Innocence Lost and Found

Hermione, the cool, calm, collected, mature, thinking young woman that she was, knowing that she should not draw attention to the situation, began to scream.

‘Hermione!’ hissed her professor and Sirius with such unity that it would have been comical if it had not been so important. ‘Calm down. It's okay.’

‘Wait, Professor Sprout,’ she began earnestly and slightly breathlessly, ‘You can't do this.’

‘Hermione, do you know who this man is? Step away.’

‘He's Sirius Black, but he's not guilty.’ Instead of stepping away, she stepped closer to Sirius.

‘This is not the time to begin disobeying your professors!’

‘She's right, Hermione,’ Sirius agreed, gently detaching her arm from his own. ‘Future head girls don't hang around with convicted criminals.’

‘You didn't even have a trial!’

‘Step away from him,’ Professor Sprout repeated.

‘Do it,’ Sirius added. ‘She's not going to Avada Kedavara me on the spot.’

‘Tempting though it may be,’ the woman completed.

As Hermione reluctantly backed away, Sirius urgently requested ‘Talk to Dumbledore before you talk to anyone else.’

‘Why should I? You were obviously using Hermione to get to Harry Potter.’

‘I don't deny it, but not in the way that you think. It can't hurt anything for you to contact Dumbledore.’

‘Give me your wand.’

Sirius gave it to her.

‘Give me your knife.’

‘I forgot it.’

She glared at him.

‘Really. I left it lying on a bedside table.’

‘So do they rent houses to Azkaban escapees these days or did you just get rid of the rightful inhabitants?’

‘I'm an invited guest. I'd rather not incriminate the owner.’

‘Who would harbor you?’

Annoyance began to find its way into Sirius' voice. ‘You could probably guess if you tried really, really hard, but whether or not I'm dangerous, this stalling isn't the best idea.’

‘You may be right.’ Sirius snorted in response and was somewhat gratified to see Hermione roll her eyes. ‘Into that pub. Slowly. There's a fire in the back room that we can use. Hermione . . .’

‘Yes?’ she asked with all the innocence she could muster.

‘Can you get home by Muggle transport?’

She made a face. ‘It'll take a while, but yes.’

‘Stay here for five minutes,’ Sirius broke in. ‘You know what Dumbledore will say, and then I'll Apparate you back.’

‘You're going to Apparate a fourteen-year-old?’ Professor Sprout cried in disgust. ‘Never mind. Go on.’

Sirius obeyed, and was greatly relieved to find that the pub was almost entirely empty. When he was clean shaven with cut hair and wearing clean Muggle clothing, he was unlikely to be recognized by anyone who had never known him personally. Most people who had known him personally, would, he hoped, allow him to explain himself.

‘Sit,’ Professor Sprout commanded, pointing at a hard-backed chair. Sirius sat, wondering why this made him less threatening if she didn't intend to bind him, which she apparently did not. She was too busy using the fire to communicate with Albus Dumbledore. ‘Dumbledore? Sirius Black is here with me,’ she began before he could even ask to what he owed the pleasure of her call.

‘Oh. You were wise to contact me first. I trust you are contacting me first?’

‘He suggested it in a way that made it hard to refuse.’

Dumbledore nodded. ‘I take it he's claiming to be innocent?’

‘He is.’

‘He's speaking the truth.’

‘Were you planning on telling me?’ An edge had crept into her voice.

‘Yes, yes. It didn't seem necessary as of yet, and it was rather unbelievable. We are in the process of gathering evidence to support his story. As a matter of fact,’ he raised his voice, ‘Sirius is supposed to be lying low right now so as not to damage his case. I trust you have an interesting excuse, Sirius?’

‘He also had Hermione Granger with him,’ added Professor Sprout, seeming grateful that Sirius had at least done something wrong.

‘Was she upset?’

‘They seemed very familiar.’

‘I imagine they would be. Do you have any urgent business to attend to?’

