Innocence Lost and Found

The month following Harry's second trip to the zoo was one of the happiest periods of his life. Sirius insisted that Harry work on his summer assignments for school, but this was hardly a detraction from Harry's happiness. He had never not wanted to write his summer essays; the Dursleys had simply made it difficult for him to do so.

While Harry was not his friend Hermione, and had no desire to memorize his schoolbooks a full year ahead of time-- OWL exams or no-- he did find the material interesting, and made all the more interesting by the distinct lack of time constraints. He half-wondered if he should be checked into Saint Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries when he considered the sheer enjoyment he got from sitting at his desk by the window and simply doing his homework, as if he were a perfectly normal boy, with a perfectly normal godfather who was willing and eager to help Harry with the trickier questions.

Sirius, for his part, was doing a lot of sorting and analyzing of lists of names and places. He and Harry had a tacit understanding that Harry would not ask for details about the work; they both knew that he had a very good idea as to what it was in general, and that he had no need to learn more. Remus found his way to the flat to exchange information with Sirius on a regular basis. Twice Sirius and Harry had returned to Remus' home for a day so that Sirius could speak to Dumbledore and his other contacts and promise that, yes, he was staying with Remus, and no, he had not attempted to see Harry more than once that summer.

The time not spent working was even better. Harry and Sirius spent more than a few hours simply wandering the streets of Muggle London, which provided a plethora of things to do and see. Particularly wonderful for Harry was the afternoon spent in Hamley's toy store. He had never visited the store, but some of his earliest memories involved boxes and bags bearing its name being carried into the house by the dozen for Dudley's birthday or Christmas. The small desires Harry had for toys and games in his old age were mostly for wizarding toys and games, but the concept of being escorted into the famous store and told to purchase anything and everything he wanted (bearing in mind that most electronic toys would not function in Hogwarts' magic-rich environment) was worth more to him, in that it indicated that someone loved him, than any material gift Dudley had ever been given.

For the first time since learning that he was a wizard, then, Harry did not anxiously count down the days until his return to Hogwarts. In fact, he was almost caught by surprise when Remus entered the flat late one evening, dropped a pile of spellbooks in front of Harry, and asked if he was ready to begin the new term.

‘I guess. It starts-- the Hogwarts Express isn't coming tomorrow?’

‘Actually, it is.’

Harry shook his head in disbelief. ‘But I didn't get my owl.’

‘Naturally, since you aren't officially here. Your owl was intercepted.’ Remus pulled a slip of paper containing a note about the time of the train's departure and a booklist from his pocket and deposited them atop the pile of books. They were just as he had expected them to be, with the exception of a comment printed at the bottom of the note in handwriting he recognized as Professor McGonagall's.

Mr. Potter--

Please come directly to my office when you arrive at Hogwarts. There is a matter which we need to discuss briefly. I promise that you will not miss the sorting or the feast.

Minerva McGonagall

He pointed at the paper. ‘What does that mean?’ he asked Remus. ‘I haven't done anything wrong. Except . . . .’

‘She doesn't say you've done anything wrong. She just says that she wants to see you.’

‘She never wants to see me unless I've done something wrong.’

‘I doubt that.’

‘Well, she wanted to see me that time you told her I fainted on the train,’ Harry replied slowly, while not successfully eliminating the slight trace of bitterness that crept into his voice.

‘Harry, I had to tell her how the dementors affected you so she could protect you from them. You weren't the only student who passed out that year, although you did have the best excuse.’

‘I know. I didn't mean anything by it. I just wish I knew what she wanted to talk to me about this time. Couldn't she have just told me?’

‘Apparently not.’ Harry eyed Remus critically. He had a way of seeming to know more than he said. The year that he had been Harry's professor, of course, he had known more than he had said: more about how Sirius had escaped from Azkaban, more about Harry's past, more about the methods utilized by the rule-breakers and practical jokers of the school, more about the Whomping Willow and the ghosts that haunted the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade.

‘Do you have any idea about what she might want?’

