Of Mind and Soul

He was determined to overcome the dementors for ten years. All he could think about were three souls; two living, one dead.

Harry, oh Harry, was always the first. He had heard rumors that the boy was very occasionally seen, and when he was, it wasn't with wizards. Those who came onto the foreboding islands whispered that he was living with Muggle relatives and the boy had no idea what kind of celebrity he was. For that, Sirius Black was both sad and happy.

Sirius kept thinking on how Harry had to live, without the easiness of magic, the convenience of it. Sirius had learned from Lily many years ago that if muggles had to light a fire, they had to uses matches, or a lighter. Sirius, at the time, found it terribly amusing, for they couldn't just whip out there wands. But now, Sirius was feeling quite sorry for Harry, whom he only remembers the boy as a small little thing, already starting to grow hair which would take after James's crazy hair, and the most awestricken bright green eyes Sirius had ever seen.

Yet, Sirius was also relieved in a way that Harry didn't live in a world where everyone knew him. If he did, then Harry would hear the most terrible stories about the night of Lily and James's death, and of the next day. Sirius hoped he would never have to hear to why Sirius was locked up in the cell, until, at least, he knew the real story. But then again, only one other person knew the truth in that day besides Sirius himself. And now Peter Pettigrew spirals into the story with an unbreakable speed.

Ah, Peter Pettigrew. He was always a little rat to Sirius. The worst thing about the story is that Sirius had trusted him so much, but he was always a rat, and he had failed to see that. James had trusted Sirius too much, when Sirius had him the proposal of changing secret keepers. Damn Peter for being so eager to take the job. Damn himself for been so arrogant in thinking he made such a great plan to not see the faults in it.

As Sirius had seen it, the only thing Peter could do without a flaw was lie. Peter was an exceptionally good liar, and it was the only reason James, Sirius, and Remus let Peter tag after them. They always knew that Peter could always lie for the four, so they wouldn't get in too much trouble. Sirius cursed himself in his lonely cell many times for not remembering this small little detail about Peter.

And then there was James, which was always somewhere in Sirius's mind. His friend's, though he was more like his brother, image was always in the back of his mind. It was James's voice, looks, smell, and most importantly, his trust that Sirius remembered. Sirius's own disappointment for his own failure to his fellow brother made him miserable.

James had always listened to Sirius's thoughts on anything before making a decision. He valued Sirius's opinions almost as much as he valued his own. But just once, Sirius wished that James had disregarded his opinion, and kept Sirius as the secret keeper.

Once or twice, Sirius thought that maybe James had agreed to make Peter the secret keeper because he was also worried for Sirius's protection. Sirius begged for that not to be the reason his best friend was dead. He once dropped to his knees and prayed that this was not the reason.

These three souls, all very different and unique, were what kept Sirius sane. That, and that he knew it wasn't him who had done such a tragedy. Another person should be in that Azkaban cell. Everyday, Sirius had to believe, even hope that his own soul would not forget that he was innocent. Many days, people would come to his cell, and start yelling and accusing him of killing his best friend and his best friend's wife, but Sirius had to be strong. He couldn't think about the lies that he was told so many times. He had to remember those that really mattered to him, in both a loving and, in Peter's case, hating way. At one time, Sirius was so afraid he'd forget, he bit a vein in his left wrist, and wrote their initials on the wall in his cell. So small, but big enough to read: HP, JP, and PP.

In the end, it had helped him escape. When he was able to read that article that happen to have a picture of Peter-the-rat included, Sirius finally came to the realization that Peter wasn't dead. Well, he always knew Peter wasn't dead, but Sirius now had the evidence that Peter was taking the easy way out, and the one thing that Sirius hated, were ones who didn't work hard for what they earned. He kept an emblazed vision of Peter in his head, and he used his hatred as a tool to think of ways to escape. Thinking of Peter as a rat, made Sirius remember that he had something that the dementor couldn't take from him. They would never be able to take away his ability to be something besides human. He could become the canine part of him, and Sirius was very happy to be able to transform to his dog-self once again.

So he escaped, and swam to the mainland, with Harry, James, and Peter's faces in his mind. A normal man wouldn't have survived his swim, and then long journey to Hogwarts, but Sirius was determined to let the one living person he still cared about know the truth, and to let justice come in the path of Peter Pettigrew. Sirius Black knew, in his heart, that finally something good would come out of his ten years of hell. The good thing would be Harry Potter. Harry Potter was the key to everything coming out right. As Sirius was living in the Forbidden Forest, he would learn from the gossip of the creatures in the forest, and from Crookshanks, his only friend at the time, that Harry had grown up with the kindness, love, and responsibility that Sirius could've hoped for. For that, Sirius was grateful that not everything had gone down the drain. Harry Potter had made everything right for Sirius again.