White Horses

Jackie Stevens

Story Summary:
[COMPLETE] They say that there are no white horses - those that we think of as white are really just a faded and deceiving grey. Names can be misleading, and definitions can be false, and yet through the maze of artifice and deceit, we might just find something true. When Harry returns for his last two years at Hogwarts School, he will find that boundaries are shifting and not everyone is who he thought - including himself. He will have to learn that change is like those elusive white horses: swift, beautiful and irretrievable.

Chapter 22

Chapter Summary:
They say that there are no white horses - those that we think of as white are really just a faded and deceiving grey. Names can be misleading and definitions can be false, and yet through the maze of artifice and deceit, we might just find something true. When Harry returns for his last two years at Hogwarts School, he will find that boundaries are shifting and not everyone is who he thought - including himself. He will have to learn that change is like those elusive white horses: swift, beautiful and irretrievable.
Posted:
10/15/2004
Hits:
5,400
Author's Note:
Oh my knickers! I'm unbelievable and abjectly sorry for this wait. Some have you may have seen in the review board, and most of you probably have not, but I actually ended up getting mono this past month and a half--which is my poor excuse for my disappearing off the face of the earth. I'm more or less recovered now and hope to be a fully functional member of society and post more regularly again. If anyone is still reading this... I know my reader loyaltly is looking really poor right now, and I really am so sorry. I hope you can bear with me!

ALL ALONG PLATFORM 9¾ WERE reunions, as the students found friends who they hadn't seen for months. Ron had found Hermione early on and they were at the end of the platform, where the Prefects carriage was, hoping not to be found. Luckily for the teens, Mrs and Mr Weasley were both down with Ginny and her crowd, so there was nothing to prevent them from greeting one another exuberantly (except perhaps public decency).

Ron was holding his girlfriend in a tight embrace, their lips melded together, when a drawling voice said loudly, "Honestly, Potter. I'm not sure this is the behaviour I would expect of Head Girl."

Hermione's eyes fluttered open and she looked past her tall boyfriend in surprise. Ron didn't seem to notice her abstraction and he kept at it till she swatted him on the shoulder, "Ron!" When he finally desisted, she asked in an amazed voice, "Is that our Harry?"

The boy turned around and his ginger eyebrows nearly shot into his hairline. "Well, I'd say he isn't ours anymore."

Standing confidently and laughing at them was a much different Harry than they had left Hogwarts with last year. Perhaps it was because of the blonde beside him.

Hermione exclaimed, "M-M-Malfoy! You're here?!" Then she saw the badge he had hooked into his well-worn jeans. "You're Head Boy?!"

Draco strode forward and held out a hand to Hermione. "Congratulations on your appointment, Granger. I'm sure we will do great things together." Hermione looked up into those bright grey eyes, which held a gleeful smile that she had never seen directed at her before. Then she realized that she was looking up and noticed for the first time that bother Harry and Draco appeared to have shot up several inches over the short summer months. They looked tan, healthy and happy; and the two Gryffindors were left staring in shock.

Finally Hermione took the proffered hand, noticing the strong grip in those long, graceful fingers. She even had a hint of a smile in her eyes, as she replied in an amazed voice, "Congratulations to you as well, Malfoy. I had no idea you were still among us - though it would seem that Harry did." She sent a mock glare at the last Gryffindor, whose eyes looked shockingly green against his healthy glow and his inky hair. He laughed delightedly and Hermione couldn't help smiling at the reckless joy that he was exuding.

Is this what Harry would have been like all along? If he hadn't had the pressure of the Wizarding world's expectations on his shoulders, would he have always been this bright and happy? She remembered their first couple years at Hogwarts, when he had seemed more like this boy whose clear laughter had attracted looks from across the platform. Now a few (dozen) girls were eying the two slender boys as if they could peel those lovely jeans off with their eyes. Noticing these stares, Hermione ignored the small part of her that was also admiring them, and thought uncharitably, You tramps don't have a chance, and you'll never imagine why.

Then the two boys shared an intimate glance that set up a chorus of swooning gasps and Hermione thought to herself in consternation, Or maybe you will.

