Alice

A fortnight later, Alice stood in the potions dungeon trying to focus her thoughts on the task at hand. It was something she was finding increasingly difficult to do. She had spent the last fortnight in a state of confusion. After Snape's shocking announcement that he would have died to save her, he had barely been seen by anyone. He was rarely seen at meal times, and, if by sheer accident Alice did see him in the halls, Snape would pretend he hadn't seen her and walk quickly past or turn around and go back the way he had come. Alice was extremely perplexed by his behavior. The only rational explanation she could come up with was that Snape was giving her some space to come to terms with what had happened at Malfoy Manor. However, there were several problems with that theory, the first being that whenever she went looking for him, he couldn´t be found. And the other, coupled with what he had said to her, left Alice with little doubt that he was avoiding her for his own peculiar reasons. She had come up with one seemingly irrational idea to explain his words and behavior, one she didn't really want to think about. So instead she had been trying as hard as she could to believe that he was giving her space.

And then there was Remus. He'd sat silently with her, not asking her questions, but just being there. A shoulder to cry on and arms to wrap around and comfort her. She'd heard rumors about them being passed among the students, but she'd dismissed them out of hand. However, Remus was never far from her thoughts. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she was spending most of her waking hours thinking about either him or Snape. She knew she was beginning to develop feelings for Snape that went much deeper than friendship - not that they even had that at the moment... Yet she also had deep feelings for Remus. Alice didn't know whether they went any deeper than the ties of friendship, and she wasn't sure how to handle the confusion of her emotions. So she was throwing herself into work. And there she was, spending Friday night in the potions classroom vainly attempting to make an antidote for one of the potions Snape had developed. But at least she wasn't alone. Remus was sitting at a desk, marking the sixth year's papers on invisible dark forces. He looked up from the parchment he was reading.

'Do you want a hand?'

'No, I was just procrastinating.'

Remus laughed. 'You could procrastinate by marking Crabbe's paper, if you like.' He held a tiny roll of parchment up by two fingers, a disdainful sneer crossing his face. Alice shook her head.

'No, I can't put this off.'

Alice went into the storeroom and got down a number-two platinum cauldron, placing the jars of ingredients she would need into it. Bezoar stones, dragon's blood, dried Chinese mushrooms, vampire's heart (Alice didn't want to think about how that was procured), and phoenix tears. Alice carried them out a workbench, then went back into the storeroom for scales and a mortar and pestle. Returning to the classroom, she got down to work.

Alice chopped up the vampire's heart, taking care not to let any of the blood ooze away. The blood itself was just as important as the heart muscle. She then ground two small bezoar stones, adding some dragon's blood to the mixture so it became a paste-like substance. She then carefully measured out half a gram of dried Chinese mushroom, finely chopped. Lighting a burner under the cauldron and pouring a measure of dragon's blood into it, Alice scraped the mushroom in and stirred them through. Then she peered into the cauldron, watching to see when it boiled. When it did, she tipped the bezoar paste in along with the vampire heart. The potion was a bubbling, red gloop. Alice smiled to herself. It was actually working. She'd spent all week in the library researching it and she couldn't think of any reason why it wouldn´t work. She couldn´t help but break into a little dance, which caused Remus to look up in bemusement.

'Success?'

'I think so. I need it to simmer for half an hour, then I´ll add the magic ingredient.'

'What's that?'

'Phoenix tears.'

Remus raised his eyebrows, then went back to marking a paper. Alice walked around him and leant on the back of his chair, reading over his shoulder.

'Not bad.'

'It's Harry's.'

Alice leant over, brushing lightly against Remus, and took the parchment from his hand.

'I don't think you should be marking this, I don´t think you can be objective,' she said lightly. Remus swiveled around in his chair.

'I can be objective.'

'Not where Harry is concerned you can't.'

'I can,' Remus reiterated indignantly.

'He needs tough love, Remus, and you're too soft on him,' Alice said teasingly.

Remus laughed. 'You sound like Sirius.'

Alice mocked offence, 'How dare you?' She walked back to her cauldron and stirred it, making sure it wasn't getting too thick. She started to read Harry's paper and was surprised to find that it truly was well written and thoughtful.

'So what do you think?'

'It's not bad. Quite good actually.'

'You don´t need to sound so surprised.'

Alice looked up and smiled. 'It always surprises me when a Gryffindor does something right.' She looked at her watch. The time had come to add the phoenix tears. Carefully Alice poured a few drops of the valuable liquid into the softly simmering cauldron as Remus muttered rude things about Slytherins under his breath.