Remus sighed. He knew perfectly well that Harry was thinking about all the things he had neglected to mention in the past, usually with a better reason than the one he had at the moment. ‘I do have a suspicion, but I don't want to tell you,’ he admitted reluctantly.

‘Why not?’

‘Because I might be wrong, and because she may have a reason for not telling you. She may want you to make some sort of a decision without discussing it with your friends first. But I can promise you, Harry, that if there was a real problem, there would be a form letter notifying your parent or guardian. Dumbledore probably would have gotten personally involved and told Sirius. Has he?’

Harry looked at Sirius, who gave him a sarcastic glance. ‘Yes, Harry, Dumbledore owled me and told me you'd been expelled for tormenting your Potions Master and I forgot to mention it.’

‘Do you know what she wants?’

‘No.’

‘Not even a suspicion?’

‘No. I honestly have no idea what Remus is thinking about.’ He glanced at his old friend, who was giving him a vaguely innocent look.

‘Did you see the letter from Ron, Harry?’ Remus asked, ignoring the unspoken questions still being directed at him.

Harry looked back at the books, and, sure enough, among the school supplies was a letter addressed in Ron's untidy writing.

Dear Harry,

I hope you're okay and I'm glad you liked your birthday present. (I'm trying to decided whether I should hex one of the twins or Ginny first after what they did to the card. Maybe I'll just hex Percy. It's always a safe bet that he deserves it.) I know you couldn't really send letters this summer, so I can't wait to talk to you in person. Hermione and I met in Diagon Alley to get our supplies today (Monday). She's worried about you, too. She's still writing to Krum practically every day. I don't see what she likes in him. It would be different if she was quidditch fan, but she barely knows a chaser from a beater. Oh, she says she'll bring Hedwig back to school for you.

The best thing about Diagon Alley was that Fred and George bought me some new dress robes! No lace. I guess their joke business is starting up again. They must have some kind of backer; but they're being pretty vague about it. Mum isn't pleased, but I think she's resigned that it's the only thing they really want to do. They don't have the marks to join the Ministry, anyway. At least they aren't doing anything as dangerous as what Bill and Charlie do. That's why she's putting up with it at all, I think.

Oh, did Hermione tell you she's a prefect? Big surprise, right? I hope she doesn't get to be more fond of rules than she already is. If she does, we'll just have to loosen her up again, huh?

Don't let the Muggles get you down. Or are you even staying with the Muggles? Mum said Dumbledore seemed sort of suspicious when he said you couldn't come stay with us at all this summer. Professor Lupin said he knew how to make sure you'd get this-- we saw him in Diagon Alley. Then Hermione explained some stuff that she says I shouldn't put in writing. She's right, but I almost wrote it anyway just so I could show her and make her mad.

See you on the Express.

Ron

‘I can't believe it's been so long since I've seen him,’ Harry commented, putting the letter down.

‘Well, now you can see each other constantly for a few days and get sick of each other,’ answered Sirius.

‘Unless I really do get thrown out for tormenting my Potions Master.’

‘Have you been tormenting him?’

‘Not on purpose. Well, not usually on purpose.’

Sirius grinned. ‘Glad to hear it.’

‘He thinks I've done a lot of stuff I haven't.’

‘That reminds me,’ put in Remus, ‘now that I'm not your professor I'd really love to know if you actually took that boomslang skin from his office when you were a second year.’

Harry briefly considered trading that information for whatever theory Remus had about the meaning of McGonagall's note, but settled for answering ‘No, but I know who did.’

Sirius' grin broadened. ‘Were you involved at all?’

Harry would have been tempted to say ‘yes’ even if the answer had been ‘no’ in the face of his godfather's obvious eagerness. ‘You could say that.’

‘Come on. Details.’

‘You worry about me enough as it is. Why would you want to hear about something pretty seriously dumb that I did once?’

‘I don't care what you were doing with the boomslang skin. I can probably guess. I just want to know how you and Ron and Hermione got it.’

‘What makes you think this has anything to do with them? I know lots of other people at school.’

