The Savior Chronicles: Changing Colors

Chapter 16: Escaping Control

Harry ran. He ran through the halls of the school at a furious pace. He had to follow Jenna, he had to find her. After the horrendous and tension filled scene that just played out in front of the Great hall between her and Malfoy, he knew there was sure to be trouble. He had watched the whole ugly argument from the staircase with Ron and Hermione. He hadn't had a clear view of her ; he only saw the back of her head most of the time. Harry was staring straight at Malfoy and the look of pure revenge on the Slytherin's face was sickening. Harry figured it was a lover's quarrel. He knew that Malfoy and Jenna had been somewhat involved, but they were always fighting. He didn't think they actually liked each other. He found it impossible to believe that Malfoy would actually like anybody. But the fight was so incredibly nasty and dripping with malice. Just the way Malfoy bullied Jenna into fighting with him told Harry that he was up to something.

Although Harry thought the dirty secret that Malfoy was planning to reveal was Jenna's true identity. Jenna's reaction made Harry think that she was expecting that as well. But what Malfoy really said was even more shocking.. Harry just didn't expect anything like that to be part of her past. He always assumed she was a pampered little rich kid just like Malfoy, with two parents who tell her everyday that she's a princess and the world should kiss her feet. But Harry guess it made sense. Having such darkness in your life, feeling unloved, it can make someone hard, it can make it hard for someone to be open to others. Harry was just grateful he hadn't turned out like that. He never quite understood why he wasn't bitter like most would be. Maybe it was because deep down he knew there was something more out there for him, something wonderful. It was because he had hope.

When Malfoy spilled the truth to practically the entire school, Harry thought Jenna would have lashed out right then and there, but surprisingly she just ran off. Malfoy seemed a little shocked as well, his face was turned up in confusion and something like....regret? Nah, couldn't be. So after she had fled, Harry had no choice but to follow. Ron and Hermione tried to stop him, but it was his duty to protect people from her. And secretly he wanted to make sure she was okay.

After turning the millionth corner, Harry still saw no sight of her. Harry stopped dead in the middle of the corridor. It was useless, she wasn't anywhere he could see. He had to think. Where would she go? He let his mind go free, cleared it completely, hoping that something would inspire him. Sucking in his breath, he filled his lungs with fluid air and he felt clean. And then as if out of nowhere he saw it. He saw in his mind the exact location of where Jenna was. He snapped open his green eyes and took off, not stopping to question where this image had come from or how he knew where she was.

Harry reached his destination in record time, but Jenna was not there. Harry almost laughed at himself for believing he could locate just by thought. He was just about to give up and go find Ron and Hermione, but then off to the side he heard a faint swish and a gentle click. He whipped around just in time to see the door leading to the foyer sliding shut. Harry rushed to it and ripped it open, hoping he'd get out there before she disappeared on the vast grounds.

The day was a brisk cold with a light breeze settling in the trees. It was early evening and the sun was resting low on the horizon. Snow from the previous day frosted the grass like baby powder. The air was cool and fresh. Despite the plesant conditions it was still slightly murky and gray, a very depressing sort of state. Very fitting, Harry thought.

Harry quickly unwrapped himself from his thoughts, cursing at himself for fear that his preoccupation might have given Jenna time to escape. But when Harry raised his head in preparation for his search, his eyes immediately landed on his target. Jenna had not run or hidden, but instead was perched on a rickety old bench, painted red, near a large, leafless oak tree. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, head bent. Harry didn't know what to to do with himself so he stood silently and watched. Her body was shaking though it wasn't that cold. He heard a small noise and upon listening closely he defined it as a whimper. Was she..., he wondered. And as if on cue Jenna raised her face from her knees to unmask red cheeks, swollen eyes, and a river of tears flowing freely. She looked so stricken with pain, Harry felt a rip in his heart. She was crying.

Before he could make a move of any kind, Jenna pivoted her neck so she was facing him and she was crossed by a look of shame. She turned away almost immediately, but did not make as if she were going to do anything about his presence so Harry began to walk towards her. When he sat down she refused to look at him, but would not hide her face. Instead she looked up towards the sky, eyes transfixed on the now disappearing sun, tears still relentless. She looked peaceful sitting there, almost with an innocent beauty, the way he remembered her when he first eyed her through the crystal ball. But it was sullied by the overwhelming hurt he could see washing from her eyes.