Stirring her potion, and silently marveling at how perfectly it all seemed to be going, Alice was about to say something to Remus when the cauldron suddenly exploded with a loud boom, showering the dungeon with red gloopy bits of potion that attached themselves to objects like slime. As the smoke cleared, Alice looked around the dungeon and started to laugh as Remus regarded her like she was mad. She struggled to regain her composure, taking deep breaths which, unfortunately, didn´t seem to work.

'What happened?' Remus inquired innocently.

'I don't...' But before Alice could finish her sentence, Snape swept into the dungeon in a swirl of black robes, his eyes blazing and a look of unrestrained fury on his face. He was so angry that he struggled to give voice to his words.

'WHAT-HAVE-YOU-DONE-TO-MY-DUNGEON?!'

Alice paled, suddenly sober, and swallowed.

'I don't know Severus. I was making a potion, an antidote,' she explained, her voice quivering slightly. 'There was nothing wrong with the ingredients. I guess there was something wrong with the cauldron I used.'

Snape narrowed his eyes. 'A potion is only as good as its master. Give me the recipe.' Snape held out his hand and Alice handed it over, quailing on the inside at his scrutiny of her work. She felt as if she had just been told she had failed her NEWTS. Snape looked over the parchment with a sneer.

'A few drops of Phoenix Tears? Professor Kyteler, I would have thought you would appreciate the value of precision by now.'

Alice held her breath, waiting for him to continue. She knew from experience that when it came to potion-making mistakes, Snape rarely held back. She glanced at Remus, who looked like he was ready to interfere if Snape went too far. Alice shook her head; surviving Malfoy Manor had taught Alice that she could fight and win her own battles. And this time she was determined to stand up for herself, because she was confident that there was nothing wrong with her potion. Snape, however, continued to berate her.

'I should make you sit in on one of my first year classes. You obviously need a refresher course in potion making; either that, or you have had us all fooled into thinking you had some kind of talent. But this display...' Snape waved his arm around, indicating the mess in the dungeon. 'I am beginning to wonder if you have two brain cells to rub together in that vacant head of yours.'

'That's it!' Alice exclaimed loudly. Snape's comments had finally pushed her to the brink. 'I have done nothing to deserve your insults! As for my notes, they aren´t written up yet, and you haven´t had a problem with my notes thus far. So far as that potion is concerned, I know I have done nothing wrong. If a potion is only as good as the potion master, then the student is only as good as the teacher, and my teacher was you. So what does that say about you then? The mess in the dungeon? I'll clean it up. I am not some irresponsible student. And as for your suggestion that I don't seem to be in possession of a brain, who the fuck do you think you are to be saying that to colleague? How dare you! I don´t know what your problem is,' Alice spat.

Snape glared at Alice, fury etching new lines upon his face, but before he could say anything Remus cut in.

'She has a point Severus...'

'This is none of your business, Lupin,' Snape growled, still glaring at Alice.

'So spill Severus: are you just being a complete arsehole for kicks, or do you have a problem you would like to discuss?' Alice stared back at Snape, matching him glare for glare, refusing to be intimidated anymore. There was a moment´s silence, as Snape continued to fume and Alice waited.

'No? No comment? Fine, then you can just stand there and listen in silence.'

Remus moved forward, sensing that Alice was spoiling for a fight, and he put a restraining hand on her arm.

'What?!' Alice turned on him, her eyes blazing.

'I just think you need to take a deep breath and calm down.'

'And I think you should butt out Remus. Perhaps you could leave,' Alice said pointedly. Remus looked from Alice to Snape, and saw that they both were wearing an identical expression: an expression that told him that, unless he wanted to get into the middle of some serious hexing, he should leave well alone.

'Fine. I can see that neither of you will be happy until you´ve blasted each other and the dungeon into smithereens. Have fun.'

Remus picked his things up and swept from the dungeon, leaving Alice glaring daggers at Snape.

'So where were we? That's right, your problem with me.' Alice began to pace around the dungeon as she thought aloud. 'When I started at Hogwarts as a student, you treated me like I was scum; in fact, you treated most Gryffindors better than you treated me. But now we know that you were trying to bring me down to size, instill a bit of humility in me. Fine, I accept that. Which brings me to my time here as a teacher.' Alice stopped pacing and turned to face Snape. He was leaning against his desk with his arms folded across his chest. He was slightly paler than normal, and he no longer glared at Alice in such a hostile manner as before. Alice looked him in the face, barely taking in the paler than usual countenance and the glimmer of pain that sparkled behind the eyes. She didn't give a damn why they were there; instead, she continued with her train of thought.