Ron seemed oblivious of the drooling crowd and he knocked Harry on the shoulder roughly. Even if the Boy Who Lived had grown nearly five inches, he was still tiny next to his fiery mate. "All right there, Harry?" Ron asked jovially, "You've got to come and greet my mum. She'll have kittens if she's missed you. You might as well come, too, Malfoy. Seeing as we can't seem to get rid of you."

Despite a quick, questioning look from Harry, Draco was grinning and the foursome made a surprisingly amicable group as they herded back down the platform. Everyone made room, out of respect for the Head Boy and Head Girl or for Harry Potter, or just for the shock of seeing Potter and Malfoy together again and looking better than ever. They arrived at the small splash of ginger hair that was the Weasleys and Ron threw an arm around his little sister, who really wasn't all that little at all.

Harry frowned at Ginny, who was nearly the exact same height that he now was (5'8"). Gesturing toward their equal height, he told her sternly, "Honestly, Gin, you just can't ever let me win, can you?"

She hugged Harry enthusiastically, before her mother pried the boy free so she could coddle him herself, exclaiming over his growth and his golden colouring (which quickly burned red with his blush.) Then Ginny saw Draco and her eyes widened almost imperceptibly. He smirked at her, not missing the slightest thing. Everyone else stared in shock when he kissed her on the cheek and said warmly, "Ginevra. How is my favourite Weaselette? Still driving the boys wild?"

She growled at him, though her eyes were full of mirth, "Oh, Malfoy! You just did that to get people to talk, you rotten playboy!"

He smiled winningly and asked innocently, "Moi? Pas possible."

Mrs Weasley had frozen in her fussing over Harry, and both Mr Weasley and the visiting Gred and Feorge were watching warily. Harry gently disentangled himself and stepped away to pull Draco forward. He said unnecessarily, "Mrs Weasley, you remember Draco Malfoy? Draco, this is Ron and Ginny's mum."

Ginny stepped up as well and slid her arm though Draco's in a silent show of support. This made Molly's face turn a splotchy red and she huffed, "Ginvevra Weasley, what do you think you're doing! If I found out you've had anything going on with Lucius Malfoy's son, I'll...!"

She didn't seem able to find a threat bad enough and Ginny said easily, "Relax, mum! Draco is with-" Harry was shaking his head frantically and she faltered, finishing lamely, "-out harm. Totally harmless, that is."

She leaned close and whispered to her furious mother, "He likes boys."

Molly Weasley jerked back and then eyed Malfoy distaste, before saying, "Well, I can't say that surprises me."

Draco threw his up his hands and said dramatically, "Why does everyone react like that?"

George, who had overheard Ginny's whispered secret, said seriously, "Because of shit like that, Malfoy."

Draco eyed the older boy uncertainly, not sure if that had been an insult or a jest. He was saved by Molly scolding her son sharply, "George! Don't use language like that in front of the children!"

As usual, the twins reacted as if she had reprimanded them both, running over each other to explain: "Sorry, Mum, it's just that-"

"-the shock-"

"-of it all-"

"-and the gross-"

"-by which we mean 'weighty'-"

"-implications-"

"-of what we heard-"

"-were just too much-"

"-for our delicate sensibilities."

Draco looked faintly ill himself and muttered, "Bloody Gryffindors."

Ginny just said cheerfully, "Don't worry; you'll get used to it, you horrid Slytherin."

To which Draco replied darkly, "I think I'd rather not."

Arthur Weasley (who had been filled in by his twin sons) was looking at Harry in a measuring way and the spectacled boy asked nervously, "What?"

Before Arthur could perhaps voice his suspicions, Ginny dragged the boyfriends away, explaining quickly, "Well, we've got to go catch up - people coming back from the dead and all. See you all later!"

They hurried onto the train, running through the usual search for an empty compartment. They ended up in the last compartment before the prefects' car - which was just as well since everyone but Harry in their group would have to spend some time there. Ginny quickly left them on their own to go say goodbye to her family properly. She pulled the door shut after her and the young couple was left alone.

The boys slouched down in the bench seat, trying to avoid being seen by the milling crowd outside. Harry nudged the blonde with his shoulder and asked him, "So what do you think of being back in the world of the living?"

Draco frowned slightly and said honestly, "I don't know. Some of it is fun, but it's still going to be strange going back. Plus, being Head Boy - I honestly never expected that. At least, not after... after last year." In between their legs that were pressed against each other, Draco held tightly onto Harry's hand.