‘Okay. How did you and your un-named acquaintances, who I'm sure have graduated and cannot be incriminated, manage to steal something from Severus Snape's office?’

‘I was the diversion. I threw a firework during potions so that we knew for sure where he'd be while someone else went into his office and took the boomslang skin and the bicorn horn.’

‘Bicorn horn, too? So you were making polyjuice potion. What for?’

‘Does it matter?’

‘Not really. I hope it was fun.’

‘In a way, it was. We weren't just doing it as prank. We didn't find out much, though. Not from that. New subject.’

‘Pick one.’

‘I want to hear a story about one of your pranks from when you were at Hogwarts. But not one of your good ones. One that went wrong.’

‘I don't know if there were any like that,’ began Sirius, but Remus wasn't bothering to hide the fact that he was snickering. ‘They aren't appropriate for a child your age,’ Sirius amended.

‘Why? I'm the same age you were at the time.’

‘Shouldn't you be in bed? You have to catch the Express tomorrow.’

‘I don't think I'll be able to sleep without a bedtime story,’ answered Harry, giving Sirius the saddest eyes he could muster, which was easier now that he wasn't wearing his glasses.

Sirius shook his head. ‘All right. Fine. But you have to be in bed before you can hear a bedtime story.’

‘Fine.’ Harry walked into the bathroom to put on his pajamas and take out his contact lenses, which were not nearly as annoying as he had expected them to be. When he returned, he threw himself into his bed and smiled at Sirius and Remus. ‘Well?’ he asked eagerly. He had at first been joking when he asked for a bedtime story, but now he was thinking that a bedtime story was something else he had never had, at least not since he could remember.

‘Okay,’ said Sirius. ‘A disastrous prank, preferably one that embarrasses Moony.’

‘Hey!’ Remus apparently did not approve of that plan.

‘Hmm. We almost had a disaster a few months ago, right before we picked you up.’

‘That wasn't so bad,’ Remus corrected. ‘We just had to get our rhythm back.’

‘That's true. We didn't have any problems collecting Harry. It would have been even more fun if he'd wanted me to hex his family a little more creatively.’

‘Are you mad about that?’ Harry interrupted suddenly.

‘Mad? No, Harry, of course not. It was your decision, and a good one.’ Sirius looked slightly guilty.

‘You don't have to tell me a story. I was joking,’ Harry added.

It was Remus that answered him, and quickly. ‘I'll tell you about the first prank the four of us ever pulled together. That was before we'd had any practice.’ Sirius looked as if he might protest, and Remus, as a pre-emptive strike, ordered him to get in bed, too. Deciding that his audience was properly controlled, he sat down on the third bed and started to tell his story.

‘We'd only been at Hogwarts for a month or so when this happened, and in some ways we didn't even know each other very well yet. You know that when you first start boarding school your friendships seem to become very deep very quickly, but you do need time to process everything you've learned about each other, and we hadn't had that yet. It didn't help that neither Peter nor I had very much experience with friendship at all. My parents were forced to start isolating me from other children when I was four years old, and Peter always had . . . difficulty . . . making friends. Your father and Sirius, as I'm guessing you know, had known each other since they could talk and had already sworn each other to various pacts of eternal loyalty.

‘Now, James and Sirius were born troublemakers. They had the invisibility cloak, and they had a cauldronfull of ideas that they'd been thinking up since they had first realized that they'd eventually be going off to Hogwarts together. For some reason neither one of them ever worried about being a squib.’

Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes.

‘They got to Hogwarts and the first thing they wanted to do, besides work out how to sneak into the kitchens-- you do know how to sneak into the kitchens, don't you?’

‘Of course he does,’ Sirius answered for Harry. ‘He sent me a whole ham last time he was there. And he has several loyal friends among the house elf population.’

Remus smiled. ‘House elves make useful friends. At any rate, with the cloak, they had figured out how to get into the kitchens inside a week. Sirius will tell you that it was their innate cleverness that got them inside so fast, but he'll be lying when he does.’

‘Do you want to lose your story telling privileges?’ Sirius interrupted.

‘Do you want a silencing charm put on you?’

