I Remember

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I Remember

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"Remember Cedric. Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good, and kind, and brave, because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort. Remember Cedric Diggory."
--Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

The rain falls.

If I weren't so sad right now, I might think it funny, how it always seems to rain at funerals.

I sigh, and again adjust the umbrella. It takes far less emotional strength, I've found, to hold an umbrella over my head than to cast a spell to keep the rain off. Looking around, I see that I'm not the only one.

All my emotional strength is long gone.

Umbrella or no, the rain spatters the sleeves of my dress robes. The deep scarlet turns a morose blackish-crimson.

The color of dried blood.

Looking down, I just have to wonder. Has it really only been just six months?

Six months since the first time I wore these. Since the last time I wore them. Sitting at my table at the Yule Ball, longingly watching you dance her around the Great Hall.

I miss you, you know?

I don't think it will ever cease to amaze me, how much you meant to everyone. All the different things you were to different people. There must be a hundred people, out here in the rain, just for you.

You were always more to me. Much more.

The Quidditch captain?

Yes.

A Hogwarts Triwizard Champion?

Right again.

The most popular, 'best looking' guy at school?

Most certainly.

Even if you were 'just' a Hufflepuff.

But those were the things that you were to every one else.

My best friend?

Yes. At times, my only friend, it seemed.

My brother?

About as close as we could be without actually being related.

My first crush?

Gosh, yes.

Maybe Dumbledore said it best.

Good.

Kind.

Brave.

All very true.

Damn, I miss you.

I remember the first day we met.

My first year at Hogwarts.

I was only eleven. The Sorting Hat shouted "Hufflepuff!" and I ran over to the house table. You were the first one to shake my hand. Welcome me into the fold. Your gray eyes flashing with none other than what could've been true happiness at every new member that joined our house over the years.

Because that's the way you were.

The common room will just seem cold and empty without you. You were always so warm, always so full of life.

A life that ended far too soon.

I try to stop the tears from coming, but they refuse to obey. Good thing it's just Father here with me today. Mother would tell me off for blubbering like a little child.

"You're fourteen years old," she would say. "Act your age. Crying never solves anything."

Father understands. He places his heavy, warm hand reassuringly on my shoulder, and I'm comforted. Slightly.

I remember the first time we spoke. "Welcome to Hufflepuff," you said.

Simple words, nothing special. You said the very same thing to every other one of the new first years, but those words made me smile. Nothing ever made me smile easier than the sound of your voice. It always did.

I don't want it to be true.

I don't want you to be gone, but you are.

If I could change it all, I would take your place.

I wipe away my tears, if only to make room for more.

I remember the first week of classes. I was lost. Hannah and I running down the corridors, desperately searching everywhere, until you showed up.

"Lost?" you said, in that warm, melodic voice of yours.

I remember my throat going dry, my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth, and being thoroughly unable to speak. I didn't know why, then, though I certainly do now. It wasn't the last time that it happened.

It'll never happen again, though, because I'll never hear your voice again.

Hannah managed to speak up, tell you we were looking for our Charms classroom. I think I just stood there gaping.

"Right down the next corridor," you said. "By the way, I'm Cedric Diggory."

"I'm Hannah, and this is Justin," Hannah said, and nudged me in the ribs.

I gave you a weak sort of smile, and a little wave. I think. All I remember was your smile back.

"Nice to meet you both. Now, you better get on to class. See you around."

See you around.

Not any more.

I remember watching you the rest of my first year, not so sure why.

Perhaps you could've called it hero worship, if you were so inclined. I don't know, either. But, you were just that sort of person.

Good. Kind. Brave.

Then.

My second year at Hogwarts.

The first and only meeting of the 'Dueling Club.'

The way the snake slithered right at me, rearing back its vile head, ready to attack. Harry speaking to it, hissing and spitting noises coming out of his mouth. I knew he'd called the snake off. But, I was scared. "What do you think you're playing at?" I shouted at him, and I ran out, all the way back to the common room.

"Justin, what's wrong?"

Your voice, of course. You were always the first to notice things like that. I never got a chance to tell you, not until much later. I was followed in by the rest of the second years, and they told my story for me, not exactly the way it happened of course. Whenever I'd try to protest, they would insist that I was too frightened to remember properly what had happened. They all started shouting, then, claiming with certainty that Harry Potter was the Heir of Slytherin.

I remember how you told everyone in the common room off. Told them that there was no way that Harry could've set the snake on me, no matter what they'd seen. You would always stand up for Harry Potter.

People always wondered why. "He's a Gryffindor," they would tell you. "He gets favored enough, without you going around telling everyone to be nice to him."

I never wondered why you always spoke up for him.

That was just how you were.

You shouted them all down, and told them they needed to stop blaming him. I don't remember much after that, I ran up to my room to hide.

