Lily's Very Buddha-rific Year

February - Be One With the Grapes
February 1, 1978
Gryffindor Seventh-Year Girls' Dormitory

Dear Diary,

I have no idea why Mum's death hit me so hard. I mean, I've spent most of my life reviling her and hating her, and now I feel shaken.

Told it all to Severus last night while we worked. He understood completely. I think Lis was wrong about Severus; he really is only platonically interested in me.

But tomorrow I leave for a week and a half in Italy with Mum's family.

I wish people would stop dying; I'll never pass my N.E.W.T.s.

February 2, 1978
The Sartori Villa, Tuscany, Italy

Dear Diary,

Really, I think I was meant to live in Tuscany. It's so much better for me than the Scottish rain.

Plus, the Italian blokes are infinitely better-looking than most of the Hogwarts blokes.

All the Sartori family is staying in Grandmother's villa. I actually like the Sartori side far better than the Evans side - we're all around the same age. There's Aunt Daniela's kids, Claudia, Luciano, and Lorenzo, and then Aunt Delfina's, Juliana and Mario. They're fluent in English as well, so we've begun to bond. They totally blow Larry, Gary, and Carrie out of the water.

Claudia, Juliana, Luciano, and I have been spending time together mostly. We left the winery today and walked about the nearby village. One of the fishmongers, Antonio, called me "bellissima," which sounds much prettier than the English word, "beautiful." He walked with us four for awhile, but then he remembered he left his booth alone.

Juliana giggled and said, "I think he likes you, Liliana."

"But he can't!" I stammered.

"And why is that?" Claudia asked.

"Because - because I love someone back in Britain."

"Ah, but you will marry Antonio because it is your destiny. It is how you'll reunite the Sartoris," Luciano said, trying to sound wise.

"Maybe...maybe the Sartortis should be split and set apart," I said.

"I don't know," Claudia said, smiling. "Just look at you in the Tuscan sun. You were born for Italy."

"And Antonio," Juliana added and giggled.

"Maybe we should go back to the winery." Luciano stepped in for me. Luciano's my favourite here; Claudia and Juliana can get especially annoying - plus they're hellbent on marrying me off to Antonio the Fishmonger.

Hopefully I can spend more of tomorrow by myself - tomorrow's the wake, and hopefully even Claudia and Juliana will realise I need to be by myself. Maybe I'll spend tomorrow after the wake alone in the vineyard. Just me and the grapes. Be one with the grapes. Ohhhhhm. I tihnk that's just what I need right now, not some mangy Italian fishmonger.

February 4, 1978
Inside the villa

Dear Diary,

Grandmother Sartori joined me out in the vineyard. We laid there and talked about Mum. About why she came to Britain, about what kind of person she was.

I think I was mistaken about Mum. From what Grandmother Sartori told me, Mum and I would have gotten along splendidly.

"But alcohol, it changes people," Grandmother Sartori noted.

"And yet we live on a winery," I said flatly.

"In Tuscany, we do not drink to get drunk - we drink wine because it goes well with many of our foods. Once Donatella got to England and the West, which has a stigma around drinking, she got trapped, like many of you British do. It happens."

"It seems like you believe that Mum shouldn't have left Tuscany. And not just you, Claudia and Juliana have mentioned it as well."

"We've always asked Mason to bring you and Petunia to Tuscany during summers, simply because this is where you belong. There's never been a Sartori who doesn't eventually come back." Grandmother Sartori shrugged. "The Sartori name's dead." She sat there for a second. "The name might die, but as long as there's Tuscany, there will be Sartoris." Grandmother Sartori pat my back. "Carry on the name, even if you do go back."

And I couldn't say a word. I just hugged Grandmother, there in the vineyard. Finally, after the tears had subsided, I whispered, "Thank you, Grandmother, for giving me Mum."

Grandmother Sartori whispered back, "Please, call me Nonna."

February 6, 1978
By the bay window

Dear James,

I'll never send this (so Juliana and Claudia, don't tell Nonna I've been forward), but I need to get this out somehow.

I miss you terribly. If we could live here together, that would be terrific (somehow I have this feeling you would burn so easily, which makes me laugh). I wish that we could take over the winery, but it'll end up being left to Claudia and her husband, when she gets married.