Hermione came into the carriage, her tall boyfriend trailing after her. Ron laughed when he saw the boys on the seat shrink away from the open door nervously, their shoulders hunched up to their ears as they slouched down. Hermione reminded Draco, "The train will be leaving in just a minute. We have to meet with the prefects, before we all start on rounds."

Draco's face scrunched into a frown, "Can't we just make the prefects do everything?" Hermione ignored this suggestion and dragged both he and Ron out to the prefects' car.

Harry sat by himself in the compartment, while Ron, Ginny, Hermione and Draco were all presumably in their meeting. He felt the train lurch into motion and stretched himself out on the bench seat, leaving his glasses on the window will. Soothed by the rhythmic sway of the train and the tedium of his solitude, he had just closed his eyes when he heard the door burst open. He looked up to see Draco pull the door shut behind him and the boy explained breathlessly, "I told them I'd forgotten something."

Harry asked unsurely, "What did you forget?" Instead of replying, Draco strode forward and knelt by the seat.

He held Harry's face between this hands and kissed the boy lightly. The Gryffindor arched up into that soft touch and pressed his own mouth firmly to Draco's. His tongue quickly darted out to trace the crease in the blonde's lips and Draco opened his mouth obligingly, giving Harry free license to explore every crevice of that sweet cavity. They kissed urgently, with Harry straining up against him, but before more than a minute had passed, Draco pulled back. He placed a quick kiss into Harry's dark hair and said, "Okay, now I've really got to go." He stood up in a rush and was out the door again before Harry could even say anything.

With a sigh, Harry dropped back down to his prone position on the bench. That had been pleasant, and Harry was still savouring the taste of Draco on his lips, but now he felt even more keenly alone. He had spent almost every hour of every day with the Slytherin for the last two months and it felt oddly suffocating to be going back to Hogwarts, where he couldn't be constantly with the boy and couldn't kiss or touch him whenever it pleased him. And they certainly wouldn't be sharing a bed any longer, Harry realized with a pang - used to using the other boy as a pillow, as he was.

Fortunately, Ginny came back before Harry could work himself into depression over missing the boy who was probably only twenty feet away. He greeted her but didn't bother getting up, especially when she flopped down on the bench opposite him, adopting a similar pose. She explained to him, "The prefects will be patrolling in shifts. First it's Ron, then I'll go an hour later and an hour more for the fifth years. Hopefully we'll only have to go through two cycles." She glanced at him and easily guessed his unspoken question, "Head Boy and Head Girl are still meeting, and then they'll start on rounds, too - though the Head Boy wasn't too happy to hear it."

They lay on their sides facing each other and it was oddly intimate: bringing to mind the feel of pillow-talk or two kids sharing secrets. Perhaps Ginny felt it too, because she asked knowingly, "So, how is it that you arrived with Hogwarts' illustrious Head Boy today?"

Harry smiled at the stunning young woman, her fiery curls pillowed around her face as she grinned back, and admitted to her, "Truth is, we've actually been staying together the whole summer."

"Staying together! Where? And how did all this come about - as far as I recall, he was supposed to be dead! At least, everyone thought so..."

Harry's eyes darkened with the remembered pain and he said heavily, "So did I, Gin - until he showed up at my uncle's house, the first week out of school. He had actually been locked up for that entire time - though it's not my place to tell you whom by." Ginny nodded in understanding and Harry was grateful to be talking to her; she never pressed him for more than he could share.

Remembering the thin white boy who had showed up in Little Whinging with bruises under his eyes, Harry explained softly, "He looked so awful then. It's easy to forget now, but he spent six months in there, alone. We've never really talked about it. Maybe it's one of those things that are so bad, you just have to forget them to survive."

Ginny looked at him consideringly and mused, "Maybe. But if you don't talk about these things, they can take much longer to recover from."

Ginny was speaking from experience and so Harry was prepared to accept her advice, but for a strange fear, one that he hadn't even examined much himself. He told her shamefully, "What if I'm not sure I want him to recover?" He winced at his own poor wording, and said hurriedly, "I mean, that's awful - of course, I don't want him to be hurt or damaged. But this Draco, now, is somehow different... even from last year. He's more free with his feelings and he doesn't hide behind masks so much. And now that everything is over with Voldemort, somehow he still seems to like me and want to be with me."