Harry wanted to say something, but Jenna spoke first. "I never meant for things to be this way you know."

He looked at her confused, not just by the question, but by the fact that she was talking to him like a civilized person. "What way?"

"This way. This awful, hateful, hurtful way things have been since the moment I arrived here. I never had the intention of being so cruel, of hurting so many. I never planned on playing mind games or sparking rivalries and picking fights. You know, before I came here I'd never laid a hand on a single person. Back home I couldn't have been less of a trouble maker. I was quiet and shy. The typical studious kid who paid attention in class and did all her homework. Not a book worm, but not a slacker, just...normal. So when I came here, I never expected to become something so vial. Of course, I hadn't expected on being a witch either."

Harry nodded. "It's understandable. I know how much of a shock it can be to find out something like that and what an impact it can have on a person."

Jenna, still staring straight ahead, answered, "Yeah but it was different for you, being a wizard helped you to escape your family and actually be somebody."

Harry raised his eyebrows, "You know about my family?"

Jenna finally turned to him, a coy look on her face. "Doesn't everyone?"

Harry chuckled. "That is very true. Too true."

Jenna gave a weak smile and continued. "But for me...I had nothing to escape. In America I had a lot going for me. I do well in school, even though I don't go to school with best people. I like my community. It might have been small and what some might consider boring, but it fit me. My friends are the best. They always make me laugh and get me through rough times by helping me to smile. And I had a family, a great one at that. My mom is the most wonderful and loving person that ever walked this earth. She took care of me at all times, never let me down even when everyone else did. And my brother, well he's just a big dork. But we got along pretty well. He was easy to talk to and at times it was almost fun to argue with him. As for my father...well nobody has a perfect life."

"You're right, everyone has their problems. Even Malfoy. For example, he's a dumb wanker with even stupider croonies, " Harry assured her. She had again resorted to staring into space. Harry couldn't blame her. It could be embarressing to talk about your life to strangers. Harry usually didn't have to, but that's only because everyone already knew about his life.

"He was right, you know, " Jenna whispered in regret.

"About what?"

"My father doesn't love me." She stated it matter of factly, the painful realization of what she considered to be the truth humanized her voice in a way he had never heard before, especially not from her.

"You don't know that. People do stupid things without meaning to hurt others. They don't realize their actions can affect the ones they love. They can become so consumed in their own pain they don't take the time to analyze the possible effects. Sometimes they forget that other people have feelings. Pain can do crazy things to a person's mind."

Jenna nodded her head in agreement then looked Harry straight in the eyes, "Are you talking about my father or me?" Harry was taken aback, but she moved on without falter. "Oh come on, don't act like what you just said couldn't apply to me.Think about it. I was so preoccupied in my own crap that I ignored the fact that you, your friends, and everyone else were actual human beings. I treated you all like inanimate objects that should bend to my will. I was unbearable."

Harry began to stutter, feeling as though he had offended her. "I- I didn't mean it like that. I was j-just trying to help. It could apply to a lot of people." What came next was the most unexpected thing Harry could have imagined. She laughed. And not that sinister 'I have a secret and I'm going to destroy you with it' laugh he was used to, but a real laugh. One that showed happy amusement from playfulness not cruelty. Her's was unique. It started off as a little giggle and became a gulping laugh, hearty and true.

Harry was so engulfed in the sound he couldn't speak so she did. "You don't have to be scared of me all the time you know. I mean I know I can be a little ...threatening and perhaps some what violent, but I'm not going to rip out your intestines with my bare hands just because of some little comment." She spoke in a fresh, soothing tone which Harry found he liked.

'Well you have beaten me up for a lot less," he responded freely, feeling a little less tense.

She looked at him sheepishly and bit her lip. "I guess you're right. I feel so horrible for the way I've treated everyone, but I just feel so out of control. I never know whats going to happen next in this place so I can't predict how I'm going to react. And just when I think I've gotten a grasp on how weird things can get something else comes along and proves me wrong. I just feel like it's all been spiraling downward towards some place I can't escape or control and everything is ambushing me all at once. I can't take much more of it. It's already gotten it's hold on me and is turning me into something I don't like, into a...a monster. I have all this guilt for a lot of things, some which I can't fathom or control. It's eating me alive. I don't think I can make it much longer."

