Unspoken Dreams

Unspoken Dreams

In my dreams the snow beneath our feet is the silk sheet under our bodies. The distant smouldering ruins of Hogwarts are nothing but the dying embers of the hearth. A full moon is rising behind his raven head. The warm, celestial glow captures his features in perfect likeness. In the light, I can see his face tilted towards mine, eyes closed, lips slightly parted. I whisper softly into his ear to see the smile stir on his sleepy face. For a moment I am entranced. Nothing exists beyond this moment; nothing matters but him. The four walls of my mind keep out the demons as the angel sleeps beside me. I am at peace in this sanctuary of dreams where the real world fades to an illusion and the battle, never come.

He stands upon the fresh snow with his wand drawn. Around him the trees sway in agony, tormented by the unrelenting wind. He closes his eyes a moment and I lose sight of his soul. "Come back to me," I whisper softly to the wind, hoping for it to carry me away, away with my unspoken words.

~*~

In my dreams the light from my wand is the moonlit lake, sparkling against the darkness. The snowflakes that fall upon my skin are like his butterfly kisses, so beautiful, and yet, so fleeting. The coldness of my body dissipates under his gentle caresses. Every part of me yearns for him. With a shuddering breath, I close the distance between us. He sighs softly in ecstasy before closing his eyes. I stroke his hair slowly and savour the warmth of his body. Only he can shield me from the chills of the night.

"Scared Potter?" he drawls.

The dream ends abruptly as I fall to the ground, gasping for air. My eyes focus on my surroundings as the pulse of my heart quickens with anger. He is standing there before me, wand drawn, face determined. He courts death without fear, without regret. He waits for the end to come as if there was nothing to live for. I want to ask him the one question I dare not say lest I lose my mind, lest I see the derision in his eyes. So the dream goes on, unspoken.

"You wish," I answer calmly.

~*~

The darkness thickens as the moon retreats behind a blanket of clouds. I feel my body shake with apprehension. Slowly we move in circles, leaving our marks on the virgin snow.

...He circles my scars with his fingertips. "Tell me about this one," he murmurs.

"I was four when I fell down the stairs..." I begin, somewhat self-consciously.

He chuckles at my discomfort heartily, with mirth in his eyes. But before I can protest, he quietens me with a kiss. The grievance is forgotten as I immerse myself in him...

"Impedimenta!" he shouts as a stream of light hits a copse of trees behind me.

"You'd have to try harder Potter, that was pretty poor. Don't you want to hurt me?" I sneer half-heartedly.

"Oh I'll hurt you alright," he growls. "Pain is what you deserve."

His eyes move from scar to scar. "So many," he whispers sadly.

I touch his face to quell his worry. "They don't hurt anymore," I say sincerely.

Without hesitation, he lowers his lips to my marred skin. As the heat of his tongue travels through my body, my mind loses clarity. I gasp at the gentleness of his touch, all the while begging for sweet release from this world.

He raises his head again to look at me, the emerald flakes in his eyes shining all the brighter in the candlelight.

"I won't let anything hurt you ever again."

~*~

He mocks me with his grin as my spells lose their precision. Again and again he evades me like a shadow that cannot be caught. But he doesn't understand my pain. He cannot see the wounds on my body or feel the prickling tears that fall upon his every scar. I have no wish to hurt him because it is killing me in return.

The heat travels through my body like an engulfing fire. The need for release grows so great that I can scarcely breathe. He teases me with that sly smirk curling about his lips.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asks, already knowing my answer. We need not exchange words for they serve no purpose. The truth resides within us and there they will always remain. He pulls me closer still and I cannot help but shiver in his arms, the world is falling away from my eyes. I surrender my senses to him the way I surrendered my will. I long for him in me, to make me complete, to keep me warm. In him I seek solace; in him I am home. Slowly I come to realise the futility of my existence without him. Life would be but a torment, a mirror to the agony of my loneliness. So I cling to him like a frightened child, too afraid to wake up, too afraid to let go.

"Promise you won't leave..." I begin, my throat constricts painfully.

His silver eyes greet mine with equal sincerity. The beat of his heart echoes through my body like a hypnotic lullaby. He brushes my lips with his until the tension in me flows away. Then he begins to speak, "I won't ever leave you."

In the darkness, we find each other. Our fingers interlace and become inseparable, like our entwined bodies under the bejewelled night sky. I'm scared to fall asleep lest the ghosts of dawn come to steal him away from me.

When sunlight comes to dance upon the misty lake, my dreams fade to oblivion and he is lost to me again.

~*~

I don't hit back as the spells fly toward me, blinding me with pain. The taste of blood rises in my mouth as I crumple and fall upon the soft, pillowing snow. In the distance I can hear his footsteps hurrying towards me. At last, he comes to me. At last, it's not in my dreams.

"Why don't you hit back? Why don't you defend yourself?" he cries furiously. "Get up!"

I smile weakly as the angels of the underworld rise out of the abyss, the beating of their wings echoing in my ears. "Come closer Potter, let me look at you," I hear myself say.

He kneels before me with tears in his eyes. I can feel the warm droplets fall upon my numbing skin. I cannot see them anymore, those sparkling green eyes that never ceased to mesmerise me. Only darkness now, the threat of oblivion looms ever closer. But I won't tell him that I cannot gaze upon him one last time.

"You're just as I remember you...in my dreams," I whisper softly.

I feel the emptiness before I see he is gone. For a moment I lie there without moving, thinking that my awakening is a dream. I close my eyes then open them slowly, expecting to see him there beside me, still sleeping peacefully in my arms. But then I wake, a second time that morning, and realise it had all been a dream. He was never here, and I, never alive.

~*~

His head rests in my lap as my tears flow without end. They splatter onto his ivory skin like rain hitting the window. The colour fades from his eyes as his soul departs this world. I cling to him like I do in my dreams, not wanting to let go.

"This is exactly the way I wanted it to end," he whispers. "Here, with you."

I wake to find myself alone with the sunlight upon my face. The sheets from last night are still tangled about me, except he is no longer with me. I look around wildly thinking it a dream. How could he leave so suddenly? But then he appears by the foot of my bed with a forlorn expression upon his face. It breaks my heart to see such sadness in him, though I know it's too late for me to close the distance between us. So I turn away from him and let him go to a place I cannot follow. All the while the emptiness grows. I fall in and out of slumber until drugged sleep enslaves me again.

~*~

I awaken in the real world to find him gone. The dream fades with the darkness as the light burns me from the inside. I never dream of him again, nor feel his caresses deep in the night. He is no longer

of this world, and I am no longer alive.