Cold

There is only one thing I want to do.

One thing I need to do.

One thing I have to do.

I have to find him.

The horrible creature, that forces me into cages and behind bars and between cold, cold, cold walls- I have to find him.

It is cold everywhere, cold, cold, cold oh so very cold and I know it is cold because he makes it cold, because he wants me to be cold, because he wants me to freeze and fade away and die and the only reason I won't fade away and die is because I know it is him who wants me gone, dead, frozen, it is him and I won't give him that pleasure.

No I won't.

I will never.

When I woke for the first time, a long time ago, I don't know how long ago but it is a very, very long time, it was fun. Oh yes it was. There were no bars, no brick walls- I just ran outside and ran and ran and ran until I got tired and fell asleep and when I woke again I was behind bars I couldn't break, between walls I couldn't pull down, I was locked in an icily cold cage and it wouldn't open.

I hated it.

But I hated him more.

For while I ran that first night, there was this image of a creature in my mind, and it wouldn't go away, and it talked to me. It said that I was not real, that I was just a disease and that I had taken over his body and that I had to leave again.

I laughed at him.

But when I woke up locked in that cage, I realized that he had done it, he had made sure that when he couldn't enjoy having a body himself I couldn't enjoy one either. I knew it and I hated him.

Since then I always woke up in cages. Sometimes they were like the first one, sometimes they were just hastily made, and unable to keep me in.

At those times I broke out.

And whenever I found a creature alike the image that wouldn't ever leave my mind, I'd bite it, break it, I'd made it feel the cold and pain and horror I had to feel over and over again, and I just wished every single time I found one that it was the creature I made bleed and suffer.

It never was.

Oh no.

He always came back. Always more annoying than before, always more threatening. He is powerful, yes he is. He is.

Later it got better, though. When I was locked up in a house. It wasn't made of stone, though.. it was made of wood. I smelled that and the first time I thought I'd be able to break out, but I wasn't, I couldn't, the wood was oh so very strong. It was stronger than me.

But when I had woken up a few times inside that house, I suddenly woke up feeling that I wasn't alone. I could feel that. I could feel it because the cold was gone. It wasn't cold, and I liked that. And when I got onto my feet I saw them. Creatures that were nothing like the ones I hated so much, nothing like the creature I feared.

They were almost like me.

And they helped me, they played with me, they even made the creature go away.. and we even got out, because they knew how to do it and I was able to smell the clean and fresh air again and see the moon and feel the wind and run and when I ran they ran with me, when I swam they swam along- anywhere I went they followed because they were my friends.

It was wonderful.

But one day I woke and I was alone again. And the creature was back. I cried out, I wanted to find my friends but I was again in a cage of brick and steel and bars and it was cold and he told me they were gone.

I wanted to scream that it wasn't true, that they had to be there because they were my friends, but the only thing I could hear was an ear-splitting howl, a terrifying cry.

I was scared.

It only got worse. He kept telling me that they would never come back and I believed him because they never came. I was alone again.

I got angry when I woke up. I tore things apart, I bit myself because I couldn't bite him, I tried to knock the walls over.

It didn't help.

But the creature didn't like it. And when I found that out I bit and scratched and wounded myself to irritate him, to make him feel it. And he felt it. Oh yes he did.

But he didn't like it and now he forced me to stop it.

Because he has founded a way to share my body. When I wake up now I am not fully in control anymore. Sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes I am myself again but most of the time he is in charge of my every move, he can make me go left or right or back.

I hate it.

But not too long ago one of my friends came back. The big black dog. I was mad at him the first time I woke, but the second time I saw him again I was happy and we played again. We didn't go outside, though.. it seemed that even my friend didn't know how to.

But he was back, and I was happy again.

I thought it'd be good again.

It wouldn't.

It will never be good again.

I know that now.

Today he wasn't there when I woke up, and I have the feeling he will never be there again. And I also think that it is the fault of the creature whom is in control of me now.

I don't think it.

I know it.

And one day, when I find him, he is going to pay.

Because when I find him I'll use my claws and fangs to make him suffer, pay, bleed for all the things he has done to me.

I'll kill him when I find him.

And one day I will.