'At first we didn´t get along, but we resolved that. Then I went and did something incredibly stupid, I admit that, but we appeared to be moving past it. In fact, I believe you accepted the apology I offered for my thoughtless accusation. I thought things were going okay, and then there was everything that happened at Malfoy Manor.' Alice stopped, took a deep breath, and continued, quieter than before. 'Ever since you saw that I was okay, you have been going out of your way to avoid me, yet I don´t recollect insulting you in any way. And now this. So I may or may not have made a mistake, but that still doesn't give you the right to behave like you have. So what gives, Severus? What have I done? What is your problem with me?'

Snape stared at Alice. Leaning up, he slowly walked over to her, seeming to struggle with some internal conflict. He stood over Alice, looking down at her as she waited for a reply. A look of determination spread over his features and he put his hands on either side of her face and bent his head down, kissing her on the mouth, his lips lightly brushing hers.

Alice stood there, numb with shock, not realizing what Snape had done until he pulled back. Whilst his kiss hadn't been intensely passionate, it left Alice with no doubt as to his feelings.

'That is what my problem is,' Snape said quietly. 'I have feelings for you which I have been trying to suppress.' He took a couple of steps back from Alice, as if afraid of what else he might do. 'I need to focus on Dumbledore's plan. I find it difficult enough trying to maintain my front as a Death Eater at certain times as it is. I don´t need any added complications or concerns.'

As Alice tried to digest what Snape had said and done, she noticed he was sweating and his face was contorted in pain. She was about to ask him what was wrong when he spoke up again.

'There's another reason I have been avoiding you. I believe Remus has a prior claim.'

'Remus?'

Snape nodded. Alice was incredulous. 'But nothing´s ever happened with Remus. I mean, I think I'd know if he were in love with me or something.'

'Well, it doesn't make any difference one way or the other.'

'So I get no say in what happens?' Alice's voice rose an octave.

Snape shook his head. 'Right now, I have to go.'

'Oh no you don't, we're talking about this now! You can't go around kissing people, telling them you have feelings for them, and then telling them the timing is fucked and walk away!'

'We're not discussing it, especially not now. I have to go,' Snape said forcefully. He pushed the left sleeve of his robe up and showed Alice the Dark Mark on his arm, burning a deep black. Alice paled; she reached a hand out to touch it, but Snape pulled his arm back from her.

'As I said, I need to go. Can you tell Dumbledore I have been summoned? I don´t yet know why, but I'll give him a full report when I get back.'

Alice nodded. Snape hesitated slightly. He opened his mouth to say something, but realizing he didn´t know what he could say, he turned and swept from the dungeons.

Alice stood in the classroom watching Snape go, silently processing what he had just said; or rather, not so much what he had said, but what he had done. Alice absent mindedly put two fingers to her lips. She closed her eyes and groaned, as suddenly everything became glaringly obvious. The only reason he'd put himself in danger and gone to the Manor -- her. The reason he had become so angry when she'd thought he'd killed that student's cat -- he'd felt betrayed by her, and that betrayal had gone deeper than Alice had previously suspected. Glaringly obvious also were Remus's feelings for her. Snape had been right. Alice groaned in exasperation. She'd have to tell him, but how? She adored Remus, but...

'This wasn't what I signed on for. We're meant to be fighting Voldemort, not our feelings. Severus is right, we need to focus on one thing and not become distracted,' Alice told herself out loud, sounding more determined than she felt.

As she looked around the dungeon at the mess her potion had made, her eyes landed on Harry's paper. It was splattered with the red mixture. Alice decided to take it back to Remus, then go and see Dumbledore. And then she could clean up the dungeon while she waited for Snape to return.

With Harry's paper in her hand, she went to Remus's quarters. He looked up at her as she entered. Alice put the parchment down on the table, avoiding Remus's gaze. She didn´t want to see what was reflected in his eyes, and she didn´t yet want to have the discussion she knew she had to have with him. She had other things to think about.

'Can you apologize to Harry for me? His paper got splattered.'

'No problem,' Remus replied, scrutinizing Alice's face through narrowed eyes.

'Snape was summoned,' Alice said before Remus could question her. 'I have to tell Dumbledore.'

'Do you need some company?'

'No, I'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow. I think I'll sleep in my own room tonight.'

'Okay then.' Remus knew better than to question Alice on the advisability of this. When she made up her mind to do something, not much could change it.

Alice left Remus's quarters and made her way up to Dumbledore's office. Standing before the stone gargoyle, Alice tried to pull herself together. 'Time to focus', she muttered to herself. After taking a couple of deep breaths, she said the password and went up to see the headmaster. She found him sitting in a chair by the fire, regarding her as if he had been expecting her entrance. Alice was slightly taken aback by this, but then again, nothing should surprise her where Dumbledore was concerned.