The choked up sound that infiltrated her voice told Harry that she was fighting back tears again. Harry never figured her for such an emotional person. But he guessed that anyone that could get that angry could also get that upset. "Jenna...I understand about pressure and confusion. Believe me I do. If anyone gets it, it's me. I mean every day of my life I'm fighting something, whether it be school, friends, Malfoy, my own feelings, my past, Voldemort, or the expectations of others. I have a lot to deal with, more than most. Sometimes I think if I mess up once or act the wrong way for just one second something awful is going to happen and it's going to be my fault. I feel as if the whole world is riding on my back and if I slip on a patch of ice or trip over a rock it's all going to come crashing down and bury me and everyone I care about."

"That's exactly how I feel every second of the day. But it seems no matter what I do I always make the wrong decision and end up hurting someone. I just can't do anything right and I don't understand why..." She gave up holding back the tears and a fresh flood dripped down her cheeks.

"Hey, listen, I know its hard and it can really do a number on someone. IF you let it. You have to try not let it get to you because the more you think about it and dwell on it the more damage it's going to cause. You just have to try and live your life the way you feel is right and not let the rest of it bring you down. Everything else will fall into place naturally."

"How'd you'd get so smart about this stuff?"

Harry smirked ironically, "The hard way."

"But I'm not like you. I'm not strong like you are. I just don't think I could do that."

"Why not? I still have moments where I think the walls are closing in and I can't breathe. Sometimes I have entire months like that, but you can't give up. You just have to pick yourself back up with the knowledge that if you keep pushing eventually things will get better."

"But what if they don't get better? With the way I've treated everyone I don't think it would matter if I suddenly did a 180 and played nice. I could jump in front of a bullet for someone and they'd still think I'd had another agenda. I don't deserve it anyway. If could try to be the real me but no one would believe me."

"I believe in you." And with those words every doubt he had about her washed away, all his fears diminished, and he dropped his guard completely. He didn't care how much proof there was or what Ron would have to say; he did truly believe in her and knew that she really was the caring, sweet, inherently good person he had always imagined. He reached out and took her hand in his, in such a way he had never touched a person before. She looked up at him, this time her turn to be taken aback. Harry just gazed into her eyes, her shining mediterranean blue green eye which were now bright and glistening with her tears. He saw every fear she ever had right there in her eyes and could tell she was scared right now. But extremely exhilarated. The exact way he felt. He had never felt such a rush of emotions before, not like this, nor had he ever been in this situation, but Harry was good in new situations. He just followed his instinct and it told him to lean in. So he did and Jenna followed suit. They moved slowly and cautiously as if expecting a big explosion when they finally met. And just as they were about to touch, Jenna pulled back with a force so strong the moment was broken, and it felt as if a thosand glass shards exploded around them.

"I can't. I can't do this," she said uickly, in a rushed voice. She had jumped up off the bench and was looking around almost in a panic.

"Well always nice to be rejected," he said in a breathy and embarressed tone, running his hands through his thick hair nervously.

Jenna huffed a little and turned to him. "It's not like that, I just....there are things you don't understand. I'm sorry." She stared down at her feet, shuffling uncomfortably.

"Like what?" She said nothing, just continued to kick at the ground and wring her hands together. Harry then remembered something and felt a ball or resentment grow within. "Is it...Malfoy?"

She snapped her head up, eyebrows kneaded in anger. "What? No! This has nothing to do with him! You think I have feelings for him? Not a chance!"

"Excuse me, I got a little confused when I saw you two snogging, but maybe you were just showing him the proper way to do CPR." His words were bitter and cold, more so then he meant them to be.

"What's wrong with you? I never figured you for the one with harsh words." Jenna looked at him hard, but he could feel from her, actually feel, that his words had stung.

"Wow, I'm really sorry, you're right. It's just that...well I have a lot of problems with Malfoy and what he stands for and I don't like the thought that you would be apt to accept his friendship over mine."

"Harry, there are many things Malfoy could offer me and none of them are friendship. I think you know that. But I think that's what drew me to him in the first place. I could do stuff with him and not feel so completely alone, but there was the security that I could never get close to him and would never have to worry about all the baggage that comes along with it."

"So...you don't like him?"

