Queen Of George Street

[The Queen Of George Street]

    A swish of deep violet robes. A clacking of high heels on cement. A glint of light off a pair of halfmoon glasses. A hand running through long black hair.

    Salinas Potter had come back to George Street. She swished down the sidewalk, passing the multitudes of dingy pubs and Gaelic bars that adorned this infamous street in St. John's. She used to spend hour after hour on a Friday Night here with Jeimu and Cho, her friends from school, in the heyday of her life known as University Year. Ah, but those days were long gone. Jeimu was flying space shuttles, and her sister, Cho, was ... somewhere in the Northwest Territories. And where was Salinas herself? Back boozing in Newfoundland.

    It wasn't that her life was a wreck, no, she had been married for almost five years now, had a daughter, and even reunited with her forty-one year old sister, Shasta. Who was now married with a daughter as well. Life was good for Salinas, but it was missing something. A sort of spark of irrational exuberance that only George Street can give.

    Salinas edged into a bar and sat down beside another man in robes not too dissimilar from hers. It was a little known fact that wizards and witches could exist openly and harmoniously with Muggles on this little island, so nobody even noticed their garb as the two spoke in complete unison.

    "Screech. On the rocks."

    "Salinas?" the man said incredulously.

    "Severus?" Salinas turned toward him.

    "What the fuck are you doing here?" Snape eyed Salinas icily.

    "This is MY home province. What the fuck are YOU doing here?"

    "This is Shasta's home province. I'm on vacation."

    "That's right. I seem to remember you shackin' up with me sister. Heh. So now yer tryna be a Newfie, eh?"

    "What made you think that?"

    Salinas took off her cloak, exposing a simple tank top and jeans, and shook out her long black hair. "How many Brits either a) travel to Newfoundland; b) order Screech on the rocks and know exactly what they're gettin' into; or c) all of the above?"

    "One." Snape grinned evilly, shaking out his longish black hair. "Me."

    "Ah, the Newfie in training. Well, then ..." Salinas took her drink and downed it in one gulp. "Let's see how Newfie you really is. Forty pubs, three drinks and two karaokes per pub. First one to pass out gives respect to the winner."

    Snape glared at Salinas before draining his Screech too. "You're on," he said.

    "We're going to need witnesses," Salinas said, waving a freshly lit cigarette in the air. "Reliable, non-biased witnesses." She took a long puff of the cigarette before handing a fresh one to Snape.

    "Albus and Minerva?" He lit the cigarette and stuck it in his mouth.

    "Damn straight." ***

    "But Salinas, really ... " Minerva McGonagall shook her head.

    "A drinking contest, can't you act just a little more mature, Severus?" Albus Dumbledore sighed. "But if you insist ... we'll be right there."

    Their heads disappeared from the fire within the wood stove, and Snape and Salinas grinned at each other through the haze of smoke that was quickly surrounding them.

    Only a few seconds had passed before Albus and Minerva showed up, Apparating into the middle of the crowded, noisy pub.

    "Now, really, Severus. She's nearly twenty years your junior. Don't you think you're taking advantage of her?" McGonagall said.

    "McG, I'm twenty-seven years old. I have lived on this island for eighteen of those years, and I'm legal drinking age."

    "You can't stop them now, Minerva," Dumbledore said, looking amused. "They're both unbearably stubborn."

    "WE ARE NOT!" they both said. ***

    The forty-ouncer of Screech stood in the middle of the table, and six glasses stood at the ready, three on either end of it. Both Salinas and Snape sat perched on a bar stool at opposing ends of the table, glaring at each other. Albus and Minerva were seated opposite each other, to the left and right of the two competitors. A few tense moments passed before Salinas got off her stool, sneered at Snape, grabbed the Screech and filled each of her three glasses.

    She downed one. "That's ONE!" Then the next. "TWO!" And finally, the third. "THREE!"

    Salinas placed the bottle back in the middle of the table and watched Snape while puffing liberally on another cigarette. "Well, come on, then!" she said.

    In what seemed an excruciatingly slow fashion, Snape filled his glasses and drank them. "That's the stuff," he said, swaying slightly, his voice becoming thicker and less British.

    "Albus," Minerva said, sounding concerned. "I do think they'll kill themselves with this alcohol fixation."

    "It's not a fixation, dear Minerva," Albus said, his eyes twinkling as he nursed his Bonded Stock Whisky and 7-Up. "It's a sport. Welcome to Newfoundland, my dear." ***

    Snape was now climbing, completely uninhibited, onto the stage of the pub. He grabbed the microphone and the band immediately began to play. And Snape sang.

        "There's a neat little lass

        And her name is Mari-Mac

        Make no mistake

        she's the girl I'm gonna track

        Lots of other fellers

        try to get her on her back

        I'm thinking that they'll have to get up early!"

    Salinas stared up at the stage, impressed. "'S not good enough, Severus. DO IT WITH FEELING!" She banged the table to emphasize.

    He gritted his teeth, determined to beat Salinas at her own game. He positively howled into the mike.