'Severus was summoned,´ she said quickly, wanting to avoid any small talk. Dumbledore sighed.

'I am not surprised. Death Eater activity has been far too quiet lately. Well, I suppose Severus didn´t tell you any details?' Alice shook her head. 'No, I didn't think so. Until he returns to Voldemort full time, I doubt we will be forewarned about any activity. Unless Sirius can find a way...'

Alice stood there quietly listening to Dumbledore talking about Sirius, but not taking a word of it in. What had Dumbledore meant, return to Voldemort full time? She felt all the color drain out of her face as she wondered if this was what Dumbledore had planned all along. Send Snape back to Voldemort like a lamb to the slaughter? And after everything he had gone through at his re-induction. Alice was beginning to suspect that all this talk of self-sacrifice was really going to come at a huge cost to someone, and that wasn't a thought she particularly relished. She looked up from staring at her shoes and realized that Dumbledore had stopped speaking and was watching at her intently.

'Severus said he'd come and see you when he gets back.' 'If he gets back', Alice thought to herself.

'I see. And how are you getting on, Alice?' Dumbledore asked, scrutinizing Alice as if he were reading her thoughts.

'I'm okay. Remus has been great. Kind, understanding...'

'Nothing else troubling you then?'

'No. Well, I blew up the potions classroom earlier. Bit of a mess, really. Need to clean it up.' Alice edged toward the door, wanting to be alone so she could brood in silence.

'Ah, well I'll let you go. Cleaning can be very therapeutic, especially if you don´t use magic,' Dumbledore said, a twinkle in his eye.

* * * *

Back down in the dungeons, Alice set about cleaning red potion off any exposed surfaces. Some loud, angst ridden Muggle music would have helped, but she hadn't worked out the problem of overcoming interference within the castle. She knew you could overcome it, otherwise she and Remus would never have been able to show the students Empire Strikes Back. Alice decided to ask around in the staff room, for she had a sudden need for emotional comfort, the sort that U2 and The Smiths could supply, the kind that Witch Radio sorely lacked. Once she'd done that, she could tune out her own thoughts. Alice decided to make it her task over the Christmas break, as she obviously wouldn´t be returning home for the holidays. Snape and Remus probably wouldn´t let her out of their combined sights for that long.

Alice was so immersed in thinking about how she could get her CD player to work, that she hadn't realized how many hours she had been cleaning. She was somewhat startled when she looked at her watch and discovered that it was already five in the morning. She picked up the cauldron she had been using earlier and gave it a final rub. Walking into the storeroom, she was about to put it back on the shelf when she noticed the words `stainless steel´ engraved on the bottom of it. No wonder the potion had exploded; stainless steel and phoenix tears didn't mix. Alice smiled to herself, feeling relieved that the fault wasn't hers, just a mix up in the placement of cauldrons by a student. She went back to the classroom and looked around. It was so clean it almost gleamed. Even Snape, in one of his notoriously bad moods, would have to concede that.

Alice wandered into Snape's office and wearily flopped down into his chair. She waved her wand at the fireplace and watched as the flames leapt to life. She closed her eyes for what she thought was only few minutes, when she was woken by someone gently shaking her and calling her name. She opened her eyes and a face slowly came into focus. Snape was standing over her looking concerned and exhausted. Alice was jolted awake.

'What happened?'

Snape summoned a chair from the classroom and sank down into it, his lank hair hanging over his pale face. Alice sat forward in her chair until her knees touched Snape's, then leaning forward, she picked his hands up and held them in her own. Instinct told her that forcing Snape to talk would make him clam up more than usual, so she sat in silence, patiently waiting for him to tell her what had happened. Snape took a deep breath and looked Alice in the eyes, his stare no longer containing its usual hateful intensity. It was replaced instead by a sadness and a longing that Alice couldn´t describe.

'Lucius and I took some new recruits out for what Lucius described as Muggle sport,' Snape said quietly. 'It was dreadful. There was some kind of Muggle gathering near Glastonbury, and Voldemort decided that it was just the sort of gathering that was perfect for a training run. Anyway, we kidnapped about a dozen of them and took them to Malfoy Manor where Lucius gave a graphic demonstration of some arcane methods of torture: stretching on the rack, water torture, whipping. Then the new recruits got to have a go. Finally Lucius decided that we should try some potions out on them.' Snape paused, obviously upset and troubled by the part he had played in the night´s proceedings. He took another deep breath, and looking down, continued. 'Just before dawn we took them back to Glastonbury, obliviated their memories, and left them confused and almost dead. I just hope the Muggle authorities find them in time. Dumbledore was going to alert them.'

