Severus Snape’s Potions Mistake Shock

Love and Peace…Onwaaaaaaaard!

Chapter 2: Rumors



Fate is a silly mean thing, and truly, wherever there are two people already in a lot of trouble, it likes to go skipping through their lawn sprinkler naked and get them charged for counts of indecent exposure on top of everything else. Now Harry and Ron were quite innocent in this case, and definitely didn’t deserve it… but they were about to have an adventure...one that for once did not include You-Know-Who...but would be just about as frightening.

Now – it was a sort of unwritten rule that Gryffindors did not exclusively associate themselves with Slytherins, but Harry and Ron were so badly shaken (and you would be too if you had to sit through 101 Severus Snape Horror Stories about transformation potions going wrong) that they had decided to descend into the lair of the beast...or snake in this case, in the dire hope that Professor Snape had just had some really bad gas. Much to their disappointment, the first person to catch them skulking outside of the Slytherin common room was Draco Malfoy. But Malfoy or not, the two desperate students descended upon their peer.

“Draco! Is Professor Snape all right? Was it our potion? Is he in the infirmary? Did he come back to Slytherin?”

“The answers to this week’s questions and more on the next episode of ‘Who Gives A Rat’s Ass’” Draco imitated a Muggle TV personality as he smirked wildly at the misfortune of his two least favorite rivals.

Ron’s temper flared. “Oh shut up you cold-hearted git.”

“I know you are, but what am I?” was Malfoy’s scathing, if not slightly lame-ass reply.

“A cold hearted git.”

“I know you are but what am I?”

“A cold hearted git.”

“I know you are, but what am I?”

“Draco?”

“What Weasley?”

“Why don’t you go...”

“RON!”

“...a three headed dog. Yes Harry?”

Despite himself Harry suppressed a giggle, but quickly sobered. “Come on then Ron. We’re not getting anything out of him.”

Ron protested madly, but Harry dragged him along behind him, right back to their room at Gryffindor. “Look. We have Double Potions tomorrow. If the Professor’s not there, we’ll use our spare period to go poke around Slytherin some more. And we’ll take the invisibility cloak with us so they’ll never suspect a thing.”

“Potter, I love the way your mind works sometimes.” He gave Harry a sly sideways glance. “You SURE you shouldn’t have been sorted into Slytherin?”

At that, Harry seized his pillow off of his bed and pounded Ron over the head. Soon the other grabbed his own pillow and retaliated, and Professor Snape and the ill fated potion along with all of its possible repercussions were forgotten for now.


Snape himself on the other hand had certainly NOT forgotten about the potion. Even now, early the next day he was combing frantically through his own laboratory and spell books for something that would remedy the situation. Of course, as luck would have it – there was no such thing.

He sank into a chair – and he still, I might add, was wearing the bed sheet he’d swiped from the infirmary the other day – to rub his temples and think. He was trying to recall everything he knew about the female gender...and Professor Snape being...Professor Snape...well...let’s just say that everything he knew about women couldn’t fill one of those little containers that Muggles kept un-developed camera films in.

He’d need some help...but whom from? McGonagall? Oh that’d be a laugh...Hooch? Nah – it’d be all over the school. Pomfrey? Perhaps... there was a knock at his door. Not thinking, he got up and answered it...and realized too late that he was still in this state. Yet another big oops.


Now, imagine if you will, that you'd just pulled a nasty trick on your own Head of House, and you were really really hoping you wouldn't be found out. This was exactly how Draco Malfoy was feeling this fine afternoon. Professor Snape had not been at breakfast, nor had he shown up for Double Potions later that morning. He, like Harry and Ron, was feeling an extreme dosage of fear and guilt (but more rightfully so than the other two) and had decided to check things out for himself.

He got the shock of a lifetime when a woman dressed only in a white bed sheet answered the door.
"Er, terribly sorry ma'am, uh..er, I'll let you get back to snogging...I mean sleeping, I mean....I mean....I didn't mean to imply that you and Professor Snape were..." Draco trailed off, turned a little green and fled.

A short distance away, unseen by Professor Snape or Draco Malfoy, Ron and Harry were huddled under the invisibility cloak, and had witnessed the whole scene. Ron had put one hand over his mouth, and the other over his stomach, trying to suppress laughter. Harry on the other hand had a sick look in his eyes. Lovesick that is. Ron didn’t notice this though – between laughing and the whole idea of Professor Snape and a lover, he had more than enough to think about.

"Come on then Harry - let's get out of here. We've seen enough."

"Sure then Aunt Petunia."

"Great dragons, he's scarred for life!" Ron laughed again, pulling Harry away from Snape’s door.


This was Hogwarts and news...especially news like THIS spread like wildfire. At dinner that evening, Harry and Ron found themselves as heroes in Gryffindor.

"Hey Harry!" yelled Fred (or perhaps George) Weasley from the other end of the table. "I heard you and my brother turned Professor Snape into a crazed sex maniac! Way to go boys, prank of the century. We're lovin' it!" Naturally, he'd yelled it loud enough for the entire dining hall to hear, and there was clapping and laughter from the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables as well as from the Gryffindors. George and Fred started a chant of "Harry, Harry" and "Ron, Ron". Across the way, the Slytherins were silent for once, lost without their leader. Draco was silently fuming - he'd created that rumor even. Why could things never go his way? ...Ah, but what was this yet? Potter was quiet even amidst all of this high praise. He cast a quick enhanced hearing spell and listened in.

"Hey Harry, you haven't opened your mouth all evening, except to stick some food in it," Weasley was saying.

"He doesn't even hear you!" Hermione Granger protested. "Look, he's not even paying attention. "Earth to Harry Potter!" she waved a hand in front of his face.

Indeed, Harry's eyes were dreamy looking and unfocussed. It wasn't until Hermione gave him a pinch on the shoulder, that he sat up with a yelp that split Draco's hearing-enhanced eardrums.

"Sorry...but what's wrong?" Hermione asked him again.

"Just concerned that's all," came the uncertain reply. Ron wasn't fooled a whit and proceeded to tell him so.

"Look Harry...you're a good guy, and my best friend… but you're no saint. You can't even begin to PRETEND you're that worried about Snape. So tell us what's really wrong. You can trust Hermione and I you know."

As if in response, Harry's eyes took on that glassy, dreamy look again. "She was...hot." He murmured.

"Who was hot?" Ron pushed, but Draco already knew. He let the hearing spell lift and hurtled out of the dining hall, leaving all of his food untouched. "Fun fun fun!!"