‘No.’

‘Then do me the favor of escorting Miss Granger home and allowing me to speak to Sirius for a moment.’ She nodded curtly and Sirius left his chair to kneel before the fire. ‘What have you been doing, Sirius?’

Deciding that honesty was the best policy in this case, Sirius admitted ‘I went to check on Harry.’

‘He's perfectly safe with his aunt and uncle, as I'm sure you found out and as I could have told you. As I, in fact, did tell you.’ Sirius opened his mouth to justify himself, but Dumbledore held up a warning hand. ‘Not only did you put the spells in place to protect him in jeopardy, you put your own case in jeopardy. What if someone other than Professor Sprout had recognized you?’

‘It was a risk worth taking.’

‘What could possibly make you say that?’

‘Those people are the worst excuses for Muggles I have ever had the misfortune to meet. They treat him like he's worse than nothing. And he's a tough kid, he handles it very well, but on top of the Voldemort situation and everything that happened with Cedric Diggory it's too much to ask of anyone. He needed more than a pat on the head and a promise that he could come back to Hogwarts for the next term. He needs reassurance, Dumbledore! He needs a parent.’

‘He's never said as much.’

‘What teenager would?’

‘You may have a point, but Harry's is a special situation. His aunt and uncle are not the ultimate parental figures for him, but he has food and shelter and clothing. More importantly, he has the protection of blood ties.’

‘So we should just keep him breathing, and to hell with his quality of life?’

‘We need to prioritize.’

‘He is my priority. Nothing else matters compared to him.’

Dumbledore's usually friendly voice had hardened. ‘You cannot compare the happiness of one child to the future of light magic.’

‘If I can't, then who can? He needs someone on his side.’ Sirius' voice had begun to rise. ‘I mean, exclusively on his side. He's not a pawn, Dumbledore! He's a person! He's a child! He's a child who has been through an incredible ordeal and who needs to see on a regular basis that people love him. I'm not saying that one person is more important than the entire good fight, but he matters in and of himself, not just because he's the Boy Who Lived. Giving him a little break isn't going to mean handing control of the universe over to Voldemort. He'll probably even be of more use in defeating Voldemort if he's allowed to recover between battles. 'Too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart,' and all that.’

Dumbledore was quite obviously unmoved. ‘Irish poetry aside, you are not to interfere with Harry Potter again until I specifically give you permission. That goes for Remus as well. Do I make myself clear?’

‘Very clear,’ replied Sirius, voice full of real or fake contrition.

‘Good. Now, as long as you're here, I have some other things to discuss with you.’

‘Yes?’

‘I presume that while you and Remus were plotting to get around the various wards protecting Harry's house, he managed to find time to tell you that proving your innocence has become an absolute necessity for the safety of the wizarding world?’

‘He mentioned that, yes.’

‘We have four parts to our plan. You're willing to be interrogated under Veritaserum?’

‘Of course.’

‘I figured as much. That should provide some evidence in our favor. Arthur Weasley-- he's Ron's father-- has looked into some Muggle techniques that involve pinpointing the source of explosions. They may carry weight with some members of the ministry, especially since the destruction of the street was so well-documented. There are a great many photographic records to work with. More importantly, the Muggle police have a large amount of faith in these methods, and since they have been looking for you as well, their opinions are not irrelevant.’

‘That sounds good.’

‘We think so. We'll also need proof that Peter Pettigrew is an Animagus, preferably without revealing any of our spies. Do you have anything that might help us?’

Sirius nodded eagerly. ‘Photographs that show him transforming. They're locked in my Gringotts vault with the things I pulled out of the wreckage of James' house for Harry.’ He made a face filled with self-loathing. ‘Of all the things I could have been thinking clearly enough to do, or not do . . . .’

‘It's certainly better than nothing. And you've certainly suffered enough without contemplating what you should or shouldn't have done a decade and a half ago.’ Sirius shrugged helplessly. ‘Now, finally, we need you original wand.’