‘You think you can out-charm me?’

‘I think Buckbeak has more charm than you, Padfoot, but that's not the point. The point is,’ he turned back to Harry, ‘that Sirius and James, having achieved their first goal so quickly, became all the more determined to explore the Forbidden Forest. They started causing disruptions on a daily basis-- the cloak doesn't fool many of the magical creatures that live there, and the two of them were always pulling their wands and knocking it off anyway. So it isn't really a surprise that they were having daily meetings with Hagrid as he told them off yet again.

‘They weren't close friends of Hagrid-- Lily was the one he adored, and the reverent tone he has for James now grew out of that, as well as out of James' loyalty to Dumbledore and some other things that hadn't been proven when he was eleven years old and causing as much trouble as is humanly possible. Still, even though their relationship with Hagrid wasn't what it would be eventually, they became rather fond of him. It's very hard not to like Hagrid.’

‘Unless you're a Slytherin,’ Harry added.

‘Unless you're Slytherin, which none of the people in question were. Now, because Hagrid isn't a fully trained wizard, occasionally groundskeeping chores come up that he can't be allowed to do himself. You need OWLs and NEWTs, for example, to be allowed to use the equipment and spells that you would need if, hypothetically, a couple of giant squids were to have a territorial battle in the lake and cause it to overflow, and the various strange magical properties in the lake were to cause a near-ecological collapse on the Hogwarts grounds.

‘Un-doing the damage that had been done was a very complex process that I had very little appreciation for at the time. None of the students had much appreciation for it, and they had even less appreciation for the witch who was hired to do the job-- I believe her name was Laodamia Fitzpatrick. Laodamia grew tired of the students walking across areas that she that she was attempting to rejuvenate on their ways to Care of Magical Creatures or the quidditch pitch. She stopped using signs or verbal warnings and started using jinxes and hexes. She even bewitched the carts that went back and forth across the grounds spreading seed and potions to chase any students that got too close to them. And if a cart caught a student, it would run him or her over. It wouldn't do permanent damage, but it wasn't pleasant, either.

‘Hagrid went to Laodamia and suggested that she find a better way to handle the students, and she snapped at him and said something about his not being fully qualified as a wizard. Naturally, that upset him, and James and Peter happened to be watching.

‘You don't have to scowl like that, Harry. Laodamia was never a Hogwarts student herself, and she was probably very intimidated. It's hard to feel like you belong at Hogwarts if you come in to do a certain job, knowing no one. Hogwarts is really a very small community, even if it has a broader base than most wizarding schools do. She probably felt like everyone-- students, faculty, staff-- was ganging up on her when it really hadn't been her fault that Hagrid wasn't allowed to do the job. She also wasn't very much older than the oldest students-- most of them called out to her by her first name and made the least respectful comments they could think of-- and was anxious to prove herself.

‘Now, James, having seen how upset Hagrid was, went right to someone he knew was just crazy enough to help him take revenge. Sirius. The two of them hatched a plan to bewitch the carts again, this time to obey their commands, or at least to torment Laodamia. The school was under a strictly enforced curfew in part because it is a school, in part because of the condition of the grounds, and in part because Voldemort was gaining power. Nonetheless, James and Sirius thought that the best time to do their worst would be in the middle of the night. Sirius in particular also thought it would be much more fun that way.

‘Peter had been with James when the idea began, and James didn't think it would be fair not to include him, particularly since Peter made such a show of wanting to be friends with both James and Sirius. An extra pair of eyes and hands are always useful when you're trying to bewitch half a dozen large pieces of machinery, anyway. It's so useful that they decided that it was absolutely necessary to include their fourth roommate in the plan as well. So when I came into the dormitory that afternoon, Sirius was sitting cross-legged on my bed and just grinning at me. Absolutely, thoroughly, completely smiling in a manner that screamed that he knew he was going to get whatever it was that he wanted.

‘He stopped smiling when I looked back at him, and asked how I felt about people who insulted other people over things they couldn't help and made them cry. He knew well enough how I felt about that, because I had a habit of biting off more than I could chew by trying to defend my classmates.’