Harry whispered miserably, "I guess I'm still afraid that one day he's just going to pull that old Malfoy around him and drawl at me, 'I don't want you, Potter, you complete arse.' Someday he's going to realize that he doesn't really like boys or he doesn't want a Gryffindor or that just doesn't want me."

Ginny interrupted and told him soothingly, "It's not an awful thing that you are afraid to loose him, Harry. It just means that you care about him." She paused and then put in, "Of course, not every relationship is going to last forever." The ginger-haired girl looked at him and asked softly, "Do you love him, Harry?"

Perhaps the Gryffindor had nodded or shook his head, but there was no response that Draco could hear from outside the door. He listened as Ginny began to ask, "But does he-"

Draco pulled open the door; he'd eavesdropped long enough, he decided. The two kids started at his interruption and Harry looked a bit guilty. Draco didn't know how exactly to react to what he'd overheard, so he acted as if he didn't know a thing.

With a brief, "Hey, kids. Talking about me?" he walked over to Harry's bench. He easily lifted the boy's head and shoulders, and Harry began to sit up. Draco sat himself at the end of the bench and said, "No, no. You're fine." He laced one arm over Harry's chest and tugged on the black-haired boy until Harry was resting across his lap. Draco kept his hand where it was and absently scratched that smooth chest like he would a dog.

The Gryffindor boy shot him a glare, but Draco had his head back and his eyes closed. He sighed in content, "Thank the gods that is over."

Ginny was looking at Harry with eyes brimming with glee as she waggled her eyebrows suggestively. Harry couldn't help the slightest blush as he lay there with his head on Draco's legs, but luckily it didn't show very well through his tan. Ginny asked the blonde, "The meeting's over? And you don't have to patrol or anything?"

They fell into easy conversation and Harry was now mostly silent. He lay in an almost doze as he listened to the buzz of Draco's voice. Although the blonde wasn't as obvious about it, they both were clearly drawing comfort from being together and Ginny wondered to herself how they were going to make it through school. Draco kept his hand on Harry's chest, occasionally stroking the boy, but more often tapping on his chest as if it was a table and sketching figures with his finger to make a point. Ginny watched all this in amusement, surprised still to see the boys being so open in front of her.

Hermione pulled open the door to the compartment with a sharp, "Malfoy, if you think-" Then she saw the boys and slammed the door back shut. They all stared at each other while they heard Hermione giving hurried instructions to the two new Hufflepuff prefects who had been standing behind her in the corridor. She slid back into the compartment and exclaimed in exasperation, "Jesus H. Christ! I don't want to be having to make up lies and excuses to keep your arses out of the fire, so do you think you could tone it down a little?"

For the first time that day, Ginny saw that familiar icy look slide over Malfoy's face. His hold on Harry suddenly seemed more protective and possessive. Harry noticed immediately and sat up, looking slightly embarrassed. He didn't move away from the blonde though, and murmured softly, "Draco, qu'on cause." He jerked his head toward the door, saying, "Venez avec moi." After he'd asked Malfoy to come talk with him in the corridor, he stood up, but the Slytherin caught his hand. Draco's icy expression had melted away and the girls were surprised to see that tension leak out of him.

Draco looked unreadably at his Gryffindor boyfriend, then favoured him with a pleased smile for using the French they had practised over the summer (even when he did butcher it). He told Harry that it could wait, saying easily, "Pas encore." Then he turned to Hermione, "I apologize, Granger, for shocking your sensibilities. I came here to pinch a robe off of Potter and got distracted."

Hermione muttered dryly, "You didn't shock my sensibilities, you shocked the two young Hufflepuffs who were with me."

Harry, however, was frowning at his boyfriend and asked him, "If you needed a robe, why didn't you just summon or transfigure one?"

The Slytherin looked perfectly surprised and Harry laughed at his expense, "Oh, Malfoy - you were with the Muggles too long! You've even forgotten that you're a wizard."