Ironically, it was my devotion to you that nearly got me killed.

Ernie told me to stay in the dorm, that Harry couldn't get to me there. I went along with it, of course, but remembering what you said, I felt bad. I knew Harry wasn't out to get me, no matter what everyone else was saying.

But I couldn't stay still. I was restless. I had to find you, and thank you for speaking up for me the night before.

I went out to look for you.

I was walking down a corridor, it was empty except for a ghost that was coming towards me, from the other way.

There was a flash of bright green, out of the corner of my eye.

Followed by a loud hissing noise.

I remember opening my mouth to scream.

I woke up in the hospital wing, six months later.

Hannah told me how you would try to come and visit me. She explained that the way things were, you weren't often let in, but you were a Prefect, and they at least did let you in there every once in a while. She even told me about how, when things were at their worse, and they were talking about closing the school, you'd gone to the Weasley twins to see if there was any way they could get you into the infirmary.

She also said you'd been caught trying to sneak in, and given detention.

Maybe it was then that I began to fall in love with you.

I know for certain when it did happen, though.

My third year at Hogwarts.

I remember it just as clear as if it had happened yesterday.

It was our first visit to Hogsmeade.

I remember leaving Hannah, Ernie and Susan in Honeydukes. "I just want to go take a quick look at the Shrieking Shack, I'll be back in a minute."

I walked up the hill, fascinated, but at the same time, not daring to get too close. It was haunted, after all.

"Hey! Mudblood!"

I turned to see Draco Malfoy, flanked by his friends Goyle and Crabbe.

Foolishly, I stood my ground. "What do you want, Malfoy?"

It was only then that I'd noticed Crabbe and Goyle moving to cut off any possible escape.

"What do I want? I want you and all your kind out of Hogwarts, if you must know."

I wasn't really listening, though. I was getting ready to run.

But it was just then that Goyle grabbed me, and pinned my arms behind me.

"You really shouldn't be wandering around alone, Mudblood." Malfoy said to me as I struggled.

He nodded to Crabbe, who raised his meaty fist and punched me in the stomach.

I doubled over in pain, and kicked out, but he was out of my reach.

"What do I want?" Malfoy sneered at me, his face close to mine. "You dare ask me that, Finch-Fletchley? I want to make things so miserable for you and your kind that you never want to come back."

He motioned to Crabbe again, but this time, another voice rang out in the cool autumn air.

"Hey!"

Your voice.

You saved me, that day.

"What's going on here?" Goyle let me go, and I sunk to my knees in the mud, holding my stomach.

"Ten points from Slytherin for each of you! And don't think Professor Snape won't hear about this!" It was one of the few times I'd ever heard you angry. "Now get back up to the castle!"

They went, still muttering, and you knelt down beside me. You put your hand on my shoulder, and I remember shuddering at your touch. "Are you all right, Justin?"

"I'll be fine. Uh, thank you."

"Are you sure? Where'd they hit you?"

"I…in the stomach. I'll be okay."

"Good. Come along, we'll get you back up to Hogwarts."

I didn't want to go, at first. I didn't want to be treated like a little kid.

At the same time, you were so kind, there was no way I could tell you no.

You helped me up, and put your arm supportively around my shoulders. In all honestly, I could've walked without help…

Any other day, I might smile at the way I faked being hurt a little more than I was, just so you would keep your arms around me.

Not today, though.

The rain still falls, harder now. I adjust the umbrella again.

It was then we became friends.

You helped me study.

You would invite me along to Quidditch practice, and even let me practice with the team every once in a while.

You listened to my problems, my insecurities.

You were the first person at Hogwarts I ever told about my sister. The way my parents treated her as if she were special, because she was a Muggle.

Then came the night of the Quidditch match. You remember. The one against the Gryffindors.

You won the game for us. In all the confusion caused by the Dementors, you'd managed to grab the Snitch. You tried to call it off, as soon as you found out what had happened to Harry Potter.

Even as we were celebrating the victory in the common room, there were a couple people yelling at you for trying to get the game replayed.

One person, in particular.

Jason Stebbins was a sixth-year, like you. I had thought he was one of your better friends, but you wouldn't have known it right then, the way he was absolutely furious with you. Shouting, his face turning purple. "What were you thinking, Diggory? What if they'd let you replay the game? There's no way we could beat them again! Don't you even care about Hufflepuff? You're too soft, Diggory!"

All the while he was shouting at you, you just sat there calmly. But, I couldn't. There was nothing wrong with what you'd done, and I couldn't bear to hear him verbally abuse you anymore.

"There's nothing wrong with what he did!" I shouted, stepping forward.

The common room went silent, and Jason stared down at me. "What's it to you, anyway, Finch-Fletchley? Mind your own business." And he shoved me backward.