‘Even if he never bothered to defend himself.’

‘Shut up, Padfoot. Sirius and James were the same way, even if they did like to cause trouble and fool around. That was a large part of the reason we got along so well even though we hadn't known each other for very long. Sirius somehow got me to agree to go along with whatever it was he was planning before I knew what it was. I tried to back out when I got the details, but James jumped out from behind the curtains on the next bed and grabbed me, and threw me down next to Sirius. Then the two of them sat on either side of me and lectured me on how much fun we were going to have, while we were doing a good deed. It was hard enough not to be convinced to do whatever idiotic thing Sirius wanted to do, but when you added James to the mix, it became impossible.

‘I was petrified of breaking school rules. I knew that Dumbledore and the other faculty members who had admitted me were sticking their necks out, and I felt that I owed it to them to toe the line. But I couldn't very well explain that to James and Sirius and Peter. Don't say it, Sirius, or you will get that silencing charm.’

‘Who, me? I'm not saying anything. I'm waiting for you to get to the actual prank.’

‘We went out that night, or rather, early the next morning. I was certain that I'd be expelled the next day and I'd have ruined the chances of all werewolves, ever, to receive formal wizarding training. I was also fairly sure that it would be worth it, just for this one night when I had friends, partners. Peter was even more frightened than I was, but he admired Sirius and James and wanted to gain their respect. Naturally, we were using the invisibility cloak, which will cover four eleven-year-olds, even if two of them are tall and lanky. But the other two, in this case, were frightened out of their minds and were having an awful time staying in step under the cloak. There was so much jerking around that no one noticed that the cloak became hung up on the front gate of the castle and slipped off of us all.

‘Luckily, we did manage to notice that the prefect on patrol had come to look out the door, which looked rather odd because parts of it were invisible. James had the presence of mind to perform a little charm-- it might have been Wingardium Leviosa-- that got the cloak out of the prefect's line of sight. The prefect walked away, scratching his head, and not seeing us crouched down by the ground near a secret door that opens right next to the front gates.

‘We rushed out to find the carts, but they were spread all over the grounds, doing their work, and we had hardly learned any spells. We tried different strange combinations on each cart we came to, until it threatened to fight back and we went in search of the next. The sky was getting light when we were through, and we didn't think a single spell had stuck.

‘Sirius went stomping (this was well before his padfooted phase began) through our secret door. As I told you, his and James' first accomplishment had been the discovery of the kitchens. This door, then, was connected to the kitchens, and when Sirius slammed it open he nearly flattened a house elf.

‘The elf started screaming, and Sirius tried to apologize but wound up panicking. He tried to put his hands over her mouth, and that only made her more frantic. A house elf has more control over her magic than your average first year wizarding student, and she pulled herself free and began to scream even more loudly. She calmed down--’

‘Remus and James calmed her down.’

‘James and I calmed her down, and we thought we'd managed to do it before she'd attracted the attention of anyone but some other house elves. We were wrong. A new prefect was on duty, a Slytherin sixth year who recognized us as a gang of Gryffindors and was thrilled by the prospect of turning us in. I think I started shaking on the spot. I certainly looked nervous enough that he gave me a personalized lecture about how Gryffindor was the house of crybabies.

‘That gave Peter enough time to remember that his older sister had told him about this particular prefect. Some story about him and the girlfriend of the Slytherin quidditich captain. He whispered it to Sirius, who suggested to the prefect that it might be worth his while to let us pass this one time. It didn't take long for the prefect to agree. You know how hard it is to argue with Sirius.

‘He let us pass, but we had already been running late and the teachers were beginning to stir. We still had the cloak, but we were awkward and took up too enough space for four people. We decided to stand in a corner of the hall until it became late enough for us to have a legitimate reason for being there.

‘Unfortunately, when we leaned into the corner, we discovered another secret exit. We were thrown outside once more, and it was far too bright for us to return to the front gates, especially since we were far from them. We were directly beneath Gryffindor Tower, in fact.