But isn't that a nice picture? Me, you, our kids, and grapes. Awww.

I wish I could let you know that I truly love you. But writing in my journal will have to do for now.

Oh, and just to let you know: I will never marry a Tuscan fishmonger. Only a British lunatic.

February 7, 1978
Out in the vineyard

Dear Diary,

Claudia, Juliana, Luciano, and I went to see two operas in the park. Luciano says there's a lot of operas in the park, and just recently, Claudia, Juliana, and he have gotten very into them. Last night, we watched Don Giovanni, which was excellent. While Claudia and Juliana were biting their nails during the finale as the Don is being dragged to hell, Luciano and I were laughing our asses off. As we said to each other, "A statue of a dead guy dragging you to hell? What in the name of arse?"

Then Claudia got all huffy and indignant. "You two completely missed the point!"

"Oh, Lily and I hit the point right on the head. Don't talk to talking statues. It's very clear, Claudia."

We got more hysterical, but Claudia shrieked, "That's not it either!"

"Fine, fine...the moral is don't be a manwhore," I said.

"I am never taking you two to another opera ever again!"

But something changed her mind, because here we are going to see La Boheme.

. ...And I just saw Luciano walk past - I'll review La Boheme after I get back.

Later
The Sartori Villa

Dear Diary,

All four of us are in tears. Poor Juliana is practically convulsing.

None of us expected that to be so sad. Rodolfo and Mimi were so cute! And Musetta reminded me an awful lot of Lis, which made me smile.

But why Mimi? I couldn't watch her die; I had to have Luciano tell me when I could finally look, which was a mistake, because I got to see Rodolfo cry over Mimi's dead body.

Finally, back at the villa, Luciano was trying to calm me down by saying, "Remember the finale of Don Giovanni, remember the finale of Don Giovanni.." and I had just cracked a smile, when Aunt Delfina walked in from the vineyard humming "Musetta's Waltz."

I think I'll write James a letter.

Dear James,

For the past two days, my cousins and I went to go to the opera. One made me think of you, La Boheme. I want us to be like Mimi and Rodolfo, excedpt without me dying of consumption or typhoid or whatever Mimi died of.

But the constant and neverending love! I know you probably gave up on me a long while ago, and I only blame myself - but you have to care a little. Because I care a lot...

Amor, amor, amor!
Liliana!
(as the locals call me)

P.S: Luciano says if you break my heart, he'll personally make sure your neck is wrung.

February 10, 1978
Two days until we leave the villa

Dear Diary,

Ughhh. As much as I miss Lis, Flora, and James, I am dreading leaving. If only because of Luciano, who honestly makes me laugh.

Antonio the Fishmonger waved at me shyly as Luciano and I walked through the village, and then Luciano waved back just as shyly and even batted his eyelashes. Quickly Antonio wheeled his cart away, and Luciano said, "There, Liliana, that should be the last of the fishmonger."

But now Claudia, Juliana, and I are preparing for our girls' night out. We're planning on short skirts and heavy eye makeup and breaking hearts. I'll let you know how that goes when we get back.

February 11, 1978
One day left in the villa

Dear Diary,

Fantabulous night last night. Snogged Antonio the Fishmonger, but only a little. He won't remember it later today. At least I hope not. Claudia says Antonio is so virtuous that he'll ask Dad for my hand in marriage if I so much as poke him.

But Claudia, Juliana, and I danced nonstop. We sang classic lines from both La Boheme and Don Giovanni. The locals were won over by our charm and operatic talent. And the fact that we were wearing very short skirts.

...Luciano says we are walking to the village, and if Antonio the Fishmonger so much as looks at me, he will be missing a head.

And such is life in Tuscany.

February 13, 1978
In the drafty, lonely Common Room

Dear Diary,

Spent the last day dancing with Claudia and Juliana to some Italian pop music and then taking pictures with all three of them.

Then, when I came back, Ves and Lis were full of questions. I showed them a picture of me with Luciano and Antonio the Fishmonger. Lis really liked Luciano. I gave her the villa's address - hopefully she writes Luciano, and they fall in love, and they marry, and Lis and Luciano live together in England near me and James! Ves said he looked very flash, but she thinks that about most Italian men. However, Vesta’s faith in Luciano was renewed when I described how we died laughing at the end of Don Giovanni. Vesta laughed as well. “I remember Mum dragging Bacchus, Vulcan, Dido, and me to the opera to see that once. Really, the ending’s cool only if you assume it’s a venereal disease dragging him to hell.”

