Imperfections of Perfection

Added note/disclaimer: I also use quotes from other places. If you find a quote that wasn't cited, please notify me.

"Each man hides a secret pain. It must be exposed and reckoned with. It must be dragged from the darkness and forced into the light."

XI

Revelations

"So where's Harry?" Ginny asked me, trying to sound causal. She'd promised Madam Pomfrey this morning that she was never going to cut herself ever again. It was under her orders that we were now sharing the seventh year dormitory. Parvati and Lavender were still there, and they didn't mind Ginny at all. She was a girl's girl, I suppose.

"Oh... I, um..." I frowned. "I think he said he was going to go to the library to work on his Potions project with Malfoy."

Ginny grimaced. "I hate Malfoy," she muttered.

I didn't hate him. I remembered catching him throwing up in the boys' bathroom. I remembered watching Harry watch Draco Malfoy run laps around the lake... and I also remembered watching Malfoy make excuses at dinner. "I'm not feeling well, Pansy," was his excuse today at lunch. After breakfast I'd had them in my Arithmancy class and they'd spent the whole lesson whispering an argument - "You haven't eaten anything have you - and where were you during dinner yesterday?"

"Pansy, I already ate - piss off, Pansy. It's my business when I eat."

"But you're not eating - Blaise told me you didn't eat any lunch yesterday."

"Pansy, look, I was busy this morning - I got up early and had an early breakfast, all right!"

"Did you go for your morning run?"

"Yes, but that's beside the point!"

"No it's not - when was the last time you ate? Don't you dare lie to me, Draco Malfoy!"

And I remembered watching him run laps. He ran more than one lap around the Black Lake and that lake is huge. Draco Malfoy would be thin even if he ate five meals during every meal in a day with all the running he did. But... I'd seen him in the bathroom throwing up. That was the second time. I'd heard him throwing up the day he got the note telling him his mother was dead. The second time was after that truce he'd called with Ron, Harry, and me.

So, I watched him carefully. He was thin, but not scarily thin - he was dangerously close to becoming painfully thin, but he was not quite there yet. I noticed the changes - when I'd gotten very close to him without his noticing in Potions class under the guise of talking to Harry very quickly about Ginny, I'd seen that his hair seemed brittle and thinner than it'd ever been.

If anything, I was seeing the symptoms of something... anorexia...

But why would Draco Malfoy be anorexic? Or bulimic, even? No one ever called him fat. He was far from fat.

I recalled this quickly before saying, "Come on, let's go to the library."

Ginny agreed cheerfully enough. She chattered about she was going to go out with Dean to Hogsmeade on the next Hogsmeade weekend.

We entered the library, passing by a professor on our way there, but I vaguely registered him at all.

Ginny suddenly made a distressed sound in her throat as she gaped at Harry and Malfoy.

They were wrapped up around each other.

"Oh!" I said in surprise. This was certainly something I hadn't expected from these two, ever.

Harry and Draco broke apart as Harry turned to look at me and his expression turned to one that said he was shocked, horrified, and somehow... a little shy. I watched as his eyes took me in and then looked at Ginny, who I suddenly realized was fighting hard against tears.

"I - that is - we - it's just," Harry sputtered.

"You... you pouf!" Ginny yelled at him. "I hate you!"

She turned around and fled.

"Why'd she react like that? I broke up with her at the end of our sixth year," Harry said blankly.

Of all the things he could've said, this was the worst.

"Oh, Harry," I said, sighing. "She still loves you... and you don't love her."

I saw him register this and realized that he was not going to take this well. He was going to blame himself for only God knew what.

"It's not your fault, Harry," I said quickly.

"It is... I didn't know..." He turned to look at me. "Do you think this is why she was cutting herself?"

I gasped. "I need to go - God only knows what she'll do." That was when I turned and fled.

I was relieved to find Parvati and Lavender comforting Ginny when I arrived at the girls' dormitories. She was sobbing and I sighed.

"Ginny... look at me."

"You saw them too!" she yelled at me. "How dare they!"

"Harry... likes him," I said quietly. "And really... calling him a pouf was a bit much."

"He is!" Ginny said, "He was snogging Malfoy - you saw them."

"He was?" asked Parvati.

"They'd make such a cute couple," said Lavender and giggled.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Yes. And they'd have a bit of a problematic relationship."

Of course, I didn't know just how problematic it would be back then.

xxx

The next day I watched as Draco Malfoy pushed around his food in his plate. He wasn't eating. That was, he wasn't eating until Pansy said something and he began to eat at an alarming speed.

I watched him anxiously as Ron and Harry talked - Ron had been informed that Harry was dating Draco Malfoy, and surprisingly, Ron was okay with that. Harry and Ron were just a little worried about Ginny - they were discussing her and how to make her accept it.

"I'm going to the loo," I murmured to them and they nodded as I got up and followed Draco Malfoy out of the Great hall.

Sure enough, as I'd thought, he was heading straight for the boys' bathroom.

I slipped through the door and heard him retching. I don't know how I felt then, realizing that Draco Malfoy was probably anorexic or bulimic or both. I thought he was most likely anorexic, because he only ate when someone forced him to eat. I'd noticed that while watching him.

And I wondered how long it would be before Harry noticed there was something wrong here.

I stepped back into the shadows when he opened the stall door. He came out and washed his hands and then splashed water on his face.

He murmured a word and though I'd suspected it, I was shocked to see he did have a glamour spell on.

I was wrong - he only seemed healthy with the glamour on. Without it he looked like one of those eerily beautiful vampiric boys that don't really belong in the world. He looked... well, he was frighteningly beautiful but so thin it was frightening. He looked like he was going to break with a single push.

He lifted his shirt up, still looking at himself and I literally count how many ribs he had even from behind and I could see his spine.

"Draco," I said, unable to take it anymore. "I know. You're really sick. You're killing yourself."

He whirled around and stared at me as I stared at him. Quietly, he murmured the word to the Glamour and he looked... semi-normal. It gave him the appearance that he wasn't nearly as thin as he really was. I was worried about him and I knew he'd see the worry in my eyes.

Finally, unable to stand the silence, I asked him, "Draco... you're killing yourself. Why are you doing this to yourself? When did it start?"

- Sybock

A/N: Hello! Not much to say on this subject except that here's one of the scenes from the beginning. Of course, it's from Hermione's PoV and not Draco's.... And I'm generally unhappy with this story. Because it's all right now, but then it gets strange, so I don't really like it, but it's too late to change anything now. If I changed anything, I'd have to scrap the whole story and start over, which I don't actually have the time for. Sorry about any mistakes I might've missed on this chapter, though. I seem to be missing the beta'd version of this chapter. Anyway, check out my profile for this month's Board of Recognition! Read the story, too. It's good!

Citation/Disclaimer(s)/Reference:

1. I believe the chapter quote's from Star Trek. I might've spelled the character's name wrong, though... and I might be completely wrong.