Twisted Admiration

Twisted Admiration

I will not tell lies.

Scratch. Bleed.

I must not tell lies.

Pain. It hurts, but he never acts wounded.

I must not tell lies.

            In some sort of twisted way, I admire him. I admire his strength. He never backs down. He never shows any weakness. In this way, he never shows any mercy. The perfect Death Eater. Completely flawless, in every way except for one:

He’s no Death Eater.

            I should know better than to sit here, in my throne room, watching him through his own mind. But I can’t help it. I never had a childhood of my own, so sometimes, I just sit back and admire his. Sure, I was a child once, but I always had my head in the clouds. I was so busy trying to be flawless that never once did I ever try to have the simple luxuries of playing a game of Quidditch, or the hassle of a detention. I suppose this is how I’ve become the supreme master that I am today, though sometimes I do take the time to wonder...

            Not that my watching him doesn’t have added benefits. By watching him, I can better understand him. By better understanding him, I can help estimate him. Which, in the end, will help me destroy him.

            I have to destroy him. It’s the only way. If only I knew the rest of the prophecy, maybe I wouldn’t have to. Not that I wouldn’t kill him anyway now. It’s more about dignity now rather than anything else. I will not lose to this child who should have died as an infant. I won’t do it, he must die.

Even if I have to take him down with me.

            He’s grown up so much since the last time I saw him, just a few months ago. He’s angrier, darker...Yet at the same time he’s filled with a lot of other different emotions. Guilt, especially, of that other boy’s death.

            This, I suppose, is his only weakness. His only flaw. He cares too much. He cares what happens to his friends. He cares what happens to his teachers. He cares too much about the whole bloody world, and that, above everything else, is what will destroy him. His bravery will carry him to his grave. His rash, hard-headiness will be the death of him and everyone around him.

            Everyone believes him to be a liar. I laugh. In so many ways, this works for me–they don’t know I’m back. If it wasn’t for that fool Dumbledore...

            ...At least the ministry is still in the dark. Fudge is an idiot, and I believe anyone and everyone around him knows that. But his idiocy is working, for me at least. So long as Lucius can still be putting money in Fudge’s pocket, the Ministry will never know I’m alive, until I see it fit.

I must not tell lies.

            Hmm...Interesting. I wonder, does Dumbledore know that a member of his staff is abusing one of his students, mentally and physically? He probably doesn’t–that’s fine with me. It would teach the boy a lesson.

            I can only see through Harry’s eyes when I’m asleep and Harry is feeling particularly moody, which is happening more often than not. I imagine Harry can see the same, and this is bad for both of us. So far I’ve seen him when he was jealous...

“No one in their right mind would make Ron a prefect...”

Harry gave a small snort of laughter. A second later he felt sickened with himself.

When he was angry...

SO YOU HAVEN’T BEEN IN THE MEETINGS, BIG DEAL! YOU’VE STILL BEEN HERE, HAVEN’T YOU? YOU’VE STILL BEEN TOGETHER! ME, I’VE BEEN STUCK AT THE DURSLEYS’ FOR A MONTH! AND I’VE HANDLED MORE THAN YOU TWO’VE EVER MANAGED AND DUMBLEDORE KNOWS IT–WHO SAVED THE SORCERER’S STONE? WHO GOT RID OF RIDDLE? WHO SAVED BOTH YOUR SKINS FROM THE DEMENTORS?

And when he was in pain, like right now...

I must not tell lies.

Eventually, I know he will see into my head. This is why I’ve tried to dull my emotions. Less emotional I am, the less he will see.

Shame he doesn’t know that.