‘I assume it was snapped.’

‘It was not. The murder weapon in a case so important is held in safekeeping for an indeterminate period of time. It is still available, and our friend Mr. Olivander tells me that it has several brothers out there.’

‘So priori incantantem could be used?’ Sirius asked, remembering Harry's most recent experience with Voldemort.

‘Exactly. The ordinary spell wouldn't convince the doubters because they could claim that you'd used a harmless spell after using the killing curse. But if we have your wand's brother, we can regurgitate every spell you ever cast.’ Sirius nodded. ‘The problem is that, as I said, the time that a weapon needs to be preserved as evidence varies.’

Sirius groaned. ‘And Cornelius Fudge would like to get rid of it right now.’

‘Indeed he would.’

‘Do they have Peter's wand?’

‘No. I imagine he made certain it was destroyed.’

‘I thought he did.’

‘This is why time is of the utmost importance. This is why you have to be especially careful for a few months. Is that clear?’

‘Crystal clear.’

‘Good. Has Professor Sprout returned?’ Sirius twisted from his position by the fire and found that she had. In fact, it seemed that she had been observing them for some time. Horror, pity, anger, and fascination all warred for possession of her face.

‘She's right here.’

‘If she would come talk to me for a moment, you may leave. Be certain to share this information with Remus.’

‘I will.’

‘Have a safe trip, then. Now, Professor Sprout, I trust that you have been discussing the new shrubs we've placed by the edge of the forest with me all this time, and you haven't run into any infamous fugitives?’

‘Of course, Headmaster,’ Sirius heard her reply in a voice thick with emotion before he Disapparated.

Instantly, Sirius appeared just outside Remus' home. Remus probably did not need anti-Apparation spells to protect himself, but one could never be too careful when one was dealing with rowdy Death Eaters. Especially when one a known werewolf harboring a fugitive.

After choosing to hastily disable the other wards surrounding the house before walking inside this time, Sirius looked around for signs of his friend. He did not have to look far.

‘How's Harry?’

Sirius shook his head, his conversation with Dumbledore still spinning in his mind.

‘What? He's not all right?’ Remus continued with more urgency.

‘No, it's not that. He's not the happiest he's ever been. He's doing better. We need to talk about that, too. It's just that there was a little incident when I was taking Hermione home a few minutes ago.’ The two took seats facing each other across the kitchen table, Sirius sitting backwards on his chair and the dim light playing across both of their concerned faces.

‘What kind of incident?’

‘An incident involving Professor Sprout pointing her wand at my heart.’

‘And?’

‘And she decided not to kill me. I talked her into telling Dumbledore before she told the nearest team of hit wizards. He gave me some stupid lecture about how Harry's happiness isn't important as long as he's alive to make the Death Eaters nervous, and then he gave me details about proving that I didn't murder Wormtail or anybody else.’ With that, Sirius repeated all that he had learned from the Hogwarts headmaster.

Remus nodded his understanding, but said ‘Can we back up a minute?’

‘What for?’

‘What did he really say about Harry? I'd lay odds that he didn't say his happiness isn't important as long as he's alive.’

‘Not in so many words, not, but as far as I'm concerned that was the gist.’

‘Would you mind recalling his actual words?’

‘That I couldn't compare one child's happiness to the future of light magic. Then he ordered me not to interfere with Harry again unless I had permission.’ Sirius snorted in a doglike manner unique to him. ‘As if he could stop me.’

‘I would hope he has some control over you.’

‘You want to leave Harry there?’

‘No. But the fact remains that Albus Dumbledore is the only reason either of us is a fully trained wizard. No one else would have let me into school and no one else would have kept you in school.’

‘Don't you believe that the responsibilities of a fully trained wizard include thinking for yourself?’

‘That's why I'm not agreeing with you blindly.’

‘But you are agreeing with me.’