I know you understood that Jason wasn't a bad guy. That he was just angry. But, to see your face at that moment, you wouldn't have known it.

Again, you saved me.

"Don't you push him!" you shouted back, getting up in his face. "Or is that your style, Stebbins? Is that how you like it? Why don't you take on someone your own size?"

Jason raised his hands in defense, but backed away. "Hey, whatever, Diggory. Whatever. Have it your way." And he left the common room.

"You okay, Justin?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you."

We talked late into the night, about everything. Long after the party broke up, and everyone had gone to bed, we sat in front of the fire, just talking. I'd never been happier.

I never wanted that night to end.

And I never wanted it to end the way it did.

I remember.

After a lull in the conversation, you said, "So, what's going on with you and Hannah? You seem to spend a lot of time together."

The question caught me off guard in so many ways. I'd never thought of Hannah in that way, we were just friends. Still are.

"I…nothing. We're just friends…"

"Well, are you…you know, fond of her at all?"

"Not really."

"Is there anyone that you do like?"

I'll never understand what made me do it. Maybe I was just so content that I felt I could tell you anything. Nevertheless, I said it.

"You…" I said quietly.

You were obviously shocked, and I regretted it the moment that single, tiny word had left my mouth.

"M-me?" I couldn't tell if you were angry or not.

I nodded shyly.

"I'm sorry. I, I really should go up to bed." I started to leave, but you put your hand on my arm.

"Justin. Don't go."

I hardly dared to hope. But then, you said the very thing I feared you would.

"I'm…flattered, Justin. I really am. You're a nice guy and all, but…I just don't feel the same way about you. I'm really sorry."

"I…" I ran up to bed, but I don't remember crying. I think I was just relieved you didn't hate me.

But I cry now. My tears mix with the rain that make its way past the apparently meager protection my umbrella provides.

I don't care.

Looking back, I almost wish that you would have hated me for loving you. That would make it so much easier to let you go right now. If you hated me, I could hate you back.

But your acceptance of me only strengthened our friendship. Made me love you even more.

My only regret is that I never told you.

I love you, Cedric.

We grew closer and closer as friends that year. I even spent two weeks at your house in the summer. Two of the best weeks of my life.

Then.

My fourth year at Hogwarts.

You became a Hogwarts' Champion.

I remember the day of the first task. How you could hardly speak, you were so nervous. How no matter what I would say, you couldn't calm down.

How I was so afraid you were going to die out there.

But you didn't. You got past the dragon, though I never saw you do it. I couldn't bear to watch what I was certain would be your last day on earth.

But it wasn't. That came later, though far sooner than it ever should have.

You became all the more popular after the first task.

All the girls chased after you.

And one finally caught you.

Cho Chang.

Even now, she stands off to my left, draped all in black and crying uncontrollably.

Don't think ill of me, Cedric. I do feel sorry for her. After all, her and I are in the same situation, now.

But back then…I hated her. Hated her for having what I couldn't. Hated her without even knowing her.

I remember the day I heard you two were together.

Hannah told me. I began to cry. She was confused.

So I told her everything.

She understood.

She even offered to help.

She said she would cover for me. Pretend to be my 'girlfriend'. Said that maybe it would make you jealous.

I told her that wasn't what I wanted to do.

But I went along with it anyway. I was tired of not being able to be with you. It was better than nothing.

Of course, I told you about it. Hannah doesn't know that, though.

I think, on some level, it's as good for her as it is for me. She hasn't said as much, of course, but I think she feels the same way about me that I feel about you.

I remember at the Yule Ball, how she sat at my side as I watched you dance with Cho. How she told me that I should get together with Harry, and find a way to break the two of you up, since he was as horribly smitten with Cho as I was with you.

Hannah has never really understood, though.

I cared too much about you to split you and Cho up. You were happy, and if being with her was what made you happy, I wasn't going to change that.

I hope you're happy now, wherever you are.

I remember the last thing I ever said to you. I caught up to you just as you were going to meet up with Cho before the third task.

"Cedric!"

"Hey, Justin." Your voice was shaky. I know you were nervous. Beyond nervous.

"I…good luck. Be careful." And then, I rushed forward and hugged you. It was the first and last time I ever did. You hugged me back, and it was all I could ask for.

"Thank you, Justin. Take care."

The last time we spoke. The last time we touched.

I remember, watching from the stands with my binoculars, as you and Harry touched the Triwizard cup at the same time. Watching as you disappeared.

In the confusion that followed, I never imagined you wouldn't come back alive.

When I heard you'd died, I refused to believe it. I didn't want to.

Everything within me rebelled against it.

I still do. I don't want you to be gone.

I love you.

Dumbledore said it best.

"Remember Cedric Diggory."

I always will.

I remember…