The Great Hall Incident

"Okay, truth or dare, Padfoot?" asked a laughing James.

The fifth year Marauders were enjoying a Sunday evening by playing truth-or-dare and ignoring their homework, much to Remus' dismay. So far, Peter had revealed that he copied James' homework every night, Remus had been forced to kiss Sirius, and James had just sprouted antlers.

Sirius was sitting next to Remus on James' bed, Peter was sprawled on the floor, and James was on Sirius' bed. In Remus' lap was a large amount of chocolate, which he only shared with Sirius in small increments.

"Dare, of course!" said Sirius indignantly.

"Hmm...," James said thoughtfully. "What to have you do?"

"He could run through the Great Hall starkers," suggested Peter. "We can see if what he claims is true."

James laughed. "Good one, Wormtail! Padfoot, you heard the boy. I dare you to run through the Great Hall starkers tomorrow at breakfast."

Sirius smirked. "Because Wormtail's just dying to see me naked."

"I am not," retorted Peter. "Remus is, though."

Remus threw a balled-up wrapper at Peter's head. "Am not. I was about to ask if we all needed to be present at the time, or if we could conveniently oversleep."

"No way, mate," said Sirius. "You have to be there."

"Of course," sighed Remus.

Sirius' alarm went off at six o'clock in the morning, and with it came several pillows aimed at Sirius' head.

"Come on. I have to make sure I look good," said Sirius to the groans of protest.

Humming an unrecognizable tune, Sirius strolled into the bathroom to perform his morning routine. After a good, twenty-minute shower involving loud singing, Sirius magically dried and straightened his hair. Sure, straightening is usually for girls, but how else could he get it to flip so perfectly?

Sirius took his time brushing his teeth, considering that Peter had come in expecting to brush his own teeth before a quick shower. Much to Peter's chagrin, Sirius also had to shave the five o'clock shadow that had formed across the bottom of his face.

Once his morning routine was finished (and three angry boys wanted to get to the sink), Sirius strolled into the main part of the dormitory and dropped his towel. He sighed happily and ran around the room, enjoying the breeze.

James, unfortunately for him, walked into the room just as Sirius leaped onto Peter's bed and posed like Superman.

"Ugh, Padfoot, put it away," said James as he averted his eyes. "Nasty."

"I figure I'll go au natural all day," said Sirius proudly as he hopped off the bed. "I'd love to be able to read minds and see what Minnie thinks."

"Or you could figure out how many guys are poufs," suggested Remus, who had just entered the room. He was shielding his eyes while keeping a firm grasp on his own towel.

"Since you can't be bothered to figure out who is on your own," said James with a snigger.

"I AM NOT A POUF!" shouted Remus.

"Oh, come on," said Sirius. "Leave the poor man alone."

"Thank you!" said Remus. "Now I'm going to put some clothes on."

As Remus searched for clean clothes, Sirius strutted around the room. James finally cracked.

"Padfoot, mate, put some clothes on. You can strip right before you go in the Great Hall, okay?" said James as if he was talking to a two-year-old.

"Ahh, come on!

"Besides," James pointed out, "if Minnie sees you before we get to the Great Hall, she'll make you put clothes on before your grand entrance."

Sirius smacked himself. "Of course. What was I thinking?"

"Nothing?" offered Remus.

Peter walked in, already clothed, and had to duck a pair of underwear aimed at Remus. "Oi, watch where you're throwing!" said Peter.

"Sorry, Wormtail," said Sirius.

Remus took the underwear tentatively from his head. He gave them a careful whiff and withdrew his nose almost immediately. "Ugh, Sirius, how old are these?" he asked as he tossed them into the hamper.

"Well," began Sirius as he himself gave the offending pair a sniff, "I'd have to say... a month, at least."

The other three Marauders looked ready to vomit. "What?" asked Sirius, as if he honestly did not know that month-old briefs were a bad thing.

Remus pulled out some of his own clean underwear and a pair of khakis, and sighed. "Don't worry about it, Padfoot."

Sirius shrugged. "Whatever."

Once everyone was ready to go, the Marauders left their dormitory to attack the day. Sirius almost seemed to skip down the corridors, even prance around corners, while James, Remus, and Peter pretended that they had never met him.

Finally, the four teenagers reached the entrance to the Great Hall. Sirius promptly sat down and began taking his shoes off.

"Padfoot, are you sure you want to do this?" asked James. "We can call the whole thing off."

James received Sirius' shoes and socks as a response.

"I guess you're going to do it," said James. He was given Sirius' robes.

Peter was given the honor of Sirius' tie, belt, shirt, and pants. His underwear was saved especially for Remus.

"Thanks," said Remus curtly.

A group of Ravenclaw boys walked towards the Great Hall, giving Sirius a quick look. Immediately they shifted their attention to the apparently quite interesting doors.

"Ready, mate?" asked James.

"Of course." Sirius took a deep breath and ran into the Great Hall shouting; James, Peter, and Remus poked their heads in after him.

The sight that greeted them was one of shock and chaos. A shouting Sirius ran up the aisle, pausing briefly to grab a breakfast roll. Still shouting and mouth full, he hopped onto the Staff Table, right in front of Professor Dumbledore. His feet in omelettes and sausages, Sirius struck his Superman pose. The entire Hall was silent.

Professor McGonagall was the first to regain some composure. "Mr. B-Black!" she sputtered. "Where are your clothes?"

"With James, Remus, and Peter, Professor," he replied.

Girls started blushing and giggling as Sirius walked to the Slytherin table. Once there, he clambered onto the table in front of Severus Snape.

Standing in Severus' breakfast, Sirius asked, "What do you think, Snivellus?"

Severus' jaw was almost to the floor, and he could not speak. This prompted Sirius to say, "Do you like it?"

"Mr. Black, put some trousers on!" said Professor McGonagall. "And detention for a week!"

Sirius saluted her. "Yes, ma'am." He ran to where James', Remus', and Peter's laughing heads awaited.

"Nice one, Padfoot!" said James as he gave Sirius a high five.