"Not one bit. He's rat of a person. Like I said, whatever went on between me and him was purely physical."

"Ewww, I so didn't need to know that." Jenna chuckled as Harry shuddered in disgust.

"No I mean, physically having another person around, not physical as in attraction...ok there was that too, but..." Jenna stopped her sentance short as Harry stuck out his tongue and made as if he might vomit. "Ok, ok! I'm sorry! But also he was someone I could control, you know? He'd do whatever I asked because power intoxicates him. And with everything else in my life being so crazy, it felt good to have power over something. So basically...I used him. God, I'm such and awful person! I'm no better than he is!" She threw her head back in frustration. Harry stepped forward, serious now.

"No you're not. Yeah, you haven't always been pleasant, but I always knew that you weren't really like him, that there was something more, something better inside you." "Something better inside me? If you only knew how wrong you are." She gave a cynical laugh and shook her head. "What's inside me is nothing but darkness, tearing away at my flesh. Didn't I explain this already? That's why I can't do this, why I can't be with you, or even near you. I should go." Jenna moved rapidly, making a move to leave. She took one long stride before Harry caught her by the forearm and turned her to face him. "Harry, stop! You don't understand, I HAVE to go! It's not safe!"

"I do understand! Much better than you think!"

Her face scrunched up in a flare of rage. "You don't get it! This is not some silly emotional problem that I'm having that you can just fix by whispering assuring words! And I'm not some mixed up girl that only really needs a friend to make things better! There's so much more going on then you could ever comprehend! And you don't want to!" She now stood nose to nose with him breathing heavily. She spoke her next words low, hard, and filled with fear. "I'm not a regular girl. I'm dangerous. And nothing you say or do can change that." With a final glare, dark enough to make Harry stumble backward, she whipped around and headed for the door. Harry took it all in for a second, wondering what he should do next. Things had taken an unpleasant turn and he didn't want to make them worse, but he had to do something.

Just as Jenna was about to rip open the door, he yelled, "I know you're the Semestinasia!" She stopped abruptly, hand grasping the handle. She was frozen in that position. Harry felt his heart skip a few beats, and somehow knew that hers had done the same. Slowly, she began to face him. Her face seemed permanently shaped into a look of shock and terror. She took a few steps toward him and he did the same. They met somewhere in the middle and stood there silently, for God knows how long.

Then Jenna opened her mouth. "What did you say?"

"You heard me." It was Jenna's turn to run her hands through her hair, but not out of embarressment.

"I - I, I never..." she stammered profusely, unable to think up anything intelligent or comforting to say.

"It's alright. I'm not mad or scared, and I won't tell on you or get you expelled. I just want to help."

Again Jenna seemed completely flabberghasted by his words. She tried to spit out a few words but all she managed was, "Why?"

"Because I know it's not your fault."

Jenna suddenly snapped alive. "Not my fault? Not my fault! 6 people are walking around school looking like newspaper comics and acting like very dull robots because of me! Of course it's my fault!"

"I don't believe that. I don't think for one second you ever meant to hurt any of those people. I think it's like you said. It's beyond any of your control. You didn't ask to have the creature inside of you."

"You're right. I didn't mean to hurt them and I certainly didn't ask for this but it IS inside me and I can't stop it and I can't get rid of it. The monster is inside of me all the time. And I don't know where that line is anymore - between me and it. And until I figure out what that means, I shouldn't be around you - or anybody." She tried to leave again, but Harry took firm hold of her shoulders and kept her in place. She struggled to break free. "Harry, let me go...please...."

"No, just listen. I can help you."

"Nobody can help me. It's useless."

"It's never useless unless you give up. Look I had a friend who got bit by a werewolf and every full moon he'd become this snarling, malicious animal, but deep down he was a really good person. So Dumbledore found a way to help him. Once a month he'd go into hiding during the night when the transformation would take place, a safce place where he couldn't hurt anybody."

"But I'm not a werewolf and I can't predict when I'm going to change. I don't even remember it afterwards!"

"True, but later on Snape found a potion that could suppress the wolf completely. Maybe he could do the same for you."

She scoffed. "Yeah right, after I attacked 6 kids. If they know what I really am then they'll expel me! Or send me straight to Azkaban!"