Alice sat there listening in silence. She wasn't sure what she could say; there weren't a lot of words of comfort you could offer in situations like this. Situations when someone was doing something against their will and against their better judgement.

Snape looked up at Alice, his black eyes dull and lifeless. He reached out with a hand and tucked a strand of hair behind Alice's ear, then rested the hand upon Alice's cheek. Leaning forward, he hesitated slightly. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but Alice leaned in closer and kissed him deeply. She ran one hand up Snape's thigh and he deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring her mouth as they drank each other in. His hand moved down to Alice's shoulder and he started to push her robe away as his fingers crept beneath her clothes, exploring her collarbone and shoulder. Eventually they broke apart, resting their foreheads against each other, the only sound in the dungeon their deep, intermingled breaths.

Reluctantly, Alice pushed Snape away, stood up, and readjusted her clothes.

'You're right, we need to focus on Voldemort,' she said slowly, regretting every word and every emotion that had to be repressed. 'I care for you Severus... a lot... but, well...' Alice's voice trailed off and she shrugged her shoulders. She didn´t know what else to say. Snape nodded in agreement.

'I know, anything more than... friendship, will distract our focus from defeating Voldemort. We need to be strong...'

Alice stared silently down at Snape, thinking that she should argue with him as she always had, but she couldn´t find the words. In the end, she just turned and left, with Snape watching her go.

* * * *

In Hogsmeade later that day, Remus Lupin hurried along the main street, his robes drawn close around him so as not to attract attention. He was running late to a meeting with Sirius, but Sirius could wait. He strode through the village, through the lane that lead out of the village, and up to the stile at the end of the lane where Sirius was waiting, leaning casually against the fence.

'Finally. I thought you were going to stand me up.' Sirius grinned broadly. Remus smiled back.

'Sorry, had to discuss something with Minerva.' Remus leant against the fence beside his friend. 'I'll be glad when the holidays are upon us. So, what are you up to?'

'Having the time of my life leading a one man surveillance operation,' Sirius replied bitterly. 'We are chronically under resourced.'

'I know, but until the Ministry opens its eyes, there isn´t a lot we can do.'

'Yeah, I know.'

'So what is this covert operation?' Remus asked to distract Sirius from ranting about the Ministry and what he would like to do with certain departments and the people within them. Remus usually humored him, but today he wanted to get back to the school and to Alice, who had been behaving in a strange manner all morning.

'I'm spying on Nott.'

'Nott?'

Sirius nodded his head. 'Dumbledore wants the heads up on any Death Eater activity, in case it could be harmful to the health of Snape and Declan. Whatever happened a couple of weeks ago has him shaken up a bit.'

Remus nodded in agreement.

'So what happened Remus?' Sirius asked in a very business like manner.

'You weren't told?'

'No.'

Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Dumbledore obviously had his reasons for not telling Sirius, but Remus had no idea what they were. He guessed it was up to him to tell him.

'Alice received an owl, which we thought was from her father, an invitation for a weekend at Malfoy Manor. It turned out the invitation was all Lucius's idea. He had ulterior motives.'

'Such as?'

'Rape and torture,' Remus said quietly.

'What?! Of Alice?'

Remus nodded.

'He's mad! Which we already know, but... Was it meant to be part of Declan's initiation?'

Remus nodded. 'Declan wasn't too pleased when he found out. Threw a few hexes around according to Snape. Which, coming on top of the Unforgivable Curse Alice had already put Lucius under, made him none too happy.'

'She okay? I mean, she wasn't...'

'No, she wasn't raped. But she won´t really discuss what happened much. She´s retreated into herself, although last night she had a good go at Snape after he'd unfairly yelled at her. But then Snape was summoned, which seemed to spook Alice...' Remus shrugged.

'Hmm.'

The two of them fell silent for a minute until Sirius spoke up again.

'You said Snape was summoned last night?'

'Yeah, why?'

'Nott wasn't. But I've noticed that, last time around and this time, Voldemort does a good job of keeping everyone segregated. Only tells them enough to do whatever sick job he has planned for them and nothing else.'

'So what is Nott's task then?'

Sirius reached inside his robes and pulled out a roll of parchment. He handed it over to Remus. Remus looked at Sirius's set face and unrolled the parchment. Quickly scanning it, he realized that he was reading a list of all the Muggle born and mud-blood students at Hogwarts. Remus looked up, concern and shock registering on his face.

'I think they´re planning to attack the Muggle borns first and then move onto the mudbloods. And according to Nott, who was discussing this with Goyle last night in the presence of a certain black dog, this little project of theirs may possibly be starting at Christmas.'

'We need to tell Dumbledore about this. Now.'