‘I'm not sure.’

‘What else do you need?’

‘I want to know what happened with Harry.’ Sirius explained, barely embellishing the tale at all. By the time he finished, he was sure that Remus agreed with him, even if Remus didn't know it yet. ‘Well,’ Remus began slowly, ‘most of the evidence in your favor will still be around at the end of the summer.’

‘The wand is the problem.’

‘The wand is the problem. It's a shame we can't take that into our own custody and keep it safe.’ A golden light began to fill Remus' eyes, and the not-entirely-familiar feeling of hope wrapped itself around Sirius is response. He knew that look. That had been the look that had made his day more than once when he had been about Harry's age.

‘You wouldn't.’

‘I think I would. If you're willing.’

‘I'm willing, but I don't know that it's possible. Breaking into a Ministry storage facility? A storage facility for criminal evidence, no less?’

‘What, Padfoot? Lost your sense of adventure?’

‘My sense of adventure is more than intact. My sense of realism has grown over the past few years.’

‘Then realize this: the Ministry of Magic is incompetent in more ways than allowing itself to be led by Fudge.’

‘You really think it's possible?’ Sirius could feel his own eyes brightening to match his friend's.

‘Absolutely.’

‘So I get to have my cake and eat it too, and I get my wand back!’

‘That's what I'm hoping.’

‘I love that wand.’

‘I know.’

‘This one is good, but it doesn't match me perfectly. I mean, I'm incredibly grateful to you for getting it for me.’

‘You said 'thank you' before. More than once. You don't have to say it again.’

Sirius smiled. ‘Okay, I won't. But you never did tell me how you got it.’

‘The usual way. It came from Olivander's.’

‘But you don't have--’ Sirius cut himself off, and tried to correct himself before he insulted his friend. Luckily, Remus just laughed.

‘You mean that wands are expensive? We set up a trade in this case.’

‘What kind?’

‘Apparently, someone in the Triwizard Tournament used a wand with the hair of a veela in it?’

‘Fleur Delacour.’ Sirius let the rhyming name roll off his tongue just for the fun of it.

‘What a name. Anyway, to demonstrate the vast superiority of dragon heartstring, phoenix feather, and unicorn hair wand cores, Mr. Olivander decided to make a series of wands from other materials so his customers could try them out and see how temperamental or unpredictable they could be.’

‘He didn't try to use--’

Remus nodded smugly. ‘Werewolf hair. It obviously has to be taken while the wolf is in wolf form.’

‘It sounds an awful lot like selling body parts.’

‘I'm not crazy about those particular body parts, anyway. And I got wolfsbane potion and that wand out of the deal.’

Sirius stared at Remus for a moment. ‘You're a very good friend, Moony.’

‘I know.’ Sirius rolled his eyes. ‘So are you.’

‘Since we're both such good friends--’ Sirius' temporary inability to properly finish a sentence was beginning to concern him.

‘What?’

‘Why does it feel like we should still be living in the same dorm room half the time and like we've never met the rest of the time?’

‘I'd think that would be obvious. We were very close friends for a long time, and then we didn't see each other, not by choice, for an even longer time. We know virtually everything about each other if it happened before we turned twenty-one or so, and virtually nothing about what's happened to each other since.’

‘You know what happened to me. I was imprisoned. I was tortured. I escaped.’

‘Oh, that makes me understand you completely.’

‘You wouldn't want to understand me completely. My mind is a scary place.’

‘I don't doubt it. But it used to be, not that you never surprised me, but that I knew when you would surprise me and how, if that makes any sense.’

‘It does. So, now that it's been brought up, tell me what you did while I was gone.’

‘Did a lot of random work. Traveled a lot. The most memorable part was the year at Hogwarts.’

‘Not the vampire girlfriend?’