As much as I miss Tuscany and Luciano, there really is no place like home.

February 14, 1978
Singles’ Awareness Day

Dear Diary,

Lis, Ves, and I made shirts to wear over our jumpers that say “Happy Singles’ Awareness Day!” They are fuchsia and quite lovely, if you ask me.

Muggle Past, Present, and Future has gone to the dogs due to it being Valentine’s Day. Lis and I tried to disco but then David Cassidy, the whining snit, starts singing, “I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of?” and we ran around helplessly. Smart Lis took cover under a bed, as any smart, hard-rocking girl would. Luckily the next song was “Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy,” which is good because if “Puppy Love” by Donny Osmond came on…

But it didn’t, and Lis and I sang “Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy” to each other. We carried the wireless downstairs and serenaded whomever we found in the Common Room, which was Remus and Sirius.

I plopped down in Remus’s lap and wailed, “Ooooh, BOY! Ooooh, LOVER BOY! What’d you do tonight? HEY BOY!”

Clever Remus answered back, “Set my alarm, turn on my charm, that’s because I’m a good old-fashioned lover boy!”

Oh, great fun. Remus and Flora are going to Hosgmeade, even though she is untrue.

I think I’ll venture down to the Common Room and see what’s going on…

Later
Back in the dormitory

Dear Diary,

I am an idiot.

If I didn’t know it before, now it is official.

I am Lily Idiot Evans from Idiotshire, slowly dying of idiotosis.

I walked downstairs and saw James standing by Ves’s wireless. The disc jockey on Muggle Past, Present, and Future said, “And now, by request, for Lily from James, it’s ‘Your Song’ by Elton John.”

Then Elton started singing, “It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside…”

Oh, bugger. He does still care. And I really can’t handle it.

“Lily…I know I’ve been a bit of a pig in the past, but I want to make it up to you. Honestly, Lils, I love you.”

“My gift is my song, and this one’s for you…”

Oh, the L-Bomb! This was what I had longed for at Tuscany, wasn’t it?! Those long nights looking out the villa window, writing letters that he’d never, ever read. “Well, I did miss you while I was at Tuscany,” I answered, quite lamely.

“And you can tell everybody that this is your song…”

“Would you like to dance?” James asked, extending an arm.

“With you?” I was still shaken. I missed the days when relationships didn’t mean squat, and I had the upper hand.

Instead of making a joke, James just smiled and said, “Do you see anyone else here?”

Tentatively I took his hand.

“How wonderful life is while you’re in the world…”

“So,” James began to make conversation as we danced, “how was Tuscany?”

“Beautiful. I saw the opera.”

“So Vesta told me. You saw La Bohéme, I heard.”

“Oh, yes! It was lovely.” I tried not to randomly blurt, “It made me think of us!” which was supremely hard, so I just decided to listen to Elton.

“So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do…”

“How do you like the music?” James asked.

“I didn’t know you liked piano pop,” I said, beginning to ease. As long as he didn’t make a move, everything was going to be fine.

“Oh, you should see me dance naked to ‘Crocodile Rock.’ It’s a sight from the gods,” James replied, just as slyly.

I laughed and sighed. Gently I leaned my head on his chest, and for the first time in his life, James Potter was speechless.

“Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen…"

We danced in silence, which was rather nice, because I had, in the process of walking downstairs, lost control of my mouth. I was afraid I was going to pull a Lis and scream, “I have a biscuit in my pocket!” or some bollocks.

“How wonderful life is while you’re in the world!”

Then he had me pinned against a wall and smiled and sang, “There’s something about the way you look tonight...”

“You are a piano pop bloke!” I said.

He began to lean in for the kill. What the bloody hell was I going to do?

Of course. What any mature young lady would do when put in the situation I was currently in: duck away and run for cover.

I had it right there in my hands - and -

He’s surely given up this time.

February 16, 1978
Gryffindor Seventh-Year Girls’ Dormitory

Dear Diary,

Flora stopped by yesterday, which made me mad. I kind of scowled at her when Lis let her in the Common Room. Much to my chagrin, Flora still walked over towards me.

