she blinked her eyes. The expression on her face said quite plainly 'What the hell am I doing?' She quickly put an end to matters by throwing the werewolf against a tree. Her power surge was over. She knelt by the stag and held her hands over it. More light, this time gold, flowed from her fingers. After a slow rushing sound, the stag blinked its eyes and stood up. Connie narrowed her eyes at it.

"Jay?" she said disbelievingly. The stag stared back for a moment, and then wasn't there anymore. In it's place was indeed James.

"How did you know it was me?" he asked as they went to sit under a tree.

"I don't know, it just came. What are you doing out here?"

"I was out here with Remus. I couldn't wake Peter up, and the other one, well, you know."

"Where is Ray?"

"He's umm, lying at the base of that tree over there."

"He didn't tell me he was a werewolf."

"He keeps it quiet. He didn't even tell us. We figured it out second year. Not that I blame him. Why didn't you blast him, or transform?"

"I was too scared. I forgot about it. I would have been dead if it hadn't been for you. Thanks Jay, you saved my life."

"It was nothing." When they left the woods much later, they had a stronger bond than before.

Exams came and went. Connie nabbed the top spot in the class from James, but he didn't mind. On the last night before going home, Sirius broke the long silence between him and James.

"James, remember when Connie got that black eye?"

"What about it?" he said coldly.

"Does she know who did it?"

"Yes. Didn't think she'd remember, did you?" James slammed his trunk closed and hauled it downstairs. Sirius stared after him, looking very confused.

On the train, Connie, Frank, Remus, Lily, Peter, and James shared a compartment. They were quite enjoying themselves, laughing and talking. After a while, though, things fell silent. They had suddenly remembered that Connie was an exchange student.

"Are you coming back next year?" asked Remus.

"I don't know. If they give me the option of going abroad again, I'll take it. But who knows where I'll be sent."

"If you get the option to come back to Hogwarts?"

"I seriously doubt if I'd know what to do. I mean, you're all wonderful, but there are other issues. I'm worried that if I do come back, it'll hurt too much to see him. But don't worry, I'll keep in touch. Bucky will hate me for sending him back and forth over the ocean every other week." They laughed, then turned to more happy things.

Eventually, the train ride had to end. Every body hugged Connie goodbye, but Sirius was no where in sight. Connie was taking another train further west to another airport from which she would fly back to America.

~

"Sirius, you will write to me over the summer, won't you?"

"You know, Debbie, I've been thinking. Maybe you and I should see other people."

"No! I won't let you! Why, Sirius, don't you want me?"

"I don't want you, I want Connie!" he yelled. "I don't know why I didn't see it before." Off he ran, searching for his friends. They were standing on the edge of platform nine. "Where's Connie? There's something I need to tell her."

"She's on the train. It's pulling out now. Maybe if you weren't so caught up..." the last of James's words were wasted, as Sirius started belting down the platform, yelling Connie's name at the top of his lungs. If she heard him, it didn't matter, because Sirius had reached the end of the platform.

"I love you, Connie," he whispered. He stared down the track for a long time before making his way back to his friends. On the train, Connie scribbled the final ending to Speechless. She did not look back.