‘That was an exaggeration.’ Sirius raised an eyebrow playfully. ‘We were friends, that's all. I was spending some time in Ireland because a shipment of erklings was broken into and there was Ministry concern about introducing a wild population. The prices on their heads were amazing-- twice as much if you could bring them in alive. She'd been involved in the original exchange and we met while I was playing bounty hunter.’

‘All right, I'll believe that. That's one more thing I know about you.’

‘Happy now?’

‘NO!’ Sirius startled himself by exploding. The strain of the past day-- or was it the past year, or decade?-- was suddenly hitting him hard. Remus looked justifiably taken aback, and the rational corner of Sirius' mind was telling him to calm down, but the rational corner was not in control. ‘When are you going to ask?’

‘Ask what?’ The question was answered with a question. Remus seemed unsure as to whether he was insulted or worried about Sirius' mental state.

‘Ask what. Ask the question you've wanted to ask me since that night in the Shrieking Shack. Bring up the real reason that it doesn't exactly feel like we're friends. Point out why it's strange that you're willing to risk yourself for me by having me here or by hunting down my wand.’

Remus stood up. ‘Excuse me. Let me go see if there's a crystal ball in the basement so I can figure out what the hell you're talking about.’

‘Don't play dumb. It doesn't become you.’

‘I'm not playing at anything. If anyone's playing, it's you.’

‘Do I look like I'm playing?’

‘No. But you aren't making any sense.’

‘I know you know what I'm talking about,’ Sirius argued, sounding irrational even to his own ears.

Luckily, the patience that was one of Remus' strongest character traits had not yet worn out. ‘Indulge me and remind me.’

‘Ask me why I thought you were the spy. And then forgive me.’

‘I forgave you as soon I found out what happened. I even told you so.’

‘You were being flip.’

‘I wouldn't be flip about this. I admit that I wondered why, but I wasn't going to ask because I don't want to drag those thoughts up for you, because I do care about you and I do forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. Have I acted like I haven't?’

‘No.’

‘Do you want me to ask? I guess you do. Fine.’ Remus threw himself back into his chair with no small amount of theatricality. ‘What made you think I would sell Lily and James to Voldemort? And did they think I would?’

‘I don't even know. I should. It's the one thing I've thought about most over the past year, except for thinking about whether Harry would live to see his next birthday. I would have thought about it when I was in prison, too, but I was busy feeling miserable about myself and gathering up my energy to transform.’

‘Maybe you should stop harping on it, then,’ Remus answered as gently as he could, feeling mildly hypocritical because the most selfish, most uncaring, most twisted fraction of his mind was happy that Sirius felt guilty for thinking the worst of him. He quickly forced that thankfully infinitesimal fraction to crawl back under its rock.

‘I can't.’

‘Then tell me what you do know.’

‘Some of it was that you were more complicated than Peter. Deeper. More likely to know what you had to gain if you became a Death Eater. More likely to be recruited. It's not because you're a werewolf. Not per se. There are things I'm not above, but that isn't one of them.’

‘Not because I'm a werewolf per se. But something, or some things, in connection with lycanthropy?’

‘It's something you hate. It's something you hate about yourself, and when you hate something about yourself, that's a weakness that's easy to exploit.’

‘That's fair. It probably is what happened with Peter. He hated that he didn't feel as talented, or as popular, or as brave as his friends.’ Seeing that Sirius' expression had become genuinely murderous, Remus felt the need to add ‘I'm not justifying him. I'm not even forgiving him. I'm just saying that that part of your reasoning was sound. As it happens, if Lord Voldemort knocked on my door and said he'd cure my werewolfism for one piece of information, even if he just wanted directions to Gladrags Wizardwear, I'd pull out my wand and try to kill him while I had him there. But you didn't have any way of knowing which of your friends didn't feel that way. You knew they all should, and you knew that one didn't, or couldn't. So you guessed, and you guessed wrong. That's not an unforgivable sin. It's not a sin at all.’

‘Why do you forgive me, and not Wormtail?’

