Knight of Pentacles, Queen of Wands

Ch2: The Magician And The High Priestess

Severus awoke. Nothing spectacular. He was in his own bed at Spinner's End. He was nursing a hangover. He had been dead, but he also hadn't been dead. There were two sets of memories in his head and it all made perfect sense and seemed quite logical and natural until he attempted to analyze it. Then it became quite confusing and rather painful.

Nonetheless, it could not be argued that Severus Snape had two sets of memories, both his own. Severus knew that both sets of memories had been the same up until that morning before one set diverged into something longer that ended in a rather unpleasant death. As it was, he knew that whatever he did from this point forward would turn out differently, even if only slightly from what his other self had experienced before. Mostly because he now knew better and knew what not to do; sort of.

All in all, he felt that with his luck, nothing he did would make his current life turn out for the better, but simply different than his other one. It was not at all comforting or reassuring. For one, how could his life potentially turn out for the better, as Albus Dumbledore had said, when he was still undeniably a Death Eater?

A very new Death Eater of only a few hours, but it made the situation no less real. Severus Snape was indeed a Death Eater. He still felt the exhilaration of his induction ceremony when the Dark Lord had taken his arm to give him the Dark Mark, after he had sworn his undying loyalty. Then there was the overflowing alcohol in which he had eagerly indulged with his fellow Death Eaters in celebration afterwards. He had felt on top of the world last night. For the first time, he had felt truly accepted for who he was. He had a cause. He had something to believe in and it gave meaning to a world that otherwise seemed to lack meaning entirely. At least, that is what he had thought at the time. Things looked quite different in the light of day.

A very conflicted Severus Snape made his way from his bed to the shower, where the plumbing never worked quite right. Throwing on black robes and leaving his wet hair uncombed to dry itself, he attempted to find coffee to brew in the woefully under-stocked kitchen.

"Miserable arse! Yer making enough noise to raise the dead, boy!" an obviously inebriated voice yelled from the couch in the next room.

Severus ignored the man. Tobias Snape meant nothing to him. Since the death of his mother the previous spring, he had as little to do with the man as possible. If anything, Severus made even more noise when he located the coffee behind a tin containing what was left of the tea.

"I shoulda known you'd be wearing those freak garments like yer good fer nothing mother. God knows I tried to beat the freakishness out o the both of ya."

The drunken voice was now behind him, shuffling into the kitchen to flop into a seat at the table.

"Don't talk to me, Muggle," Severus said quietly through gritted teeth. "You're not worthy to speak of my mother."

"A good for nothing freakish whore is what she was. Yer no better, boy. Unnatural, the lot o ya. Bringin yer magic into..." Tobias Snape was cut off mid sentence with a wand in his face.

Tobias immediately jumped back from the wand.

"Would you care to see a demonstration of my magic, Muggle?" Severus sneered at the man who was supposed to be a father to him.

Severus had cursed Muggles before. It had been Lucius Malfoy that had recently introduced him to what Death Eaters and like-minded wizards referred to as the sport of Muggle baiting. It wasn't that Severus enjoyed it, but it was an opportunity to practice curses that fascinated him, and if he always pictured Tobias Snape as he did it, then that was his own business, wasn't it? So, it only made sense that Severus should have no problem cursing his own father. The man had never done right by him after all. How could he have, being a Muggle? Severus had never known a kind Muggle and that said it all right there.

However, what happened next mystified even Severus. He didn't curse Tobias, and it wasn't because he didn't want to, because he very much did want to do just that. He growled in frustration. His other self had left him with newly discovered scruples that he thought he had given up long ago back when Lily Evans abandoned him at the entrance of the Gryffindor common room.

"You're not worth it."

With those words, Severus lifted the wand and turned to walk away. He had to get out of that miserable house and away from that miserable Muggle.

"I'm not through with you!" Tobias railed impotently at his retreating back.

Severus just kept walking. His life was already different and he wasn't sure that he liked it. His freedom of the previous evening had seemingly evaporated like it had never been there, and it likely had only been an illusion in the first place.

Without seeming to realize what he was doing, Severus found his feet taking him to old haunts. The playground where he had first seen and then later met Lily Evans was still the same as it had been. There were no children there today. It was an old, derelict place, with rubbish here and there. Some swings were broken. A dreary overcast Saturday morning in 1979 was much the same as various dreary overcast Saturdays in 1969 he supposed.

It was lost in those thoughts that Severus unthinkingly found himself walking toward a familiar house. It was a house that he hadn't been to in a few years, but it was always more welcoming to him than his own home had ever been. He had walked this path numerous times before to see a girl with red hair who meant everything in the world to him. He stopped in front of the house before he realized what he was doing.

There he was wearing robes in a Muggle area. There he was, a Death Eater, in front of the house of a woman who wanted nothing more to do with him. The thought made his chest constrict painfully. Severus knew it was folly to even go by there. He knew he wouldn't be welcome if he were discovered.

Nevertheless, as he turned to leave, he didn't notice when lace curtains parted and a pinched face looked out the window to glare at him. Just as quickly, the door opened and a voice hissed at him.

"I'd never thought to see you again. The least you could do is either leave or come in before the neighbors see you. The first thing I plan to do once I've married Vernon is to move to an area with normal people. I honestly can't take much more of these wizards popping in and out. As horrible as you are, at least you always used the door."

Petunia Evans was as unpleasant as ever. She sniffed disdainfully at him. Severus merely glared back at her.

"Charming as ever, I see, Tuney."

"It's Petunia, if you please, Sev." However, she opened the door wider. "Well?"

Severus knew he wasn't thinking straight. He wanted to leave. He should have kept walking away from the house. His feet didn't cooperate as they walked past Petunia into the room beyond. He might actually get to see her and whatever trouble it might bring him seemed inconsequential in light of that.