        "WELL I'LL BE FEELING MERRY

        WHEN I MARRY MARI-MAC!!!!!"

    Albus and Minerva were staring at Snape. Before long, the two of them were overcome with snorts of laughter.

    It was now time for Salinas to take the stage. "Eat this, ye bastard!" She squared herself in front of the mike, the band started up, and she crooned in perfect Newfie style.

        "Lukey's Boat is painted green    

        Ha, me boys.

        Lukey's Boat is painted green

        The prettiest boat you've ever seen

        Aha. Me boys a riddle ay day!"

    Salinas motioned to the crowd. "All together now!"

    The rowdy Newfies joined in:

        "AHA ME BOYS A RIDDLE AY DAY!!!!!"

    She stepped off the stage, beaming.

    And Snape glared. ***

    "Yknow ... " Snape said thickly, swerving down the sidewalk after thirty-nine bars, "dis wasn' so bad after all. I'm feelin' Fine!" He swished his robes around himself, pirouetting down the street, when he narrowly missed a lamp post, whom he lovingly called "Gorgeous."

    "You're fuckin' plastered, ye sonofabitch," Salinas said, her eyes out of focus as she stumbled into him a fair few times. "The lamp posts don't talk, b'y. The Mailboxes do."

    "Fuck off, and leave the lamp posts outta this." Snape said, sounding so Newfie that Albus and Minerva openly laughed as they walked behind the two drunken people.

    "Ho! Check dis out, me son!" Salinas tugged on Snape's robes. It was the last bar. A big banner was stretched over the entrance.

        'TONITE: GREAT BIG SEA.'

    "Great big sea? Where?" Snape looked around.

    "They're a BAND, you fuckin' sook!" Salinas grinned. "And we're goin in dere." ***

    Salinas finished her 120th drink with an "Ahh" of satisfaction, and poked Snape with the bottle. He simply took it and drank until Albus wrestled the bottle away from him.

    Great Big Sea were onstage, entertaining only the two wizards and two witches. The lead singer, Alan, was slightly confused.

    "You know," he said, "we usually sell out a place like this."

    "You know," Salinas said loudly, "We're having a drinkin' contest, we needs to borrow some of yer songs."

    Alan still looked confused. "Well, a'right then," he said. "We could use some entertainment, I s'pose."

    "Let Severus go first. Here!" She shoved Snape right into the stage, where he wobbled for a few seconds before climbing onto it.

    "Well, er ... Severus, what d'ya want us to play?"

    "Something Newfie, b'y!" Snape said, sounding totally unnatural and the furthest thing from British.

    "Ooookay."

    The band launched into a lively rendition of 'Billy Peddle', and Snape sang along with Alan and Sean, the other vocalist.

        "Billy Peddle, Billy Peddle,

        did you see Tom White?

        Gone around the Harbour

        Gonna stay all night!

        Gone around the harbour

        gonna get a dozen beer

        Gone around the harbour

        gonna get away from here

        Gone round the harbour

        gonna have a cup o' tea

        If you see him, Billy Peddle,

        TELL HIM I WANTS HE!"

    Salinas laughed out loud. "Great job, me boys. Bu' now, 's my turn."

    She pushed Snape off the stage and grabbed the mike, not even waiting for the band.

        "WE'LL RANT AND WE'LL ROAR

        LIKE TRUE NEWFOUNDLANDERS!

        WE'LL RANT AND WE'LL ROAR

        ON DECK AND BELOOOOOOW!

        UNTIL WE STRIKES BOTTOM

        INSIDE THE TWO SUNKERS!

        WHEEEEEN STRAIGHT THRU THE CHANNEL...."

    Salinas fell off the stage, unconscious. A few feet away, Snape slumped to the floor and began to snore. The Screech bottle, which he'd been draining since Salinas started to sing, rolled away.

    "It's a draw," Albus said simply. Minerva nodded and pulled out her wand.

    "Mobilicorpus!" she whispered, whisking the two away from Great Big Sea's curious stares. ***

    Salinas woke up in a hotel room with two double beds. She groaned at the dull pain in her head. Did she really romp around George Street with Severus Snape of all people?

    Someone moaned in the bed beside hers. She leaned forward to see who it was, and yes indeed. It was Snape, looking just as hung over as she was.

    "We really did that, didn't we?" she muttered, putting a cold towel on her head. "We got drunk out of our minds and YOU were talking like a Newfie!"

    Snape blinked. "Mm hmm," he said.

    "So who won?" Salinas asked.

    Albus and Minerva walked into the room. "It was a draw," Albus said. You passed out at the exact same time. Salinas, I'm not surprised that you went so long before going unconscious, but Severus, I'm impressed. Not too many Brits can do George Street and live to tell about it. I do think it merits a bestowing of the Honorary Newfoundlander title. Wouldn't you say so, Salinas?"

    "Hell no," Salinas grinned. "He's an Honorary Newfie if he does it again."

    Snape literally growled.

[the end]