“Look, Lils, I need to straighten out some details with you.”

“About how you’re leading Remus on?”

Flora bit her lip. “Well, not anymore, exactly.”

“So you’ve dumped that Timothy character?”

Flora bit her lip harder.

“Oh my God. You’ve dumped Remus. You’ve dumped Remus. You’ve dumped Remus.” I began to become slightly spastic. “When?”

“When do you think, you lark?” Ves stepped in. “Yesterday!”

“You dumped Remus on Valentine’s Day?! And I suppose you think that’ll make me take you back with open arms and a touching memory montage?”

“Well, I, er, kind of had to,” and Flora rolled up her shirt sleeve to reveal a ring on her ring finger.

“Holy Jesus - you’re engaged!” I screamed.

“Traditionally, that’s what a ring on the third finger of your left hand has symbolised,” Flora said with a smile.

“Don’t go all educational television on me - you’re engaged! And to some twenty-three-year-old creep!” I kept screaming.

“Honestly, it was a terrible thing I did, and I suppose I understand if you don’t want to be best friends or what, but could you stop throwing fruit, quills, and other objects at me? I mean, would it kill you to be friendly?”

“Well…no, I suppose not.” I looked away, still depressed about the James fiasco.

“What has you down, Lily Evans?” Flora asked.

“I am Lily Idiot Evans,” I murmured.

“All right then, Lily Idiot Evans, what has you down?”

“Oh, I can’t quite say yes to James, even though I rather want to.”

Flora grabbed me by the shoulders and said, “Lily Idiot Evans, just do it.”

And even though she was slut and a heartbreaker, I really loved her at that moment.

February 17, 1978
Gryffindor Seventh-Year Girls’ Dormitory

Dear Diary,

Oh my. Oh my oh my oh my.

James walked into the Common Room, and I stood up in the middle of my conversation with Lis and Ves and yelled, “James Potter, I love you!”

Then I covered my mouth. Well, that was incredibly unsexy. No subtlety, no smirking; it was just out there, like a naked penguin or something.

However, James was never one for subtlety. He took me into his arms and kissed me right there. I felt like more of a naked penguin than ever before, but James kept smiling at me.

He whispered into my ear, “I knew you’d come around, kitten.”

To which I mirthfully replied, “If you call me kitten again, I’ll stab you in the face with my wand.”

February 19, 1978
Gryffindor Common Room

Dear Diary,

News travels insanely fast here. No longer do the members of the Hufflepuff peanut gallery think I am shagging Severus Snape. Now I am planning to elope with James.

I can’t say that these rumours bother me as much as the other ones did.

February 22, 1978
Gryffindor Seventh-Year Boys’ Dormitory

Dear Diary,

Sitting with Remus, who is currently in a stupor vis a vis Flora. There isn’t a whole lot I can do, except continually fluff his feathers. I about coughed on my own bile when Remus asked me if Timothy was as good-looking as him.

“For George Harrison’s sake, Remus, I was trying to avoid the fact that he was in bed with Flora at all, okay? I wasn’t exactly checking him out or anything.” Remus stared at me. I nudged him and smiled. “But of course I doubt he’s as dashing as you. Because, really, who could be?”

Truthfully, I wish I could just slap Remus and say, “Move on!” but in matters like these, we have to entrust our loved ones into the vigilant and kickass hands of Buddha.

February 25, 1978
Gryffindor Seventh-Year Girls’ Dormitory

Dear Diary,

Days pass so quickly with James. It seems like I’m never just sitting around - what with either partying with the girls, going out with James, or hanging out in a large group. Also, Severus keeps asking me to help him with a draught or such, but “conveniently” James will ask me to go do something, and usually my boyfriend will have precedence over Severus, which is awful because I really do miss Severus.

I think I need a secretary and bookkeeper. Either that or I need to learn how to spread my time more evenly.

February 28, 1978
Gryffindor Seventh-Year Girls’ Dormitory

Dear Diary,

Great. James asked me to Hogsmeade at the same time on the seventh as Severus asked me to Hogsmeade…for business!

I told Vesta this, and in her remarkable sympathy for me and the world, she said, “Well, Lily, you really have a Ph.D in fucking things up.”

And I think she’s right.