‘We pushed back against the wall, hoping to get back inside, even hoping that we would be deposited inside our tower instead of outside it.

‘We learned to be careful what we hoped for. We ended up inside the tower, but inside the girls' section of the tower. They were awake and getting ready for breakfast, and sneaking past them was almost impossible. I'm still not sure how we did it. We got back to our room just in time to go to breakfast, not having slept at all, and not having accomplished our goal of getting revenge on Laodamia.

‘We yawned and sulked all the way through breakfast and we barely made it through our first class. Then we went outside for a flying lesson, and there was one of the carts. It had an image of a dead dragon projected onto its front half, as if the dragon had been run over; and the lettering on its back half had been re-arranged to say that if this was how it dealt with dragons, imagine how it dealt with students. I think it was one of James' attempts that resulted in that.

‘Laodamia left the cart like that all day, and she and the students came to more of an understanding; if nothing else, she had a sense of humor and so did they. We came to more of an understanding among ourselves, too. We learned how far we should push each other, and how much we could count on each other. So the prank might not have been a total failure. Sorry, Harry.’

But Harry was smiling, with his eyes closed, as he lay on the bed. ‘No, that was what I wanted.’ It had been, too. He was still sometimes bothered by the thought of his father, and even his godfather, as someone who did everything flawlessly. He pretended to drift off to sleep, because he did not feel like discussing the story any further, but in convincing Sirius and Remus that he was asleep, became an inadvertent eavesdropper.

‘Why did you leave Wormtail in the story?’ asked Sirius with disgust after rising from his own bed and checking to see that Harry was indeed unconscious of the world around him.

‘He was there.’

‘So? Hey, Harry, want to hear about the man who murdered your parents?’

‘Not the man who murdered his parents. The boy who was one of his father's best friends. He wasn't evil incarnate, Padfoot. If he had been, none of us would have trusted him.’

‘I still don't think you should have done it that way.’

‘Then thank you for not saying that earlier.’

Sirius brushed the thank-you off. ‘Have you ever thought about what our main problem was that night?’

‘Sure. We couldn't remove the illusion charm so we couldn't hit the carts straight on, even if we were using the charms and hexes properly.’

‘You know what the most famous use of that illusion charm is? . . .’

Harry really did drift off to sleep then, but was unsurprised when, the next morning, Sirius and Remus spent the journey to King's Cross Station discussing the possibility of changing the color of a bench by Platform 9 3/4 while standing near Platform 9. Harry was still wearing his disguise, and was startled when one of his fellow fifth year Gryffindors, Lavender Brown, walked past him without any sign of recognition.

‘You aren't going all the way to King's Cross with me, are you?’ Harry asked Sirius.

‘What? Embarrassed?’

‘No, but you're wanted.’

‘People are about as likely to notice me as they are to notice you right now, which is to say, not at all. And I'm not going onto the platform.’

‘It's safe, Harry, really,’ Remus added. ‘He doesn't look like his wanted posters.’

Harry nodded his agreement, but privately thought that Sirius' behavior was too risky, especially since his chief motivation was a desire to prove that he could compensate for an illusion charm. But as Harry sometimes thought Sirius worried too much, he decided to trust him now that he wasn't worrying. Besides, he and Remus both looked like they were having the times of their lives when they began to mutter a charm beneath their breath. His eyes were drawn from them, though, when Platform 9 3/4 seemed to flicker into view before the barrier had been breached.

‘Sirius?’ he asked.

‘I'm not admitting to anything.’

‘You did that?’

‘The Muggles couldn't see it. Just wizards, and just for a second.’

‘Sirius!’

‘How much do you want to get on the Express?’

‘I still have three years to go.’

‘That's not what I meant. What if we get out of here, and pretend we never were here, and Apparate you to school?’

Harry, who had been put on edge by the flicker, by Lavender's failure to see him, and by the prospect of returning to Hogwarts, readily agreed. The three left without ever entering the wizarding section of the station or seeing the headline of the Daily Prophet, which showed the image of the Dark Mark hovering above a very familiar cottage-like house.