Knight of Pentacles, Queen of Wands

Ch3: The Empress

It always amazed Severus how different the Evans' home was from his own. Where the rundown house in Spinner's End was shabby and unwelcoming, the slightly larger, but still small house a few blocks away was well kept, pristine, and filled with warmth.

The Evans had only ever tolerated him. Not that they were rude- well, Petunia was- but he always got the feeling that Lily's parents were always wary and vaguely disapproving of him. Severus wasn't exactly the sort of wizard a proper witch would proudly bring home to Mum and Dad. No doubt they were beyond ecstatic that Lily had landed a fiancé like Potter. He had heard that she was to be married a mere month from now, in June. However, he didn't feel that Potter was anywhere near deserving of her either.

"You might as well sit down instead of hovering around."

With those terse instructions, Petunia left him in the sitting room. He vaguely recognized the Muggle music that was playing on the turntable as being from a group called The Cure. He hadn't thought either Petunia or Lily would be into that sort of thing.

"Tuney, who is it? Honestly, if you've insulted James again..."

Her voice floated down the staircase and gradually got louder as she descended. Lily Evans let out a surprised gasp of breath upon seeing him.

"Severus!"

Severus was seated on a sofa decorated with pink flowers. He looked like a bastion of darkness in the perfect Muggle surroundings. His impossibly black hair had dried in strands that made his hair look greasy, but it was long enough to curtain his face from her, which he was sure was on fire. Coming here was turning out to be a worse idea than he had originally thought. He didn't belong here with her, especially considering the awful way she was looking at him, as if she had never seen him before.

"What are you doing here?"

She looked honestly surprised. Too surprised to be angry with him. However, Severus knew Lily well enough to know that she nursed grudges as well as he did. It was only a matter of time before she threw him out.

"I honestly don't know. I suppose you could say that I'm here for old time's sake," Severus said softly.

His black eyes glittered at her through his curtain of hair. Lily looked back at him and crossed her arms. She never looked so lovely as when she was angry, thought Severus. It just hurt when she was angry with him. Her red hair almost looked charged with electrical energy.

"Leave."

"I suppose another apology would mean nothing to you and I don't expect you to accept it, but I am in earnest."

"Great. You've apologized. Now leave."

Severus sighed and stood.

"I knew this was a bad idea. I just wanted to say that," Severus stammered. "I wanted to tell you that." He trailed off and stopped. He always felt like a fool around her. "What I mean to say is that I hope you'll be happy. And, no matter what, if there's anything at all that you need, ever, that you need only to ask."

"What, you want me to believe that you'd honestly help out a Mudblood, Severus?"

Severus looked up angrily. He looked dangerous and Lily backed away from him.

"Don't you ever use that word in my presence!" He ran a hand through his hair. "I was wrong to say it. To anyone. Especially you. And all you'd done was to try and help me. I was an arse, Lily. However, I meant what I said. I'd do anything for you."

If there was one thing that Lily Evans knew it was that Severus Snape generally meant what he said. The way he was looking at her made many things clear to her that had previously not been. For example, the intense gaze let her know that Severus thought of her as more than a friend. He was all but declaring his undying devotion. He had always made an exception for her in his warped worldview.

"Just what are you saying?" she whispered.

"I'm saying that I know I'm not worthy of you. Your friends were all right about me. I'm nothing but a miserable Death Eater." She gasped, but he went on as if he didn't hear her. "But I know one thing, Lily Evans. I've always loved you and I'd do anything for you."

Lily had tears streaming down her face. Severus was mortified. He always found a way to bollocks everything up, it seemed. He had no idea what to do other than leave.

"Well, I suppose I've caused enough mayhem for one day."

He awkwardly turned to go when her voice stopped him.

"Severus Snape! You just don't tell a witch something like that and then leave!"

She sounded appropriately scandalized and shocked. Severus expected as much.

"What else would you have me to do, Lily?"

His voice, which he had taken great pains to carefully control and modulate since puberty, cracked ever so slightly. He found it difficult to swallow.

"Sit down, for Merlin's sake! You owe me much more than a, 'I love you and by the way I'm a Death Eater, so see you around,' Severus!" Lily glared at him. "Besides, if you'd do anything for me, you'll humor me in this."

It was quite easy to see now, in retrospect, how she had ended up in Gryffindor. Appropriately cowed, Severus made his way back to the sofa. Lily sat in a matching armchair on the other side of the coffee table. It wasn't lost on him that she wanted to put as much space between the two of them as possible.

"Well?"

In some ways, Lily and Petunia were disturbingly alike. Severus sat rigidly and raised an eyebrow in question.

"Show me the Dark Mark!" She gestured to his left arm.

She was angry and her tears were still slightly flowing. Severus hung his head in shame but, nevertheless, rolled up his sleeve to show her the Dark Mark. She didn't say a word, but her eyes went hard.

"When?"

Her voice was clipped.

"Last night."

"What have you done to yourself, Severus?"

His left hand curled into a fist and the snake slithered around in the open mouth of the skull. He quickly covered it. He couldn't look her in the eyes.

"The way I see it, I'm damned."

"Not what you thought, is it?"

"On the contrary, it is exactly what I thought. I'm simply not the same man this morning that I was last night. Literally speaking."

It was quite clear that Lily could see the truth behind his words, cryptic though they no doubt were to her ears.

"Whose side are you on, Severus?"

This time, Severus looked directly into her eyes. He gave her an intense look and smirked. He could see that it made her uncomfortable.

"Yours. Always yours."

Severus mentally sighed. He should never have come. It took every ounce of self-control he had to continue sitting there with his one time best friend crying over him, learning things that it would have been better not to plague her with. She should be planning her marriage to that wanker Potter instead of being bothered with him. Hell, at least she wasn't marrying Black. Indeed, it could have always been worse. Then, it did get worse. The only thing keeping him from bolting was her insistence on holding him to his hastily spoken words.

"You're going to turn yourself in."

He nearly choked.

"What?"

He stood hastily. She stayed seated. She looked strangely calm and determined.

"James is in training to be an Auror."

"Lily..." Severus looked frantic.

"He won't be taking you to the Ministry."

Severus couldn't help it, he laughed.

"I should feel comforted by that?"

"I don't mean to comfort you. He'll take you to Dumbledore."

"I don't wish to see either Potter or Dumbledore," Severus stated firmly.

"But you will."

She showed no emotion.

Severus sighed.

"I will."