"They would never send a kid to Azkaban, especially a kid who didn't mean to hurt people." She looked at him skeptically. "Fine, you don't want me to tell Dumbledore, I won't. I'll look for a cure. I'll get Ron and Hermione to help."

"Like they'd put their asses on the line for me. And I don't blame them."

"I'll do it all by myself then! I'll work day and night till we solve this, just don't walk away from me."

Jenna paused and Harry awaited her response with baited breath. She spoke gently, "Why would you do all that for me? Especially when I'll I've ever given you was a black eye."

Harry let a tiny grin form. "Because I care about you."

Her face was softened and she had given up her fight to escape. " I still don't understand why."

"Sometimes I don't always understand either. I mean I've never met a bigger bitch in my life...except maybe Malfoy." Jenna let out a light laugh and Harry did the same. She looked down at her feet as he spoke, but now Harry placed his hand under her chin and lifted it so her gaze met his. "But then I look in your eyes...and it all makes sense. I see a world so complicated and beautiful, a land where innocence runs free, unmarked by the bad that consumes the rest of us. And I want to be a part of it. I look in your eyes and I see ...home."

Those eyes he spoke of became bleary with a fresh batch of salt water and she took in a deep, broken breath. "Oh Harry, I...I don't deserve the things you're saying to me. It's not right."

"But do you feel the same way?"

Jenna bit her lip, eyes closed, the water still cascading down her now rosy smooth cheeks. The wind picked up and now tousled her hair, whipping it into her face. Harry brushed it away lightly. Feeling her skin on his sent a river of chills through his body. It seemed to have the same effect on her as she shivered under his touch. Harry couldn't take it anymore; he felt like every dream I ever had hung on her next words. Finally she opened her eyes and raised them to his and said in one powerful moment, "Yes."

Harry felt something plow through him like he never experienced. "Then what else matters..." The moment they had lost before suddenly came rushing back in a storm of emotions. Harry leaned in before she could resist and covered her full, velvety lips with his own in an embrace that rocked their very cores. As they wrapped their arms around each other, the rest of the world fell to their feet and nothing else seemed important anymore. A shield seemed to surround them from the dangers of reality as they kissed. A magnetic power filled in around them, invading every crevice, pulling them even closer than they thought physically possible. A flow of energy, so effervescent and pure, rocketed through their blood and inspired emotions neither of them thought existed. They had never felt so connected to anything. Nothing had ever felt so perfect, so right.

I'll always remember

It was late afternoon

It lasted forever

And ended too soon

You were all by yourself

Staring up at a dark gray sky

And I was changed

In places where no one would find you

All your feelings so deep inside

It was then that I realized

that forever was in your eyes

the moment I saw you cry

In was late in the winter

And I'd seen you before

You were always the cold one

but I was never that sure

You were all by yourself

staring up at a dark gray sky

And i was changed

In places where no one would find you

All your feelings so deep inside

It was then that I realized

that forever was in your eyes

the moment I saw you cry

I wanted to hold you

I wanted to make it go away

I wanted to know you

I wanted to make your everything

all right

I'll always remember

it was late afternoon

In places where no one would find you

All your feelings so deep inside

It was then that I realized

that forever was in your eyes

the moment I saw you cry

When they finally pulled away neither had a single drop of air left in their lungs or an ounce of energy in their body, but they had never felt powerful. The strength coursed through their veins like boiling oil. Their eyes remained closed as they drowned themselves in the moment, relishing every second. They stood silently in each others arms, not wanting to stop the feeling, yet knowing it would never truly go away.

The world finally came back into focus. They could feel the chilly wind prickling their skin and whistling in the fading afternoon. Sounds of lovely little creatures became louder as they drifted out of their realm. Then they opened their eyes.

Harry gasped and had to stop himself from recoiling. Jenna suddenly became frightened and self-conscious. "What's wrong? Oh God am I transforming?"

In fact, she wasn't, but what Harry did see was even more shocking. Her face had mutated. Not in demon sort of way, in fact most people wouldn't even see the difference, but Harry did. Her eyes were now an alarming green, glowing like two fluorescent headlights in the approaching night. It was a green he recognized, the green he held in his own eyes, a green produced by the dark curse that killed his parents. And even worse was the mark on her forehead. It was faint,something most was call a shadow, but it was plainly there. The outline of s tiny lightening bolt shaped scar.

"We have to get to Dumbledore. NOW!"