‘For starters, you didn't kill anyone.’

‘I might as well have pointed my wand at James and Lily and shoved Harry in that cupboard under his uncle's stairs.’

‘That's not true. You didn't have the intent to harm, and that goes a long way. You didn't make the obvious decision and remain as secret keeper or let Dumbledore do it. You didn't think that sometimes the obvious decision is obvious for a reason. But you've learned, and Wormtail hasn't. He knows he was wrong and he understands the ramifications of his actions but he goes ahead and bleeds Harry to bring rise to another age of darkness. I could have forgiven him for turning dark. I could have understood that even if I didn't agree. You were right, the Death Eaters recruited me. They recruited me hard. It was frightening, and it bothered me, and I was afraid to tell you because I didn't want to seem bothered, especially considering what James was going through.’

‘I killed James and Lily and it's okay because I didn't do it on purpose and I wouldn't do it again?’

‘I feel that way, Harry feels that way, and James and Lily would feel that way. Aside from that, you are neither Voldemort nor Peter Pettigrew. This wasn't your fault, Sirius. Not any more than Cedric's death was Harry's fault.’

‘I told James to switch secret keepers.’

‘He told Cedric to take the cup.’

‘Cedric wasn't counting on Harry to keep him safe.’

‘So? That doesn't mean Harry wouldn't have done what he could to protect Cedric if he'd known what was going on. You're making irrelevant distinctions.’

‘It's not irrelevant. I mistreated everyone I cared about in the space of two days. I all but accused you of being a Death Eater, I made a mistake that ended James' life, and I took off after Peter instead of staying around for Harry.’

‘Not only am I under the impression that you went after Peter after failing to convince Hagrid to let you take Harry?’ Sirius nodded miserably. ‘But you had just seen the complete destruction of your best friend's house and the corpses of two people you cared about very deeply. That gets chalked up to temporary insanity, I think.’

‘That's no excuse.’

‘It's a damn good explanation.’

‘I very clearly decided to go and kill Peter. I wasn't irrational.’

‘Have you ever seen the picture of yourself after the street blew up? The one of you laughing? It's not the laugh of a sane person.’ Sirius had stopped arguing. ‘You made a mistake. Maybe even two. But you've been punished in ways that no one ever deserves to be punished for a mistake.’

‘I want to believe you.’

‘Give it a try.’

‘It isn't right. I don't deserve that peace of mind. I want it because I don't know if I can give Harry the comfort he needs without feeling comforted myself.’

‘Oh, Padfoot. Padfoot, you deserve it. You do. Would I lie?’ Sirius shook his head numbly, seemingly out of words. ‘Try to relax, would you? We have to break and enter later tonight, and I don't want you distracted.’ He rose from his chair to give Sirius his space, but Sirius called him back. It had been silly, really, to think that this man could ever run out of words for more than a second or two.

‘Let me finish answering.’

‘Go on.’

‘You asked if James and Lily thought you betrayed them. They didn't. James thought I was crackers. That was his exact word. Lily asked him not to make the switch, not because the idea of Peter as the secret keeper made her uncomfortable but because the suggestion came from someone who suspected that you were Dark. She came around, though, he wouldn't have done it if she hadn't. And I'm not just saying this. If they had agreed with me, I'd have told you I convinced them. But I do accept that you deserve better than to be lied to.’

Remus grasped the back of his recently vacated chair with one hand. ‘I had no idea how much I needed to hear that.’

‘I knew you did. I didn't tell you to ask what they believed, just why I believed what I did.’

‘I meant what I said about calming down,’ Remus repeated, deliberately breaking off the line of conversation. ‘I'll be in my room.’

Back in his room, somewhat overwhelmed by the magnitude of the conversation he had just had, Remus idly noticed that there were tears on his cheeks before collapsing onto his bed. He expected to sit and think, as Sirius probably would, but instead, inexplicably, found himself falling asleep and beginning to dream.