Draco was glowering at him now (while the others wondered just he'd been doing with Muggles) and said archly, "I am not just a wizard, I am a Malfoy. And I will dress accordingly." He brushed his hands down his chest and his clothes flowed smoothly into a pair of delectably fitted trousers and a fine white shirt of snowy cotton, with long sleeves that feel halfway down his palm.

A sleek black robe slithered from his hand, like a magician pulling scarves from the air. He pulled it around him in a dramatic flare, and glared imperiously in his suddenly posh clothes of harsh black and white. Against that almost tuxedo-like outfit, his light golden skin and white hair were shocking and his pale eyes gleamed like a wolf's: intelligent, ruthless and more than a little wild. He certainly was a Malfoy as he stood there in his fine regalia, after that astounding bit of wandless magic.

All three Gryffindors were staring in appreciative awe at the figure he cut, and more than a touch of apprehension. Draco was a bit pleased to see that he could still inspire that glimmer of fear in the girls, but he wasn't happy to see it in Harry. He wanted the other boy to smile secretively at him and laugh knowingly at the show that Draco was putting on, but perhaps he had betrayed the boy too many times for that confidence to have survived. He gestured at his splendid outfit and asked for approval, "Oui ou non?"

Harry sniffed, "Well, I guess it'll do." After hearing the same words that Draco had used when they got back together, they could at last share that private smile.

The Slytherin went to stand by his fellow Head Girl, affixing his Head Boy badge to his chest as he asked, "So, are we to make rounds now?"

She was still looking at him askance, but agreed quickly, "Yes. We need to check how the prefects are doing and start establishing ourselves. We also have to get everyone used to the idea that you're still alive."

He nodded and then turned to Harry. It seemed like he was going to say something, but instead he just squeezed the other boy's hand quickly and promised, "I'll see you later." Then he and Hermione left the two Gryffindors to resume their gossip and secret-sharing.



GINNY WAS GRINNING AT HARRY. She didn't say anything, just kept looking at him with that knowing smile. Feeling more and more flustered by that bold stare, he finally broke out, "What!"

She was now grinning ear to ear, and she said in a sing-song voice, "You lurve him."

He scoffed at her, mortified, and she squealed, "Oh, you are so cute!" She came and sat next to him, leaning on him as she reassured, "And I don't think you have much to worry about. I think it's mutual."

Harry was already embarrassed when the Weasley decided to pry gleefully, "So, have you two gone all the way, if you were together all summer?" He stared at her in horror, as if she had suddenly turned into Lavender. "Come on, Harry. Sex. You can't blame me for being curious."

Sick of being the one flustered and trying to shock the younger girl, he said bluntly, "Oh, yes, I can. And, as if it were any of your business, we had slept together long before this summer."

It didn't work out as quite planned. Instead of being shocked, Ginny was horribly curious and just continued to hound him for all sorts of details after his little revelation. He ended up telling her all about their summer and what that had happened between them, until Ron came in and it was her turn to play Gryffindor prefect. Draco popped in as often as he could escape Hermione, but she inevitably came to drag him away each time, and so the train ride passed quickly for Harry.

They would be arriving at Hogwarts in less than half an hour when both the Head Boy and Girl returned to stay. Hermione nestled on one bench with her boyfriend, and Harry and Ginny were sprawled on the other. Draco looked around at the seating arrangements, and then stretched out on the floor, his hands beneath his head as he sighed his suffering.

Harry laughed at the blonde and nudged him in the ribs with his foot, "What's this? Draco Malfoy rolling around on the dirty floor?"

Draco rolled his slitted eyes up to look at Harry tolerantly, "You see what I have to put up with for you?"

Ron leaned over to look at the blonde and asked, "I don't mean to be rude - although it wouldn't hurt much if I did - but why the hell are you here? Shouldn't you be back skulking with Crabbe and Goyle or something?"

Draco let his eyes slide shut and he said pompously, sounding remarkably like Percy, "I'm Head Boy, Weasel. As such, I ought to be mingling with the lowly mass, and so I am." A slight frown appeared between his silvery brows and he continued, "Besides, I'm actually not looking forward to leading most the Slytherins. Though I want to remake Slytherin house into what it was supposed to be - not what Voldemort's reign has made it into - those like Crabbe and Goyle..." They were all watching the Head Boy curiously, the other Gryffindors never having heard Draco speak so honestly.

