Severus Snape’s Potions Mistake Shock

Unfortunately the first chapter isn’t very humourous. I just needed to get the initial situation out of the way. Hopefully it’ll become an enjoyable lighthearted little story. This /is/ my first try at humor, so any ideas you could give me would be really appreciated.

Love and Peace, And PLEASE enjoy the story.
- Ice Blue X


Chapter One: Chemistry


Potions are a risky business, not unlike Muggle chemistry. As a certain Mr. Longbottom has had numerous occasion to realize – the mixing of two incompatible elements can lead to a mixture completely different than what you originally intended to make...or perhaps, a very volatile reaction. In layman’s terms, a great big kaboomie. And, as the students of Hogwarts well knew, a failed potion and Professor Snape were two extremely incompatible elements that produced the aforementioned kaboomie.

This is what Draco Malfoy was thinking this one particular afternoon in Potions. You see, a certain member of Slytherin House had a wee bit of a bone to pick with the ever so popular Gryffindor House. None of its members had given him the satisfaction of having points deducted – all their potions had been rendered perfectly. It was most insufferable for our young Malfoy as he sincerely did enjoy humiliation of the Gryffindors, especially one Harry Potter…oh - and if he could get the Weasley boy and the other girl involved, all the better.

Just as he was bemoaning the incredibly monotony of the class, the young man beside him got an urgent owl from one of his parents. The bird delivered the letter and winged off, leaving behind a single brownish-gold feather. And just like that, staring at the feather – an idea sprang to Draco Malfoy’s wicked scheming little mind. The potion recipe that Professor Snape had conjured on the board called for a Griffin feather. Mentally he compared the feather on the table to the feather he had put in his own recently completed potion. Yes – they were visually similar, though the one the owl had left behind was a slight bit smaller. A quick glance confirmed his hopeful suspicions – Potter and Weasley had not yet completed their brew and Snape was still grading the first year’s tests. Now was the perfect time to make the switch.

Slightly nervously, he pulled the feather toward him, and removed his wand from his dangling sleeve with the other hand. If Snape were to see this one, it would be points deducted from Slytherin for sure, whether the Potions Master favored his own house or not. But if he pulled it off, oh boy it would be a good one. Potter and Weasley were stirring still and the Griffin feather lay to the side. Snape, still marking papers. Now or never Malfoy…

Giving the wand the barest of waves he whispered the incantation under his breath, fearing that Snape would look up at that exact moment or that Weasley would reach for the feather. But in the end, the owl feather rested on the table in front of Harry Potter, while the Griffin feather was safely secured in the sleeve of Draco Malfoy’s robe.

“Perfecto, and now to watch the fun.”


“Could you hand me the feather please Ron?” Harry Potter kept stirring the potion as Ron Weasley slid the final ingredient of their Mist Potion across the table. Recently, they’d been learning about how to create potions that would enable one who ingested it to transform into various animals or objects…or in this case…states of matter. The side effects of a poorly put together potion could be as Professor Snape had explained, just as harmful as transfiguration gone wrong. Mutant transformations, monsterism or even indefinite and infinite transformation periods were only some of the alarming side-effects. It wasn’t surprising that all of these potions had so far gone off without a hitch, as everyone was being extremely careful.

“Harry!” Ron’s face had gone very pale. “I….oh dear…is our potion supposed to bubble like that?”

A quick glance at the board confirmed that yes, it was to do precisely that. “Not to worry my friend, we did everything by the book”

“Well then Mr. Potter, I suppose you and Gryffindor Weasley won’t mind if your potion is the first I sample.” Professor Snape glowered down upon the two boys, his yellowing teeth splitting in what might have been a sadistic grin, but was probably a sneer.

“Of course Sir.” Ron slid the cauldron across the table at the professor.

Because of the dangerous nature of the potions, Severus Snape was taking no chances. He would do the testing, not the students. He had to admit that Potter’s potion looked correct and tasted correct, but the desired mist transformation did not begin at all. Instead, he began to get an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach – the sort that one gets when they’ve had just one too many refried beans for lunch. He clutched at his mid-section, barely managing to stay upright, trying desperately to hang onto enough of his pride not to retch.

Draco was positively stunned. He’d forgotten that Professor Snape would be testing the potions, and he knew that nobody, not ever Crabbe or Goyle must know about this prank. Hopefully nobody really had seen him, and the Professor would first of all be all right, and second of all merely believe that Harry and Ron had fouled up their concoction.

The two in question looked positively terrified as they watched their teacher gain enough balance to spin on them. Professor Snape opened his mouth, and barely managed to get out “Fifty Points…” before letting out the hugest, loudest belch that anyone had ever heard, followed by a mad dash for either the loo or the infirmary – nobody could tell which.

The students, especially those that disliked Professor Snape thought that this was the most hysterical thing they’d ever seen in … ages. Harry and Ron on the other hand were more than a little upset. As the perpetrators of this, they did decide to perhaps check the men’s WC, and then head up to the infirmary. This they did when it became apparent their Professor was not about to return any time soon.


For his own part, Severus had no clue that Harry Potter or Ron Weasley were feeling any sort of concern at all. He had just woken up after passing out from the side effects of that extremely nasty and ill-concocted potion - he would have to take at least 50 points off of Gryffindor for that infraction – when he realized that...something was amiss.

He was staring at a woman. A woman he’d never before seen at Hogwarts. She had black hair and black eyes…pale skin…and rather a nice figure. Of course…she was also naked. He quickly averted his eyes…to realize he was staring rather blatantly down at a pair of naked breasts. He looked up again. Naked Woman. Down again. Naked breasts. Up again...Oh...Dear. He jumped up and down. The woman jumped up and down too.

Frantically he grabbed the blanket off the bed and held it around himself and walked closer. Realization had dawned on him and the reality was not very nice. Potter’s potion had turned him into a woman. And failed transformation potions were indefinite.

This was bad. This was very bad.

To be Continued…

Oh – and if anyone can figure out the joke about the title, you get a cookie ^_~