Ron asked, "Weren't they your friends?"

Shaking his head, the boy on the floor explained, "Not exactly. But they were always loyal to a fault. Now, the problem with them, like many of the Slytherins..." He paused and opened his eyes to look into Ron's open face, before asking seriously, "Well, how do you act toward someone after you've killed their parents?"

The ginger Gryffindor didn't recoil in horror, as Draco might have been expecting, but rather seemed to be considering the question seriously. He finally said, "I don't know."

A regretful smile and then Draco turned those painful eyes away. He said sorrowfully, "Yeah. Neither do I." That easily, they were all reminded that this lighter, friendlier Draco had been bought by sacrifice - a huge sacrifice.

Harry was watching his boyfriend in concern, but there was nothing he could do or say that would change what had happened. They all fell silent and listened to the train roll over the tracks. Hermione said eventually, "Malfoy, we're going to have to leave soon. We're the first off the train."

The boy smirked and rolled up to his feet, "Ah, duty calls." Harry was still watching him in silent worry and the Slytherin ruffled his thin silky hair, which clung to his fingers like impossibly black cobwebs.

Draco smiled and said, "Don't worry. I'm sure I'll catch you at dinner. I can pretend I'm conferring with our Head Girl." He smirked and was out the door, Hermione following closely behind him.

They walked down the corridor in not-entirely easy silence. Hermione started, "About Harry..."

Draco turned to look at her questioningly and drawled, "Haven't I gotten this lecture before?"

She actually smiled faintly and said, "No, it's not that. After everything that's happened (and I don't even know half of it), I don't still doubt your feelings toward Harry. But I still don't understand you, and I'm not sure that you understand us Gryffindors, either."

The truth was that he didn't understand the Gryffindors that he knew, a fairly large amount of the time - but he wasn't going to admit that. He waited for Hermione to explain what her point was. "I'm afraid that you might hurt Harry, without meaning to."

He looked noncommittal as he said, "People get hurt, Granger."

She shook her head and they continued to walk as she tried to express herself, "I know that, of course. But Harry...

"I've been friends with Harry a lot longer than you, Malfoy. I've watched the people that have come into his life, and there aren't many that he lets in to see the real Harry. There are even fewer that he truly cares about. The fact that he cares so much about you is like nothing I've seen before from him. Even Sirius couldn't get so far into him. Cho definitely never came close. It's just..." She trailed off into a troubled silence.

Draco didn't say anything at first and they stood in the doorway as Hogsmeade rolled by. Then he told her, "I may not always understand Gryffindors, Granger. I may not ever understand them, in fact. The only reason I understand you half the time is because you think like a Ravenclaw. But Harry... No matter what you want to call him, I understand Harry."



HARRY POTTER FILED OFF THE train alone, mingling with old friends since his closest group were all prefects or above, and so were off to work. He saw Hagrid's hulking shadow as the half-giant directed the petrified first-years. He yelled to the older man, "Hagrid!"

The beetle-like black eyes crinkled into a smile and Hagrid sidled over so he could crush Harry into a hug. "All righ' there, Harry?"

The boy grinned up at his large friend, feeling four feet tall again, and said brightly, "Never better, Hagrid. And you?"

Harry thought the man was smiling broadly beneath his tangled beard, as he growled, "Fine, Harry, it's verra fine. An' Olympe jus' might be coming ter visit soon, she says!"

Laughing, Harry waved the groundskeeper on and headed to the little carriages that were being pulled by the thestrals. He found Neville, Seamus and Lavender in one, and ended up riding up to the castle with them. It wasn't who he wanted to be with, but he didn't have a bad time. The trip was short and then everyone was tumbling out of the carriages and up the front stairs. The Head Boy and the Head Girl were stationed on either side of the huge doors, to welcome them to the school. Harry only had time to catch Draco's eye before he was carried along by the crowd and pushed through the open doors. He was back at Hogwarts, for the last time.


Author notes: Derrr... see the author notes, if you didn't already read them, to know why I'm such a horrible fanfic author. Well... no... I didn't fully explain that bit, but I did at least explain why I'm a horrible LATE fanfic author. Sorry. Will endeavor to explain why I am a horrible author at a later date.